After an ugly breakup can we still be friends?

[kodiak]

Hotcoco-

 

I cnt say there were many red flags when we were dating if any. For a LDR we had a pretty darn good one overall. There was a break for like two days before she realized that she was being stupid and that she was letting other stuff effect her emotions towards me. You see we didnt break up because us loss of love or anything like that. I had the issues if anyone did. sure she had her quirks but i screwed things up and still to this day i regret it. You see towarsd the end of the relationship i got very insecure about things. I started to get jealous and would make up stuff in my head that eventually would lead to a stupid fight. I went to see a therapsit about this to see if i had a problem. It was just the demons of a LDR sneaking up on me. She always told me and showwed me that she loved me but i never thought that she did. One of the last things she said to me was "nomatter how hard i tried to prove to you my love for you, it wasnt enough" Imagine hearing that..OUCH. It just the LDR was killing me inside and I know alot of people had these types of problems in LDR. So you can understand why it hurt so much, i know that i screwed things up in my head. I would always think that she would eventually cheat on me or something. I never told her that though. That was pretty much it. We had our normal fights but overall we were very close. I went to a family reunion with her back east and alot of other trips. Put it this was alot happened in the short 11 months.

[kodiak]

Sorry i keep submitting because i dont want to loose what i have written so far, my computer keeps kicking me off. So anyways like i said we had a good, strong relationship but i sabatoged it. I was being stupid and it cost me a good girl or so i thought. When we first started talking again this time it was good because because i got to tell her all the stuff about the end of our relationship that i wanted to.

 

Ok the other questions you had. No, she started dating a guy about 4 months after me that lasted a little while i guess. Im not sure how long. I really didnt get to involved in it. However in Feb 2004 she sent me that lovey kinda love letter. You know telling me how great i was, how much she missed me, how much she is really realizing now how great i was, all a bunch of junk, i guess. At the time i thought she was being sincere but now that i look back at it, it was all BS, i guess.. So i doubt she had a BF at the time but maybe she did. I know that since me she has been with one other person, we talked alot about our past when we started talking again. God the stuff she was saying just pisses me off now. She sounded so dam interested in me again. It just sucks... Anyways i dont know anything really else about her dating and the guy she was with.. Maybe she did just break up with him but i did not sound that way at all to me when we talked.

 

I felt like a jackass because the way i acted the last night we were together. Like i said i was quiet the whole day because i relaized that i still loved this girl and from how she was on the phone to how she was acting when i got there was night and day. I mean for christ sakes she was sending me half nudy pics of her. Pictures of stuff we did together, etcc. It jsut drives me nutzzzzzzzzzz. Ok so i was having this feelings and finally she ask what was going on. She said that i wasnt enjoying my stay and that i wasnt happy i came etc.. She said all she wanted to do was make sure that I was having a goodtime. I have to give her credit for that. When i was there, the world revovled around me, she made sure everything was perfect. So i told her how i was feeling and taht mayb it was best if i stayed in a hotel so i packed up my bags. I didnt want things to get all emotional like they were heading for, you know...

[Hot Coco]

Well, insecurity is a big part of LDR's. From what I understand they don't usually work out but I don't know. I don't have much real experience in those types of relationships.

 

It doesn't sound like this has a chance no matter what you did or didn't do anyway, just by virtue of the fact that you have this distance between you. It didn't sound like you could go there or that she would move where you are. So this whole thing is doomed anyway. Stop analyzing everything you did or didn't do. It's just not meant to be.

 

I don't know what else to tell you. A lot of us have been where you now are and it's not easy. There's no easy answer. No magic wand to take the pain away. You just have to have faith that it does get better and that this really wasn't meant to be. Right now you're thinking she's the ONLY girl you'll ever have that connection with. The only one who "gets" you, etc. etc. She's not. Believe me. She's really not. You will see that in time. Just hang in there and try to get your mind off it. Apologizing isn't going to change anything. Even if she is nice again and wants you, she will do this again. I'd bet on it.

 

Hang in there!

[kodiak]

I continue HotCoco, im sorry about the splits in the threads, bear with me...lol

 

Once i packed up my bags **** hit the fan, she started getting pissed and was really quiet. Finally i broke down and told her how i was feeling and that some old emotions snuck up on me and it was hurting. I just told her that I didnt feel comfortable satying with her. Anyways thats when she ask "if i had any expectations of anything happening between us, when i came out" Like i idiot i told her no becauuse i didnt want to seem stupid. So i told her great she is and how i missed her and that she was the most amzing girl that I have been with.. Then she started to cry and I told her that maybe i should just leave tonight so i tried to get a earlier flight. She was ready to take me to the airport and thats when i lost it. I sat her down and told her my feelings. I never told her that I was still inlove with her but i did tell her how i was feeling. She said "why do i wanna be in a relationship so bad with somebody that didnt want want to be in a relationship with anybody" I told her that i didnt want a relationship and that the reason i said anything was because of how I was feeling. I didnt want her to think that I wasnt happy that I came. I was and it was a great time for the most part. Thats why i said anything. So she cried, i cried, it was awfull. However i decided to stay and we ended up having an amazing fun night, so i thought. I guess from what she said on the phone three days ago that it wasnt a goodnite. She kinda threw it in my face and told me "that i never was happy being there" and that "i never told her that i was happy i came and was happy to see her"

 

Thats why i feel like a idiot. If i didnt get involved with my emotions like i did, i would never of had this problem. Maybe i came on too strong and she wasnt ready for it. I know she has issuse about that night and thats part of the reason for NC. Maybe she got scared, i doubt it though. I just want her to know that im sorry for the way that i acted but she want call me. I think she is jsut pissed about how it all ended... I hope i answerd most of yoru questions but im sure i miss some important info. thanks again for all yoru help. Im sure this will go on for awhile..lol...

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

I know that i will find another but me and her were extremely close. She even told me this when i was out there. I got over her before where i could think about her and not get heartbroken or sad. I know that i can do it again, im just pissed that I let those wounds get open again after they almost were helaed. I don think it wil take me nearly as long as before since it wasnt like a relationship again. You Know? I hope thats the case atleast. I really hope. I just feel bad about that whole night i guess and i know that she is hurt too, she told me. I wish i could just explain to hear with no emotions why i was feeling the way i did and why i acted that way that night. I guess its stupid but its something i feel like i have to do in order to move on, thats just me.

[Hot Coco]

Ok, Kodiak...sorry about jumping in too soon like that. A couple of things just stood right out to me.

 

Ok, first the part that you put in bold. Her quote. Ok, this is going to be harsh but she's really telling you she doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Trust me on this one. I don't want you to hurt anymore than you are but that is exactly what that meant.

 

Secondly, you seem to think that you f***ed this up when you went to see her by being too emotional. At least that's how you put it. Oh and you said by coming on too strong. I'm sorry but I don't see it that way at all. Given what you told me before with the letters, pics, gifts, etc. you were NOT out of line at all.

 

You know where you went wrong in the end? By being honest with her. By telling her the truth.

 

You said:

 

If i didnt get involved with my emotions like i did, i would never of had this problem.

 

So basically you're telling me that by being YOURSELF you screwed it up with this girl. And you weren't even out of line given your relationship up to that point. It's not like it was a first date or something.

 

If you can't be yourself with a girl and be honest about your feelings and emotions with a girl without freaking her out...well then, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GIRL!!!!

 

It's true. Do you see that? No girl wants to hear that shyt from a guy she's not REALLY interested in (and she's not...accept it...she's really not.) All of her actions remind me of my own past actions when I wasn't interested in a guy and was kind of toying with him...yeah sorry, but I'm not like that anymore. I GREW UP! And then I'd turn it around and try to make it like it was the guy's fault. That's exactly what she's doing to you. Not intentionally necessarily but she just doesn't really know what she wants and likes keeping you on a string in between boyfriends.

 

You don't need to tell her you're sorry about anything! Grow a backbone. You didn't do anything wrong. Unless showing your emotions and being honest about them is a crime these days! I was right! You weren't a jackass. And I told you I'd tell you if you were. You're a wimp though. See, I CAN tell it like it is. A wimp. Now go be A MAN and let the little girl go!

[Hot Coco]

HotCoco-

 

I know that i will find another but me and her were extremely close. She even told me this when i was out there. I got over her before where i could think about her and not get heartbroken or sad. I know that i can do it again, im just pissed that I let those wounds get open again after they almost were helaed. I don think it wil take me nearly as long as before since it wasnt like a relationship again. You Know? I hope thats the case atleast. I really hope. I just feel bad about that whole night i guess and i know that she is hurt too, she told me. I wish i could just explain to hear with no emotions why i was feeling the way i did and why i acted that way that night. I guess its stupid but its something i feel like i have to do in order to move on, thats just me.

 

NO, NO, NO, NO!!! YOU were close to HER...I don't care WHAT she told you but you both weren't really that close. Do her actions indicate closeness? Or just her words? "Being close" isn't some temporary state...how can I say this...I'm a loss for words now. I can't explain it. It's something that actions indicate not just words. Do you see what I'm saying? What does "being close" mean to you?

 

Really think about that for a minute. If you had to tell me or some person who asked you that what would you say? Now does that match up with what you two were? Be honest now!

 

Yes, it is stupid to feel like you have to explain all this shyt to her. It won't make any difference to her. You can still move on. Ok, I have an idea! Pretend I'm her and tell me everything you were going to tell her to make yourself move on. And I'll pretend like I'm me only at 24 when I was like her! Man, that was awhile ago:eek: But trust me I remember! I'm not THAT old!

 

So I'll respond exactly like I would have at 24. And I'll probably sound and answer exactly like she will if you do this. If you don't believe me you can make a fool of yourself and try it out!

 

So what do you think?

[Hot Coco]

Man, I don't shut up do I? Just thought of something else I wanted to say to you. Oh, but first it's weird, no offense but I'm kinda bored with these same heartbreak stories...same thing over and over. So bored that I usually don't even read them. See...I gave up on Cali very quickly. There's something about you. Yes, YOU. Some people's personality jump off the screen. Others just are anonymous words on a screen. Your's jumped out at me. I can almost hear a voice attached to those words.

 

I know that sounds hokey but it's true. My point is that there's something very special and sweet about you. The way you thank everyone for taking the time to post, etc. I can tell a lot about people from what they write. A lot of us on here can I think. But anyway, I'm saying all this to you for one reason and that is to tell you this:

 

A guy like you should not be pining away for some spoiled brat little girl who doesn't know what she wants. This is what I've picked up from your writings. You're young, smart and successful. You're sensitive and deep. You have a sweet soul.

 

Yeah, I can tell all that from things you've said...and even things you haven't said.

 

So what is wrong with this picture? Well, instead of pining away for this spoiled little girl you should have a REAL girlfriend. I have a sneaking suspicion that you don't think you deserve this. Low self-esteem perhaps? But don't you think you deserve a REAL girlfriend? Someone you can call up and chat with anytime. Someone you don't have to walk on eggshells with emotionally. Someone who you can always be yourself with. Someone who is steady and reliable in her feelings for you. She doesn't waver. Someone you can go out with for dinner or a movie whenever you want to because this REAL girlfriend will actually live in your same STATE! (I'm assuming ex is in another state anyway)...

 

So are you with me so far? What about a girl who has waited all through the busy work week to come over so that you can cook up a really great meal together. After that, curl up on the couch and watch a movie with? Someone who will give you a hug, a kiss, a touch, her heart.

 

Don't you think you deserve that? Can you ever have that with her? Be honest now!

 

Anyway, just some things to think about. And if you don't believe me about my not usually responding to these break-up posts...look at my posts for yourself and you'll see that's it really is true. You are special and you're a winner. So stop acting like you have a big capital L on your forehead!

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

frist off i wanna thank you for all the kind weirds that you have said about me and taking the time out of life to help out somebody you dont even know. Seriosly that means so much to me right now especially when I do feel low with a big L on my forehead..lol That was funn, but true!!!! You are right i wear my heart on my sleeve for just about anyone i love, especially this girl. Its so weird because as much as it sounds like she lead me on and literally used me for her own self gratification i wish no ill feelings towards her. You are right. telling her that im sorry will not do any good. Especially right now or in the near future. She just doesnt undertstand and see that she had a great guy who truly loved her standing right in front of them. It sucks for me because I came home empty handed but it sucks even more for her. You know? I wish nothing but the best for my ex. I hope that she meets a great guy one day and settles for nothing but the best. You might think that i am jacked up for saying that but from the bottom of my heart, it true. I have so much going for me in my life HotCoco. I am 25 years old, have a great job that makes me over 6 figures, i have a great family with a great background. I know that I will make some girl very happy one day and she will make me happy too. I deserve that when the time is right. I think that I will take the next promotion at work and go hard for it. Maybe one day my ex will relaize how good i was to her and what she lost. Who knows? I would love to know how she feels right now, you know? Dont ask me why..

 

Sure this will hurt for awhile and i will probably ask the same questions over nd over again HotCoco. Hopefully you will stick around to tell to help me. I just hope that you dont slit your wrists because im driving you nutz..lol.. You have been great though. I can be very emotional sometimes and I think that is why this situation feels alot worse than it really is. So what, my expectations were not met. So my ex doesnt wanna talk to me now. ****, she didnt talk to me for a whole year. Im sure that she hurts a little bit too maybe in some way. Im jacked up because i feel bad about that for some stupid reason. See what im telling you, i wear my heart on my sleeve. I dont know what the future holds. I dont know why my ex popped into my life then walked out and made me feel like crap. There is a reason for everything. Maybe this was Gods (im catholic) way of telling me we are not meant to be. My ex comes from a kinda dysfuctional home. Mom has been married several times, father had drinking problems, etc.. I guess the man upstairs told me that this one can be put in the dirt. You know??? Im sure her background has alot to do with how she is in relationships, with commitment and seeing some jacked up father-figures, she probably has a hard time with really having a good guy for her. Well im going to go out tonight and try to take my mind of things HotCoco but i will be back...Thanks again from the bottom of my heart for all your help. You know last night was kind of a rude awakening for me. I was at my parents house and i started to get upset with the whole situation. My sister started to cry bercause she hates to see me sad. She said how much she hated my ex for hurting me again. My mom broke down and actually cried to me. She said you will always be as sad as your saddest kid, and for the last week I have been very sad. This break-up was not only hurting me but tearing apart the ones that loved me. Ofcourse my family despises my ex right now and that hurts me for some reason, dont ask me why. Anyways like I said i was putting this girl who obviously doesnt even care about me in front of my family. I took a sick day from work bc I was so down. Then it all hit me last night. What the hell was I doing..

 

Girls in my life will come and go, until I find that one. However my great job and my family and firnds will always be there for me. Not some gilr that has me on a yo-yo until she decides what she wants................

[ButtonPusher]

No offence kodiak but if I was a girl I would dump your sorry ass too. Your posts drag on and on and on and on....saying the same stuff again and again(to be honest I didn't bother reading most of them).

 

Your 25, got a job, its time to grow up and cop the crap that life will give you sometimes on the chin. Life isn't all milk and cookies, you're going to get hurt sometimes by getting involved with relationships. That's how we learn about life, and develop some wisdom.

 

This break-up was not only hurting me but tearing apart the ones that loved me. Ofcourse my family despises my ex right now and that hurts me for some reason, dont ask me why. Anyways like I said i was putting this girl who obviously doesnt even care about me in front of my family.

 

It probably hurts because you know its not her fault that your in pain now. You didn't have to get sucked into seeing her again. But you gave in. And she probably does care about you, she was part of the relationship too remember. People's feelings don't just disappear, even over a long time. I would take a guess that she is full of guilt that you are getting hurt by her contacting you. You made a huge mistake in bringing up your past with her when you went to see her. But you can learn from this experience and you'll know what to do next time if this ever happens again with another girl.

 

Anyway, didn't someone else start this thread???

[kodiak]

BottonPusher-

 

Im sorry that you think that Im a sorry looser. I dont know you nor will i judge you. However if you ever came on this site and posted that you needed help, i would read all your threads and try my very best to help. However no hard feelings. You are right and I am acting pretty darn pathetic, iwouldnt agree with you more. Im just hurting. Please take the time to read my post and maybe you will undertstand why i felt like there was a second chance for me and my ex. It wasnt as easy as you think to not get sucked in, believe me. Dont you think BottonPusher that i would take back seeing her and opening up those old feelings. Trust me I would. Anyways i am the type of person that talks about my feelings and thats what I did with her. Again i told everybody why i did this in my post. If i screwed things up because i told my ex how i felt then so be it. Maybe i did blow any chances of reconciliation but i will never know.

 

Although you slammed me pretty good in yoru reply, i do apprecite the input. Although it was mostly negative,lol.... It probably what is true.. As far as this being someone elses thread, I came her to help HotCaliGirl because i saw her going down the same road. HotCoco and others have been kind enough to help me out in my situation. However if HotCaliGirl starts to poat again, i will be the first one to help her. This is and will always be her thread..

[ButtonPusher]

Kodiak, I was not calling you a loser. I was commenting on the way you seem to have lost your respect for yourself after getting into the situation your in. You seem intelligent and you have a good job that you like, so thats plenty of reasons to not call you a loser. The first time I got dumped badly I turned into a pathetic mess, but once I was out of it, I wished one of my friends had slapped me in the face (well not literally), and told me to stop being such a woos and get on with my life without that girl. My post was meant to be harsh because it sounded like you needed that slap in the face so you could start to get yourself out of the painful situation you are in. It was not meant as an insult to your character.

[Hot Coco]

No offence kodiak but if I was a girl I would dump your sorry ass too. Your posts drag on and on and on and on....saying the same stuff again and again(to be honest I didn't bother reading most of them).

 

Your 25, got a job, its time to grow up and cop the crap that life will give you sometimes on the chin. Life isn't all milk and cookies, you're going to get hurt sometimes by getting involved with relationships. That's how we learn about life, and develop some wisdom.

 

 

 

It probably hurts because you know its not her fault that your in pain now. You didn't have to get sucked into seeing her again. But you gave in. And she probably does care about you, she was part of the relationship too remember. People's feelings don't just disappear, even over a long time. I would take a guess that she is full of guilt that you are getting hurt by her contacting you. You made a huge mistake in bringing up your past with her when you went to see her. But you can learn from this experience and you'll know what to do next time if this ever happens again with another girl.

 

Anyway, didn't someone else start this thread???

 

So what if someone else started this thread? All this same stuff everyone is saying applies to her situation too.

 

And I don't think Kodiak made a huge mistake in bringing up the past. He made a huge mistake in going in the first place. Just like Cali did. You can never really go back.

 

And you're very welcome Kodiak. I hope it helped.

[AmberAriesMom]

I haven't read this whole thread so excuse me if I'm off track or repeat what others have said. I just had to jump in here by page 2.

 

Caligirl, it may be that you are so hurt that this man lied and cheated on you that all you want now is to prove to him that you are not hurt because you're worth more than that to yourself so you're thinking that if you can be friends with him he will not think you are still hurting over him.

 

If that's the undisclosed inner voice within you, then it's time to stop feeling hurt over what he did and get mad as a killer bee and let some other woman get hurt by him.

 

I personally would not even want a person for a friend who would lie or cheat on someone they claimed to love.

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

I need to vent..lol. I woke up this morning feeling reaaly horrible and I dont know why. I went out with my best friend last night and we had a great time. Sure i thought about my ex alot but i was laughing and enjoying myself. I have alot of guilt right now about the whole talk and the way I acted the last night I was there. I know you told me not to worry about it but i cant. I just feel bad. I dont know if she is hurting in anyway. I like to think that she isn't because that makes me feel better for some reason. I just cant understand alot of things, you know? Let me ask you if she didnt have any feelings for me to begin with, why would she just stop talking to me now like i dont even exist. This is what I am having a hard time understanding. I have been doing what you told me though. When I start to get sad, i think of how she is acting now. Then it goes away for a little bit until the next happy thought pops up. It sucks!!!! I try to imagine her looking at her phone and ignoring me or saying "why doesnt he just get the point, i dont wanna talk to him, what a looser" She probably is saying this actually,lol.... I dont know its kinda stupid but it helps. I know I have said this before but i will say it again. I dont know why it seems so important to know her intentions behind the last two months. It is just driving me nutz though. My cell phone doesnt even ring anymore. I dont know, i guess i just miss her today. Thanks for being there for me HotCoco, i appreciate it.

[Hot Coco]

Kodiak,

 

Glad you had a good time last night. I was hoping that you did and that you were able to get your mind of off her for a while.

 

I didn't understand your question. You said something about if she didn't have feelings for you to begin with, why did she stop talking to you. I don't really understand that. And by the way, I'm not saying she doesn't or didn't have feelings for you - just not the same feelings you have for HER.

 

Glad that little trick is helping. Just keep doing that. Don't obsess about her not calling you. You don't want to be her yoyo do you?

 

And you don't need to thank me. I'm happy to help you.

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

My question was that if she didnt have any feelings for me to begin which obviously she didnt, why did she just stop calling me when I got back. That i dont understand. I could undertsand if we broke up or something but there was never a relationship to begin with. I know its not right to talk to her and if she called it would take all my will power not to pick up the phone. It just sucks though. I dont undertstand how people work. I mean how do you do that to someone? Especially a person like me that was very giving, caring and loving. I never hurt her or was mean to her. I never treated her poorly. I had her up on a pedestal. I just keep thinking back to all our talks in the past. i used to give her crap about dumbing me and she always said "that it was a mutual agreement" Always. It was kind of a joke because we both knew the truth. Its just that she seemed so interested in my life again HotCoco and i guess i just miss that, you know? I guess i look back at all know and just get pissed off that she actually made me belive that she wanted to be back in my life again. You know HotCoco, i was on cloud 9 for the last two months. It was truly great.

 

I just wonder if lets say my ex was calling me because she was lonely and got dumped. I wonder if it ever crossed her mind that she was hurting me in the long run. I mean she had to know, didnt she? She knew how devastated i was when we broke up, she knew how bad i hurt. Then she came into my life again only to shortly live later. I know that I keep repeating myself HotCoco and im sorry again. I just really need to vent today.

Only if you knew all the conversations we had togther. Only if you could have heard them like on three-way call or something. "maybe we are suppose to be together in the future", "maybe we are suppose to get married down the road". She was making plans to do stuff together in the future, stuff that we used to do. There is this really romantic dinner place where i live and i always wanted to take her there. Well we ended breaking up so that never happened. Anyways she kept saying that we have to go there and stuff like that. I could undertstand if we broke up and we didnt talk right now but that never happened. AGGGG its just so irratating. Im just venting right now!!!

[Hot Coco]

Vent away! It's ok.

 

Ok, don't be mad at me. I'm really not dense. I'm educated and have lots of experience in life but I STILL don't understand the question. I mean if you think she didn't have any feelings for you to begin with, then of course she'd stop calling you when you got back. She used you and then was done with you.

 

But like I said I still think she DID have some feelings for you.

 

As far as listening in on your calls. It wouldn't matter WHAT she said, Kodiak. Don't you see that? It's her actions that I'm looking at. Her actions don't match up with what she says. When a girl tells you all that stuff and really, really MEANS it, well it's backed up with action. A girl who says those things and means it doesn't just stop contacting you or starts ignoring you? Do you see that?

 

You need a mature girl. She's just not. It doesn't mean she's not a nice girl. She just doesn't know what she wants. But it sounds like she's pretty much made up her mind that she doesn't want you. I don't want to be harsh but you must see that in order to get yourself together. As long as you're in this mode, you're not even open to meeting anyone else, let alone getting over this.

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

You seem like that you have alot of experience in the relationship feild and I am so glad that I found you. When you were my ex's age, what were your feelings and emotions on guys? My older says says that very seldom do they know what they want even when they have a good ting right in front of them. I was just curious. Ofcourse my ex's feelings at her age and how you felt could be totally different but it might help me out a little. Also, did you ever break up with somebody that at the time you thought was not the not the right person and regret it down the road. Maybe you tried to get them back and it didnt work out? I dont know, you could be happily married or in a great loving relationship, I hope so. It sounds like you definately deserve it.

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

I just read your reply. I know that all you say is right but its just confusing. I just cant undertstand why someone would want to hurt a good person like myself. What i was trying to ask is didnt she have to know how this would end up in the long run and if she didnt want anything to start, she knew i would be hurt. I mean she has to know that I am hurting. Her actions when i was with her were very caring. A couple times she was very touchy feely and loving. But we never kissed or slept together. She was sweet when i was there and all she wanted was for me to be hapy and ahve a goodtime. Now her actions suck, that is true!!!!

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

I answered you back to your question. Im not too smart with all those computer terms but hopefully you got it. Kodiak.....

[kodiak]

HotCaliGirl-

 

Where have you been? This is still your thread remeber but you havnt posted in awhile. I am still here to help because I can relate, trust me.

 

 

HotCoco-

 

I dont know really what I am going to be talking about here. I cant sleep so I woke up and feel so lonely right now. I keep thinking about what you said how her actions didnt show what she was telling me. Basically like the old saying goes, "actions speak louder than words" You know when i first got there to visit her, she was very touchy feely and kinda close. We had a great dinner together and all that. Then the next night we went out and it was the same. Very friendly, touch feely, she kissed me a couple times on the cheek, etc.. I guess she didnt mean it but she said I just love you that night. To her reply i started to laugh and said thanks. She then said "thanks, thats nice" or something on that level. I mean what was I suppose to say. I love you too, i never stopped loving you in the last two years. You see i think she said that in a non-romantic way, i guess thats how I took it, so thats why I replied the way that I did. So we go back home and that night we did sleep together. Just slept, no sex, no making out, just sleeping. I tried to kiss her in a joking way and she was totally caught off-guard. So i pretended that I was only joking so I didnt look like a jack ass, you know?

 

Well that was day three off the stay and from that point on my whole attitude cahnged. I admit, i sulked abit and wasnt that happy. I mean do you blame me HotCoco. I guess i felt that since she didnt kiss me back that was it, and it turned out I was right. She obviously didnt want to or I think she would have. A couple times after that she made a few kinda sexual remarks to me, but i never acted on anything. Truthfully i think that she was just being a tease, I dont know though. I dont know why im telling you all this because it doesnt matter. The facts remain the same. I keep trying to figure out if I did anything wrong that screwed any chance I might of had, if there was one. I know that deep down i guess there wasnt. I just wonder if because I was being a drag the last three days of the trip she lost her interest or got turned off by me. Who knows and I will never know.

 

I keep thinking that the guy that probably broke her heart (thats why she called me in the first place) came back to her and know thats why she doesnt need me anymore. Sure this is just my imagination working against me but i cant help it. The thought of that makes me sick and makes me hurt and I dont even know if it is the case. I am being such a sissy!!!!!!! My uncle who I am very close to tells me that "he thinks the only way that I can get over this is too call her up and demand that she tells me why she did what she did" I know you tell that it wont accomplish anything and i am sure you are right. I am going to stick with what you told me on this one. Anyways thats all i got on this one right now!!!!!

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

i don't know if this is good or bad though...if i were to tell him I'm seeing someone which i'm not, I think he would get upset, same wit him telling me straight out, so this is weird too, like selective friendship where some stuff are still "off topic."... Sure it's ok to be with other people once you've broken up, but it's not easy I guess...

 

well my ex has been having big problems with his ex and he had to break it off..and ive been there for him ever since... we both have been talking alot till very late at night and we have said we missed each other and have feelings for each other also...when we meet its like starting all over again so i know exactly how you feel...but the thing is i have a boyfriend thinking i have to move on and try to be with somone else but its not easy..

 

sometimes(well.. most of the time)when im kissing my bf or being sweet to him i wish that the person who im doing that to would be him.. so yes i agree with you its very hard to be wit other ppl when youre wanting to be with somone else...