Relationship Problem

[Andrea]

In April, I had just broken out of a year and a half relationship and met someone I work with. I didn't want a relationship and he had just gotten out of an off and on again 4 year one. He said he was over her and ready to move on. I was on guard and not just settling for anyone and he seemed head over heels for me. I was very busy but he would make every effort to email me throughout the day with the sweetest comments(not seeming like they were lines at all) and wanted so much of my time. As I gave more of my time and self to the relationship, he seemed to back off.

 

Here is a guy who said I was his priority and his feelings of falling in love with me haven't changed, but , he doesn' know why he is feeling confused about what he wants now. He isn't seeing anyone else but, isn't sure why he is having doubts.

 

We have been taking it day by day. After our breakup, we had still been hanging out-like nothing happened. Eventually I broke down and called him upset because of my confusion between what we were. He felt bad and thought we would be better not seeing each other. I broke down and left too many messages since he didn't answer, telling him how hurt I was and value us at least seeing each other casually as friends than nothing at all.

 

Eventually we started hanging out again. Sometimes he isn't affectionate and acts like a friend and other times he wants to be intimate and affectionate. He told me it's because he still has feelings. When I didn't call him or anything, he seemed to initiate calling more. Now he is distant again and even made a comment one night when I asked for a cigarette that he can't tell me what to do because I'm not his girlfriend. I felt insulted. I have asthma and he would always yell at me for asking-not that I smoke-just to see what he would say. After we broke up he was still complementing me on my looks and calling me before we left work to say goodbye. He doesn't even do that now.

 

I am really hurting and trying to give him space but, I wonder if there is hope. It seems like he misses me then backs off...I don't know how to handle this. I try not to have discussions too much but, just go with it.

 

He has been asking me to lunch everyday and today he didn't even do that. What do I do? I want to work this out.

[Andrea]

In April, I had just broken out of a year and a half relationship and met someone I work with. I didn't want a relationship and he had just gotten out of an off and on again 4 year one. He said he was over her and ready to move on. I was on guard and not just settling for anyone and he seemed head over heels for me. I was very busy but he would make every effort to email me throughout the day with the sweetest comments(not seeming like they were lines at all) and wanted so much of my time. As I gave more of my time and self to the relationship, he seemed to back off. Here is a guy who said I was his priority and his feelings of falling in love with me haven't changed, but , he doesn' know why he is feeling confused about what he wants now. He isn't seeing anyone else but, isn't sure why he is having doubts.

 

We have been taking it day by day. After our breakup, we had still been hanging out-like nothing happened. Eventually I broke down and called him upset because of my confusion between what we were. He felt bad and thought we would be better not seeing each other. I broke down and left too many messages since he didn't answer, telling him how hurt I was and value us at least seeing each other casually as friends than nothing at all. Eventually we started hanging out again. Sometimes he isn't affectionate and acts like a friend and other times he wants to be intimate and affectionate. He told me it's because he still has feelings. When I didn't call him or anything, he seemed to initiate calling more. Now he is distant again and even made a comment one night when I asked for a cigarette that he can't tell me what to do because I'm not his girlfriend. I felt insulted. I have asthma and he would always yell at me for asking-not that I smoke-just to see what he would say. After we broke up he was still complementing me on my looks and calling me before we left work to say goodbye. He doesn't even do that now. I am really hurting and trying to give him space but, I wonder if there is hope. It seems like he misses me then backs off...I don't know how to handle this. I try not to have discussions too much but, just go with it. He has been asking me to lunch everyday and today he didn't even do that. What do I do? I want to work this out.