How exactly would you go about reinitiating contact with someone you briefly dated?

[seany25]

I went on 2 dates with a lovely woman about 18 months ago and we really hit it off.

She had been very busy at the time moving home and she has a few kids too, so I understood that her hands were quite full around that time. She lived about 30 miles from me and I drove down to meet her and have dinner with her twice followed by a nice a nice walk on both occasions by the beach after dinner and lots of kisses and closeness and we were very open talking about sex (although we did not have sex).

As she was busy moving towns, we didn't get to meet up again, but we talked every day on the phone for a month after our 2 dates (her new town is again about 30 miles away). Then one day I woke up and she had blocked me. I kind of understood. I know it wasn't personal because she liked me and was attracted to me. It would have been largely due to her complex circumstances (at the time). I'm also now thinking it could have been partly my fault too for not trying hard enough to see her (and just talking on the phone every day).

Ever since things fizzled out, she has often crossed my mind and I'd think about the possibility of "one day meeting up again". I'm sure some readers will look at this and think I'm just repeating the same pattern of the last girl I was on here talking about, but this is different in that I don't have a years-long limerence for this girl. I've just always felt like we might have unexplored potential with each other because we did really connect and got on so well. I think it was more about poor timing than anything else.

Anyway, I still have her number and about a year ago, I noticed I was no longer blocked on WhatsApp. I would like to reach out to her and see how things are, with the intention of (hopefully) picking up where we left off. How would I best approach this? What kind of thing would you text someone after 18 months of no contact?

Remember, nothing bad happened, it just quietly fizzled out due to circumstances at the time.

I probably don't need to overcomplicate it and could just say something like "Hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you are :)" or something like that.

If she wants to converse, she will, and if she doesn't, she won't. I think it's as simple as that, and I have nothing to lose.

Thoughts? Ideas?

[d0nnivain]

Your words are OK but don't do it She took the affirmative step to BLOCK YOU.  She's done.  Reaching out now will be seen as unwelcome & stalking.   If things had just fizzled out but you were not blocked, your plan would be fine.  Because you were blocked, there is no road back.  Don't even try 

[Gaeta]

When we feel out of options that's when we start going through our old contacts.

She blocked you instead of just explaining her difficult circumstances. This is someone you drove to and took out on dates, she should have had a minimum of respect toward you and say good bye. 

I vote no.

[Alpacalia]

She blocked you because her schedule was busy. Yes, you were not clear with your intentions by not planning to meet.

It would be pretty unusual, in my humble opinion, that she would "forget" to block you after a year. She is probably like, "I don't remember this guy ... oh, right, I blocked him". Who knows? Who cares? Stop acting like a juvenile 16 year-old. She barely remembers you. Just forget her too. If you bump into her, be polite. 

[seany25]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Your words are OK but don't do it She took the affirmative step to BLOCK YOU.  She's done.  Reaching out now will be seen as unwelcome & stalking.   If things had just fizzled out but you were not blocked, your plan would be fine.  Because you were blocked, there is no road back.  Don't even try 

 

34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

When we feel out of options that's when we start going through our old contacts.

She blocked you instead of just explaining her difficult circumstances. This is someone you drove to and took out on dates, she should have had a minimum of respect toward you and say good bye. 

I vote no.

 

15 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

She blocked you because her schedule was busy. Yes, you were not clear with your intentions by not planning to meet.

It would be pretty unusual, in my humble opinion, that she would "forget" to block you after a year. She is probably like, "I don't remember this guy ... oh, right, I blocked him". Who knows? Who cares? Stop acting like a juvenile 16 year-old. She barely remembers you. Just forget her too. If you bump into her, be polite. 

I appreciate all points but it would not be the first time I had been blocked and something still ended up happening with the girl later down the line.

A girl blocked me on Tinder once because she took offence to the pet name I called her (blondie) and yet we matched again 8 months later, met up and slept together. I know matching is different and many of you know about my recent fling after matching with a girl after years, and what happened there 😄 but the point is just because you were once blocked doesn't mean nothing can happen - in my experience.

I'm also not out of options. I hooked up with a girl at the weekend and we had sex in my car after matching a few days earlier. There is another girl I've been friends with for years who now wants to meet up with me after her engagement ended last month. This girl I'm talking about reaching out to, I always thought of contacting her again throughout the 18 months.

Like I said we had a connection, albeit brief, but I really don't think she'd be like "ewww, go away" if I was to text her.

I could even make a joke of it like "Wow, just noticed I still had your number" How are things with you? :)"

I mean, if I'm comfortable with the possibility of her not responding, do I really have anything to lose?

[Gaeta]

The word hook-up is said often, l was falsely under the impression you were looking for a relationship/love. If indeed you are looking for a relationship/love looks like going back to women that blocked you already isn't the path to follow.

[Wiseman2]

Why did she block you? Unfortunately it seems she's not that interested. 

[Alpacalia]

29 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I appreciate all points but it would not be the first time I had been blocked and something still ended up happening with the girl later down the line.

A girl blocked me on Tinder once because she took offence to the pet name I called her (blondie) and yet we matched again 8 months later, met up and slept together. I know matching is different and many of you know about my recent fling after matching with a girl after years, and what happened there 😄 but the point is just because you were once blocked doesn't mean nothing can happen - in my experience.

I'm also not out of options. I hooked up with a girl at the weekend and we had sex in my car after matching a few days earlier. There is another girl I've been friends with for years who now wants to meet up with me after her engagement ended last month. This girl I'm talking about reaching out to, I always thought of contacting her again throughout the 18 months.

Like I said we had a connection, albeit brief, but I really don't think she'd be like "ewww, go away" if I was to text her.

I could even make a joke of it like "Wow, just noticed I still had your number" How are things with you? :)"

I mean, if I'm comfortable with the possibility of her not responding, do I really have anything to lose?

Amusing. Something is going on under the hood here. If you're routinely getting blocked 4+ times on any app, and this is just one "example" then likely you're doing something that turns women off very quickly.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

When we feel out of options that's when we start going through our old contacts.

She blocked you instead of just explaining her difficult circumstances. This is someone you drove to and took out on dates, she should have had a minimum of respect toward you and say good bye. 

I vote no.

Yes it seems like this to me too.

Maybe you're not out of options exactly but you're bored with whatever FWB situations you may have right now and are looking for some new thrill.

I've once or twice started messaging girls I was chatting to a while back where the conversation fizzled out and she seemed half-interested, and regretted it every time.

I think half-baked responses or ghosted is what you're going to get, not great for your confidence but if you don't care nothing to lose... I guess.

As people mentioned in the other threads though is this really anything to do with being fond of this woman or is it just looking for your next "fix" or sexual conquest.

 

Edited February 28 by FredEire

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

I mean, if I'm comfortable with the possibility of her not responding, do I really have anything to lose?

If she views new contact as stalking or harassment & files a complaint you could be in a world of hurt. I wouldn't risk it.  

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, seany25 said:

I could even make a joke of it like "Wow, just noticed I still had your number" How are things with you? :)"

If you tried this with me I would see straight through it and think to myself, "Really? You just noticed you still had my number? Liar. Why not just be honest about your reasons for calling me?" If you must contact her again, at least have the decency to be honest about why, don't make up some corny and transparent horse-sh*t because you'll just make a fool of yourself. My guess is she blocked you because she considered you to be a ditherer and time-waster  .  

[seany25]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

The word hook-up is said often, l was falsely under the impression you were looking for a relationship/love. If indeed you are looking for a relationship/love looks like going back to women that blocked you already isn't the path to follow.

Yeah I am looking for a real real relationship but I'm not going to ignore or avoid casual stuff in the meantime.

I'm also completely open to one of those casual things turning into a relationship and if am to avoid hookups, I might miss out.

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why did she block you? Unfortunately it seems she's not that interested. 

Like I said she has her hands full at the time and I actually recall her telling me I could "crack on" if I wanted to, implying that I could go ahead and date other women if I wanted - which was said because she was so unavailable to me around that time.

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Amusing. Something is going on under the hood here. If you're routinely getting blocked 4+ times on any app, and this is just one "example" then likely you're doing something that turns women off very quickly.

I'm not routinely getting blocked, I just happen to have a couple of experiences where it happened and then something still took place between me and the girl later.

6 hours ago, FredEire said:

Maybe you're not out of options exactly but you're bored with whatever FWB situations you may have right now and are looking for some new thrill.

I've once or twice started messaging girls I was chatting to a while back where the conversation fizzled out and she seemed half-interested, and regretted it every time.

I think half-baked responses or ghosted is what you're going to get, not great for your confidence but if you don't care nothing to lose... I guess.

As people mentioned in the other threads though is this really anything to do with being fond of this woman or is it just looking for your next "fix" or sexual conquest.

 

In all honesty this is at least in part correct. After what happened with the other woman from December, I have sobered up and straightened out, and part of that recovery process is that I am actively dating and yes, having sex with some new ladies I meet. There are more women I am due to meet with, and some I will probably have sex with.

I know people will say that's destructive and toxic and all that stuff, but as long as nobody is being deceived I don't think there's anything wrong with having some fun.

There is one problem, I suppose, and that is that so far the new women I've been seeing are not nearly as attractive as the woman from my fling in December that I had a very lengthy limerence for. I think that's a potential issue in that I'm always going to be chasing and searching until I eventually find a woman of at least equivalent physical attractiveness to the December lady.

It is what it is. I don't think you can just therapy that away. Why would you want to, anyway? I simply have a certain standard I wish to aim for 🤷

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

If she views new contact as stalking or harassment & files a complaint you could be in a world of hurt. I wouldn't risk it.  

That's a bit of an extreme hypothetical outcome. I very much doubt that would happen. However, I appreciate your suggestion.

Edited February 28 by seany25

[seany25]

18 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

If you tried this with me I would see straight through it and think to myself, "Really? You just noticed you still had my number? Liar. Why not just be honest about your reasons for calling me?" If you must contact her again, at least have the decency to be honest about why, don't make up some corny and transparent horse-sh*t because you'll just make a fool of yourself.

I actually realised exactly what you said shortly after I posted it. It would be lame and transparent message to send.

[Foxhall]

Interesting one- It seems a bit of a men are from mars and women are from venus scenario,

Before reading I would not have expected the ladies on the thread to be as against your proposal ,but I suppose Ive encountered myself that it can be difficult to change a woman's mind,

 

"she has a few kids too" 

that might strike me as the reason she blocked you- wanting to concentrate on being a good mother,

Does that bother you at all - that she a few kids?

In view of your feelings and all that- Id say go ahead and send the message- no harm in asking!

 

[Wiseman2]

If you recall her telling you , you could "crack on" if  you wanted to, implying that you could go ahead and date other women if you wanted, please follow her sage advice and move forward. It's not worthwhile chasing clearly uninterested women. 

[seany25]

14 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

"she has a few kids too" 

that might strike me as the reason she blocked you- wanting to concentrate on being a good mother,

Does that bother you at all - that she a few kids?

In view of your feelings and all that- Id say go ahead and send the message- no harm in asking!

Not at all. I'd say most of the women I've ever dated were single moms. I'm used to that.

I am thinking about it but some of the responses here are making me doubt it.

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you recall her telling you , you could "crack on" if  you wanted to, implying that you could go ahead and date other women if you wanted, please follow her sage advice and move forward. It's not worthwhile chasing clearly uninterested women. 

It's not as clear cut as that. She was not clearly uninterested, it was circumstantial. She had young kids to look after as well as a house move. It was just poor timing. She was attracted to me and not just physically. She observed/let me know I had more depth than other lads, and she appreciated that I was ambitious and educated and all that stuff.

[Wiseman2]

Generally people make time for what is important and interesting to them. They usually don't say "go ahead and date others".

Why not move forward? Surely there are other women you could date if this one is too busy and tells you straight up to go date others. 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

I'm not routinely getting blocked, I just happen to have a couple of experiences where it happened and then something still took place between me and the girl later.

Well you're contemplating reaching out to a girl that blocked you. If that's your 'something' then it fits the description of a 'pattern of behaviour rut'. And well... doesn't send a compelling message. You're bouncing back and forth from one hookup to the next. All of these contacts are now 'women to hit on' within your 'circle'.

[basil67]

10 hours ago, seany25 said:

Then one day I woke up and she had blocked me. I kind of understood. I know it wasn't personal because she liked me and was attracted to me. It would have been largely due to her complex circumstances (at the time). I'm also now thinking it could have been partly my fault too for not trying hard enough to see her (and just talking on the phone every day).

I might be old fashioned, but I think that blocking is very personal.  It's the action one takes when they are so annoyed that they don't ever talk to that person again.   Or if there was truly nothing you did wrong, a good person would have explained to you that her circumstances make dating too difficult and that you're a lovely person, but she needs to focus on herself.  But she didn't do that.  She took the offensive route.

Yes, she's unblocked you now, but that doesn't remove the red flags.  You'd be a fool to want to try again.  

[Alpacalia]

Which begs the question, why was she so annoyed that she blocked you?

It doesn't seem to me that a reasonable person would block unwarranted just because they were supposedly 'busy'.

How is it in one month talking by phone there was no time to meet?

Edited February 28 by Alpacalia

[FredEire]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I might be old fashioned, but I think that blocking is very personal.  It's the action one takes when they are so annoyed that they don't ever talk to that person again.   Or if there was truly nothing you did wrong, a good person would have explained to you that her circumstances make dating too difficult and that you're a lovely person, but she needs to focus on herself.  But she didn't do that.  She took the offensive route.

Yes, she's unblocked you now, but that doesn't remove the red flags.  You'd be a fool to want to try again.  

On WhatsApp you can delete a contact you no longer speak to, which shows up a blank profile pic and isn't blocking per se. I'm not sure if that's what happened in this case.

Why she'd want to go back and restore an ancient contact she hasn't talked to in literally years though I'm not sure. If she wanted to restart a conversation she could have surely reached out herself.

Edited February 28 by FredEire

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, FredEire said:

On WhatsApp you can delete a contact you no longer speak to, which shows up a blank profile pic and isn't blocking per se. I'm not sure if that's what happened in this case.

Why she'd want to go back and restore an ancient contact she hasn't talked to in literally years though I'm not sure. If she wanted to restart a conversation she could have surely reached out herself.

Yes, this would be less severe than an actual block, but still doesn't reflect well on either what OP did to annoy her/the woman lacking basic manners (whichever the case may be)

Edited February 29 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

I was such a late bloomer with Whatsapp. I refused to use it. I didn't need it when I can just use good-ole fashion SMS. My sister convinced me to download it so we could stay connected with our father. Even in the case of the guy I mentioned in my previous post, although we weren't dating, I did recently give him my phone number after knowing him for a few years. Our communication eventually stopped on good terms, without any blocking involved.

I'm just wondering why this woman felt the need to block you OP. I wonder if she felt that talking on the phone for one month was a long enough time for you to meet up with her that she figured you were a lost cause?

I don't think it's a good idea to reach out to her after 18 months of no contact, but that's just my opinion. You can certainly send her a message saying, "Hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you are :)" but be prepared for the possibility that she may not respond. It's best not to have any expectations and to just catch up with her casually if she does respond.

Whatever you do, don't refer to her by the color of hair-color unless you know she finds it complimentary. It can come across as douchey.

[seany25]

I did nothing to annoy her. There was never a single word of animosity between us. For those few weeks, we spoke almost every evening for an hour on the phone. She had full hands trying to get a new home in order and parenting kids from just under 1 year old up to 13 (ish).

I'm pretty sure I probably did want to/try to meet with her during that month but as she had a bunch of kids in tow, she couldn't commit to it.

When we first dated, twice, her kids were not with her - they were with the dad and they came back to her when she got the new home - and then all of a sudden, she just had no time for dating.

This is what happened. She is a very spiritual and sensuous lady, so I imagine there was no malice in her blocking me. If anything, she probably decided as she did not have time for a man, the kindest thing was to "let me go".

I do have other options, I'm just kinda curious if she was interested in meeting up again. I'm sure I wouldn't be the first person in the world to reinitiate contact with someone atter a year and a half to see how they are.

Or maybe I won't bother and then just wonder what if.

Edited February 29 by seany25

[Wiseman2]

 It's definitely a stretch of the imagination that there was no malice in her blocking you.

If anything, she probably decided  she did not have time for you or dating you.

That's ok. There's plenty of women you could pursue who haven't blocked you.