Need some advice please

[christine]

I'm new here and I hope you can help. My b/f of 4 yrs broke up w/ me 2 wks ago (for the 2nd time). he broke up w/me a few yrs ago saying that I was not "the one" we got back together a few months later and he said that he has probs w/relationships etc. Things were going good then out of the blue he does it again. I know he has commitment probs- never has had a long relationship w/anyone else and I know he is upset right now because he sent me a depressing email saying that hes not sure why he broke up and that he needs to be alone to sort out his probs and for me to move on. my prob is how do I move on if I feel we could be back together. sorry if this is too long, i'd appreciate any help.

[Tony T]

Unless you are a masochist who longs to be with a guy with serious problems, you move along...just like he asked.

 

If he said that looking for some kind of sympathy, you move on because of his sickness.

 

There is no good reason to fight to reignite a relationship with a commitmentphobe who is just going to break up with you again.

 

Of course, you too may be afraid of committment and he may be just the guy for you. If that's the case, get some professional help and move on anyway.

[Ashesmum]

The real question you have to ask yourself is Do you really want to be with someone that does this to you more than once? He's done it to you twice. Everyone deserves to have someone that makes them happy. If he has this many problems with himself, your relationship can't be that wonderful. You should take his advice and move on. Find someone else that you won't have to worry about going in and out of the relationship. If you just wait around to get back together you're letting him know that it's ok for him to keep doing what he's done. Don't! He's not dependable. Don't you want that?

I'm new here and I hope you can help. My b/f of 4 yrs broke up w/ me 2 wks ago (for the 2nd time). he broke up w/me a few yrs ago saying that I was not "the one" we got back together a few months later and he said that he has probs w/relationships etc. Things were going good then out of the blue he does it again. I know he has commitment probs- never has had a long relationship w/anyone else and I know he is upset right now because he sent me a depressing email saying that hes not sure why he broke up and that he needs to be alone to sort out his probs and for me to move on. my prob is how do I move on if I feel we could be back together. sorry if this is too long, i'd appreciate any help.

[maudi75]

Okay, you do need to move on. The problem is you've already done this song and dance with him and you keep thinking that he'll be back for another one. Don't bank on it. I myself broke up for the first time (an 8 yr relationship) two weeks ago. You need to get strong and in order to do that you need to start thinking on the fact that he's not coming back. Right now there are a million feelings you have every other second or hour that tells you he'll be back and I can't tell you whether he will or not but I can tell you not to bank on it. It's only been two weeks and I know, you just want to make the painful feelings go away but they won't until you stop talking to him and give yourself distance as well. You just don't know what you're missing out on until you get out there and see it for yourself. And Dating sux I know. Getting out there again, the fear and the rejection, but it's all part of it and you need to let yourself get back into that realm of thinking. You say you've been through this with him before, so why are you going to let it ruin you again. Give him the space and if at all possible, don't take his calls and don't call him. I know it's hard belive me, I am going through it right now. It is so hard, but you did it before so if it's really meant to be the third time, then let him sort himself out and you do the same. You are confused as well and you need to consider your own feelings in this. This cycle of doing this is becoming routine to him and the doormat sign on your forehead grows bigger the more you consider letting him back. I am sorry if that sounded harsh but It wasn't meant to be. Please do yourself a favor and give yourself space from him. You did it once before so you can do it again. Do it for your sake, not his.

I'm new here and I hope you can help. My b/f of 4 yrs broke up w/ me 2 wks ago (for the 2nd time). he broke up w/me a few yrs ago saying that I was not "the one" we got back together a few months later and he said that he has probs w/relationships etc. Things were going good then out of the blue he does it again. I know he has commitment probs- never has had a long relationship w/anyone else and I know he is upset right now because he sent me a depressing email saying that hes not sure why he broke up and that he needs to be alone to sort out his probs and for me to move on. my prob is how do I move on if I feel we could be back together. sorry if this is too long, i'd appreciate any help.

[WGirl]

I agree with the other posters who are telling you to move on. You've already given him a second chance. It sounds like he can't make a commitment to you. He's playing with you like a yo-yo. Don't wait around for him to make up his mind. If you do, you'll forever be at his mercy. I can imagine how hard it must be if you have been with your boyfriend for four years but how much more time do you want to invest before this happens again?

I'm new here and I hope you can help. My b/f of 4 yrs broke up w/ me 2 wks ago (for the 2nd time). he broke up w/me a few yrs ago saying that I was not "the one" we got back together a few months later and he said that he has probs w/relationships etc. Things were going good then out of the blue he does it again. I know he has commitment probs- never has had a long relationship w/anyone else and I know he is upset right now because he sent me a depressing email saying that hes not sure why he broke up and that he needs to be alone to sort out his probs and for me to move on. my prob is how do I move on if I feel we could be back together. sorry if this is too long, i'd appreciate any help.