ZGT1503 Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 Hi, I have never posted on a forum before, but needed some feedback on a situation I'm in. I've been with a guy for nearly 5 months, and we have had no problems. We are both from Europe but met here in Australia and he is now leaving to go home. So, we went out on Saturday for his leaving do which was great, then at the end of the evening I mentioned exes, and he said he should tell me something. Basically, when we first met we went out a couple of times for a drink, but never slept together. Then his parents came over to visit and they took a trip for 3 weeks travelling. Now it turns out that his ex-girlfriend also came over... and he went travelling with her. They were not in a relationship as they had an agreement when he left for Australia a year ago that they could meet other people, and if they fell in love they would tell the other person. Which is what he did, when she arrived and now they are not in contact and she is with someone else too. My problem is mainly that he was not honest with me about this. He told me it's because he knew I wouldn't see him again at the start if I knew, and then later he didn't know how to say, but he knew he had to tell me. His best friend talked to me and told me that he has never seen my b/f like he is with me, that he is totally committed and in love. I know he was not unfaithful technically because we were not really together, and I was also out flirting and open to the possibility of other men while he was away. But can I trust that his reasons are genuine for not telling me, and that I can have confidence in him from now on? This is what's so hard! Also I am a very jealous person which he knows and I told him this is the worst thing that he could have done in terms of my trust... I told him to leave me to think about things and he is beside himself with crying and thinking he has lost me and how sorry he is etc. What to do?!! Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 suzy here, We've kind of met on other threads, so as you know I have had and still to a much lesser degree have problems with jealousy. I sympathise with your view that he should have told you this earlier, and I know from my own experiences that this will make life hard for you in terms of building trust with him. However, I believe that he probably did keep this from you cos he didnt want to lose you. It sounds like he is really into you, and my guess is that he wishes he had not gone travelling with this girl. Give him a chance, it sounds like you two could have something really good going there. Take care xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZGT1503 Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 Hi Suzy, Thanks for the reply, I forgot I even had this post on here (that's the reason I joined!) To give you an update, my boyfriend has now left to go back to Europe while I have another couple of months out here in Oz before I return. We discussed this issue before he left and, in agreement with you, I decided his reasons for doing this/not telling me were pretty truthful and he has always otherwise been very honest with me. So I didn't do anything drastic and we are keeping this going... albeit long-distance now for a while. I've had many relationships and both good and bad experiences with men (haven't we all?!) and this is the first good guy I've found for a long time, so I'll see how it goes. He's also aware of my jealousy as I explained it all to him. This went some way to help him understand why honesty and trust is so vital for me too. This forum is great. It's so different to get advice from people who can understand the angle you're coming from, and hopefully the feedback will make a difference to people who really need it. Thanks for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
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