Alpacalia Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 28 minutes ago, sparrowb said: hmm i can't do lunch usually too many meetings So it's not entirely accurate to suggest he is only looking for a 'pen pal' when you're availability is limited as well. If he asked to meet and you're not available, then suggest a specific alternative time to meet, not just "sometime next week" because that's very vague. I get being busy but if you live 20 minutes away from each other and can't meet during your lunchbreak what about during a weeknight? If you're both constantly unavailable and not actively looking for solutions to meet up, it may be best to leave it at that and move on. Otherwise be clear about your availability and expectations for meeting up when you're back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 I think as an already busy lady you should not seek extremely busy men to date, unless you are only looking for occasional dating. You seem to have your heart set on this one even before meeting, not sure why. So far he's just a man with a profile with whom you had a few conversations and they have faded away. Women settle for too little so often. I see that a lot in young women. Please don't chase him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) I don't think she's chasing him. I think she has this underlying fear that he might not be interested so she's trying to gauge his level of interest. No one is supposed to prove anything to you before you meet. The fact that he asked to meet up and was still engaged in conversation after the first initial plans fell through shows that he is interested. However, the progress of taking it from texting to meeting up seems slow and unclear. It's understandable for you to have some doubts and fears based on your past experiences, but try not to let those insecurities affect how you communicate with this guy. Edited February 25 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparrowb Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I don't think she's chasing him. I think she has this underlying fear that he might not be interested so she's trying to gauge his level of interest. No one is supposed to prove anything to you before you meet. The fact that he asked to meet up and was still engaged in conversation after the first initial plans fell through shows that he is interested. However, the progress of taking it from texting to meeting up seems slow and unclear. It's understandable for you to have some doubts and fears based on your past experiences, but try not to let those insecurities affect how you communicate with this guy. Haha you are do thoughtful! Thanks both so much! I think you are so right, as I said it took almost 2 years for me to come out (my last 2 years was very workerholic no dating at all) and now i feel I am happy to meet someone and don't want spend my time and energy on someone who is not interested in seeing me. If he's interested, and so do i, i would love to meet in person! Cause i would like to see him if he also does. Yes i will write him tonight, what do you think about this? Btw, this week is going to be hectic for me but I'd like to catch up when I'm back! Have a nice week Much appreciated if any other suggestion! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) 10 minutes ago, sparrowb said: Haha you are do thoughtful! Thanks both so much! I think you are so right, as I said it took almost 2 years for me to come out (my last 2 years was very workerholic no dating at all) and now i feel I am happy to meet someone and don't want spend my time and energy on someone who is not interested in seeing me. If he's interested, and so do i, i would love to meet in person! Cause i would like to see him if he also does. Yes i will write him tonight, what do you think about this? Btw, this week is going to be hectic for me but I'd like to catch up when I'm back! Have a nice week Much appreciated if any other suggestion! Do you want to meet him? Yes or No? Yes to your other comments, I get that, but you have to kind of decide if it's your own insecurities that are getting in the way somehow or if you genuinely feel you need to minimize your engagement with him until he's more interested. He asked you out, you were busy, so why is it on him now? That's you making him prove his interest to you. I think it's a lot to ask of someone and you can see how that can build up in your mind that he's not interested. So just think carefully which is it. Is it all your own projections and insecurities or are there legit things which show he might not be that interested? The message you suggested is good, I would cut out the part about being so busy though. Instead just focus on wanting to meet and that you're excited to see him when you get back. Keep it simple and positive. If he doesn't reply, you're going to have to let it go. But at least you were honest and straightforward with him. Remember, don't overthink it. Just be genuine and honest with your feelings and intentions. If he likes you, he will respond positively. If not, then it's better to know now and move on. Edited February 25 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparrowb Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Do you want to meet him? Yes or No? Yes to your other comments, I get that, but you have to kind of decide if it's your own insecurities that are getting in the way somehow or if you genuinely feel you need to minimize your engagement with him until he's more interested. He asked you out, you were busy, so why is it on him now? That's you making him prove his interest to you. I think it's a lot to ask of someone and you can see how that can build up in your mind that he's not interested. So just think carefully which is it. Is it all your own projections and insecurities or are there legit things which show he might not be that interested? The message you suggested is good, I would cut out the part about being so busy though. Instead just focus on wanting to meet and that you're excited to see him when you get back. Keep it simple and positive. If he doesn't reply, you're going to have to let it go. But at least you were honest and straightforward with him. Remember, don't overthink it. Just be genuine and honest with your feelings and intentions. If he likes you, he will respond positively. If not, then it's better to know now and move on. Hmm okay, I think I just feel comfortable when guys ask to meet up. I am a bit shy person to do it but I know I have to..! I thought because he was the one suggested to meet up but then he was silent in the beginning of week, I wrote him - but his reply was very dry, he just wrote he missed my text because of work and didn't suggest any other time or to meet up so far. but yes i would like to see him in person and then you know you can see if you want to continue to get to know this person or not. so then I shall write just simply, I will be away this week but would like to catch up when i am back! Have a great week something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 3 minutes ago, sparrowb said: Hmm okay, I think I just feel comfortable when guys ask to meet up. I am a bit shy person to do it but I know I have to..! I thought because he was the one suggested to meet up but then he was silent in the beginning of week, I wrote him - but his reply was very dry, he just wrote he missed my text because of work and didn't suggest any other time or to meet up so far. but yes i would like to see him in person and then you know you can see if you want to continue to get to know this person or not. so then I shall write just simply, I will be away this week but would like to catch up when i am back! Have a great week something like that. Yes, that sounds like a good way to approach it. Just be direct and let him know that you would like to meet up when you are back and see if he suggests a specific day or time. If he lets the ball drop after that, then off you go. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 If someone is THAT busy, they wouldn't be on dating apps, he would probably have a FWB or a couple of booty calls. You don't know this guy from Adam. You are only going by what he tells you. It all could be made up, and he's married, or has a GF, or has you hanging if other options don't pan out. I would just leave this guy on read and ghost. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) You're about to break the promise you made to yourself 'no more games'. A woman knowing her worth would not give the time of the day to this guy. He's luckywarm at best. You want to meet him much more than he wants to meet you. I would be busy going on other dates instead of chasing this guy. He can't even look at his calendar and book a time and place to meet. Edited February 25 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Ladies, I don't get it. She's been busy herself. Splain...? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 11 hours ago, sparrowb said: Anyway i found that when he was back home or go ski trip he was not working at all 11 hours ago, sparrowb said: he asked to meet up for drink i already made plans that weekend so i suggested to meet following week, he says i might jump in new project but let's write beginning of week - 11 hours ago, sparrowb said: didn't hear from him like tuesday or so i reached out - got heard from him thursday that his new project has been very intense so missed my text, and i thought okay mabye i should stop here and just leave it to him. so i just wrote him hey all good, hope you have some time 1. He was off and back home at some point and did not offer to meet 2. She offers to meet him the following week and he brushes it off with 'might' have a new projet. They're 20 mins away who cares he's starting a new project. 3. She reaches to him, he blows her off again with 'he did not see her text' after 2 days. He still does not offer a meeting, does not reassure her he really wants to meet her and he'll find a way. At this point it's like he almost sounds like he'd prefer she does not reach out. And she should reach to him again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparrowb Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: 1. He was off and back home at some point and did not offer to meet 2. She offers to meet him the following week and he brushes it off with 'might' have a new projet. They're 20 mins away who cares he's starting a new project. 3. She reaches to him, he blows her off again with 'he did not see her text' after 2 days. He still does not offer a meeting, does not reassure her he really wants to meet her and he'll find a way. At this point it's like he almost sounds like he'd prefer she does not reach out. And she should reach to him again? 1. He was off and back home which that period we texted (2 weeks roughly) and he suggested to meet up. 2. When I told him, I already made plans on the weekend suggesting following week he said he's probably in new project but should work - which wasn't and he texted me that project has been insane which is not ideal. 3. Haha ye, he didn't ask me to meet up or suggest other time which was not ideal! I feel a bit that way honestly but when i wrote him then have a great weekend and have some rest, then he asked me again if i have any fun plans for the weekend, i mean I am away this week for fashion week so yesterday i just wrote him i am away but let me know if you want to meet up when i am back - i don't want to judge anything here haha i already did ask him so if he want to he will reply otherwise i can move on. I know you guys want me to keep my standards but time to time i know people are not good at communication and that's fine, no one is perfect. but i do appreciate a lot with all your considerate replies. Thanks a lot! I can manage from here. Have a great one! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 (edited) So initially after he asked you out you weren't available, and then the following weekend he wasn't free and now you are away for fashion week and he hasn't asked you to meet when you are back nor during the week before you left. You weren't available for lunch during the week so that leaves a week night. I dunno, did either of you have week nights available? Not for nothing, but 3 weekends blew by because you either weren't available or he wasn't or he had the sense to not schedule a weekend date because of your earlier indication you'd be at this fashion show. But now it's been one weekend since and it sounds like you've had downtime since you reached out to say 'I'm still busy but alive, no hard feelings, hope all is well!' 🤪 Edited February 26 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparrowb Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: So initially after he asked you out you weren't available, and then the following weekend he wasn't free and now you are away for fashion week and he hasn't asked you to meet when you are back nor during the week before you left. You weren't available for lunch during the week so that leaves a week night. I dunno, did either of you have week nights available? Not for nothing, but 3 weekends blew by because you either weren't available or he wasn't or he had the sense to not schedule a weekend date because of your earlier indication you'd be at this fashion show. But now it's been one weekend since and it sounds like you've had downtime since you reached out to say 'I'm still busy but alive, no hard feelings, hope all is well!' 🤪 I feel last week he had quite intense week with work which is understandable, and ye none of us initiated to meet up unfortunately I honestly expected him to follow up regarding that which he didn't. So that's why I think i wrote here should I just drop out, or still try to continue conversation and see where it goes. As when I wrote him hope he has time to take rest during the weekend he asked if I have any fun plans for the weekend - and I wrote him i will have chill weekend as I am going to paris! It's more like we didn't have great timing i would say but just to follow up i wrote him yesterday night that i am away this week but let me know to catch up when i am back. so think i just leave then to him whether he would write back if he still wants to see me or not. I didn't heard from him so far so maybe he's not ... ! but thanks all i am fine and all good i can then move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 Just now, sparrowb said: I feel last week he had quite intense week with work which is understandable, and ye none of us initiated to meet up unfortunately I honestly expected him to follow up regarding that which he didn't. So that's why I think i wrote here should I just drop out, or still try to continue conversation and see where it goes. As when I wrote him hope he has time to take rest during the weekend he asked if I have any fun plans for the weekend - and I wrote him i will have chill weekend as I am going to paris! It's more like we didn't have great timing i would say but just to follow up i wrote him yesterday night that i am away this week but let me know to catch up when i am back. so think i just leave then to him whether he would write back if he still wants to see me or not. I didn't heard from him so far so maybe he's not ... ! but thanks all i am fine and all good i can then move on! Yes, it sounds like the timing just wasn't right and both of you were busy. People tend to lose interest or momentum when they don't meet up right away from online dating. It's common for people to continue talking to multiple people and keep their options open until they actually meet with someone in person and see if there is chemistry. It's possible that he's not interested, but it's also possible that the timing just wasn't right and he may reach out to you when you're back from your trip. Either way, you've done your part by reaching out and suggesting a future meet up. Leave it up to him now and focus on enjoying your trip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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