Dunny76 Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 My girlfriend/fiance have been having a bunch of issues and it came to a head Friday. She contacted my ex and asked questions so I went to do the same yet her ex turned around and told her entire family, she said the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me.....yet she still talks to me every day, texts or calls. Says there's still a chance as long as we are communicating. I try to communicate but she always turns hostile. Today alone i just sent her a message saying "hey im going out for a bit but you can still message me." Her response was "Uhm okay have fun doing whatever" I want to find a way to fix this and show her this is worth it but I'm not sure shes being responsive. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 When problems are so big that you start contacting exs and family it means you've reached the end. You don't have enough respect toward each other to maintain a relationship. It's time to move on. You don't marry someone you have a bunch of issues with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 Stop begging her. Go NC and let her stew. If you continue to bend over backwards to get a response she's barely interested, no matter what she says. She wants you to keep chasing your tail to have her. Have more respect for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 Why did your girlfriend contact your ex and ask questions about your relationship? Was there a specific issue or concern that she was trying to address? Sounds like your girlfriend was on her way out and needed reinforcement from your ex to actually leave. Tell her you're not going to play games and if she wants to talk, she needs to be honest and direct with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dunny76 Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: Why did your girlfriend contact your ex and ask questions about your relationship? Was there a specific issue or concern that she was trying to address? Sounds like your girlfriend was on her way out and needed reinforcement from your ex to actually leave. Tell her you're not going to play games and if she wants to talk, she needs to be honest and direct with you. Either my girlfriend or her friend had posted me on a "are we dating the same guy" Facebook group and my ex commented on it so they got in contact. After that my ex kept trying to drive a edge further and further between us. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 I don't think this is fixable nor should you want it to be. First is she your GF or your FI? those are vastly different things. If she accepted a proposal from you but still felt compelled to reach out to an EX of yours that is insane. By the time two people are ready to marry they should have all the info they need. The idea that you did a tit for tat thing & reached out to her EX shows that you are not mature enough for marriage either. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 2 hours ago, Dunny76 said: Either my girlfriend or her friend had posted me on a "are we dating the same guy" Facebook group and my ex commented on it so they got in contact. After that my ex kept trying to drive a edge further and further between us. Hmm. Interesting that your girlfriend would contact your ex for information instead of just talking to you directly. Why would your girlfriend or her friend post about you on there? It's obvious your girlfriend does not trust you enough to talk to you directly and is turning to others for information. I'm wondering if you have been honest and open with your girlfriend and if you have given her a reason to doubt your loyalty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dunny76 Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: Hmm. Interesting that your girlfriend would contact your ex for information instead of just talking to you directly. Why would your girlfriend or her friend post about you on there? It's obvious your girlfriend does not trust you enough to talk to you directly and is turning to others for information. I'm wondering if you have been honest and open with your girlfriend and if you have given her a reason to doubt your loyalty. She said she had a gut feeling about things. So I'm not totally sure. She hasn't really told me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dunny76 Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 She also has this habit of telling me some guy is messaging her. Like today some one messaged her out of no where and she was all "awe that's so cute he called me ducky"....saying he remembered stuff about her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 @Dunny76 If she's messaging with men who have pet names for her, she is not committed enough to you to be a FI Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dunny76 Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 Just now, d0nnivain said: @Dunny76 If she's messaging with men who have pet names for her, she is not committed enough to you to be a FI She said it was a friend from years ago and that's what he always called her. To me it's very uncomfortable as I am on the phone with her. However currently she says we aren't together. So I'm unsure. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 2 minutes ago, Dunny76 said: currently she says we aren't together. So I'm unsure. There's nothing to be unsure about. If she said you are not together, you are broken up. This isn't a grey area or an opinion. It's a fact. She's not your GF. She's certain not your FI. She's somebody you used to know. She's an EX. Stop begging & chasing after her. All you are doing is debasing yourself. She obviously wants others. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 Contacting each other's exes is a complete violation and inappropriate. You both demonstrated toxic behavior. She had made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, which is probably for the best. Leave it alone and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 It sounds like it's 100% not "fixable." I hope you've learned some valuable things from the way this has played out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dunny76 Posted February 27 Author Share Posted February 27 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Contacting each other's exes is a complete violation and inappropriate. You both demonstrated toxic behavior. She had made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, which is probably for the best. Leave it alone and move on. Oh I have, turned off notifications from her on my phone and everything. Said if it's over can I have the house keys back and such. Didn't message, sure enough she messages me before I had to work. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 13 minutes ago, Dunny76 said: Didn't message, sure enough she messages me before I had to work. Good. You can arrange to get your keys back Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 If you can't get your keys back in a few days, just pay to change the locks. Sometimes that is easier. Link to post Share on other sites
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