After an ugly breakup can we still be friends?

[HotCaliGirl]

The pain i feel right now is horrible and i dont know you HotCaliGirl, but i dont want to see you go through what i am going through right now.

Thank you. At least you know how bad it feels too...

 

Maybe your ex sincerly wants to re-kindle things with you and i hope it works out if thats the case.

If that was the case, I don't think he would've told me about the other girl who likes him (and I suspect he likes her)...but now that he sent me the text that he's been thinking of me etc. I am confused.

 

Part of the reason were not talking is because she thinks that I regret seeing her and going there.

I keep thinking that you are leaving some things out and making it seem like she is not wanting to get back together for NO REASON, which would in fact be very painful for you, but why would she have a reason to think that you regret seeing her and going out there? Did you act like you were not interested in her when you were there? Maybe that's why she changed her mind about you...maybe I'm not understanding something...but now that I too am feeling really bad, I feel bad for you too! I was before, but more now...

[kodiak]

HotcaliGirl-

 

There are not enough second chances that happen around here. I hope that his intentions are pure and i truly hope that things work out right for you if "they are meant to be only'. I just see some of the same things happening to you that my ex said. You know i missed you and i was thinking about you. For Christ sakes my ex was already making future plans. Just walk with caution and dont wear your heart on yoru sleeve. Thats what I did. Dont get me wrong, im not saying that you should keep your feelings bottled up or not speak how you feel, just wait for the right time. Dont have yoru expectations set too high, if you know what I mean. I think that is why im having such a hard time with this. Just take things slow and be ready to settle for whatever the outcome might be. Try right now to keep the contact to a minimum. I know thats hard, beleive me. I was so available everytime that my ex called. I was always there. Good luck too you and if i can help you in any other way, please let me know.

 

As for your question. You see the first couple day were great. We went out had a great time, etc.. Then some old feelings started to come back. I tried to fight them but what can i say i was with the girl that i loved. So the second from the last day i was very quiet. Finally she broke down and said what was wrong with me. She said "For the last few days you seemed miserabel. All i wanted to do was make sure you are having a goodtime and enjoying yourself" Thats when i told her about my feelings and how its hard to be around her sometimes. This caught her off guard. She immediately got weird. "she goes you should not of had any expectations" So things started to get emotional. She started to cry then i slipped out a few tears myself. Please dont think im a sissy, i just could not help it. She is the only girl that can make me cry.. Anyways we sat on the couch and held each other and she cried more. I told her what an amazing girl she is and how i compare her to the girls i have dated before. Not like shes not like my ex, or my ex didnt do that. I just take her great qualities and try to find them in another. Anyways for some reason she says "why would you want to date someone that doesnt want to be in a relationship with anybody" I really dont know where that came from. Once this talk was over we had a great night. Things i thought were fine, but i guess i was wrong. Now we dont talk as you know. Those comments she said came when she talked to me on the phone a few days ago. How i said i regretted coming and regretted our relationship. That all our talking was stupid and pointless. That i never appreciated or enjoyed being with her etc.. I never said that i regretted the relationship. I said that after the break-up i regretted falling in love with her bc it was so tough for me. She didnt take it that way though. I dont know whats going on. i dont call her and she ignores my two text messages that I sent her. I guess she just wants nothing to do with me now. Maybe she is jsut mad and needs to cool off

[kodiak]

HotCaligirl-

 

Some more stuff i just thought off. One night we went and drinking and afterwards were laying in bed together. I went to kiss her in a jokingly way, nothing serious. She was totally caught off guard so i stopped. I think that was a bad move only because of how she acted. Several times alter she kept saying "that if she wanted to make out with me, would I let her" I kept telling her no because i didnt want to come on so strong. There were many moments when we were caught in that moment where your staring into each others eyes, but nobody made a move. I would have loved to kiss this girl but i knew that it wasnt right. I think that she would have been more receptive when i tried the first time if she wanted something from me. I dont know. I lied to her about how i felt when she called me the other day. I told her that i know that we are just firnds and thats all that I want. I told her that if anybody knows that i know that we are not meant to be together. I just felt so ashamed for showing emotion to her when i was with her. I guess i should have told her the truth but i was afraid that would scare her off. At the time i thought that if she knew this it would not be weird to talk to me again. I guess that was stupid. What did i have to loose by telling her i still loved her. Risk her never speaking to me again. She doesnt talk to me now anyways. I think she probably knows my true feelings and since i guess she obviosly doesnt feel the same thats whys she hasnt called. Maybe i should just tell her and cut off all ties. Her B-day is in dec so maybe i will send her a card and tell her the truth. What do you think would be the right move on that? I mean really what else can i loose. Atleast im being honest right????

[HotCaliGirl]

Kodiak, you and Bogun are making me realize that I am making myself too available. I ended up not responding to his text, as tempting as it is, so I think I should get the strength to create a distance again until I figure things out and not hurt any more than I already am. I am going to be up all night debating whether or not I should respond...

 

As for your situation, I think that was very wrong for you to tell her that you are just friends and not meant to be together! Give me a break!!! Obviously she has some feelings for you, has given you an opportunity to win her over again...I'm not sure if you were right not to kiss her if you like her so much and she gave you the opportunity. That would've made me feel very rejected and hurt if I were in her shoes...and on top of it the things you told her about just being friends!

 

No wonder she is not contacting you any more!!! Definitely in her birthday card write the truth, but I don't know if it's a good idea to wait that long, because for some girls things are very concrete - once she decides she is no longer interested in you, it might be a permanent thing of no going back as her negative feelings compound daily, so I would buy a card and write your true feelings in it and mail it to her...

[kodiak]

HotCaliGirl-

 

Look i dont undertstand. If she has given me the chance to win her over again how come she was so cold when i went to see her. I mean it was like she had to tell me that i shouldn't have had any expectations and that did I have the plan to get back together. I mean c'mon. I was there, staying with her four days, in her house. Nothing was brought up or even attempted. sure maybe she got cold feet, i dont know. You are right maybe i will just send her a card and tell her how i feel. Like i said what do i really have to loose. It just seemed that she was the complete opposite than who she was on the phone. I told her that stuff because i felt like a jackass. I was afraid that she would never call me again if i told her I still loved her. She had the chances i think and for whatever reason nothing happened. Why do you think she still has feelings for me. Would she of said something to me if she had those kind of feelings? However im going to tell her how i feel regardless, i have nothing to loose.

 

As for you. Thats good that you did not jump at the chance and text him right back. Maybe tomorrow text him back saying that is sweet or something on that line. You will make him curious now. I know how you feel about the whole family thing now. My parents and family are so angry at my ex right because how i have been acting. I guess i dont balme them, but i dont like when they say mean things either. Im sure you know how that is? By the way HotCaligirl, how old are you. I live in california, is that were you are from. Well i live in cali and texas..long story

[Hot Coco]

I'll just bet you're both in your 20's aren't you? That's just the kind of SHYT I went through all through my 20's. Didn't meet the man I was supposed to spend my life with until I was in my early 30's. And you know what? It's TRUE what they say. You really DO know when the right one comes along. You're both pining away and wasting your precious time with people who aren't THE ONE!

 

You know how I know? Well, for one thing every time I'd read one of your stories the phrase "he's just not THAT into you came to mind." All of the actions of the other person tells me that. I'm speaking to both of you, Kodiak and Caligirl.

 

Think about it. Look at it like you're a little removed fromn the situation. REad over what you've written and said. They're telling you, by their actions that they're NOT into you! They're playing with your emotions because it makes THEM feel good to know they can have you whenever they want. Kodiak your g/f should have NEVER invited you to stay at her house. She doesn't want what YOU want. And Cali...same thing. But he'll keep you on a string and throw you a few crumbs (like that text message) when he thinks you're getting fed up. You're feeding their pathetic egos.

 

People who are TRULY in love and meant to be together don't play these games! I can't stress that enough. They don't hurt you. In fact just the opposite. They bend over backwards to make you feel special and wanted all the time. Are they doing this? NO.

 

Once again:

 

YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXES!!!!!

 

They're "exes" for a reason. If you were meant to be, you would have never gone your separate ways to begin with. I wish I could save you both the heartache that is to come. If you can stop this now, you'll save yourself MORE heartache and heal and be open for when the RIGHT person comes along.

 

So what about both of you? Do you live near each other (Kod and Cali) You both need a distraction from these exes. They're poison.

[HotCaliGirl]

Actually me and my ex are in our 30s and live in southern calif but i'm not about to post addresses ya know...trying to keep things private... anyways, I think it would be more mature to be able to maintain a friendship with an ex since we know each other so well, I'm trying to figure out how to do it without getting hurt.

 

Also I feel like I snubbed him by not responding to his text, I hate playing games and it was maybe immature not to respond, he's not the tiype to spend time with anyone he's not completely interested in, he would not hesitate to drop them real fast so I know he's "into" me - as friends at the least - for having me in his life, but on the other hand you're saying that he's throwing crumbs to feed his ego when he thinks my interest is going down. That's kind of a rough thought, I hope that's not the case...

 

Why would somebody do that? If I wasn't into someone, I wouldn't have any interest in throwing anything their way, would move on, so maybe you're just making a theory? Anyways, I'm feeling even worse today for some reason...on the one hand I feel bad for not responding to him last night and leaving him hanging, on the other I think it's best for me to keep a little distance so as not to make things more complicated. I'm not sure what to do.

 

Kodi you suggest I text him today saying that is sweet...I'm not sure if that's a good idea though...why does your thing say you're in Texas if you're saying you're in ca?

[westernxer]

I think it would be more mature to be able to maintain a friendship with an ex since we know each other so well, I'm trying to figure out how to do it without getting hurt.

 

I don't think you can, or should.

 

When the exes are friends, it usually means that one is still pining for the other.

[wahaha1]

I cannot agree more with Hot Coco. I was trying to become friend with him, and to become friend, first thing I told him that I didn't want to hear any update about him and the new gal. After that, everything seems fine, we started emailing each other, probably daily emails, several phone calls a week. Then things seemed to get better than before, and he started some flirty emails and stuffs like that..., hope rekindled on my side.

 

Not until one day, during our chat, he told me about 'something interesting happened', his gf was proposing to him, I was so shocked and devastated. I asked him if he would marry her, he said 'I think so'. I found that I could not bear this any more. A friend won't feel jealous and heartbroken for this!

 

I used to think that being friends after breakup maybe a better way to heal, as you still could have him and you are not losing everything. This turned out to be very wrong, coz you will get hurted even more.

 

Hot Coco is right, people that loves you won't hurt you. You will feel very secured and you have no doubt about their action (e.g. busy with works on weekend, etc.). I was on this board sometime ago and people warned me that my breakup was not completed. I was over-estimating myself that I can handle this breakup and friendship well...., It turned out that I got hurted again and again to learn this.

 

I really hope that you don't need to learn this thing in a hard way, it's better to learn from other's experience.

 

People who are TRULY in love and meant to be together don't play these games! I can't stress that enough. They don't hurt you. In fact just the opposite. They bend over backwards to make you feel special and wanted all the time. Are they doing this? NO.

 

Once again:

 

YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXES!!!!!

 

They're "exes" for a reason. If you were meant to be, you would have never gone your separate ways to begin with.

....

They're poison.

[kodiak]

HotCaliGirl-

 

I live in texas, i just used to pend alot of time in Cali. Anyways im sorry you are feeling down today, so am I. It just sucks doesnt it. When i feel down about why my ex just stopped talking to me, etc.. i try to remind myself that I think she led me on. For two months things were wonderfull then nothing, no text, no phone calls..zip. It hurts so bad and i miss these thimgs but it makes me mad too. I know it hard because i for one am thinking off her 24/7. I get sad when i think of all the sweet things she did and said in the last two months but then i try to look at what she has done now. Dont fret about not responding to your ex with a text last night. I really think that you need to talk to him and ask him what his intentions are. I wish i could have done that with my ex and the whole situation. If i knew she wanted nothiing on a romantic level, then i would have never gotten so involved, you know? You need to do this and just be prepared for whatever the outcome is. It could be what you wanna hear or the opposite. I wish i knew why my ex just fell of the face of the face of the earth. Why i spent a week with her then she just ignores me. Fine so she doesnt want me that way in her life but if she cared about me at all, she would not ignore me like she has. Im sure that her reasons for me coming out there were not honest. In fact im 99% sure of this. Im sure she was either lonely or just broke up with a ex or something like that. However i told my mom last night that i have to hold onto that other 1%. Not that i hope we will one day be together but because it makes me feel so bad that she used me for her own self-gratification. So if her reason for me coming out there was pure, then it makes me feel ok, you know what i mean.

 

So from what i wrote to you last night and about the question you asked me, do you think i should tell her how i feel, the truth. This goes to anyone who has been reading this post. Do i have anything to loose. Im sure that it wont matter but should i do it. I just wanna know why she all the sudden hates me. It hurts to think that somebody you did so much for and just spent time with could careless if she talks to you again. I think my ex has some issues of her own and maybe that is clouding her thought process, i dont know. What do you all think???

[Hot Coco]

You both don't want to REALLY listen. Don't you two have any pride? You're willing to hold on to 1%???????????? Don't you want 100%. Kodiak, if you call her, mark my words, she will push you even FURTHER away! Have some pride and dignity. Don't make yourself feel worse by contacting you.

 

Cali, on one of my posts you said I was right on. You came back from him feeling like shyt. This other post you knocked down everything I said. Fine. I won't comment anymore on your situation. Guess you'll just have to find out the hard way and that what I'm saying isn't just "theory" as you put it. You'll see. Too bad you will have to be used and hurt some more before you realize what he is doing.

 

Good luck to you both. Hope the blinders come off sooner rather than later for both your sake's.

[HotCaliGirl]

Not to be rude Kodiak, but you're like hijacking my thread, posting and asking about your issue which is DIFFERENT (though a few things a little similar) to mine. I rarely start a thread, and you're mixing up my issue with yours...I think you have started your own thread already about your issue...

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

Dont get me wrong i know that she is not the one i am suppose to be with. I know this but if you read my post in second chances from start to finish u acn understand why I am hurting. It was a ****ty deal. I dont want her 1%. What i meant by that was i am sure that her reasons for popping back into my life were for her own satisfaction. I am 99% sure of this. Why did she do this, after be apart for almost a year and half? What i was saying is that i hope that just maybe her reasons for all she did was was pure. If i dont have that 1% percent faith, it makes me feel like a complete looser. I mean how would you feel if you thought that your ex or the person you loved was coming back in your life. Sending you gifts, cards, telling you sweet things, invitied you to see her then she walks away like you never existed. I am not holding onto any hope that she loves me. I know she doesnt. I was hoping that just maybe her reasons were pure. I hope you understand what i mean by this now. Why would i worry about pushing her away in farther, she doesnt me. She had the chance to show it....

[kodiak]

HotCaligirl-

 

I didnt mean to hijack your thread. the only reason i came here was too help you out. I just see you going down the same path and since i can relate, i wanted to help you. Yu have helped me with my problems and i wanna help you. Sometimes threads bring up other issues, it just happens. i was just answering the questions you asked me last night about my ex. People started to give me some advice too. DONT WORRY, i promise this is still your thread and im here to help you..

[Hot Coco]

HotCoco-

Dont get me wrong i know that she is not the one i am suppose to be with. I know this but if you read my post in second chances from start to finish u acn understand why I am hurting. It was a ****ty deal. I dont want her 1%. What i meant by that was i am sure that her reasons for popping back into my life were for her own satisfaction. I am 99% sure of this. Why did she do this, after be apart for almost a year and half? What i was saying is that i hope that just maybe her reasons for all she did was was pure. If i dont have that 1% percent faith, it makes me feel like a complete looser. I mean how would you feel if you thought that your ex or the person you loved was coming back in your life. Sending you gifts, cards, telling you sweet things, invitied you to see her then she walks away like you never existed. I am not holding onto any hope that she loves me. I know she doesnt. I was hoping that just maybe her reasons were pure. I hope you understand what i mean by this now. Why would i worry about pushing her away in farther, she doesnt me. She had the chance to show it....

 

Sounds to me like you're almost where you need to be as far as acceptance...except for one teeny area...this idea about wanting to know if her intentions were "pure." What the hell difference does it make now? It doesn't matter anymore. You say so you won't feel like a complete loser. Well you're not. No matter if her actions were pure or not. That reflects on HER. Not you. You're big mistake was giving your heart purely and honestly to another person who obviously didn't cherish it. So you learned something. Be more careful who you give your heart to next time. But remember, YOU'RE not the loser. She is...in more ways than one.

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

Thank you for your reply. The truth is that if she used me for her self satisfaction then i do feel like a looser. I mean i feel hurt. Put yourself in my shoes. You are right that i should not have put my heart in soul in her so much, but i had no idea that it would turn out like this. That she was goinf to do all this, have me come see her, then just walk awy like im a piece of crap. I guess my hardest thing that im going through is I dont understand how or why she did this. I mean I hate her for coming back into my life after all this time away. Exes are not suppose to do this. I would never do this to an ex unless i still had feelings for them. The whole situation sucks very much is all i can really say. I just need to get myself mad about the whole thing. You seem that you have alot if good advice HotCoco so maybe you can help me with this question. How do you stop when you find yourself dwelling on all the sweet little things that an ex did. I mean im such a siisy and i am showing no pride right now. I should be so pissed at her for leading me on and playing her games but i cant get mad. I just sit and stew about the nice things. "oh, that was a sweet text" or "that was so sweet when she told me that I was the greatest Bf she ever had" It was all Bs I guess, but how can i make myself realize that this girl had her chance if she wanted it and she blew it. Its her loss. She is the one that had issues,not me

[Hot Coco]

HotCoco-

 

Thank you for your reply. The truth is that if she used me for her self satisfaction then i do feel like a looser. I mean i feel hurt. Put yourself in my shoes. You are right that i should not have put my heart in soul in her so much, but i had no idea that it would turn out like this. That she was goinf to do all this, have me come see her, then just walk awy like im a piece of crap. I guess my hardest thing that im going through is I dont understand how or why she did this. I mean I hate her for coming back into my life after all this time away. Exes are not suppose to do this. I would never do this to an ex unless i still had feelings for them. The whole situation sucks very much is all i can really say. I just need to get myself mad about the whole thing. You seem that you have alot if good advice HotCoco so maybe you can help me with this question. How do you stop when you find yourself dwelling on all the sweet little things that an ex did. I mean im such a siisy and i am showing no pride right now. I should be so pissed at her for leading me on and playing her games but i cant get mad. I just sit and stew about the nice things. "oh, that was a sweet text" or "that was so sweet when she told me that I was the greatest Bf she ever had" It was all Bs I guess, but how can i make myself realize that this girl had her chance if she wanted it and she blew it. Its her loss. She is the one that had issues,not me

You're welcome, Kodiak! Glad you could get something out of my advice. It's all from personal experience and a lot of heartache. You ask how you can stop yourself from dwelling on the good stuff. That's a really good question because that's what's going to stop you from moving forward. What has worked for me in the past is this. Once you start doing that, quickly switch over to thinking about the rotten stuff she's done to you. Like how she's treating you now. And i'm sorry, I didn't read your other thread, I will though but think about any of that stuff you may have mentioned on there. Think about what you've said here. You said "it's her loss...she is the one that had issues, not me." Just quickly shut the other thoughts out and think of the reality. If she was really so sweet she wouldn't have used you the way she did. And she DID use you. I think that was awful to invite you to stay with her when the whole time she knew she didn't have the same feelings as you did.

 

You sound just like Cali...she said something about exes shouldn't do this, she wouldn't, etc. etc. Well, hello? that's why they're EXES! They weren't RIGHT for you and I think you know that.

 

And you're right you couldn't have known she would be like that. Next time, hold back a little of yourself until you're sure...until they've proven themselves to you. Also, look at how they were in any previous relationships. That can be a clue. I bet there were clues to her character that you initially missed. Think about that. Can you think now, in hindsight about some clues you may have missed? Things you can watch for next time around?

 

I think so many of us have done the same thing. Given our heart and soul to a person who doesn't deserve it. You're not alone. It only makes you appreciate the right one even more when they come along. Remember that. Because it's really true.

 

It sounds like, from the little I read here that she's just very immature and doesn't know what she wants yet. I was like that too. I broke a few hearts. I didn't mean to. But I didn't really know what I wanted in a man until I was more mature.

 

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? What about her? Was this your first relationship? Maybe I should read your other thread. Where was the other thread again? If you can direct me to it, I'll go ahead and read it.

 

So remember, turn off the thoughts that make you miserable and think of the truth! She's NOT nice to you when it counts. Actions speak louder than words. And use LS if you get to feeling really down. This is a good outlet for that.

[Bogun]

Cali everyone is telling you to stop trying to be friends with your ex, and you continue to feel crap about seeing this guy as a friend, but you still put up with it. You came here for answers, and the answer is staring you in the face, in fact its hitting you over the head, but you still won't listen to what we are telling you and what your own mind is telling you.

 

When I suggested that you were feeding his ego, it doesnt mean that he's consciously trying to manipulate you. From a guys perspective, its flattering to have a good looking woman come running when you call them, but he probably sees nothing wrong in what he's doing, so has no reason to stop. I know it sucks to lose a good friend when you break up with someone, and it is very tempting to try and be just friends with them, but I really don't think people can do that. I have one ex in particular that I would have loved to have kept in touch with her and stay friends, even to this day I wish we could be friends, but I know that its better for both of us to avoid going down that path.

 

Take a step back, and look objectively at your situation;

You haven't gotten over this guy since breaking up with him.

You feel like you're cheating on him if you go out with another guy.

You suspect he was cheating on you while you were together.

You feel like crap every time you see him or hear from him.

You chose what sounded like a pretty crappy time with him over a function with your family, and as a consequence upset your family.

 

Why continue to torture yourself?

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

Thank you so much for that last thread, i read it several times because it really made sense to me. For a complete stranger to take the time and write a response to me like that means a great deal. So thank you again!!!! To answe some of your questions. I am 25, she is 24. This was not either of ours first relationship either. However i think this was the first one that i really fell inlove. I know that we are both young and from dont know exactly want we want out there. I just look at how I was in the relationship and think that i was a good BF. She told me this over and over but because of the LDR i got insecure. Thats another story. I dont wanna talk to much because I know this is HotCaliGirls thread!!! Out of respect to her, you know?. Anyways im sure she has the issues and does not know what she wants. Maybe she thought that she wanted something with me and then relaized that she does not or wasnt ready. Who Knows but i promise you I am going to do my best and not guess anymore!!!! I will probably never know.

 

Another hard thing that im going through was the way I acted the last day. I have not really talked much about this because i was linded by her actions. You see like i said before the last day i was really down. I relaized how amazing this girl was and how much deep down i was still inlove with her. It was the first time the whole trip that I felt that way. I was planning on leaving on Sat. and i told her that i think i was going to stay in a hotel room. She asked me why, then I told her thats it just awkward being here right now. Then it got worse, I packed up my stuff and asked her if we could find a hotel to stay in. Where she lived in Texas there were not any close by. Anyways after that is when things got weird. She started to get pissed then i got upset. I told her maybe its best if get on a plane to go home tonight, so i called the airlines then the **** hit the fan. I told her why i wanted to go and how I was feeling. Thats when she started crying and i got a little teared up myself. We talked about things and we held each other as she cried. After it was all said and done we finally got our emotions in line. I told her that I wasnt going to leave and she was happy about that. We ended up having a good night together and things seem to be fine. I guess I was wrong because thats part of the reason she is not talking to me anymore because of what happened that night..

[kodiak]

I hit submit by accident-

 

Anyways the only reason i wanted to leave was because it was akward and I knew that my emotions would come out if i didnt get out of there, you know? She tried so hard to make the trip the best for me and I didnt show her that I appreciated enough, i guess. Only because I was hurtin inside. I didnt want us to have that talk that we did thats why if i left i could have avoided it. I guess my problem is this. I feel bad because I know that she was hurt by my actions that night. Im the kinda person that will feel bad about that if i dont tell her im sorry. I did act like a jackass HotCoco and i feel horrible right now. I wanna just tell her that im sorry and my reasons for why i did what i did and why i acted that way. Its only been a week so im sure there is still some tensions on her side and i dont blame her. i would like to send her a letter and apoligize or it will bug me forever. Mostly i would like to talk to her and tell her but i doubt she will call. Doo you think that i should give it some time and let things blow over. Thats the only conatct I want is to tell her those things..What do you thing my mentor? let me know

[kodiak]

HotCoco-

 

The other thread is in second chances under "Not a second chance, just need some advide from all of you here at the shack" I dont know how to do all that other fancy stuff. If you could take the time and read it i would appreciate it very much. It is from the beginning when she first contacted me. Thanks again....kodiak

[alphamale]

Is it possible to just be friends after the hell I went through?

No, it is not

[Hot Coco]

Ok, I found some thread where you were posting a couple of days ago...OmegaRed and other people were advising you. There's not a THING I can add to what I've said and what they've all said. Many said the same thing I did. She used you...perhaps not intentionally but she did. I used to do the same thing as I mentioned. If I broke up with someone or they left me, I'd sometimes seek out the sweet ex b/f. But I never wanted him back...just for comfort. That's EXACTLY what I think she's doing. Hurting you but not intentionally.

 

I had a feeling she was really young and sure enough you did mention that she was. She's too immature for you. She doesn't yet know what she wants. You sound much more mature than she is. I don't agree with you that she's the love of your life. You haven't met her yet. We ALL feel like that in our lives with the wrong one and later kick ourselves and say "Man, what were you thinking!" But at the time no one could convince you otherwise.

 

It's good you're taking control and not calling and texting and emailing. That's a great step in the right direction. Believe it or not, this gets better. This kind of pain is bad. But it really does go away eventually.

 

She was hurting over her break up so it made you look really good to her again...That's the truth. That's the only reason she was being so nice. But then when you were back she rejected you just like she did before. Don't be her yoyo...get a backbone and concentrate on other things. Do you date? Go out and have fun. Don't compare every girl to her. You'll meet the right one eventually.

[Hot Coco]

Oops! missed a couple of your posts on here from before this last one of yours...I'll go read them now.

[Hot Coco]

Ok, first of all, Kodiak if I'm anyone's mentor they're REALLY in trouble! But that was really sweet of you. Secondly, I thought you'd be in your 20's...I thought Cali was too but she's in her 30's acting like she's in her 20's still. And I don't mean that as a put down Cali. It's just you should know better by now. All this crap that you're both going through is crap that most of us grow out of.

 

Ok, first of all. I didn't understand AT ALL what you did that made you a jackass. Didn't really get that whole hotel/airport thing. It wasn't clear to me. BUT, having said all that, if I had to guess I'd guess that you didn't commit any crime. That you really didn't do anything wrong. You're just rehashing every single damn minute of the time you had together to see if there was some little think you did wrong that would cause her to act this way.

 

You still REALLY haven't accepted that this is HER issue and not yours. This is so frustrating! I wish I could make you see.

 

Ok, tell us what the thing you did was that made you a jackass. I'm a very forthright person. If I think you were a jackass I'll really tell you. If not, I'll tell you that too.

 

Also, you never answered my questions about any little red flags you saw with her when you first began dating. How was she with her previous relationship. What happened with this last one (did it last 4 months?) You're leaving out some crucial information that you really need to hold up to the light. So let's do that shall we?