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In a new relationship and can't handle my jealousy


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JuneBug03

I am in my first real relationship, and we've only been dating for 3 months. Something I've noticed since the beginning is this strong jealously of his female friends, and this fear that something will happen. The thing is that I am someone who believes that we should both be allowed to have friends of the opposite genders, because if we don't then it means I don't trust him. My bf is also someone who is very friendly and social with everyone he meets. When we first met, I thought he was flirting with me the whole time, but as I've watched him interact with other people I've realized that he just has this air about him that just gets people to break open their shells. 

I think the main reason why I'm jealous is because I haven't met all of them yet. So far, I've met two of them and I like them a lot. There is good energy. I haven't met the third girl yet, and sometimes I see him texting her and it upsets me. I think if I met her and liked her I'd feel less nervous. I don't think she's a close friend, because his birthday is coming up and he said he's only inviting me and his two closest guy friends. He also asked me recently if I'd be upset if he gave motorcycle rides to other people (girls and guys), and I said I wouldn't be. I just don't think I know where to draw the line at what makes me uncomfortable, and what would make me sound like a jealous girlfriend who can't let my bf have friends.

He knows I have guy friends because I mention them, but he hasn't said anything about them. I know he'd listen to my concerns, but my feelings are so upsetting to me that I don't know what to do. We haven't had any conversations about this sort of thing yet, but I don't know how to bring it up organically. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
smackie9

Set some boundaries. When in a relationship things need to be adjusted but it has to be even on both sides. Say for example:  no one on one hanging out together, groups ok. No texting late into the night. Share text messages/let the other know who's just text them, be a part of the conversation, be introduced to all friends/acquaintances, etc 

Men don't like anyone that beats around the bush....just bring it up as "We need to have a discussion about something that I want to find some resolution for". Take it from there. Straight forward and honest.

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