fudgit Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 We've worked out the glitches. We are in love. We know eachother, how to communicate, how to be affectionate, how to argue healthily. We've covered all the bases about what we want for our future together and I should be really comfortable with the idea of getting married but I'm not. Maybe it's because I was married before and I was so sure that time that we were capable of getting through the tough spots because our love would ensure that we found ways of working things out. But it didn't. He used me up and left me with nothing. And my fiance has a child from a previous 8 year relationship. He loved her and his child but he left them. Will he leave me to? So, now I've found a man that I'm in love with. We want children and we want to grow old together but I'm so afraid of what might happen in the future. Everything's good right now but what happens eight years from now? I don't want to end up a single mom with three kids and a mortgage! I've talked to him about my fears and he just smiles at me and holds me and tells me that I have nothing to worry about. But do I? Am I being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Yep. It's pointless to fear the future. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow. The tuna you eat for lunch may have been poisoned by a loony worker in a factory. There could be a gas explosion in your neighbourhood tomorrow that takes everyone out. You just go forward and hope and pray that the fates are kind. Your only other options are to quit living or hide in a hole. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Your fears are not unreasonable. I am about to get re-married soon and I have all kinds of fears also. Sometimes we have to take risks in life. I remember when I was 22, I decided to dump my first (and only at the time) serious boyfriend I had. We had been together for six years and I was hesitant about whether to leave him or stay with him. He had even proposed to me. I felt I deserved better. I said to myself: "Okay, so if you forget your fear of loneliness, would you you leave him? Yes, of course!" I left him and never looked back. By eliminating the fear I came to a valuable conclusion that I didn't need him. So ask yourself whether you'd want to spend the rest of your life with this man if these fears didn't exist. If the answer is "yes" then you really want him and your fears are irrational. If you base your fears on his flaws (e.g. if he cheated on his wife or flirts with other women) then re-consider the idea of marriage. But if he is really wonderful - don't be afraid. The best waranty that a marriage will last is a happy woman who treats her husband with love and respect. Don't be totally dependent on him, have your own life and be cheerful, understanding, forgiving, tolerant, sweet... Only marriages like that are happy (assuming that you have chosen the right guy). Link to post Share on other sites
Author fudgit Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 So ask yourself whether you'd want to spend the rst of your life with this man if these fears didn't exist. If the answer is "yes" then you really want him and your fears are irrational. If I didn't have those fears, I would be with him till I die. I asked myself the question and immediately knew the answer. And just imagining a life without that fear really helped. Excellent advise. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Do you know why he left his wife and kid? Find out what happen if you don't know .. Maybe you just scared of getting hurt from future relationship it is perfectly normal but if we never take chances what would our life be .. The adventure we go on shape and molds us into what we are today good or bad!! It is better to love and lost than never love at all !! We take chances in lfe everyday its living!!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts