I am really scared

[Nobel]

Hello, I'm 26 years old and have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years.

In the past year, not her "me" started to really think about getting married.

The thought of spending the rest of my life with her makes me feel really good.

We would go to he store and I would see furntiure or appliance that would look great in our place. That is something I would say to my girl.

I would go home every day thinking what I would have to do to get our life off the ground i.e; new job, apartment, wedding arrangements etc...

All of a sudden, I guess a month ago, I have gotten pannicked to a degree I cannot describe. I have had thoughts of breaking up with her, there were days when I felt like I hated her, and the next day I would feel fine.

When I'm not with her I get these bad feelings/thoughts, but when I see her I get all light headed and I feel invincible.

But as soon as I am not with her, bad feelings/thoughts slowly creep back again until I see her again.

What is wrong with me.

[slubberdegullion]

The technical term for it is the "heebie jeebies."

 

It's commonly associated with males before marriage, or pretty much anyone who is sitting in the dentist's chair awaiting a root canal.

 

There are only three known cures:

1. Start drinking heavily;
2. Run away in the other direction, whimpering; and,
3. Suck it up and get on with it.

This is perfectly normal, and actually a positive and rational state of mind. It's a big decision, no question, so to be thinking that it should all be sweetness and light is not only delusional, it's destructive. It means that you are really thinking hard about your future and that of your wife-to-be.

[Thinkalot]

yep , some fear and nerves, to a degree, before you marry is normal and healthy. It's a huge step...if your eyes are open of course you'll feel some anxiety and nerves etc.

 

I think the fact you feel great when you are with her is a big sign that you truly love her and are marching forward to do the right thing.

Have you discussed your anxiety with her?? You should be able to be honest and open i think...she might also feel nervous..who knows.

is there anything else you can think of which is truly an issue? otherwise, it does sound like plain old nerves.

[Nobel]

There isn't anything I don't tell her, I feel bad not telling her how I feel, because this involves both of us.

Like right now I feel a bit nervous, but when I see her tomorrow, that fear just evaporates and when I leave her place I feel great.

You see my fear causes me to think negative thoughts, but deep down I feel I will take the plunge, but I get scared I may be this anxiety again, and that is the only reason why I haven't asked her yet, I want to do this under no duress.

The thought of us not being hurts, really does.

[slubberdegullion]

The more I read, the more it sounds like you manifesting the fear of being afraid. "My fear causes me to think negative thoughts, but deep down I feel I will take the plunge, but I get scared I may be this anxiety again."

 

Confuddled grammar aside, it seems like you're not afraid of getting married or being with her at all; you're in fear of your own anxiety. Again, that's not necessarily an irrational state, because we all wonder what our reaction will be to powerful emotions.

 

But if that's the case, then at least you have a focus to your discomfort, rather than a generalized "I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing" feeling.

 

So... congratulations! Really! This is good news!!

[bab]

I agree, there isn't anything wrong with being scared. I'm also 26 and been dating my fiance for 5 years. (You aren't him, right? ) I'm scared out of my mind. But I'm scared of the whole marriage thing since there is sooo much craziness out there. It causes me to take it all very seriously.

 

Do all the pre-marital counceling and discussions, and it will help solidify that you are making the right decision. The biggest thing is....tell her your scared. No matter how silly you feel. If she's like most people, she's scared too.

 

Good luck and Congrats!!

[Nobel]

She seems so cool about it, anyway there are days when I want to run away, and then there are days when I want to go out and get the ring right away.

I think way too much, I wonder what the future will hold, and since I don't know the future I get freaked out.

[weescotslassie]

You sound like you're depressed. What you're feeling is way more than cold feet. Have you spoken to your gf about this? Maybe she can help. You did seem to start all this, so it's really up to you to sort it. Whatever you do, you should not get married if you have any doubts. Feelings, whether good or bad, are normal. It's natural to get pre-wedding jitters, but if your feelings for this girl has changed, then you need to re-think your plans. Good luck.