What should I do?

[Newtothis1990]

Girlfriend split up with me recently because of a number of issues at the time of her having a miscarriage. We were both distraught and my mental health has been severely affected. I associate losing the baby with losing my girlfriend. So we found out she was around 6 weeks pregnant and we were both ecstatic, however a few days later she started having severe pains and It was a long drawn out process with lots of trips back and forward to the hospital to find out what was going on, almost a week later, on the day of the results, we were in the hospital together and we were both playing Pokemon Go together whilst waiting to be called in (it helped to take our minds off what was coming) unfortunately it wasn't looking good at all as my partners hormone levels had decreased. We were both sad and I was trying to keep strong for her, when the nurse called us in, my partner got straight up and walked over and I froze, I carried on tapping the screen, she had to call me over and I got up and walked across the lobby to the room, still tapping and staring at the screen, I don't remember what I was tapping, or doing but I think in that moment I was having some type of panic attack as I knew what was coming when we went in that room together. Inside, I sat down and for some reason, the chair was behind her chair, so I sat behind her, head down, zoned out and dealing with the news, and I think I was possibly pressing the screen but I can't remember, all I know was in that moment I was trying to listen, but the world felt like it was in a bubble. After we got out, I held her and we went home and comforted each other, and the next day, we went out together to try to keep our spirits up, we went to the balloon museum, but after that I asked her, what are we going to do next and she said she was going to her home, we dont live together and it was so out of the blue that it shocked me. I didn't handle it well, I said okay, then stopped talking, I basically ran ahead home, while my head was screaming, she's going to leave you. Due to these incidents, she has called me a f***ing toddler and that she is done with me and even said that she's glad that she had a miscarriage as she doesn't want to raise two babies. I've tried to talk, but she doesn't want to listen to my side of things. She is adamant she saw me playing Pokemon Go and thinks I am lying. I should have been there in that moment and comforted her, held her hand while we found out the news but I was stuck in my head. 

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your child.  As high as your emotions were, your GFs were higher.  This was happening to her body.  Your less than stellar response really shook her.  The whole thing destroyed your relationship.  I don't think you can fix this. 

If you want to try you I would recommend you send flowers with a sincere note of apology.  Use your own words but send something like this:  

 

Dear [name]

I love you but I know I let you down.  The loss of our child hurt me so deeply I zoned out. The whole thing was surreal.   I was so in my head dealing with my own grief I didn't focus on you & how much worse this was for you, because it was happening to you in your body.  I am sooo sorry.   We're both hurting & grieving but I really do love you & want to be there for you.  We are better together than apart. 

All my love, Newtothis1990

 

It may not work  She may be too hurt to hear you.  

[MsJayne]

Sorry to hear of your loss, a sad disappointment for both of you. Your behaviour was totally and utterly inappropriate, and spectacularly rude. It would be understandable if you were 10 years old, but as you're old enough to contemplate parenthood I'll assume you're much older than that. In what world is fiddling with your 'phone OK when someone is having a serious conversation with you, much more so when it's such a serious conversation? From your girl's point of view, on top of her devastation, she must have felt incredibly embarrassed in front of the nurse that her partner is so immature and self-absorbed. You can make the excuse that you were feeling overwhelmed and didn't realise what you were doing, but I'm not buying that. You emotionally abandoned your girl right when she needed you the most because you were too busy thinking about yourself, and that's a good reason for her to end the relationship. You could try talking to her and explain how sorry you are, but you've just shown her how you respond to crisis, and you failed. Put the 'phone down and engage with the world.