Advice: Just Go For It!

[RedneckRomeo]

I know there are a lot of people in this situation - and I know personally because I have been there. If you like a girl / guy and have been receiving signals from them (numerous threads here about signals) - just go for it and ask them out. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

 

For the longest time I have had feelings for this one girl I know, but have been afraid to ask her out because of being afraid of how she would react - afraid to get a negative answer.

 

I kept getting signals from her of all kinds - but never made any real move, though I'm sure she knew I liked her from the way I acted. She has had several boyfriends since then - and its been rough on me, but she broke up with them. Each time, I wanted to ask her out before it got too late - and would always miss my opportunity. Nevertheless - I would still get signals from her even when she was dating another guy.

 

After her last relationship - I still had not asked her out, though I had tried to get her to do some more things with me and friends. It didnt work out the way I had hoped, but we stayed close through everything, and I kept my hopes up that someday we could work something out.

 

About a month ago, we had arranged to go out with friends, but things went a little different than expected, and she had to cancel. We ended up talking for a while that night - a lot longer than I had talked to her on the phone the last time. Though things went bad that night - she still wanted to do something, but could never get anything set up.

 

Then this weekend - a mutual friend was singing in a travelling choir at a local church, and she wanted to go see her sing. She had mentioned it to me and asked me to go too because not only did she think I'd like to see our friend too - but also because she 'didnt want to go alone'. (Secretly I think she just wanted me to go to be with her - and made said that to make me more inclined to go).

 

Anyway - we ended up going, and we met each other there. (She wouldn't let me give her a ride this time). It went well - she was glad I was there so she had someone to sit with and talk to and all that. When we were leaving - we somehow got on the topic of food and she mentioned this one place that had really good food in her opinion.

 

Later that night - I had an idea - and asked her over text msg if she would want to go eat there somenight after work. I didn't specify a day because her schedule is hectic and I wanted to give myself a better chance at getting somewhere, and I said after work because it is easier to fit that into her schedule than any other time. Easier for me too.

 

I didn't receive a response that night - and still nothing the next morning. I had about given up - expecting that I would not get a reply - which I would take as meaning she didn't want to do anything like that. Well - at around lunch time - she sent me a message which really surprised me - and she said she would let me know when she had time so we could do that.

 

So - after all this time - I finally asked, and was able to get her to say yes to going out with me sometime - and the only thing remaining is to actually set the date so it fits into her schedule. Mine is a little easier to work with, but hers is crazy.

 

The thing is - if I had asked her sooner - I am sure things could have happened sooner, but in my opinion - it needed to happen the way they did for everything to be how it is now.

 

So - please - if you really like someone and you get signals, and are confident that they have some feelings for you too - then just go for it and ask that person out. I was surprised - and so could you.

[willpparker]

Thanks for the advice and a detailed description. The problem is I can't tell if the signals are a friend thing or a green light to go for it.

 

So is this dinner a date date, or a lets catch up friend thing. And how do you go from friend to BF/GF status.

[ReluctantRomeo]

The problem is I can't tell if the signals are a friend thing or a green light to go for it.

 

Sometimes the girls themselves can't tell. Just go for it. As long as she keeps wanting to spend a lot of time with you and stays friendly and receptive, you're in with a chance.

 

 

And how do you go from friend to BF/GF status.

 

Sometimes it's just not possible. Try being a little verbally flirty and touching her from time to time (in a non-intrusive and casual way - arms, shoulders and back only).

[RedneckRomeo]

Well, I see her on weekends (usually 4-5 hours on both Fri and Sat) and we don't have a lot to really catch up on. So I wouldn't consider it a 'just catch up as friends' thing. Nobody threw in the 'just as friends' line - not me, not her, and I was planning on it being just us two.

 

So when I find out when she's free, and we do go out to dinner - I think it will be a real date for both of us. I would definitely treat it as such, unless . I really like her, and by the way she acts around me - I think she likes me too. I think - after all thats happened, and from how she acts around me when I see her - that I really have a shot at having her as a girlfriend instead of just a friend.

 

As far as how you make a friend a bf/gf - sometimes its possible, other times not. As long as you have not locked yourself permanently in the friend zone though - I think its still possible. You just have to do things differently though - because you already know a lot about the person - you just have to convince them that you are more than a friend, and have them accept it and also want more. Be yourself, and just let things happen. Don't force anything, but don't prevent it from happening either. If you see an opportunity, take it and you might get a good answer.

 

Signals are complicated - There are so many different ways that signals can be interpreted, and so many people have so many different way of showing their affection. There are also a lot of threads about them - so I will refer you to them.