pokerfacedude Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 My dad(57) has been helping out a fellow female co-worker of his(who's 21 yrs old) because she recently developed an illness and has no family, but has a 6 yr old son. My mom and my sister have been complaing and have had their feelings hurt because of this. They understand he's helping someone who is down on their luck, but He's a older man and she's a younger girl(same age as my sister) and i guess it looks kinda funny that he's spending so much time with her. Apparently, he's been buying her little gifts and he bought her a brand new TV and gets her medications for her, sometimes takes her to her appoinments, he's stayed at her house kinda late on ocassion, has given her money, bought her groceries, and is always talking about her...and this is really starting to bug mom and sis, and i'm sorta curious about his motives as well... It's one thing to help someone out. But it's the circumstances... the buying of gifts and the age difference and the ALWAYS talking about her..when he knows, Mom and sis are a bit jealous. Mom and Sis clearly understand and would help out their own friends or co-workers, guy or girl...But they are just not understanding, nor am i, about why my dad is so devoted to this girl... He's been getting defensive about it and been saying things like "you don't understand" or "how can you be so Un-Caring about my helping this poor girl"....to my mom and sis when they've confronted him about it. I'm going to step in and have a talk with him (we haven't talked at all about this, since i live in another state, away from home)...But i was just curious if you all thought this was a bit strange or if we're all just misunderstanding something here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 You are likely not misunderstanding anything. It is inappropriate. Obviously, there is more going on than being a Good Samaritan. But that does not mean there is anything sexual going on. This gal may be using the hell out of your father. But it would be good for you to talk to him because you do not live in the household. Your view would be more objective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pokerfacedude Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 Exactly my thoughts...I wouldn't be suprised if my Dad, as loving and giving as he is, Had a small little crush on this younger Gal... I'm sure there is no romance going on...Cuz, well, my dad is old and grey and chubby:D , but he's a nice guy, i'm sure he has a little crush on her, (he'd never admit it) and I have a feeling that this girl is taking advantage of his good nature...I mean i can't believe she has NO ONE to help her, besides my dad, yet, that's what my dad is claiming... my mom and dad don't have the most romantic relationship, they are older, set in their ways, a tad plutonic, i mean they sleep in separate twin beds...So maybe this is some sort of escape or something for my dad...But..I heard he also bought this girl a Cell Phone so she have one for emergencies, when my sister had been needing one, (his own daughter) because she works nights and has to walk to her car late and alone, etc etc... Maybe it's a mid life crisis he's going thru.... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Next thing you know, he'll move in with her, claiming she needs full time "help." Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 It sounds like your dad has a HUGE crush on this girl. It's not about helping someone in need, it's about love. He might even (subconsciously) hope to get some eventually... sorry for being rude. Unless she is ugly like hell, I would assume he is interested in her. IMHO, your mom should make him choose between his marriage and this young girl. If he wants to be helpful (and use it as a manipulative excuse), there are plenty of seriously ill and poor people (elder ones, children, etc.) who are in need of somebody's generous help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pokerfacedude Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 I DO want to say something and WILL say something. I don't think this is right. I think that my dad is being very inconsiderate of his family's feelings...My mom has tried explaining her concerns to him, but not very well...It's buggin my sister A LOT, but she's afraid to talk to him about it...She doesn;t want to seem mean, since she knows this girl is sick.. Me? I'm ready to intervene and put my foot down. He needs to tak a look at the situation, putting this girl (in some cases) before his own family. My sis says, dad Says: "How long have i provided for you kids and your mom? now i'm just helping this poor girl out, because she's sick and has a child and has No One to help her"..."i've given you kids plenty of things, i'm just helping someone in need".. Honestly, just as Record Producer brought up, if it were an ugly girl, i'm sure he'd help, but not as much as he's doing for this girl. He's never done much volunteering or helping for the needy before... Turns out, The girl is Attractive, cute and young and has a very kind, cute son. My dad even carries a picture of the three of them together, around in his wallet, from what my sis says. But he sees nothing wrong with it, it's just a fellow co-worker that he's helping out. Anyway...I know something needs to be said and done..I appreciate all your input..I'm going to phone him and have a big talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 ugh. Middle-age fartiness rears its ugly head ... your dad is latching on to this young woman – who probably *is* appreciative of the help and support and doesn't think anything is odd about it – because she's giving his ego a much-needed boost. My dad did this, and it tore my mother apart. He gave away stuff of theirs, because some divorced woman needed it more than my mother; he would give these women money, spend time with them and ignore my mom, but didn't think anything was wrong with it. I think it's a kind of self-gratification they try to justify simply because they don't feel their partner/family appreciate them as much as this person in need. And it's sickening in one sense, because they "prey" on women who really can't afford to turn away what seems like a kind gesture because they're barely making it work. tell your mom to sit down him down for a good long talk, one that includes the phrase "I've lined us up for counselling." If that doesn't work, tell her to seriously consider doing the same with nice young men who need a helping hand. I think your dad will get the idea how selfish he's being. Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 pokerfacedude, Some good advice in those replies. I think your father`s situation is several things rolled into one. Mid-life crisis, a marriage with a certain lack of intimacy, ego, and most important the self gratification of this attractive , needy young woman`s attention. I would not underestimate how much this woman may be a user. She may be giving him just enough flirtation to drive him on. And he is losing sight of his real responsibilties. Also she is probably the one claiming repeatedly there is no one else to help her. Link to post Share on other sites
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