So Confused

[pinksparkle]

My boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago. He broke up with me and I was devastated, I just did not show him. Everytime we would talk, I would bring us up in the hopes that he would realize that we belonged together, but with no such luck. I finally stopped talking to him, no phone calls, emails, or IM's. Every couple days he would IM me with a question which would lead to a full blown conversation. This happened for two weeks.

 

Finally I asked him if I could come down for Halloween. He said yes, and after that we talked everyday. Our conversations would lead to topics we should not have been talking about since we were just friends, but we would still talk about them. I went down and had a good time, although we did end up sleeping together, and the next day he avoided me because he felt that we should only be friends. However he didnt tell me this, he just avoided me. I went home knowing something was wrong.

 

We talked the whole rest of the week online. Then that weekend, we didnt talk at all. I worried about it, and finally left him an IM, that basically said I just wanted to know how he was doing and I would talk to him later. I woke up the next morning to a message from him. The rest of the week we talked, and I finally had my answer to the previous weekend. He thought I was mad at him, and thought I didnt want to talk to him. He told me he was coming home this weekend, Friday, and asked if he could stay with me. I said yes, knowing that nothing could happen.

 

He calleded me when left and we talked for two hours while he drove up. The first time we talked on the phone for a while since the break up. We talked about everything. He had to get off the phone several times and the last time he called me back, the first thing he said was "Did you miss me?" I didnt asnwer just asked the question back and he said yes. He arrived later that night and we hung out, and yes slept together despite our agreement not to. We talked, watched tv, cuddled, and did the things that we did when we were dating. It was wonderful. Before we went to bed, he told me that he asked some girl for her number. After he told me, has asked " Does that make you jealous?" I said no, but deep down I am.

 

Why would he ask that question? Is he trying to make me jealous? Does he want to know if I still have feelings for him? I have no idea how to take our night together. I miss him and love him. I have no idea what to do. Help!

[downcydeguy]

He asked because he wants to know whether or not he has to lie to you about his other g/fs. He knows you're a "guarantee", and doesn't want to lose that. However, he will continue playing the field while you sit at home waiting.

 

You need to put a stop to it ASAP. Tell him it's all or nothing with you. If he chooses nothing, do strict NC.

[Kengne]

He's hedging his bets.

 

Since technically you are still 'friends' you couldn't really answer 'Yes' when he asked you if you were jealous, now could you? This is one of the perks of being Friends With Benefits... which you have unintentionally slipped into.

 

I don't think this is what you wanted.

 

Now your only option is give him The Talk: he can have ALL of you, or NONE of you. This half&half FWB business is only working for HIM - your needs/desires are not being fulfilled.

 

Like the previous poster said, if he chooses NONE because he cannot handle ALL - then you need to go straight into NC. He needs to realize what he is missing, but MORE importantly - you need to heal and move on!

 

K.

[Treasa]

I've told you before not to sleep with him, but you keep doing it.

 

He knows he can have you anytime he wants without having to commit to you, which means he can have other girls, too.

[pinksparkle]

I know I have to give him The Talk. I plan on doing that sometime tonight. He is spending the day with his family and I do not want to interrupt that. However, I know that he is most likely going to say nothing. I feel this way because we are both busy and tired at the end of the night. We broke up partly because he did not know how to balance school, work, friends, and sleep. So I was the easiest thing to get rid of. Would it be ok to get back together but we keep things the same way they are now? We talk online, on the phone if there is time, see each other when it is possible, and do not see other people. Is this odd, or could it work till things change?

[pinksparkle]

I gave him The Talk. Well, it was kinda The Talk. I did not give him an ultimatum, I just asked questions about us and what he thought. I asked if he was over us, and he said yes. Before when we had talked about this, he always said he needed time. But I think time is not what he needs. I think he wants to experience other things, see the world and feels that a girlfriend would hinder that. I can see where he is coming from, I mean I want to do a whole bunch of things too and having him would make me re-think what I was doing.

 

I honestly believe that we are supposed to be together, but maybe this isnt the right time for us. Maybe we are supposed to meet each other, fall in love, break up, go through life, and then come back together only to make the relationship work. I know it sounds silly, and I am not saying it on some deserpate hope that he comes back to me.

 

So, I have decided to be his friend. Just his friend. I hope that by being there, he can realize other things and know that I am always going to be there for him. But I am not going to just wait around, I am going to go and meet people, get my 4.0, start knitting again, and do things that make me happy. Find myself so that I can make myself happy and in turn hope that one day I can make Joseph happy.

[pinksparkle]

So, I'm on day 2 of no contact. It is killing me so much. I know it is the best thing to do and so I am going to keep at it. I just wish there was an easier way to do this.

[Kengne]

 

I honestly believe that we are supposed to be together, but maybe this isnt the right time for us. Maybe we are supposed to meet each other, fall in love, break up, go through life, and then come back together only to make the relationship work. I know it sounds silly, and I am not saying it on some deserpate hope that he comes back to me.

 

So, I have decided to be his friend. Just his friend. I hope that by being there, he can realize other things and know that I am always going to be there for him. But I am not going to just wait around, I am going to go and meet people, get my 4.0, start knitting again, and do things that make me happy. Find myself so that I can make myself happy and in turn hope that one day I can make Joseph happy.

 

WoW. I cannot believe you said this. Do you honestly believe you can be JUST friends? Because if I recall... the last time you guys hung out you ended up falling back in to bed together!

 

Welcome to the world of FWB - which you just entered, albeit unintentionally. Denial is NOT just a river in Egypt. I believe you staying in C with your ex - is only going to lead to more and more FWB encounters. He has stated clearly he does not want a rel'ship with you. By you continuing to 'be there for him' and possibly falling back into bed with him, you are essentially saying to him "I AM HERE! You can have my any time you want me. I am available for you 24/7. I am not going anywhere."

 

NC is valuable - and valuable for a reason.

 

It allows you to get over him - even if you dont want to.

And it allows him to get over you - even if you dont want him to.

BUT it could also allow him to realize he misses you - and wants you back.

 

SO ALL AROUND - NC is a win/win situation, handsdown.

 

By you staying in C with him NOW - you are setting yourself up for MORE heartbreak. WHY?

 

K.