If a mother hits her kid is it abuse

[Hot Coco]

Where did you dig that tidbit up from... Fux (whoops, Fox!) news?

 

It wouldn't surprise me if some jackass from there came up with that garbage... right-wing p****s.

 

So I suppose we should expect rioting and civil disorder within the US states that have outlawed corporal punishment, right?

 

Ok, Smooch...whatever you think. There's no getting through so I'm not going to even try anymore. I'll agree to disagree with you too.

[SmoochieFace]

Use your head. I will say it again. It isn't right for 2 adults...ADULTS who are EQUALS to hit each other. But it IS alright to discipline your child. I'm sorry but you don't make sense with this argument. It's NOT the same thing? How can you NOT see that? My child knows NOT to hit people. My husband and I don't hit each other.

 

I'm sorry you don't see the difference. I really am but there IS a difference.

 

 

You have nothing to be sorry for. Good thing you aren't my mother cuz you'd be in for a rude awakening with your stance.

 

Hitting is still hitting... age isn't an issue.

 

Disagree all you want... I don't give a damn.

[Mz. Pixie]

I'd be a little more concerned about all the guys getting in your room than about the slap.

 

I've been physically abused myself before and I know it's not fun. Your boyfriend has no right to confront your mother though.

 

There is more to this story- what else is going on here?

[Hot Coco]

You have nothing to be sorry for. Good thing you aren't my mother cuz you'd be in for a rude awakening with your stance.

 

Hitting is still hitting... age isn't an issue.

 

Disagree all you want... I don't give a damn.

And you'd be in for an even RUDER awakening...now go get me that belt!

[Hot Coco]

You have nothing to be sorry for. Good thing you aren't my mother cuz you'd be in for a rude awakening with your stance.

 

Hitting is still hitting... age isn't an issue.

 

Disagree all you want... I don't give a damn.

 

And you're right AGE isn't the issue but the relationship IS!

[Moose]

Little Billy sees Daddy hitting Mommy because he didn't like the fact that Mommy decided everyone would have TV dinners and he thinks "hmmm... guess it's okay to do that."

K....First off....I don't like your attitude lil' one.....second.....if Dad hits Mom over something like this, that family is dysfunctional already......but, let's say for sake of arguement Daddy puts up with the TV dinners night after night after night......lil' Billy would grow up allowing his wife to run over him

......Little Billy gets hit by his Mommy over failing a maths quiz and he thinks "hmmm... guess it's okay to do that to my kids when they fail at something."

Or, Mommy could ignore her kid failing all together.....that'll work.....all of your examples don't offer an alternative.

 

I do hit my kids. When they deserve it. I've been turned into social services a couple of times for spanking my kids in stores......I've come out everytime with a hand shake and a smile from the judge saying keep up the good work.

 

If my 17 year old mouths off at me, or Mrs. Moose, you're damn right I'm smacking someone's ass to the ground!

 

If my 6 year old smarts off......spoon to the butt is a guarentee.

 

If my wife smarts off, or decides to dis-respect me in front of the kids......we go into the other room and talk it out. There may be a raised voice now and again, but no man should ever hit his spouse unless she hits first. Then, (if the man is a total coward), he has every right to strike back.

You have nothing to be sorry for. Good thing you aren't my mother cuz you'd be in for a rude awakening with your stance.

 

Hitting is still hitting... age isn't an issue.

 

Disagree all you want... I don't give a damn.

You, my dear, are a clear poster child as to what happens when you don't discipline your children. You have no respect for other's opinions.......sad really......

[SmoochieFace]

K....First off....I don't like your attitude lil' one.....second.....if Dad hits Mom over something like this, that family is dysfunctional already......but, let's say for sake of arguement Daddy puts up with the TV dinners night after night after night......lil' Billy would grow up allowing his wife to run over himOr, Mommy could ignore her kid failing all together.....that'll work.....all of your examples don't offer an alternative.

 

I do hit my kids. When they deserve it. I've been turned into social services a couple of times for spanking my kids in stores......I've come out everytime with a hand shake and a smile from the judge saying keep up the good work.

 

If my 17 year old mouths off at me, or Mrs. Moose, you're damn right I'm smacking someone's ass to the ground!

 

If my 6 year old smarts off......spoon to the butt is a guarentee.

 

If my wife smarts off, or decides to dis-respect me in front of the kids......we go into the other room and talk it out. There may be a raised voice now and again, but no man should ever hit his spouse unless she hits first. Then, (if the man is a total coward), he has every right to strike back.You, my dear, are a clear poster child as to what happens when you don't discipline your children. You have no respect for other's opinions.......sad really......

 

 

Oh, you don't like my attitude... boo effin' hoo. Get over it.

 

If you were my dad... you and I would be fighting big-time and I would enjoy every second of it. I'd whup on your ass all night if I had to. I love throwing *beep* right back into other people's faces... ESPECIALLY when it is mightily deserved. You would've been fun to have as a dad... mine was such a wuss.

 

I am a *poster child* for standing up for myself and not allowing myself to be abused... again, boo effin' hoo. Don't like it? Tough *beep*.

 

I do not respect people who think they are *above* me in any way. f*** 'em. Their blood is as red as mine, jack. As I said to my dad when he hit me "Don't make me prove it."

[Hot Coco]

K....First off....I don't like your attitude lil' one.....second.....if Dad hits Mom over something like this, that family is dysfunctional already......but, let's say for sake of arguement Daddy puts up with the TV dinners night after night after night......lil' Billy would grow up allowing his wife to run over himOr, Mommy could ignore her kid failing all together.....that'll work.....all of your examples don't offer an alternative.

 

I do hit my kids. When they deserve it. I've been turned into social services a couple of times for spanking my kids in stores......I've come out everytime with a hand shake and a smile from the judge saying keep up the good work.

 

If my 17 year old mouths off at me, or Mrs. Moose, you're damn right I'm smacking someone's ass to the ground!

 

If my 6 year old smarts off......spoon to the butt is a guarentee.

 

If my wife smarts off, or decides to dis-respect me in front of the kids......we go into the other room and talk it out. There may be a raised voice now and again, but no man should ever hit his spouse unless she hits first. Then, (if the man is a total coward), he has every right to strike back.You, my dear, are a clear poster child as to what happens when you don't discipline your children. You have no respect for other's opinions.......sad really......

 

WOW! I wish there was an icon to show clapping! I'm impressed. And of course there's no alternative offered. The alternative is to "talk to them"...yeah, reason with a child (or a teen-ager).

 

I use the spoon too...a wooden one. Funny thing is I don't even REMEMBER the last time I've had to use it. I just SHOW it to him and he immediately straightens out. And NO, this kid doesn't "cower" believe me.

 

I'm appalled at the SS (social services). Those NAZIS! That's disgusting! Good for the judge! You and Mrs. Moose are probably told time and time again (like we are) how respectful and sweet our boy is. As I've said, some kids are that way WITHOUT that kind of discipline. But we know our kid. He needs that occasionally.

 

Good for you and Mrs. Moose! You're doing your job (and it ain't an easy one either!).

[Hot Coco]

Oh, you don't like my attitude... boo effin' hoo. Get over it.

 

If you were my dad... you and I would be fighting big-time and I would enjoy every second of it. I'd whup on your ass all night if I had to. I love throwing *beep* right back into other people's faces... ESPECIALLY when it is mightily deserved. You would've been fun to have as a dad... mine was such a wuss.

 

I am a *poster child* for standing up for myself and not allowing myself to be abused... again, boo effin' hoo. Don't like it? Tough *beep*.

 

I do not respect people who think they are *above* me in any way. f*** 'em. Their blood is as red as mine, jack. As I said to my dad when he hit me "Don't make me prove it."

 

Uh...Smoochie...stop with the flashbacks...Moose wasn't saying he didn't like YOUR attitude...I think he meant Lil' Billy. But he can correct me if I'm wrong.

Also, Moose isn't your Dad so WHOA there, buddy.. Calm down. That was quite a display there!

[Moose]

Oh, you don't like my attitude... boo effin' hoo. Get over it

There's nothing to get over, because you are nothing.

If you were my dad... you and I would be fighting big-time and I would enjoy every second of it.

No we wouldn't be. You wouldn't have the ability to speak if you were mine and you carried on like this.

I'd whup on your ass all night if I had to.

Hard to do if you're not physically able.....

I love throwing *beep* right back into other people's faces... ESPECIALLY when it is mightily deserved.

I don't blame you, I blame your parents.

I do not respect people who think they are *above* me in any way. f*** 'em

Newsflash, there will always be someone above you. Get over it.

As I said to my dad when he hit me "Don't make me prove it."

That's what I'd write on your tombstone too......

[a4a]

There's nothing to get over, because you are nothing.No we wouldn't be. You wouldn't have the ability to speak if you were mine and you carried on like this.Hard to do if you're not physically able.....I don't blame you, I blame your parents.Newsflash, there will always be someone above you. Get over it.That's what I'd write on your tombstone too......

 

 

Moose thank you for making my night! We need a salute icon!

 

a4a - starting a wooden spoon of the month club for parents!

[Hot Coco]

Moose thank you for making my night! We need a salute icon!

 

a4a - starting a wooden spoon of the month club for parents!

 

Moose definately gets the Wooden Spoon of the Month award! You made my night too! Take a bow!

[lindya]

Apologies for interrupting the happy gathering ( ), but the original post does bother me, and I'd just like to go back to it.

 

hard slap across the face, she just got angry because my bf doesnt like her becayse she doesnt stop the guyz that try to come into my bedroom, and pick my lock when im sleeping, Hes sick of it. and doesnt like her for not stopping the drunk guyz that come over

 

If my reading's correct, then your mother's exposing you to unacceptable risks - and recently slapped you because she's angry that your boyfriend knows about some of the things that are going on at home (eg strange men trying to get into your room at night) Just to clarify, is your mother aware that these guys have been trying to get into your room? I must say, based on what you've said it sounds like she's being pretty abusive in a) exposing you to risks, and b) slapping you as a result of you discussing the situation with your boyfriend (if I'm right in assuming that was her reason for slapping you).

 

Violence often occurs when people feel that they're on the losing end of a power struggle.. Once rational communication and the ability (or desire) to consider the other person's position is lost, frustration builds up. Sometimes it boils over to the extent that people become verbally abusive. In the same way that parents will sometimes hit their children if they feel frightened or threatened: eg a small child about to run in front of a car....a bright 15 year old questioning parental beliefs and authority with all the debating skills of a seasoned litigator.

 

Obviously you're not a child, but you are still young enough to be fairly dependent on your mother. I wonder if you could have a chat with your school counsellor and let her know what's going on at home. See if she has any ideas as to what you can do to improve or get out of this undesirable situation.

[Becoming]

Hello? There's a 17-year-old girl here whose mother allows drunk guys to come over to her house and doesn't try to keep them from picking the lock on her bedroom and y'all want to argue about Parisian riots and whether it's ok to get physical with an out-of-control teen?

 

Confused, sweetheart, we need more details, please. I'm concerned about you. It's not ok to hit, but, honestly, sometimes it happens. Sometimes it may even have to. Even when it doesn't have to, we have to remember that parents are fallible people. And sometimes they resort to desperate measures in order to stop behavior that's sure to get their kids into trouble. Would I spank a kid who kept insisting on playing in the street in defiance of orders not to? If I had to, you bet--because I'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe or from ruining their lives. That's my job as a parent. Most times, though, hitting really isn't necessary and is a sign of a powerless person who's lost control and is striking out in frustration., at which point the child is an innocent bystander of someone else's internal drama.

 

BUT it doesn't sound to me like you feel too safe in your house even without the hitting. If a parent is not protecting her child from potential harm, that's perhaps even more problematic and you need to go to a trusted adult for help. If you really are afraid your mother's or your sister's behavior puts you at risk for being sexually abused, you need protection they aren't providing.

Go to a trusted adult who can help you think through your options--like living with a friend--a non-sexual friend, not a boyfriend!--until you're 18 and can leave home.

 

Start making a plan to get out when you can and get on with your life as a responsible adult even though you may not have seen good role models of responsible adult behavior. It's your life, and YOU'RE going to have to make the best of it.

 

Sorry this is happening to you. Keep us posted, ok?

[RainyDayWoman]

i don't have children, but i know if i did, i would never hit them. i don't think anyone has the right to handle anyone else's body in a way that harms or hurts them, regardless of age or sex, and especially with regard to children.

 

that being said, no one has the right to tell me how i should raise them if i had them, so i don't consider it my right to tell anyone how to raise their own. i might think you're wrong, but i won't make it an issue with you unless have real reason think it's a real problem.

 

however, if i saw something happening in front of me, and it looked....ya know, not right, i would report them immediately. it couldn't hurt to check it out, and then someone with more expertise than i could look into it.

 

for those of you who do hurt your children, where do you personally draw the line between punishment and abuse? if you thought you saw a problem with someone else's child, would you report it?

 

some people think it's okay to have sex (or enagage in some kind of sexual activity) with their children, which most people (i effing hope) think is inappropriate...some actually believe this is okay and teaches them life lessons, regardless of the results that may occur. some of them probably feel as strongly that this method works as punishment just as hitting. sadly, some people find incest acceptable. do you think it's okay for people to personally feel this way because it's their children and they can punish them how they see fit?

 

i'm not equating hitting and sex punishments, really, just comparing two things that do happen to children that some see as perfectly normal and others see as completely wrong and disgusting. both that some parents would justify to the end of time.

 

this isn't a judgment call, i would really like to know your thoughts on this. i won't even respond if it would make you more comfortable. just please don't go through the whole "how can you compare the two, they're totally different, blah blah blah." i am aware of that...i just compared them in ways that people can view as similar in the sense of what people think they have a right to do to their children......and what other people don't.

 

 

 

i guess i am just trying to figure out how people decide what's wrong and what's right...for themselves and others.

 

now it all seems very complicated and i don't know if i can explain it any better, but i hope you know what i am getting at.

[sylviaguardian]

At last! Three reasonable posts! The concern here should be the original poster's cry for help, nothing else.

 

Confused, it is not right for your mother to slap you across the face, but as one poster said, sadly it happens. It usually happens when people are at the end of their tether for some reason. I am guessing that if your mother is going out getting drunk and bringing guys back every night, that she is not in a happy place.

 

I would be more worried about the drunk guys trying to get into your room than the slap. Your mother has a duty to protect you and she is so obviously failing to do that. You need to talk to an adult that you trust about this. This is totally unacceptable.

 

By the way, there is nothing that 'deserves' a slap across the face. I get really pissed at people that I work with, do I slap them? No. Hitting is a sign of weakness, not power. People who resort to violence to get their own way do so because they have no other resources to deal with their own frustration. Get yourself sorted first, instead of inflicting it on children.

 

Sylvia

[lindya]

Hitting is a sign of weakness, not power. People who resort to violence to get their own way do so because they have no other resources to deal with their own frustration.

 

That's very much my feeling on the matter. I tend to define abuse as behaviour that is liable to cause physical and/or emotional harm - but that's a very broad definition, and I doubt many people could step forward and say that they haven't, at some point, said or done something that maybe left another person feeling abused.

 

To label a parent who snapped and slapped their child "child abuser" could do more harm than good. Where I live, a slap across the face could constitute assault - and that applies whether it's a parent slapping a child, or a child slapping a parent (unless, of course, the child isn't classed as old enough to be legally accountable).

 

The reality is, of course, that there are plenty of decent parents out there who have snapped at some point and slapped their child. It's the sort of incident that, I think, calls for an acknowledgement by the parent that it shouldn't have happened, and a discussion as to how the incident that led to it should be dealt with in the future.

 

Children are pretty resilient, I think - and most intelligent ones will accept that parents are human beings who lose it sometimes. Where parents lose their children's respect is when they resort to physical chastisement due to losing their tempers....but refuse to acknowledge that was the real reason. Most children know enough about human nature to know when when a parent has totally lost his/her cool and over-reacted with physical "chastisement" that is more tantamount to physical violence. To try to deny that and say to the child "you deserved it" just makes a parent look foolish.....and almost inevitably means that he/she is setting the scene for numerous discipline problems in the future.

 

The original post sounds as if the slap is maybe the tip of the iceberg that's comprised of more serious concerns.

[SmoochieFace]

There's nothing to get over, because you are nothing.No we wouldn't be. You wouldn't have the ability to speak if you were mine and you carried on like this.Hard to do if you're not physically able.....I don't blame you, I blame your parents.Newsflash, there will always be someone above you. Get over it.That's what I'd write on your tombstone too......

 

 

You wanna start World War Three with me... let's go!

 

Oh, look at that - he's MAD! And he's *lashing out* with cheap and unfounded bulls*** too! Wow, I'm impressed!

 

So I am *nothing*, huh? Is that the best you can do. I expected considerably more coming from a man of questionable intellect. Try again, bub.

 

If I was your kid and you were my dad and you pulled your *tough guy* s*** on me, you'd be rotting in the ground right now. I s*** you not, bub. And your bulls*** about me not being *physically able*... oh please... give it up. You have no clue what I look like or my strength. I could've killed my dad with my bare hands if I wanted to. Don't be quick to assume what you don't know.

 

As far as writing anything on my tombstone... sorry, you aren't qualified or worthy to write anything pertaining to me. Only I will dictate what will be written on my tombstone, son.

 

Now you just get the *beep* over that.

[Moose]

This situation is odd. AND, we don't know the whole story here either.

 

There's a lot to worry about when parents allow drunks, (of any age), have the run of the house.

 

There is a difference between abusing a child, and rearing a child. If alcohol is involved, most of the time it'll be labeled as abuse......which is this case.

 

Should that take away all of the parent's rights to discipline their child though? I think it should to a degree.

 

But a sober parent, putting his or her teenager, or child back in line isn't abuse. AND, it's not a sign of a parent losing control.

 

My kids know that I won't raise my voice or loose it, and they know that if they don't straighten up when I ask, I will calmly walk in, with belt in hand and they will be spanked.

 

Afterwards, they are required, REQUIRED, to tell me why I spanked them. That can be the longest end of the punishment because the child has to come to terms with what they did wrong, and own up to it. That sometimes takes a half hour.....

 

But for this person's case, she should examine what she could do on her end to change the situation in that house. I have a feeling we don't know even the half of it.

[Moose]

SmoochieFace :lmao:

 

Grow up....will ya......

[SmoochieFace]

SmoochieFace vbmenu_register("postmenu_623595", true); :lmao:

 

Grow up....will ya......

 

 

Then you do the same and quit thinking you could take me on without knowing who you're dealing with. You may be *SuperDaddy* to your kids but that s*** doesn't work with me.

[Moose]

[SmoochieFace]

 

 

Keep it up. We can do this all day if you wish.

[Craig]

I would like to apologize for the posters that have felt it necessary to hijack your thread to argue amongst themselves. Sometimes adults can behave like children too.

 

From what I understand of your situation you mother and sister are in the habit of bringing men home from bars. Some of these men have made attempts to get into your room at a time when you would rather be sleeping than living in fear of being sexually assaulted. You are 17 years old. While in a conflict with your mother she hit you across the face with such force that it left a mark the next day.

 

In my opinion this situation is unacceptable and I believe that the authorities in your area would agree with me. Right now you are probably just trying to survive and make it through these trying times until you are able to physically leave this situation.

 

What you chose to do now will affect you for the rest of your life. I believe that it would be in your best interest to make some phone calls when these incidents happen again. If your mom hits you so that it leaves a mark call the police and CPS. If someone tries to pick the lock to your bedroom, in what any reasonable person would deduce to be an attempt to get to you, call the police and CPS. You must stand up for yourself and do what is right. Don't allow yourself to be beat into submission by anyone including your mother or sister. I'm not saying that you should fight back physically but that you should set reasonable boundaries and limits on what kind of behavior you will live with before calling the police and CPS.

 

By all means let them know that you will call the police, CPS and anyone else you can think of when these incidents happen again. Treat them politely and with respect, don't raise your voice, talk calmly and don't allow them to bring up new topics in any argument--deal only with the topic at hand. If you don't want to be around them remove yourself from their presence. Don't get into arguments with them about small things, let them be idiots if that is what they are sometimes--you can't fix them, the best you can do is to accept that they are who they are, will never change and that you must be yourself and live for yourself.

 

Never use the threat of calling the police and CPS to get your way, that will just make the situation worse. When you tell them that you are ready to call the police and CPS know in your heart that you will if necessary and they WILL see that in your eyes and it will cause them to rethink their behavior.

 

Start keeping a diary of these events and keep it in a place that it won't be found and keep a second photocopy of it in another location. Just record the events and how you feel inside (hurt, scared, etc.) don't start diagnosing people in your diary or calling them derogatory names. Sometime in the future if you have made a decision to leave your mother and sister behind you and are thinking that things weren't so bad you can refer to your diary to remind you of how bad they really were. Or if things get to the point of a court case you can refer to your diary and it might also be allowed to be entered as evidence.

 

Finally, work on yourself. Develop your coping skills, think about developing a true friend or two that you can confide in, you can talk to a counselor at your school.

 

My 2 cents.

[morrigan]

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html

 

I agree with Craig's advice 100%--there seems to be worse things happening here than the slapping incident. If your mother and sister are allowing these men into the home to the point you have to lock yourself in your room for protection, they are being abusive and negligent of your physical safety.

 

If any of these men threaten you, call the police. Try to avoid arguments with your family, to the point of not being around them if the situation is tense. If one of your family members strikes you without provocation, notify them you will call the police if they continue to do so. Do you have a trusted family member outside of the home, or a good friend, that you can confide in about what is occuring?

 

You're almost 18 and obviously you're going to have to make decisions about your future a lot earlier than many people your age. Do you currently have a job? Try to get one and save up as much of the money as you can. Try to keep your grades up and look into college scholarships and grants. Do this for yourself, so that you can hopefully move out of this home and make a better life for yourself somewhere else.