Spouse in the limelight!

[jesse01]

Ok, I'll keep this as short as I can. My husband and I met about 4 years ago at work. We were both married at the time. His marriage was going down hill and mine followed soon after. We were friends at the time and I helped him through it because I could relate to what his wife was going through and it helped him understand it better. Anyway, we've always been 2 peas in a pod, everyones always said we're just alike, love having fun, smile all the time. Well, once we started dating later on, (way after the divorces!) it was an immediate explosion of passion, love, everything. We're always being told that we look like the happiest couple ever! We married back in August after a year of dating.

Here's the thing. He is the lead singer, guitarist and song writer of a hard rock band, he's been in bands for 20 years. All his efforts are finally starting to pay off. Ever since we started dating I've helped the band every way I could, I designed all their promo stuff and they consider me part of the band. The music has gone from good to extraordinary within 9 months and they're starting to get gigs left and right.

Since we got married, it has REALLY taken off. I only get real time with him at work, and I can't go to all the shows like I used to because there are so many and I have my daughter most of the time. We've been dealing with learning to live with each other, the kids (his 13, mine 5!) learning to live with each other, and little time together all at once. The stupid arguments over NOTHING are blown out of proportion, and for the first time I'm worrying myself sick about every little thing he does. He's starting to question whether I'll be able to handle it if the band gets signed because I'm freaking out about what time he gets in, who he talked to, what they talked about, etc. Things I NEVER dealt with before. WHY NOW? I don't think for a second that he'll cheat but the thought of some girl flashing him or talking junk to him and him just thinking, "Damn!" is driving me crazy. I'll get over one thing and then immediately find something else to get upset about. He says I just don't seem as happy anymore and that scares him. I don't want to worry him about how I'm gonna feel all the time, that is suffocating. But Im HOPING that I just need time to adjust to him being so popular and my not always getting to enjoy it with him. Somebody just say something to make me feel better! I want to support the hell out of him, he deserves it more than anyone I've ever known. HELP!

[Mz. Pixie]

My cousin is married to a major celebrity. The only thing I can tell you is that to live this lifestyle you have to be SUPER secure. He has people trying to sneak into his hotel room etc. You have to trust your spouse and you have to be secure in who you are.

 

You'll be required to make alot of sacrifices as far as time goes. He'll be touring, promoting, etc. That is something you need to consider. Do you think you can handle being told, "Excuse me- Miss- please step out of the shot- we're trying to get ________" in the shot. Or being listed in the rags as "__________ and guest".

 

You need to spend some time working on you- so that you can feel secure in who you are and the value that you bring to the relationship. You need to develop something to do to spend your time on when he's away and you can't travel with him for the sake of the kids, etc. A hobby or something that will prevent you from whining about when he's going to be home. Be independent so that he feels he can leave you without you falling apart.

 

You've obviously been a big supporter of his so far and I have no doubt that you will continue to be. Perhaps you're concerned about him leaving you behind and becoming a star?? If he's assured you that this is not the case, then you have to take him at his word and focus on yourself and the relationship. Lots of time when people become famous, they don't change but the people around them change. Try to keep him grounded- which is what he needs and be a safe home base for him to come back to. That's what my cousin does for her husband and it seems to work.

[whichwayisup]

You're going to have to sort this out together. He loves you and you're going to have to trust him. He can control himself around screaming women fans! There is no reason to allow jealous to come into play here. Be realistic, is he stupid enough to mess around with a fan? Probably not! Will he flirt and allow her to flirt with him while peforming? Damn right he will. But, the thing to remember, he's not doing this to upset or piss you off! It's part of the job and you can't control these women who flirt with him...Just gotta trust that he isn't going to cheat on you. Think about that, k.

 

Stress is there obviously and learning to live together, becoming an instant family is hard enough but with him being in a band, gone alot of nights, that's rough on you.

 

Don't give up, keep the lines of communication open and just cherish eachother daily. The love is there, you're married and have a family now. Don't go looking for trouble by worrying excessively about things that are out of your hands...Easier said than done, I know, but if you don't learn to trust and have some faith it will only get worse.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[jesse01]

I've never written in to one of these things, I'm so glad I did! You are both very right, and hearing it from objective people makes me feel a lot better. I have other hobbies too, I'm in local theater and I take ballroom dancing, and when I'm involved in that I don't worry so much. I guess I just think about the band too much all together since I've worked so hard on it. Thanks so much for writing in, and to Mz. Pixie, ask your cousin how she learned to adjust to it, I think her experience would help me a lot as well! God bless guys! You rock!

[Mz. Pixie]

Before they had children she could travel alot with him. She did that and she did some bit parts in movies and such- community theatre and stayed busy. She decorated their new home- she exercised and kept herself up.

 

Keeping a large network of support around her was important as well. She's pretty close with her family and that helped her as well as maintaining some good friendships that she'd had for years.