Ex of 17 years, can it work again?

[R2litefan]

Can anyone help me...I am not sure what to do. My ex husband of 17 years and I have been trying to put things back together for the past year but I feel resistance on his part all the time. After I lost my dad last year he cried to my family how much he still loved me and I never wanted the divorce to begin with so that was music to my ears. So we started talking and spending time together, but things are not as good as they used to be, this past weekend I spent 15 hours at his place (we do not live together) helping him remodel his bathroom and rearranging his bedroom and it was 1 in the morning before we were done and as soon as we were done he asked me when I was going home. I live 20 miles from him and we have a lot of deer in the area, why wouldn't he invite me to stay the night and leave in the daylight? He has spent the night at my house ( which used to be ours ) but not once has he asked me to stay with him at his. I just don't know how to take this...it hurts my feelings when he does this. Why would you send someone you supposedly love out on the road in the middle of the night and take a chance on hitting a deer instead of asking them to stay and leave in the morning? It's not like I had to work in the morning, I took the weekend off so I could help him at his place only to be told to go home when the work was done. I have asked him for his help here at our house ( we bought it together so I still feel it's ours) but all he does is tell me what I need to do to fix it. My dusk to dawn light went out and it's on the peak of my garage and let me tell you it was no fun climbing 20' on an extension ladder to fix it when he could have done it for me but wouldn't. It seems like I am the one doing all the giving and getting nothing in return. Am I wasting my time? I am so much in love with him, always have been, but I don't think he feels the same way, even though he has said it to me numerous times. He has a couple special friends that are girls and I am wondering if he feels that if he lets me back into his life that he's going to have to give them up. That is the reason we split up to begin with, he was spending all his spare time in the bars partying with his women friends and so I decided to go and party with some of the guys that I work with and he didn't like that at all and wanted a divorce. So why is it okay for him to have women friends but I can't have men friends? I help him all the time, but he does nothing to help me. What should I do? I have changed plans to be there for him but he has stood me up when one of his woman friends comes to town, like she's more important than me. He would rather hurt me than tell his woman friend that he already has plans with me. How am I suppose to deal with that? All heck would break loose if I did that to him and believe me I have thought about it but two wrongs don't make a right, that's what cost me my marriage to begin with and I am not going down that road again. There has to be something I can do, does anyone have any suggestions for me? I feel like I am putting alot of effort into nothing....what do you think? I have asked him to come home to live with me and our son, he doesn't want to and probably never will...what do I have to look forward to with him? I just don't know what to do. Someone please help if you can. Thank you.

[symbol]

To be honest, it doesn't seem to be very good. I think he did really missed you at some point but once he got you "back", he started acting as before. Perhaps it feels to him good to know that you are always there but then he doesn't have to commit and give up his life style. Or may be he just wants to stay as friends.

 

If I were you I think I would stay away a little bit, cut down communication and see if he contacts you and if he contacts you what does he call you for. For help? For company when his "friends" have other plans? It seems that you are giving too much and getting nothing in return.

 

Good luck with everything.