angel0912 Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Afte reading bunches of posts and not finding any that really apply to my situation, I decided to post myself. I was friends with my ex, and never really thought of him as anything more than a friend for a good while before anything started happening. Then, things just sort of happened, and then, after spending time abroad together this summer, I decided to give into his desire to make things official. We are in graduate school together, and unfortunately, when we got back to States and started school again, I had trouble to adjusting to the new situation. In my past relationships I have always been very passive, and it has led to getting myself walked all over and having my emotions taken advantage of- so this time I decided that I was going to be in charge. I had also decided that I should be the center of whomevers world it was tht was dating me. The first time I found myself with my feelings hurt (because he chose someone over me), I immediatley became defensive and started taking everything personally- intent to be the one in charge this time. Needless to say, I made little issues into big ordeals, and (with the prodding of friends who knew little to nothing about the relationship) ended up totally blowing up at him and even threatening to end the realtionship. We talked and he said he needed space- however, wanting to include him in my life so he would not need to partake in hobbies i didn't really approve of- the following week I had planned stuff everyday. Big surprise- he broke up with me a few days later- telling me he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship, etc. He hasn't been in a relationship in 5 years- and quite frankly, with the way I was acting, I can see why he didn't want to be in one with me. However, since the break-up, I have had a lot of time to look at not only our relationship, but myself, and the way I handle things. After a lot of thinking I have realized that our summer relationship was great, and should be cherished, but that is not what I want now. Considering that we sit next to each other in class (and unfortunately cannot move seats) and are in the exact same small circle of friends, the NC option was out of the question. We have remained friends for the last two months, and I still call to include him in events, we study together, etc- but I haven't flirted with him and tried to keep things platonic (mostly because I didn't really know how to handle it). I hangout with other guys, which he knows about, and don't make any comments suggesting whether or not i'm dating them. We have not discussed our relationship since a week after we broke up. I really think that we had something special and deserve to give this another try. However, I am worried that he might think that I have moved on (in which case he isn't really the type that would pursue the situation) and thereby move on as well. He is not dating anyone that I know of currently, and every so often when we around each other there is still a vibe. How can i tell/see if he is still interested and would possibly want to start-over, and at the same time show him that I have changed and want different things from and that I think we can make it work if we try again within the lifestyle in which we live (as opposed to the summer fling)? Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Sounds like your not getting a second chance because a lack of communication. I think that you should just bring it up sometime and see his response. Being a typical guy, i wouldn't hang around my ex girlfriend for any other reason than to see if she wants me back. Id say first hint at it and then get the response. If negative, say that its ok as long as you can stay friends. If he didn't have any interest in you, he now knows that you have interest in him and that your someone who will take him. If he iniatiately doesn't say yes, he'll probably come back to you at some point. Unless ive totaly missed something, thats my advice. How old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel0912 Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 I am 22 and he is 23. I know this probably seems like an awfully immature way of handling things, but unfortunately, it is what is... Link to post Share on other sites
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