Author chocolate_boy Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 I realised last night I think this has gotten me over her... this was the final nail in it for me... I saw her today in town and stopped and talked for 5 mins (I didn't mention the email) and I felt fine.. still do. I don't want to be with her, she looked somewhat different today too (not quite like I remembered!). Odd... I hope this is for real. I have realised I was blaming other aspects of my life on losing her, my life is rather empty... she just filled a void, I don't think I was ever 100% in love with her... She certainly wasn't with me. I'm leaving the past in the past... I forgive her... infact I really don't care today... if she cheated then hey, I sort of feel sorry for her for not being able to hold down a relationship. She was just a pretty girl to hang out with and sleep with, I can get another one easy... Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I have realised I was blaming other aspects of my life on losing her, my life is rather empty... she just filled a void, I don't think I was ever 100% in love with her... She certainly wasn't with me. I'm leaving the past in the past... I forgive her... infact I really don't care today... if she cheated then hey, I sort of feel sorry for her for not being able to hold down a relationship. Its graduation day for choc!!! Congrats man, stand down, be flexible, remain in that frame of mind. I am there too, I still have some ups and downs, but whenever I feel a little sad, I come here(if possible) and start reading. If i can't then Ill be wondering my eyes towards other girls! Like in the kengne thread, focus on the now. Our brain was holding on to a fantasy-girl/relationship that we had(just like in your psy thread!), and as soon as I realized that, I looked back at it, and it hit me. Give yourself some time, you'll be just fine now! Good luck and stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 Thanks bud, It was so wierd seeing her today, I dunno if I'm starting to believe in fate... she blanked me over the weekend when I ran into her, yet today came over all smiles etc. and I really didn't feel anything, we talked and it felt like the air had been cleared a bit, but I had no desire for her anymore. I feel tired today, like this has consumed my life for too long, but it's a happy tired. It's been two months now.. I guess its about time I felt like this! It is a relief. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 Take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath I'm going to hit the bars tonight, smoke a cigar and drink whiskey and find a sexy young lady to keep me company Link to post Share on other sites
brittanyjean259 Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 im really sorry to here this choclate boy, honestly what a b*tch..........i bet that was so shocking to find out, and hurtful as well....you will get over it and dont talk to her again.....are any of your friends guy friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 Ok so the saga continues... she found out I looked at the email by my friend telling her friend.. and it all kicked off... she sms me calling me a loser and how dare I accuse her of cheating and that she swears she never did. I ignored her and she sent me a few more swearing she never did and why couldn't I be a man and tell her rather than her friends. I told her I never spread any gossip, I just told my friend in passing and he spread it, and that I didn't contact her cos I've moved on and didn't want to dig it all up again. Anyway next day comes and she sms me again telling me she needs me to know she didn't cheat and can we meet and talk about it? I said its a bad idea, and either way I don't care I've moved on. In the end we end up sms each other all day long (from 9am til 3pm) with her telling me she's never hurt more than she does now and me telling her she broke my heart, and she explained she couldn't talk to me about "things I wouldn't understand", then she admitted she was still really sad about our break-up "cos there was no real reason" why we split. I told her we should therefore meet and talk as I felt the same way (bye bye NC!) So anyway we had a drink last night, she said she ran into another guys arms two days after we split and had not been seeing him when we together (I think I now believe her) and she made a mistake and he went back to his ex, and she said it was just a rebound she's been feeling really lonely, and she's been seeing an ex-marine over the last two weeks who has declared he's now in love with her and become psycho possessive (won't let her talk to her guy friends, started calling her his girlfriend etc.) and she says she's frightened of him and wants him to go away but she daren't tell him. At this point she jumps in the air as she thinks she saw him (turns out it wasn't him) and was terrified he was going to see us together... I looked at her in amazement and asked her what the hell she was doing with her life.. why was she dating this thug... she told me he's really stupid too and talks with his fists. She then broke down crying telling me she hates it when I'm right, that I "told her she'll never meet anyone as good as me again and I was right". She admitted she missed me a lot and missed holding me, she was crying pretty uncontrollably for about 15 mins and I just held her to calm her down... I made my excuses and had to leave, I had a date last night (which I told my ex about), and I did go on it, and good it was too. However I more feel sorry for my ex than anything, I still love her, but don't think I could be with anyone as messed up as her, and she confused me after putting on an act for the last two months that she didn't care. She admitted she hadn't cried about our break-up at all til last night and it was just all bottled up in her, and she was desperately trying to find my "replacement"... She also admitted it was sad we broke up and she doesn't know why we didn't just talk about things and it could have been ok if we communicated... I told her I'd moved on and was seeing this new girl now (which I'm keeping v casual, last night was first date). God, women are confusing. I know I know... NC NC NC Guess she found out the grass isn't always greener. I just feel really sorry for her now.. even after what she put me through, which she says was just cos she was scared of being hurt by me again. Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Only you know what's going on between you two, and only you can figure out what you want. All I can say is girls around our exes age are not emotionally stable yet. Even though they are saying they are not trying to serial date, and all that, they are doing the exact opposite, trying to "find out who they are", or "see what's best for them". That's just the way they are coping. Not all girls are like this, but I think that you and I are looking for someone who purged all the partying and are looking for something more meaningful than just a fling. Be strong, be there for her, be nice and courteous, but more than that and you could end up back where you were. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I'm gonna start feeling sorry for you if you keep talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 Yeah I can't deny I still have feelings for her, but I'm about 60% of the way over her now I feel... The new girl I've been seeing this weekend is gorgeous and wants to see me again... I'm going to keep seeing her and keep my ex at arms length.... My ex sms me again today saying how nice it was to talk to me and how i understand her. I replied with a short nice message but left it at that. If that girl does want to be with me again I need a real assurance she won't do the same thing again, and the only way I will get that is by making her work damn hard to get me back.. She's making some small steps.. but looks like i "got the last laugh" I'm feeling better now, and have a nice new girl (who yes I do intent on slowly and casually dating further). I'll make my decision based on what I see and feel over coming weeks/months... Either way I'm a winner. Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 "Either way Im a winner" Thats the way to go bud Link to post Share on other sites
Clevelandfan Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Rule number 1,....99% of the time a woman says "he's just a friend" he isn't,...he either has been with her before and want's to again or is interested in being with her now. All that,..he's just a friend B.S. is exactly that,..women are very calculating so beware of the "male friend". Sorry but it's the truth. Chocolate boy,..IMO,..she is all messed up and I agree with Westernxer,..I'm gonna start worrying about you if you feel sorry for her,..she sounds untrustworthy to me, be careful. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 I do agree with you both, she is very messed up and doesn't know what she wants at the moment, I do genuinley feel I could get her back at the moment if I wanted her, I do miss her, but it would be for the wrong reasons, she needs to realise what she did wrong and sort her life out first. I'm backing off and looking after myself and seeing this other girl (yes yes VERY casually) because of the probability that it won't ever happen. But I'm keeping a semi-open mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 Well got an SMS off her last night thanking me for meeting her the other day and she wants to see me again soon... I replied with "amazing how well we understand each other when we just talk isn't it.". Haven't made any plans to meet again, but I'm still feeling strong... got no burning desire to see her/contact her at moment, although I do admit, it would be nice to be with her again if she had truly realised the error of her ways. Still big change from the last few weeks. Guess patience and keep my mind over my heart are needed here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 26, 2005 Author Share Posted November 26, 2005 Ok what can I say you were all right, I wish I listened.. but maybe I had to find out for myself... Been talking with her again this week, we met again last night, went to an xmas fun-fair, had a great time together, starting kissing and holding hands etc. felt like a dream... We got quite drunk and went for a meal, and I got tipsy and asked her back.... oh dear... she flipped. and started crying again... looked me straight in the eye and told me she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me, and we were stupid for meeting up and its too soon, and she hated having all the feelings coming back and it was confusing her too much. Ouch indeed! She went home and I tried calling her but she's back to ignoring me now.. Three times I've been rejected by this girl now... man am I a sucker for punishment or what. She admitted she's still attracted to me but needs to be on her own now. I do feel heartbroken all over again, and I am constantly dissapointed by her... We had such a great time together and could have again, she's crying saying she's lonely etc. and has had two flings since we split in september but she just flat out does not want me anymore... I know I HAVE TO accept it, but it's just so hard to believe. Maybe I'm trying to play the hero again... but I'm so sick of going through this, not just with her, I have had about 4 girlfriends do this to me now... I wish I knew where I was going wrong. Everyone tells me she's a bitch etc, but I don't think she is, I think she's just confused and scared. Yeah yeah, just haven't met "the right one yet" i know I know. Although I have little motivation too now. Last night did feel so final... like I almost had her back, but I blew it by coming on too strong, now I've lost her forever. One thing that did puzzle me is she said she had never been upset over a break-up in her life, not me, not her last ex not the one before.. she said she only feels sad about how she makes other people feel, but she never feels heartache cos "i'm not a moper"... she's one confusing girl. But yeah, you were all so right, what can I say. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Dont worry C_B thats the only way we learn in life, getting burnt. I could have told you this a long time ago ( and probably did ) but until you experience it first hand you would have kept hanging around trying for another chance. I dont know about you, but I eventually got tired of getting mixed signals and constant rejection, so hopefully this is the last straw for you and you now cut her away. Its almost Xmas time dude, dont let this drag into the festive season. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 27, 2005 Author Share Posted November 27, 2005 You're absolutely right Pippin, fact is if I'd have stuck to NC since we split in late September I'd have been well on my way to getting over her now, but I'm back to sqaure one... still I know for certain now, doesn't get any more blunt than her telling me "i dont love u, i dont want to be with you" does it? Part of me doesn't believe her... but she said it and has her reasons, maybe she does feel like that now.. I have no doubts she'll be back again "one day", but as you said, I'm sick of the mixed signals and constant rejection... screw that, fact is I wasn't majorly into her when I was with her, she was just very pretty and fitted my life really well and we shared mutual friends, now it's left a void in my life... She doesn't seem to be affected by it, but I've realised, to her a boyfriend is just a possession, we're all the same, so long as she has a man she doesnt care who it is Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 28, 2005 Author Share Posted November 28, 2005 F*ck im p*ssing myself off! She sms me tonight calling me a head-f*cker, saying she does still care for me and had "buried her feelings" and hates me dragging them all back up with "that emotional bullsh*t"... and she is so upset and angry at me and thinks I did it all to try and get her back. We've ended up having an argument over txt tonight (I know I should have gone back to NC! You don't need to tell me!) I basically layed it on the line and told her I didn't want us to hate each other, but its a bad idea to be friends and then told her I was more dissapointed in her that she didn't care about me and she's not the person I thought she was. She then replied saying I have upset her so much and she was moving on with life and she feels I decieved her and "lured her" back in and now it feels like we've just broken up again to her. Bugger... felt like I was really on the right track.. maybe even getting her back... but I wasn't strong enough was I? I know I shouldn't want her back anyway, but I feel even more rejected now that she has gone back like this cos I was weak and became another "desperate ex" (she was 2 other ex boyfriends BEGGING her back at the moment too). How do I restore my pride, I feel like such a loser, worst thing is all our friends thought I was over her, now every one knows (cos she has told a few of them) and word has got out through other friends. I feel such a chump! I have deleted her number again, removed her from MSN etc. I have no way of contacting her, and my last message to her said "please delete my phone number" and she said she already has... I feel more embarrassed than anything now, one too many bottles of wine and being with her and it all came out... damn me! I hate the fact she now thinks she can snap her fingers and get me back anytime.. and the little bit*h was only interested in me again when I appeared to be moving on and being strong again... now I'll never hear from her again and feel like everyone is laughing at me in our friends cos I'm another loser desperate ex of hers, like all the rest. ARGH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 28, 2005 Author Share Posted November 28, 2005 Oh and I've broke some more of my CD collection tonight... oops... I need to find something else to take my rage out on Tell you one thing, being "sensitive" gets you nowhere in life I've realised, not with women anyway. And to top it off, she's visiting my neighbor again, her car is outside... Someone get me a cigar!! Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 The trick is to remind yourself not to give a damn, even if you still do. You control your mind, tell it what to think and eventually it will slowly become the truth. I felt bad telling my ex she was a bitch to me but told myself "she doesn't give a f***, why should I? I don't!" Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 Oh and I've broke some more of my CD collection tonight... oops... Better hurry up and rip the rest of your CDs to your hard drive, that way you'll have a backup in case you become Godzilla again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 28, 2005 Author Share Posted November 28, 2005 The trick is to remind yourself not to give a damn, even if you still do. You control your mind, tell it what to think and eventually it will slowly become the truth. I felt bad telling my ex she was a bitch to me but told myself "she doesn't give a f***, why should I? I don't!" Does that really work? Interesting idea though. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 in case you become Godzilla again. The scourge of CDs everywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted November 28, 2005 Author Share Posted November 28, 2005 The scourge of CDs everywhere Lol... I shouldn't have them in such easy reach... I dunno why I take it out on CDs... how odd... I still feel stupid today, but I'm just so tired of this.. wish I knew how to turn the feelings off. Thing is I have been through break-ups before, much worse than this, but I think this is the saddest one as I took 2.5 years out of relationships before I hooked up with my recent girl, I thought I had chosen wisely and thought she'd be the last girl to ever leave me. I think it's more the dissapointment and fear that you can spend so much time with someone and not really know them at all. It does concern me. Also the fact now that I'm left with quite an empty life, but only I can solve that.. and I know it takes time, but I'm just impatient I guess... I see her getting on with life, getting with other guys, appearing strong and happy to the world (even though I know she truly isn't) but I just appear weak and pathetic and that upsets me... Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Oh man! I thought I was gonna break NC before you did! Forget about that girl. Get your mind off for a week or something. I haven't been here, because I find myself reading sad stories, and rehashing everything. Go out, have fun, and just enjoy. And you are not weak and pathetic, dude! You're 25, have a career, live by yourself, independent! She's 21, and acting like one, the girl is not done partying(from what you're telling us). Just like mine, 25, and still want to date, ugh, I thought I was done dating, but eh, don't have a choice now do I ? Keep us posted on how you're doing! Link to post Share on other sites
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