We're both playing games. Don't really have a question. Any thoughts?

[jack]

Short version. Went on a date with another girl. Mentioned this to my ex beforehand (yes, to see if I would get a reaction), she wet ballistic. We ended up going out to an expensive dinner tonight, yes I played some games to get her there. More games mixed in with alot of true feelings at dinner. She told me about some guy she was seeing, but made it clear it may not work out, told me alot of real personal stuff about how she felt breaking up with me, why she did it, sounded unsure of this new guy, was cautiously affectionate, said we should do this again. I told her of the girl I dated. I hate to say this because many here seem to think this is beneath them, but I played games, making it clear that while I liked this girl she, my ex was still much more important to me. She was somehow 70 per cent back with me but still 30 per cent distant. The evening went well, we talked alot about what had gone wrong, she definately seemed on the brink of giving it another try. I did not push anything but I hate to say it, along with alot of the truth talking, at least on my part there was alot of calculating manipulations. Tony, if this stuff isn't beneath you, any thoughts? I still am not sure what the hell she is thinking.

[jack]

One other thing. I definately did not come across to her as a gushing, obsessive ex who's sole mission in life was to win her back. This is only partly true & the calculating manipulation, which many will scorn, hid 90 per cent of the rest.

Short version. Went on a date with another girl. Mentioned this to my ex beforehand (yes, to see if I would get a reaction), she wet ballistic. We ended up going out to an expensive dinner tonight, yes I played some games to get her there. More games mixed in with alot of true feelings at dinner. She told me about some guy she was seeing, but made it clear it may not work out, told me alot of real personal stuff about how she felt breaking up with me, why she did it, sounded unsure of this new guy, was cautiously affectionate, said we should do this again. I told her of the girl I dated. I hate to say this because many here seem to think this is beneath them, but I played games, making it clear that while I liked this girl she, my ex was still much more important to me. She was somehow 70 per cent back with me but still 30 per cent distant. The evening went well, we talked alot about what had gone wrong, she definately seemed on the brink of giving it another try. I did not push anything but I hate to say it, along with alot of the truth talking, at least on my part there was alot of calculating manipulations. Tony, if this stuff isn't beneath you, any thoughts? I still am not sure what the hell she is thinking.

[Tony T]

I have no opinion one way or the other about your evening, except that it was bizarre.

 

I don't think this is the girl you're going to marry. True romance just doesn't work this way. Ladies don't break up with a guy unless there's a reason or unless they are insane.

 

But by all means do take her out again so the two of you get back together so she can blow you off again that much sooner so you can find someone really nice for yourself.

[Ed]

When you look at the big picture, most of life and relationships can be viewed as 'just a game'. It's all about positioning, posturing, timing and give and take.

 

Board games, ball games and card games all end rather quickly. This gives you the chance to play them over and over again, hopefully getting better at the game each time you play. There will always be new challenges and challengers, though, and no matter how good you get, you will eventually loose. That is, unless you quit playing.

 

Playing games with people and people's lives pretty much follows the same principles as playing any other game. There is strategy and manipulation, forward psychology and reverse psychology. There are all kinds of things you can do or attempt to do, to come out on top, win, get your way or get what you want.

 

But really, what is the goal of all this game playing? I am assuming it is either for her to win you over or you to win her over. What you apparently don't realize is the game you are entering into will never end until one or both of you quits or dies. Managing your personal relationships in this way is mentally exhausting. You will have no rest and it will greatly diminish the pleasure and enjoyment you could otherwise have.

 

Imagine for a moment being with someone who simply WANTS to be with you, no games required! You want to be there; they want to be there. This is what every relationship worth having is like. Sure, both people have certain things they MUST do to maintain the relationship, all game playing aside, but it is much more satisfying to be with someone without worrying what they are thinking, what their next move will be and what your counter-move will be, etc.

 

The best relationships are ones that just flow. They do exist. This is what you should be so eagerly pursuing. The only game you should be playing is one designed to help you sift through all the people in the world (or at least in your town or neighborhood) to find one that you want to be with, that also wants to be with you. This game does not require any unnatural tactics. All you have to do is be yourself.

 

Try it! You will be much more satisfied with the prize of someone voluntarily giving of themselves because they want to instead of you convincing them they want to. Just let it flow!