symbol Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend of 7 1/2 years broke up with me. We've been living in two different cities for the pat 2 1/2 years and we are both working really hard to get phds. It has been really a rough time, especially for me, because I had problems with my exams and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get a phd or not. He was always very encouraging and helpful and was always there for me when I needed him. But my pathetic mood went on for about 2 years, so I guess he was just too exhausted after a while. Recently I passed my exams and he brought up this breaking up issue. He says that I am no longer the happy, cheerful woman I used to be and that I happen to take everything on the negative side and he just doesn't know if he wants to live a life like that. I told him that I also don't want to live like this and that I sincerely want to change (and this is true - I even got some self-help books on to take stuff on the lighter side and maintain a happier life) but it seems that he doesn't believe me. I tried to talk with him several times on the phone, he just says that he has made up his mind, he is much happier this way and if there is any way we can be together again, it would only be when he misses me. He says that he doesn't long to be with me as he used to and that he can't make neither me nor himself happy this way. I also told him that I wanted to see him in person, but he says that he is too busy to do that, and even if I go to where he lives, he would not be able to spend all his time with me, and that would actually make things worse. It has been almost a week since I last called him on the phone. I just want to give him and myself some time. I am trying to get over the pain, but I love him so much and we have had a beautiful relationship for more than 7 years, it hurts a lot. I wonder if what I am doing now -avoiding contact- is the right thing or not. Any ideas are appreciated. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 Doesn't sound like he wants you back. Pushing will only push him away. I'd give him his space - your worth more than that, you deserve to be with somebody that WANTS to be with you. I know the future is hard to consider when your past is so hurt, but you'll enjoy life again. (And my optimism is not because I have a happy relationship, my ex-fiance cheated on me and ended it after 3 years and is spreading awful rumors. But you have to hope - otherwise you might as well give up now) Link to post Share on other sites
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