Why do we hurt the ones we love?

[sparkle]

(sorry it's long, I'm just rambling...)

 

I was talking with a friend about it last night, and they were kind enough to send me lyrics to a song about this.

 

And I've been thinking about this ever since.

 

Why do people hurt the ones they love? How can they sometimes say such cruel things to their loved ones--partner or best friend or parent or sibling? They treat strangers so much nicer. They're much more polite with people they don't know than they are to the people that they need?

 

And everyone is guilty of doing this at one point or another. We all have done this. I just can't figure out why.

 

Are we totally blind to the pain that our words may cause? I don't think so, so then why do we do it? Or do we do we feel better when we have hurt the other person? Maybe doing so shows us that...hey they do care. If they didn't, our words wouldn't phase them one bit.

 

For example, I have been through times where I thought I was just an inconvenience to someone I cared about. Or when I was causing problems at home, and would argue with my parents. Or just now, arguing with my boyfriend, I'm feeling that I'm not "good enough" for him and I don't make him happy.

 

At times like these, I've said mean and hurtful things that I didn't mean at all, do I do it as a way of testing how much my parent/best friend/boyfriend loved me or not? Maybe I wanted to see just how far I could push them away and if they would leave me?

 

Maybe I was trying to give them plenty of reasons to leave me? I wanted to give them full permission to leave me but not feel guilty about it or blame themselves about it. Rather, they could just blame me for being so hateful by saying such mean things.

 

Do we do these things on purpose? I'm not a hateful person. I'm not a mean person. I can't imagine ever trying to hurt someone. And I wonder if other people would intentionally try to hurt the one they love?

 

Are there people out there that actually TRY to make someone feel miserable, and they feel good about doing so?

 

I've seen all kinds of problems posted here. And most of the time when two people aren't happy with each other, one screwed up or one cheated, or whatever...they have every reason to break up. Usually someone did something that is terrible or disrespectful that there is no choice but to end the relationship/friendship. Or maybe they attempted to try to fix the problem, but to no avail.

 

But maybe sometimes it was just NOTHING. Everything could be going great, and then one day, all of a sudden, something happens. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding, just plain ol' miscommunication. Maybe it was something that you didn't mean. And then just like that, everything is gone...for good. And all that love we had for that person just disappears. Where does that love go?

 

(I probably didn't make any sense, but I feel 200% better now that I got all that off my chest).

[burnt heart]

that reminds me of a song too, it has a phrase in it that goes: i went from someone you loved, to someone you use to know.

 

something like that, anyway it is a country song. i know exactly how you feel tho, if you read any of my posts, you will find out that i have been going through some of what you wrote about.

 

all though i can't answer your question, i don't think there was a question really, but alot of what you said hit home.

 

i guess it is just different for all of us and at different times maybe we have different motives.

 

at times i have literally sabotaged relationships, the later regretted it.

 

i had a boyfriend once who use to ooooh and aaaaah the women on t.v. and ask me straight out "why don't you dress like that"? so one night i went out with my daughter and he was so mad at me cause i did, and i came to his house after and i had on a nice top, a little low, nothing revealing tho, and he said i "looked like a slut" so i could not win anyway!

 

anyway, i hope you find some resolution in your ponderings....if you do, keep me informed cause i would like some answers too, to some of your ponderings.

[Patty]

hope things get better for you!

 

I know how you feel about when you say things could be great then all of the sudden something happens,same thing happend to me with my friend,I often wondered many times if it was a misunderstanding or poor communcation .He hardly dont write to me.It does make me sad.But I have moved on.Its very hard when a person dissapears I know how you feel .been there .I have my days.I cry,get kind of down alot about it.But theres always more people it takes time.Life is hard to understand sometimes.you'll find someone,theres someone for everybody:) good luck