Ghosting. How is this acceptable?

[rainrhonda]

Met a guy online recently, then we had a nice date last weekend and he stated that he wants go out with me again. I agreed. In the days following he continued to text me through the day as always. 2 nights ago we nailed down the details of our next date down to the time & activity,  location,  etc. Then we said good night as it was bedtime and he told me sweet dreams. 

Yesterday,  I was so busy at work that I didn't get to text him until end of the day. I had not received the usual good morning text. I asked how is day went & apologized that I had been busy that day & didn't get to text him sooner. 

 

And nothing. Nothing after that. This morning I asked if everything is alright... nothing. 

No we did not sleep together, he was very much a gentleman on our date and we have alot of interests in common, etc. We both expressed it was fun & want to do it again. 

Why does a person make detailed plans with you and then just drop off the earth? No he's not married, I've already been asked that. But he did say he was very nervous about our 1st date because according to him he's been single many years and hasn't dated in a long time. Why & how do people think ghosting is okay? I find it disgusting that this has be one a society norm to the point it's just fine and just get over it, etc. This should not be tolerated, I should be chewing him out for this. I won't,  but should be. Ghosting is so rude and disrespectful, especially after planning a very specific date with me. I'm in my late 40s, never married and if this how people behave I can count on being alone forever. 

Edited February 29 by rainrhonda

[Weezy1973]

Ghosting has become a thing basically because of online dating. You’re meeting strangers who really have no connection to you. And they’re meeting others at the same time. It’s rude, but it comes with online dating so as long as you continue with online dating you kind of have to roll with it. 

[Foxhall]

7 minutes ago, rainrhonda said:

1st date because according to him he's been single many years and hasn't dated in a long time.

Maybe this is giving him cold feet- he has got accustomed to the single life,

I felt I did something productive about nine months ago - the guy (he was actually the subject of my first post here) he met this lady and went on a date and then despite it going well informed her he was not boyfriend material or whatever and that it would go no further,

to cut a long story short I convinced him to give it another chance and now they have just moved in together,

We never recovered our original friendship but I was happy to get a text a few days ago- cheers buddy you put me right on that one.

So I dont know this situation- it might be he needs time to process whether he is mentally ready for going into the relationship. You would think it should be easier, but maybe we get more cautious as we get a little older,

maybe be prepared to give him a little time.

 

[Alpacalia]

The only thing you need to worry about is why YOU let someone else's behavior dictate your feelings. My gosh, I had someone recently pull out of meeting but I certainly didn't let it ruin my night. You expect too much, give your looks and brains a rest. If all else fails, remember,  it probably wasn't meant to be. Move on, crush it someplace else. 

[basil67]

It's not acceptable!  I guess the upside is that you've dodged a bullet 🤔

[ShyViolet]

It's not a matter of it being "acceptable" or "unacceptable", because you don't have control over other people's actions.  This is a guy you went on ONE date with.  I'm not saying that ghosting is a fine thing to do and isn't rude.  But you are getting way too bent out of shape over the actions of someone you really do not know.

5 hours ago, rainrhonda said:

This should not be tolerated, I should be chewing him out for this. I won't,  but should be. 

I disagree.  No you should not be "chewing him out" for this, because it would serve no purpose except to make you look pathetic.  Directing anger towards a man you went on ONE date with for not contacting you again would not be a good use of your time.  What exactly would you hope to accomplish by doing that?  Do you have nothing better to do?  Do you actually think it would change him or teach him a lesson?  When someone ghosts you, especially someone who is a virtual stranger to you that you weren't in a relationship with, you realize that he isn't someone you'd want to get involved with anyway, put it in the past and move on.

[FMW]

Maybe something has kept him away from his phone for a while and he hasn't seen your messages.  If you already set up your next date I don't know why you need to have text contact every day.  If he hasn't dated for a while he might need a little space to get comfortable again.  

If you don't hear from him by the day of the date you arranged then yes, you've probably been ghosted.  Rude, yes, but not something to treat as more than annoying, and a disappointment.  You've been on one date.  You don't know this guy and it's way too soon to feel so invested that you feel entitled to chew him out. If he is ghosting you he's not going to care about your views of what is proper or acceptable.  You can choose to get all bent out of shape when people do things you think are wrong, but that's going to bring a lot of unnecessary stress to your life and isn't going to change anyone else's behavior.  

[mark clemson]

FWIW I agree that (assuming there isn't some good reason) it's rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. He probably has issues that weren't apparent on your one date that go along with his lack of consideration. So at the very least you've saved time that could have been wasted on further dates and creating a relationship with a difficult partner. While it may sting, he has also inadvertently done you a favor by showing you "who he is" at the outset.

[flitzanu]

it's been like one day with no contact, that doesn't mean anyone got ghosted, that's a little paranoid and premature