On a break or break up?

[AltplanB]

My girlfriend of almost a year (i know its not that long), recently broke up with me over an ugly 3 weeks. She told me she loved everything about me and that i was wonderful in everyway, but that she just doesn't feel the same and that she views me more as a friend instead of a lover. It hurts me even more as i just learned that one of the guys on the crew team (i am an ex rower) slept over in her room after a party. I was always there for her and i think that my ability to help her through her problems such as her fathers demise and bulimia, made her view me as someone she can look to for help, not love. We were in love and we both admitted it, but after constant pain and suffereing, i convinced her to just be on a break with me and to let both of us try again once we had gotten over each other. The problem is that she lives with girls that date all my friends, and that when their is a huge party with everyone i know, she doesn't want me to be thier because it would be too hard for me.

I pin all my hopes on the fact that she will come to her senses after she gets used and dropped by the typical jock. Of course it kills me to think that she is sleeping with someone else and that she might just be looking for some flings. I don't know what to do. Ive convinced myself to move on and to try and rebound with someone and such, but i know that i will always want her to be my love. She is much more experianced in love and has gone through many more relationships, however i still want her back and i still care deeply for her. This has been really rough for me because within a period of two months, i lost my friends because i moved to a new school, i lost my sport because of an injury, and i lost my girl because she lost her feelings for me. The pain is unbareable and i look at other women and just compare them to her. I know i am attractive and find women looking at me all the time; my friends tell me i could score so many fine ass chicks. The problem is that i don't want someone who is attracted to my looks, but to my personality, and that is so much tougher. She was that way, she loved me for my personality before my muscles and face.

Basically what i am asking is whether i should hold out or give up on what i believe to be the person i could spend the rest of my life with, even if she sleeps with other people before we could get back together.

I'm also wondering if i should recluse into the drunken jock state that i have stayed away from for so many years: the guy who uses and drops women. God i felt so bad because of my break up that i slept with the first girl that would, and then got into a discussion about my ex (man im retarded).

So as i start my life over without friends or direction, i ask from the experianced crowd, whether holding out or giving up is the best option.

 

(im also just doing this cause im looking for outlets and people to talk to)

[Alwaysunsure]

Judging by what you posted, I would not try to hold out hope on this one. How old is your girlfriend? That is the question. Girls tend to go through this phase when they turn 21, or maybe in her situation when they have college freedom, where they feel the need to experiment. She may regret her decision soon enough, but for now, you need to let her go. If you try to repair things, you will just drive her away. I know it is difficult, because actually a year is a long time to be with someone. Try to hang out with people you know dont hang out with her crew. And she may come to her senses and try to get back together with you, but it is likely that as soon as another guy shows any interest in her, she will decide again that she does not want to be with you. Basically what she is doing right now, is trying to keep you around in case things dont work out for her. Be smart, move on, you dont need that crap.

[AltplanB]

Yea she is 21 and i am about to turn. She isn't keeping me around at all and agreed that we could talk over the phone during the week. She doesnt want to hurt me by me seeing her with another guy, and i understand. I just don't think she get those feelings for someone else and that she might see how special ours was.

[patwheel]

Just give her some space for now. Dont contact her, unless she calls you. Girls that age, and up until they are like 24-25, want to experience. Ex was like yours, said she was missing out after we were together for almost 3 yrs, and she is 24.

Go out and play, she is, why the hell should you be a waiting puppy?

[AltplanB]

I agree with you guys and i am gonna go out and meet other people and maybe play the jock for a while. She Im'ed me to say hi and i told her i sent her an email. Think we'll just keep talkin about stuff until she gets either jealous or misses our relationship. I miss her and especially her smile. I'm gonna see if meeting someone else and then accidently, through friends, she finds out. Read alot of posts and that seems to work.

 

My hope is that we both we'll meet other people but find understand that we had a truly great relationship.

 

Any suggestions on to how to perfect that?

man i should really be studying..

[AltplanB]

Man i have some pretty terrible moments when no one is around and i am left to my thoughts. All i think about is some drunk crew guy plowing her drunk body. It kills me to think that shes enjoying it and that this guy can forfill her like i did. I don't even know if she has or hasn't only that it hurts so much to think about it, and i can't stop thinking about it. I stayed up till 3 in am writing in a journal so that i could just get so tired that i would pass out asleep without thinking about her in my bed. Im not even a journal type of guy, i just couldn't find an outlet.

Had a terrible dream that i was watching some burly a**h*** have sex with her. Woke up and just couldn't move.

She keeps contact with me and tells me when she will be able to talk due to her hectec schedule (she balances school, a job, and tons of side projects). She told me that she still looks ahead to what it would be like to live with me again. She likes the idea but knows that for now, she wants to spend time apart. I respect that because i care for her so much.

Do you people think that i can love her the same after such drama? after she probably slept with someone else?