Please help, i'm so confused.

[Jim]

My girlfriend and i checked into a motel. it's her very first time coz she's still a virgin. we started doing foreplay and she's the one lying down. as i'm inserting my penis into her, she started complaining on how painful it is and her reflex made her leg sort of stop me from inserting it in further, after several try i felt that i have inserted about 1/3 of it in, but she kept stopping me with both of her legs and she keeps on complaining about so much pain.

 

i began to be upset and told her that the pain is normal and all girls do experienced the pain and if she stopped complaining and get on with it then everything will be ok. i told her it's going to hurt only once. then, she began to cry and asked me why am i upset and that it hurts so much and she don't know if she can bear it. so we didn't get to do it that day.

 

after that incident, we talked on the phone. she asked me if there's any lubricant so it will somehow minimize the pain. i told her there's such thing. she told me to buy one and where going to do it again in a week and this time we'll make sure something will happen.

 

but after two days, i reminded her again about it but she's not in the mood to talk about it and told me that it's still too early to talk about it.

 

then another day pass, i asked her on why she's upset when i reminded her about it the other day and if she changed her mind. she then told me that she has changed her mind because a friend from school told her that it's going to hurt the first time and sometimes can cause fever and she don't want to miss a day in school so she changed her mind. i was sadden and asked her if it's because she's upset with me when i asked her again so soon the other day but she said it's not. she just don't want to miss a day in school. i also told her that even if she waited after a year or so it will still be painful.

 

i just let the situation be, but i couldn't accept what happened. i couldn't accept it that she changed her mind just like that over what her friend told her. i feel that there's other reason aside from that and i confronted her about it and she keeps telling me up to now that her only reason for changing her mind and for controlling herself not to go all the way when we're doing oral and kissing is because of the pain and the fever. unfortunely, i still can't find peace on her reason coz i feel it's not true. by the way, she's 19.

 

my question are:

 

1) how can she changed her mind so quickly just like that and is her reason reasonable?

 

2) do you think there might be other reason?

 

3) isn't it if she loves me very much and knows that it is painful the first time, she'll bear it since she wants to do it already? and she knows it that first time is indeed painful.

 

4) is there any scientific proof or is there such thing as getting a fever the first time a girl do it(maybe coz of the pain)?

 

5) is she still a virgin? coz i felt that 1/3 of my penis went in?

 

6) what should i do about the situation? i really can't find peace regarding her reason and what happened. i thought the relationship was going strong that leads it to her wanting to make love and then all of a sudden she changed her mind. what should i do?

 

7) i know it's painful but it's a fact of life, but is it painful enough for her to control herself from going all the way? i don't get it.

 

thanks for any help. i really need it.

[Tony T]

1) how can she changed her mind so quickly just like that and is her reason reasonable?

 

A woman can change her mind at anytime and for no reason. However, in this case I'm sure she changed her mind after thinking more about what happened. I don't know exactly how you approached this but she may have been offended by your total pushy attitude about this.

 

2) do you think there might be other reason?

 

I think her main reason is your lack of sensitivity and support for her. During this first encounter, you should have immediately ceased your attempts at intercourse once she expressed extreme pain and uneasiness, held her and assured her you understood how she was feeling.

 

The fact that you keep bringing this up in the way you do shows incredible lack of sensitivity and more of a preoccupation with getting in her pants than with making sure she feels right and comfortable with the situation. I'm surprised she's still talking to you at all.

 

3) isn't it if she loves me very much and knows that it is painful the first time, she'll bear it since she wants to do it already? and she knows it that first time is indeed painful.

 

If you were a loving, decent, patient and considerate lover, she would probably consider it a pleasure to endure the pain for you. People lose their virginity every minute of every day around the world.

 

For some reason, perhaps biological, she is experiencing excessive pain in this process. Your unwillingness to sit down with her and discuss measures to minimize this pain rather than harp on rescheduling the virginity-losing session is what is pissing her off.

 

A woman does not mind bearing the pain of her first intercourse if she knows the guy is understanding and loving and that the encounter has meaning for him well beyond the sex act. Losing one's virginity is a once in a lifetime act for a female and many want that time to be very loving and special. You did not create that atmosphere for her.

 

4) is there any scientific proof or is there such thing as getting a fever the first time a girl do it(maybe coz of the pain)?

 

You can get fever for any number of reasons. My guess would be that a girl could get a fever after her first intercourse because of anxiety. Nerves can bring your temperature up a bit in people who are inclined. This would not be a cause for staying out of school. However, another experience with your insensitivity and unrelenting desire to get your entire penis into her could be enough to sicken her sufficiently to lose several days of class.

 

In your case, she is using this as an excuse to avoid another encounter, at least for now. If you don't start being more sensitive of her feelings and less pushy about having sex, she's gonna find another guy who will be.

 

5) is she still a virgin? coz i felt that 1/3 of my penis went in?

 

In my opinion, she is 2/3 virgin...still enough to save for a sensitive guy who cares more about her feelings than about whether she's still a virgin. You are a real trip.

 

6) what should i do about the situation? i really can't find peace regarding her reason and what happened. i thought the relationship was going strong that leads it to her wanting to make love and then all of a sudden she changed her mind. what should i do?

 

Enroll in sensitivity training classes. Learn love and patience. Learn putting yourself in other people's places. Learn patience. Learn not to be so pushy. Learn to care more about lady's feelings than about getting into their pants. Learn to love a lady in more special ways and care less how much of your dick inside of her constitutes her losing her virginity.

 

The fact that you can't find peace, or piece as the case may be, with her reason and what happened shows extreme lack of compassion, empathy, understanding, caring, love and most of the other things a woman wants from a guy she will lose her virginity to.

 

The day you can fully understand her reasons for behaving as she is will be the day that every female in the entire school will want YOU to be the guy they lose their virginity to.

 

7) i know it's painful but it's a fact of life, but is it painful enough for her to control herself from going all the way? i don't get it.

 

The pain she is feeling has nothing to do with losing her virginity. The pain she is feeling is over the loss of a man she thought was sensitive and caring...the loss of a man she thought would consider her feelings more than him getting his entire dick inside of her.

 

She is in pain...but she is mad as hell too. She is also puzzled that you are too selfish to understand what she is going through. If you don't learn to understand a woman's feelings and to be compassionate, you will never win the love of any woman.

 

Don't bring up this subject with her again, ever, except to tell her you understand and respect her feelings. Let her know if ever she decides she wants to try to make love again, you will go very slow and be very sensitive to how she feels. These are the words she needs to hear to go forward.

 

After you have told her that, never bring this up again. Let her be the one to do that. Show her you care much more about her as a person and her feelings than you do about having sex.

 

If you are so horny, go find some easy girl and get relieved. But, have some mercy on this girl and bug off. Again, her major pain now is in her heart. She wanted a guy who wanted to love her more with his heart and she feels she has a guy who wants to love her more with his dick.

 

YUK!!!

[little d]

Jim I really think you should take to heart what Tony is saying. I feel I must add, don't PLAY sensitive sincere guy just to get in her pants. If you don't truly mean it please let this girl find someone who does. It is a very special thing for most girls and if she gives in because of pressure she will still hold resentment and regret and that will be her memory of you.

 

My girlfriend and i checked into a motel. it's her very first time coz she's still a virgin. we started doing foreplay and she's the one lying down. as i'm inserting my penis into her, she started complaining on how painful it is and her reflex made her leg sort of stop me from inserting it in further, after several try i felt that i have inserted about 1/3 of it in, but she kept stopping me with both of her legs and she keeps on complaining about so much pain. i began to be upset and told her that the pain is normal and all girls do experienced the pain and if she stopped complaining and get on with it then everything will be ok. i told her it's going to hurt only once. then, she began to cry and asked me why am i upset and that it hurts so much and she don't know if she can bear it. so we didn't get to do it that day. after that incident, we talked on the phone. she asked me if there's any lubricant so it will somehow minimize the pain. i told her there's such thing. she told me to buy one and where going to do it again in a week and this time we'll make sure something will happen. but after two days, i reminded her again about it but she's not in the mood to talk about it and told me that it's still too early to talk about it. then another day pass, i asked her on why she's upset when i reminded her about it the other day and if she changed her mind. she then told me that she has changed her mind because a friend from school told her that it's going to hurt the first time and sometimes can cause fever and she don't want to miss a day in school so she changed her mind. i was sadden and asked her if it's because she's upset with me when i asked her again so soon the other day but she said it's not. she just don't want to miss a day in school. i also told her that even if she waited after a year or so it will still be painful. i just let the situation be, but i couldn't accept what happened. i couldn't accept it that she changed her mind just like that over what her friend told her. i feel that there's other reason aside from that and i confronted her about it and she keeps telling me up to now that her only reason for changing her mind and for controlling herself not to go all the way when we're doing oral and kissing is because of the pain and the fever. unfortunely, i still can't find peace on her reason coz i feel it's not true. by the way, she's 19. my question are: 1) how can she changed her mind so quickly just like that and is her reason reasonable? 2) do you think there might be other reason?

 

3) isn't it if she loves me very much and knows that it is painful the first time, she'll bear it since she wants to do it already? and she knows it that first time is indeed painful.

 

4) is there any scientific proof or is there such thing as getting a fever the first time a girl do it(maybe coz of the pain)? 5) is she still a virgin? coz i felt that 1/3 of my penis went in? 6) what should i do about the situation? i really can't find peace regarding her reason and what happened. i thought the relationship was going strong that leads it to her wanting to make love and then all of a sudden she changed her mind. what should i do? 7) i know it's painful but it's a fact of life, but is it painful enough for her to control herself from going all the way? i don't get it.

 

thanks for any help. i really need it.

[Laurynn]

What age are you, Jim? (I know you said she was 19). I take it you've had sex before/aren't a virgin?

 

How long have you two been dating?

 

In all honesty, I was completely shocked after reading your post. You seem to have no consideration for the pain your girlfriend was enduring, while trying to have sex (during penetration). You act like pain is "just a fact of life, oh well, deal with it." It seems like you couldn't give a frog's fat ass about her feelings, you care more about getting your pecker inside her and nothing more.

 

Isn't the first time a virgin has sex with her boyfriend, supposed to be a memorable time? Where there's lots of love and tenderness and mutual caring and consideration? Based on your post, I don't see any of that from you.

 

You come across very selfish and unfeeling......like she should just 'bite the bullet' and put up with the pain, no biggie.

 

A woman losing her virginity is often times a big thing for them. They're excited, scared, knowing things will 'never be the same again', worried about pregnancy, worried about performance, worried it might not feel good, etc.

 

WHich means more to you....your girlfriend or having sex with her? Why are you being so unfeeling here? Is sex all that matters to you? It doesn't matter to you that she was probably pretty freaked out by how painful it was? Have YOU ever had sex before/if so, did you not ever think about having some Lubrication (Water-based stuff: KY Jelly or Astroglide)?

 

If I were you, I wouldn't bring this up again......let her bring it up, WHEN SHE'S READY. Maybe she's not ready now. Maybe she was really turned off/hurt (emotionally hurt) by the fact that you were so pushy and didn't seem to care that she was experiencing pain? Maybe she wanted her first time to be very special and you didn't seem to care all that much about HER (just cared about getting your dick into her, come hell or high water).

 

Just things for you to think about. And again I ask you, how old are you, how long have you been dating, are you a virgin yourself?

 

L