Guy I'm being exclusive with stood me up and ghosted me suddenly :

[Wenyyyy]

we Have been dating exclusively and agreed to closed our doors. It’s been 3-4 months that we’ve dating. Everything went well except This week a lot of thing has been changing suddenly from him and things started to get weird since. Firstly, He used to has his Snapchat location on but on Tuesday he decided to off it. I didn’t thought much about it until things started to shift strangely. We used to chat everyday until Thursday or Friday he just suddenly stop checking me up. So I took the initiative to send him a text selfie and he replied with a selfie back. Judging from the picture, it seemed like he had just came back from a dinner and drinks with his friend as he was wearing a proper shirt.

On Saturday I thought we were going out as we made plans last weekend which he invited me to have a night out with his colleague but IVe Waited the whole Saturday and receive no updates or any text from him. I felt it was suspicious so started to send a text to him on 9pm asking I thought we were supposed to go out etc. On 11pm I received his response- I was shocked that he has forgotten or pretended he didn’t know about it. So i decided to show my friends the responses he gave me, they thought the was he replied was rather childish or immature. He did not even aplogise but seems to be ignorant about it- pretended he didn’t know anything that he planned with me. I was devasted, I knew he was out with his colleagues on Saturday as judging from the text he replied to me- he sounded tipsy as he usually don’t respond in such way. I know his tipsy behaviour, he always acting weird when he goes out drinking with his mates (judging by his text&videos he sent to me when he’s out and being tipsy)

I was super mad and I acknowledged to him how upset I was and how bad he treated me such way. He then responded “are you angry” instead and there was nothing else more. I’ve tried to sleep and suddenly woke up and felt something was going on. My gut feeling has told me to check on his Instagram which I later did. Bingo- his following increases. There’s 2 new girls he has followed. One has a public profile so I managed to check on her story anonymously. I was shocked and trembled when I found out there was a girl I didn’t know in the video of them having a party/out. From the video showed my guy drinking in a group of his colleagues, sitting beside him was two girl. I wasn’t worried about the other girl as she has a boyfriend but I was shocked to find out this girl next to him. (FYI we are both expats from differnt country living in this city and he is actually from Scandinavia.)

I stalked the girl whom was being tagged in the Story and found out it was his friend coming from the same country. Apparently she was only visiting as I stalked her profile shes def not living in our city. From this findings, I made a realisation that he did not informed me at all about having his friend from home country visiting our city and that he’s gonna show her around. I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other and opened up. But he did not text me at all in the weekend which I felt odd. He did not even invited me to this birthday party of his colleague but instead inviting her, knowing that everyone in the group doesn’t knows her except my guy.

Through the night, I’ve thought it puzzled up why he’s been hiding his Snapchat location- he’s probably thought I wouldn’t like it that he went out with his colleagues without inviting me or telling me about it or that maybe there was something that was gonna happened between him and this girl- that he may be staying at his hotel spending time with her so that his location wouldn’t showed. I started to felt paranoid having thoughts about this as I felt betrayed and maybe he had something to hide as I wasn’t inform about him going out, and that I was also not informed that our plans was canceled plus I was not informed there was this female friend of him coming to visit our city.

I started to seek opinion of what happened from my mates- all of them thought the same possibilities that the girl might be his ex. But I didn’t thought much and see her as a friend who just visiting. It was super strange that he only started to changed this week as he didn’t care to ask how I was or didn’t made the effort to talk to me. I was feeling panic so texted him again that I felt upset about how he has responded me in such way and forgot about our plan and Asked if he has anything to say to me. Also told him we need to have a talk and if he would be available on Sunday.

He responded the next day which was today (sunday) at around 11.30am telling me sorry that he was out with his colleagues and that he actually cares for me and agreed to meet up for a talk. We then decided to set a time and location for it and he agreed with it. At around 1pm he then went to a boozy brunch in [ ] hotel, judging from his Instagram story that he posted. I was surprised he went out again with his friend on Sunday as he would usually stay in on Sunday after a night out. So when the times come, I’ve informed him that I’ve arrived. He has read my message but did update me anything.

I was waiting for him for 1.5h in the bar and realised he did not showed up. I called and texted him and he only opened up my messages and did not reply. I then realised I’ve got stood up. I was feeling confused and upset as I knew he’s not this kind of person who would treat people like that. I wanted to cry but I endured it. I kept texted him but he just ignored my messages.

I don’t know what’s going on. Can someone gives a third party opinion of what might happened? Do you think he was spending time with this scandivian girl from his home country? Do you think they had something on together? Do you think he has lost feeling towards me and fell for this girl so decided not to show up? 

my friends didn’t expect he would behaved this way and was shocked and angry when they heard my incident. Apparently everyone told me to move on but it is hard since we have been exclusive and suddenly he just cut me off or ghost me like that?

I felt very broken. Do you guys think I would get a real explanation or reply from him? Or do you think we are done?

I know I don’t deserve this so I’ve sent him a text day we are done. But I know if a guy truly likes you he would find out ways to make effort to win me back. But judging from my incident, do you guys think he would?

thing happened so fast and I really don’t understand how he could change suddenly and treated this way. I really want a brutal honesty from him so that I could be able to move on. and especially that we are being in a exclusive relationship.
any two cents or advises from you guys?

Edited February 25 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs

[smackie9]

Wall of text.....to hard to read. Paragraphs please

[stillafool]

Of course he has something going on with the Scandanavian girl. He's wining and dining her, going to parties and today brunch at the Ritz Carlton.  You can be sure he's been having sex with her also. He stood you up for her.  Why are you worried about him trying to get you back after the way he has treated you?  Do you actually want him back?  Raise your standards and your self esteem and walk away from men who show you they don't value you.

[Alpacalia]

19 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

Do you guys 
think I would get a real explanation or reply from him?

Probably not.

He sounds like he is not a very good boyfriend. Let me tell you that this is not the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

It will only get worse. He doesn't seem to care the least bit about you or even respect you enough to tell you what is going on. At no time did he show you any consideration. Love is not like that. Of course he is hiding something from you, and doing something behind your back. The question is what.

Let's assume that he is seeing someone else. Is that something you are going to accept? How many more disappointments are you going to be willing to put up with? Don't you think it's time to start demanding more from future boyfriends in the way of how they treat you? Seems like you are always doing all the work.

[smackie9]

Obviously you need to move on. He selfishly wanted to spend time with this friend without the jealous BF being around.

[Wenyyyy]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 

It will only get worse. He doesn't seem to care the least bit about you or even respect you enough to tell you what is going on. At no time did he show you any consideration. Love is not like that. Of course he is hiding something from you, and doing something behind your back. The question is what.

Let's assume that he is seeing someone else. Is that something you are going to accept? How many more disappointments are you going to be willing to put up with? Don't you think it's time to start demanding more from future boyfriends in the way of how they treat you? Seems like you are always doing all the work.

Actually before this week, we used to text everyday and he would be asking me my day or how my work etc. He used to cared until this weekend. He just changed- his texting behaviour changed and he has stopped asking me about my days or having chats. 
 

was really shocked the sudden changes  and why would he suddenly stopped caring. And no if I know he’s seeing someone I wouldn’t continue our relationship. But now it’s vague and I can only assume based on this incident happened this weekend 

[stillafool]

32 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

But now it’s vague and I can only assume based on this incident happened this weekend 

There's nothing vague about what he's doing.  Me thinks you just don't want to believe it's true and to have to leave him.

[Wenyyyy]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

There's nothing vague about what he's doing.  Me thinks you just don't want to believe it's true and to have to leave him.

Yes you’re right cuz things went really went the past few weeks. We also made plans for travels and now it’s hard to believe things just happened and shifted this quick on and instant. 
 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Wenyyyy said:

I know I don’t deserve this so I’ve sent him a text day we are done. But I know if a guy truly likes you he would find out ways to make effort to win me back. But judging from my incident, do you guys think he would?

Any man or woman who has good self esteem will walk away from someone who's just dumped them, so this is not a valid test

That said, if you're unhappy and have lost trust in him, ending it was the right choice.  Let him go.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's very hurtful and confusing to just be blown off like this.

At some level you know that's what happened but are trying to wrap your mind around it.

Please trust your instincts. Step back and reflect if this behavior is something you want to tolerate. 

[Lotsgoingon]

 But I know if a guy truly likes you he would find out ways to make effort to win me back. But judging from my incident, do you guys think he would?

You're still in denial here. Your question is just the wrong question. 

I'm going to use some exaggeration to repeat what you said above: I know if a guy likes me (even if he shoots me in the chest) he would find ways to win me back.

Can you see how weird that is. You do NOT want to be with a guy who acts as he has acted. Winning you back? He hasn't stopped his betraying behavior. He hasn't even owned up to what he's done. He hasn't apologized and you would do well to maintain some anger here. That anger is protective.

He has already lied to you repeatedly and very likely is having an affair. He has disrespected you and stood you up and not told you honestly what's going on. You run from a guy like this. You don't sit around hoping he tries to win you back. But I will tell you this: you give him a pass on this one, he will absolutely be out there again with that woman or another woman. Because he realizes you will put up with anything. 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, Wenyyyy said:

Do you think he was spending time with this scandivian girl from his home country? Do you think they had something on together?

Yes, and yes. 

Regardless, the way he has treated you is not acceptable. I would not be interested in keeping any sort of connection to this guy. He doesn't respect you and didn't even have the basic courtesy to let you know he wasn't going to come to meet you. 

He would be out the door for me. 

[Alpacalia]

19 hours ago, Wenyyyy said:

Actually before this week, we used to text everyday and he would be asking me my day or how my work etc. He used to cared until this weekend. He just changed- his texting behaviour changed and he has stopped asking me about my days or having chats. 
 

was really shocked the sudden changes  and why would he suddenly stopped caring. And no if I know he’s seeing someone I wouldn’t continue our relationship. But now it’s vague and I can only assume based on this incident happened this weekend 

You need to assume that this guy is a dirtbag, and that you should never waste any more time on him. If he has a girlfriend visiting in town and he acts like this, what is he going to act like if he has a g/f who lives with him? He is tossing you aside as if you were garbage and then lying to you, to boot. He was hoping not to be caught and he was hoping you would break it off with him.

[Noproblem]

This girl is his ex.

He was with her the whole time and ignored you.

You were done before you said it. 

Saying it won't make a difference.

Exclusive might be you, him not so much, he thought maybe he'll be back to you after he plays around

but you found out, saw it. ended it. He didn't even care.

 

He might care few weeks from now, but doesn't matter, he cheated for sure and ignored you once he saw his true girl. which wasn't you!

[S2B]

On 2/25/2024 at 10:44 AM, Wenyyyy said:

Actually before this week, we used to text everyday and he would be asking me my day or how my work etc. He used to cared until this weekend. He just changed- his texting behaviour changed and he has stopped asking me about my days or having chats. 
 

was really shocked the sudden changes  and why would he suddenly stopped caring. And no if I know he’s seeing someone I wouldn’t continue our relationship. But now it’s vague and I can only assume based on this incident happened this weekend 

Yep - that was before he showed who he really is!

be grateful you now know who he actually is.

I hope you won’t allow him to ever contact you again. Send a text telling him how horrible he’s acted in the past 4 days… and that it’s over. Then block him.

[smackie9]

How horrible this was for you. Don't accept any excuse. He disrespected you. We all have been there when we want answers, and some closure. Don't focus on that...go forward kicking him to the curb. 

[Wenyyyy]

7 hours ago, S2B said:

Yep - that was before he showed who he really is!

be grateful you now know who he actually is.

I hope you won’t allow him to ever contact you again. Send a text telling him how horrible he’s acted in the past 4 days… and that it’s over. Then block him.

Yeah update: he decided to end this relationship

he texted “I don’t deserve your last chance Wendy. I am just so sorry for my bad communication over the latest time. I have no excuses but should never have put you through this emotional roller coaster. You are one of the best, cutest and interesting women I have ever met. And I am probably gonna regret not taking this final chance from you. But I am taking the decision to end our relationship here and now. I wish you all the best for the future being and hope you will find somebody that can take good care of you and give you the love you so much deserve. I am sorry it had to end like this🫶🏼❤️”

 

I feel like he doesn’t want to tell me the truth of why he’s ending but I felt like he can no longer be honest with me hence he’s ending it. Twisting words and such to make me feel better. 
 

I felt so s*** in the morning when I received this before heading to work.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am sorry, OP. That would have been tough to read.

At least he has now ended it definitively. That will help you move on so you aren't left wondering if he's still interested. For what it's worth, he didn't deserve a last chance anyway. In the future, please don't offer such a thing to someone who so blatantly disrespects you. 

[Wiseman2]

Agree that he doesn’t want to tell  the truth of why he’s ending.  Twisting words and such to make himself feel better. 

You dodged a bullet. He stepped out on you and wants to look good being a saccharine snake. Sorry this happened. 

[princessaurora]

 He is a jerk who doesn't deserve your time or respect. You don't "forget" you have plans with someone you've been dating for 3/1/2 months. This was either an ex or some girl he's been wanting to hook up with and when she came into town he  dropped you like a hot potato to be with her.  That is not how you treat someone you care about and you are clearly not a priority for him. Take what little respect you have left for yourself and put this behind you so you can find someone who treats you the way you deserve. 

[Alpacalia]

That was painful to read. 

I can vividly remember when I was dating this one guy, and we attended a birthday party as a couple. We returned home without any issues. The next day, I discovered that he had kissed another girl at the same party and pretended that everything was normal when we got home. He dumped me and tried to give myself closure without having to tell the truth but I suspect this was one of the reasons.

This 100% sucks and you deserve way better. 

That's just complete cowardice to promise you an explanation and then stand you up and ignore you and ignore you over. 

You'll get something amazing from it all though, eventually. That sharp sting of pain will be gone in sometime. It's going to suck like hell initially. Naturally, as you sat alone at the bar waiting for someone who went to brunch and didn't even bother to tell you. 

But it also gives you unpublished clarity, a sharper sense of boundaries, and pretty much a damn good realization of peace when it's over to go on with your life.

I'm really sorry you had to experience something like this and I hope you'll find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. 

Edited February 27 by Alpacalia

[Wenyyyy]

23 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

That was painful to read. 

I can vividly remember when I was dating this one guy, and we attended a birthday party as a couple. We returned home without any issues. The next day, I discovered that he had kissed another girl at the same party and pretended that everything was normal when we got home. He dumped me and tried to give myself closure without having to tell the truth but I suspect this was one of the reasons.

This 100% sucks and you deserve way better. 

That's just complete cowardice to promise you an explanation and then stand you up and ignore you and ignore you over. 

You'll get something amazing from it all though, eventually. That sharp sting of pain will be gone in sometime. It's going to suck like hell initially. Naturally, as you sat alone at the bar waiting for someone who went to brunch and didn't even bother to tell you. 

But it also gives you unpublished clarity, a sharper sense of boundaries, and pretty much a damn good realization of peace when it's over to go on with your life.

I'm really sorry you had to experience something like this and I hope you'll find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. 

Thank you. My friends and close colleagues told me it’s quite obvious that he had met someone, there’s no other reasons left he would be so “determined” to cut me off.
 

And also that he was afraid to meet me up or face me because he knows he already did something wrong:( it was really unbelievable how he dealt with this situation as I thought he was matured enough- he’s 27. He always assured me he’s no like other guys and that I could trust him.

do you think it would be great to call him out that I know that he’s cheating and know who the girl is? 
or maybe texted girl?

i remembered when he stood me out I was so panicked and thought of going to his place as I knew where he stays etc and can go into his house easily 

[Alpacalia]

17 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

Thank you. My friends and close colleagues told me it’s quite obvious that he had met someone, there’s no other reasons left he would be so “determined” to cut me off.
 

And also that he was afraid to meet me up or face me because he knows he already did something wrong:( it was really unbelievable how he dealt with this situation as I thought he was matured enough- he’s 27. He always assured me he’s no like other guys and that I could trust him.

do you think it would be great to call him out that I know that he’s cheating and know who the girl is? 
or maybe texted girl?

i remembered when he stood me out I was so panicked and thought of going to his place as I knew where he stays etc and can go into his house easily 

For you, no.

This guy is so good with twisting words I am afraid any further intercommunication with him may make you confused about the truth. 

He stood you up, left you sitting at a restaurant for 1.5 hours.

That's when a person is saying so clearly: "Your time is worthless to me, I can't even be bothered letting you know I am not coming!"

He seems like a spoiled boy that is used to having people around him doing whatever he wants, judging from his entitlement and disregard for your feelings and his fighting back. That's why he picks fights with you instead of showing up to meet you. That's also why he is cheating on you. 

He would probably point to your reaction on him not keeping his word as the reason or even invent some kind of story that makes him look good, like you threatened him or whatever.

You will never know the whole truth. End it, don't try to achieve anything through him because you are just blocking your own development and he is a weight on your self-esteem.

[ExpatInItaly]

Absolutely do NOT contact this girl. You have no idea if your assumption is correct and it will make you look crazy.

Showing up at his house when he stood you up would have looked equally crazy, so I am glad you didn’t do that. 
 

Sometimes it really is best to simply walk away,  with your dignity intact and your head held high. 

[stillafool]

Please don't call him out or contact that girl.  The best action is no action and to move on with your life.  He has a right to break up with you and be with another girl if he choses.  Even if he doesn't tell you the full truth when he broke it off with you for her.  Do you actually know who the girl is he's seeing and how do you know how to contact her?