Calling all cheaters...I need your help

[mlchris2]

Alright, I'm back after a few weeks.... my news is good I'm afraid.

 

Ever since my wife wanted our marriage over, I've had this gut feeling that there is another man. I initially confronted her about it and she gave me excuses, no straigh answer. then I noticed real changes in her. She had people over at our apt, when I wasnt there and when asked who it was, she said nobody. It even has gotten to the point where she keeps me from comming inside, when she has her "friends" over.

 

Well the other day I looked at her cell phone and found several call records and text messages that indicated she was cheating. First there were messages from a girl friend asking "how her boy toy was doing". then i found a text message converstation that she initiated asking this man "how he was doing", etc. There was even a sexual-oriented message in this conversation that she sent to this man. He responded back with "your pretty funny". She then responded back to him "Asking if he was mad" and that "she will call him later tonight" and then finally "bye, babe". That same night, her mom called her and confronted her about it. She got upset and immediately called this man and I found a text message that said "thanks for helping me out with my mom, I reall appriciate you lettimg me get it off my chest. thanks babe".

 

I called this man and asked if anything was going on. He said no there wasnt, they were "merely friends". I told him I hoped he was honest with me.

 

So i confronted her on it. First she got mad at me for snooping and then she said he was "just a friend". I said I expected that answer from her, because that is what he said. I told her I dont buy it one bit.

 

I then decided to ask my son who is a smart kid, if "mommy has friends that stay the night". He said yes, and through a series of questions I was able to get the name of the guy (the guy in question all this time) and my son told me that he spends the night with mommy and he plays with him and this guy plays with mommy and tackles her. Granted this is comming from a 4 year old, but this kid isnt stupid and knows exactly whats going on around him, without being told.

 

I confronted my wife again.... she said that nobody is sleeping in her bed. she did admit that this man has slept over, becuase he was too drunk to drive home and he spent the night with his daughter so her and my son could play together.

 

To me the writting is on the wall here......

 

Do most women who seperate (not divorced yet) from their husbands, go out and get guy "friends"?

 

What do you all think, is she cheating?

 

How do I catch a cheater?

What else can I do? A friend and I are going to spy on her on weekends to see what exactly is going on.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Do most women who seperate (not divorced yet) from their husbands, go out and get guy "friends"?

 

2. What do you all think, is she cheating?

 

3. How do I catch a cheater?

 

4. What else can I do?

 

5. A friend and I are going to spy on her on weekends to see what exactly is going on.

 

1. Your wife did not by chance go out and find a guy 'friend' after separating. It sounds to me like she had that in mind before she separated. Whether or not she met this guy after the fact is a moot point. She wanted "space" so that she could fill it with someone other than you. Google "exit affair" and see if you see any similarities.

 

2. Yes, she is cheating. No doubt.

 

3. Hire a good PI.

 

4. Monitor and question. Be aware that now you have let her know that you are snooping she will bury herself deeper now. You'll need to either be superstealthy or you'll have to hire someone to do some professional snooping. Seriously, this is when you need to be seeing a lawyer as she is setting you up for the mother of all divorce screwings. Tell the lawyer everything. You'll want to get legal advice on grounds for adultry, protecting your assets, and custody - not to mention a reccomendation on a PI.

 

5. She'll be paranoid and expecting it. Just be careful and try to be as stealthy as possible. Don't be surprised if you don't find any "evidence" - she knows you are on to her, so she'll start getting better at hiding stuff now. Your best bet is to back off, lay low and let someone else do the dirty work.

[Mz. Pixie]

Alright, I'm back after a few weeks.... my news is good I'm afraid.

 

Ever since my wife wanted our marriage over, I've had this gut feeling that there is another man. I initially confronted her about it and she gave me excuses, no straigh answer. then I noticed real changes in her. She had people over at our apt, when I wasnt there and when asked who it was, she said nobody. It even has gotten to the point where she keeps me from comming inside, when she has her "friends" over.

 

Well the other day I looked at her cell phone and found several call records and text messages that indicated she was cheating. First there were messages from a girl friend asking "how her boy toy was doing". then i found a text message converstation that she initiated asking this man "how he was doing", etc. There was even a sexual-oriented message in this conversation that she sent to this man. He responded back with "your pretty funny". She then responded back to him "Asking if he was mad" and that "she will call him later tonight" and then finally "bye, babe". That same night, her mom called her and confronted her about it. She got upset and immediately called this man and I found a text message that said "thanks for helping me out with my mom, I reall appriciate you lettimg me get it off my chest. thanks babe".

 

I called this man and asked if anything was going on. He said no there wasnt, they were "merely friends". I told him I hoped he was honest with me.

 

So i confronted her on it. First she got mad at me for snooping and then she said he was "just a friend". I said I expected that answer from her, because that is what he said. I told her I dont buy it one bit.

 

I then decided to ask my son who is a smart kid, if "mommy has friends that stay the night". He said yes, and through a series of questions I was able to get the name of the guy (the guy in question all this time) and my son told me that he spends the night with mommy and he plays with him and this guy plays with mommy and tackles her. Granted this is comming from a 4 year old, but this kid isnt stupid and knows exactly whats going on around him, without being told.

 

I confronted my wife again.... she said that nobody is sleeping in her bed. she did admit that this man has slept over, becuase he was too drunk to drive home and he spent the night with his daughter so her and my son could play together.

 

To me the writting is on the wall here......

 

Do most women who seperate (not divorced yet) from their husbands, go out and get guy "friends"?

 

What do you all think, is she cheating?

 

How do I catch a cheater?

What else can I do? A friend and I are going to spy on her on weekends to see what exactly is going on.

 

Well, hell yeah she is cheating.

 

Do your detective work and see a lawyer. You're giving her time to formulate what she's doing!!!

 

I really hate to hear that you resorted in asking your four year old what mommy was doing. Kids do not need to feel that they are in the middle of this whole thing!! Seriously, I speak from experience as my mom used to do this to me all the time. I felt terrible about it, torn between my loyalty to her and then to my dad. Please, please refrain from asking your kids questions about your wifes personal life.

 

I'm also just blown away that she has people over to spend the night when she has the kids and you guys are still married. I dated after I was separated but my kids never heard the guys name, much less ever saw evidence he was over there when they weren't, or anything like that. That was something that they didn't need at the time.

 

Please talk to a lawyer, but not to your mother in law and your kids about her!

[mlchris2]

thanks for the input. things are pretty clear to me, but I had to hear it from you.

 

I felt very uneasy about probing my son. I realize what this can do or will do to him. I realize that it was wrong, but was upset and confused at the time. I talked to my counselor about this and he said it wasnt wise. I wont make this mistake again. Thanks for the advice.

 

 

Might I also add...

 

I found condoms missing from our usuall spot. When asked, "the kids got into them". For 4 years, they have been in the same spot and the kids havent touched them once.

 

Then she went on birth control. She didnt tell me, I had to find out through my sister-in-law. When asked about it, she said "because she wanted to". then it was "i needed to get it done now, cause I'm not going to be on your insurance". then she said "it would help her moods".

 

I still dont know why the need for birth control unless your having sex and its certainly not with me. Does birthcontrol really help the females moods and cycles that much?

 

I read the info on Exit Affairs and I must say DAMN!!!!.... DAMN!!!

 

( I hope I dont turn into the fool here.....)

well... I talked to my wifes mother, who has been a real support person to me. She did the same thing to her husband... she tells me to sit back and let my wife work her issues out. She says my wife is going through some mid-life crisis, wanting to live her 20's years that she missed, becuase she was a mother and she will one day realize what she is doing. So I'm going to let this go on for at least another month. I have to stay married until Jan 1. so I can get a decent tax return to pay off some bills. So we will see what happens come Jan 1.... I hope she realizes that she does have some issues....

 

thanks again everyone.

[glittergurl]

I then decided to ask my son who is a smart kid, if "mommy has friends that stay the night".

 

I don't understand, do you not live with your wife?

[Spurned]

Dude, you know in your gut that the missing condoms were used by her new lover, but your heart won't let you believe it.

 

She's seeing and sleeping with somebody else. You have to deal with this reality. I've been there. It hurts real bad, but it helps you to move on once you accept it.

 

I hope this post helps.