"why Did She Do This?" Please Help

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

I was posting in Second Chances for awhile but for those that have read about it, i guess its time to move into coping. I will give you a very brief summary of what has been going on, then hopefully i can get some feedback. I appreciate it all nomatter how negative it will be. I have a feeling that most will be kinda crappy to read but hopefully there might just be a few positive things. I would like to get some girls feedback too bc im dealing with a ex gf emotions so maybe they might have some more insight, but all is welcome ofcourse. I have been off and on here at the sahck for about two years now and i appreciate all the help. So here I go......

 

So you see i dated my ex gf for just about a year, eleven months to be exact. We had overall a very great relationship that got serious quickly. hse had a one day break that lasted just that one day..lol.. Anyways it was a LDR however we saw each other very often. We had som great trips, great memories, great laughs, etc.. When she broke up with me, in was not because loss of attraction, loss of spark, and most off all not loss of love. It was just bad timing and the demons of a LDR got the best of me and she could not handle it. I will admit that at times i acted like a insecure douch but thats only because the love i had for her was so great. So we broke up..

 

I was devasted to say the least but handled well when it came to showong my emotions to her. We had very minimal contact since the breakuop in june 2004.

[kodiak]

Sorry i got cut off-

 

 

Anyways we had very minimal contact. She called me a few times here and there. Short conversations.. The last i talked to her was Sept 2004. She left me a message in Dec and when i tried calling her back some guy picked up and was a total dick to me. After that i was like screw this girl that she had some guy pick up the phone.( Turns out she didnt know until they broke up weeks later) Anyhow so that was it, no phone calls nothing. In January i got a card from here telling me all this sweet things that she missed me, thought about me, and knew what an amazing guy i was when she met me but is really realizing it now!!! I know kinda weird to get from a ex right? So i thought WOW!!!! So in her card she said that she would call me but never did. Thats brings us until Sept 2005. I get a call from her and we have been talking since. Twice or more a day, before she goes to bed. She was sending me pics of her and I, pics of her, cards, a movie that we always watched together. so we have been talking and she tells me that she misses me and wants me to come and see her. I debate it bit I decide to get on a Plane and fly to see her. She wanted to see me so bad and talked about all she wanted to do. So i get there and she is a completely different person. There was great times, many laughs, but no intimacy. Towards the end of the trip i was hit with some old feelings and like a jack ass i told her about them. She started to cry and said that she didnt know that she gave me the wrong impression and that she felt horrible for doing. I mean come on, give me a break girl, what did you think I would expect. S

 

So anyways i left and since then she hasnt called. We talked last night and she was very shallow to me. She says that we cant be friends bc i cant handle it, that we should have never began talking, etc.. In a mean way she says she doesnt want to hold me back in life from meeting a "Good girl" etc.. It was so weird and so out of the blue.

 

So my friends i need your help. Why Did she say all these lovey dovey things to me, send me gifts, send me pics, talk about a future have me come see her and then NOTHING. Why is she being like she is now? I think that she is totally confused with what she wants. I wish she would have told me that I never can love you ever again or that i wanted to see if there were still sparks and theres nothing. Now im sitting here just wondering what the hell is going on in her head.. What do you all think?????

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

I was just thinking that if there was a second chance i came on too strong by showing her emotion. That was the last thing that i wanted to do, its just that old feelings snuck up on me. Then she started crying and then i lost it. she is the only gf that I ever had that made me cry. I tried to hold back but i was caught in the emotions of the whole talk. If there was a second chance did I blow it?? I sure hope not but i guess unless she says something i will never know. Its just that I have a real hard time keeping things inside me especially if they are about someone that I love with all my heart.. Please everyone i just need some help on this one...Im too the point of begging for it

[NightsEcho]

Hey bud,

Look I have followeed your story since my own days of being here at the shack. I came on in March following the demise of my 3 1/2 year relationship. You know what....what she did was cruel. Shel led you on, and you reopened your wounds. I know this. why? your back to posting every 2 hours. Its okay but it shows this is occupying a lot of your brain power.

 

Kodiak she led you on.....is it validated? You know this. And strangers reaffirming it aint gonna make it better. You were together 11 months...and yet this girl has occupied your thoughts for 2 years!!! Can you imagine what you could have solved if you had dedicated all those thoughts of her to some project...lol... you could solved pi to like the 450th place.....or found a new planet...or learned to play an instrument. What I'm saying is.....it sucks cause we have to go through this.....and yet when you look back...what have you accomplished.

 

I know you loved her. No doubt in my mind. But its time to cut this infected part of your life off. I know you wanted that magic 2nd chance. We all do....or did. It Kodiaks time though. Montana is great, i spent a week there on my waay to Cali this summer.....lotta pretty girls.(I'm from Canada). Anyway, you can walk away knowing you did all you could. Head high. Be excited tommorow you could meet your wife.....or make a life decision......let her be stuck in the past....(cause shes not over you, but shes not commited either) so just realize that people have made it and so will you.

 

She is the spider, and you are the exterminator. She lures you in, meanwhile you dont see the victims lying there. Spiders suck. One day she will try to catch something to big for her and it will bite her in the ass. Now go find yourself a pretty butterfly, and have half butterfly, half exterminator kids

 

lol................cause the best revenge is living well

 

NE

[Painwraith]

mate it sounds like she was stringing you along...

 

I thought id get back with my ex recently, but she used me as someone warm and cozy before attaching herslef and jumping in bed with the first muppet that came along. not the ssame situation but in mine and yours she was stringing you along to make her feel a little better because she is probably being eaten up with guilt.

 

Dont let her transpose her feeling bad onto you, you are recovering from losing someone special to you and she used you to make herself feel better.

 

Walk away. it hurts like unholy f*ck but walk away now

[kodiak]

NightsEcho-

 

Thank you so much for your reply. it means alot that a complete starnger will take the time like you did to post such a long, thoughtfull post. Anyways i know that i have to pull up my bootstraps and move-on. I just feel so angry and so confused. Sure some old wounds were open but i blame myself for this too. I should have talked with her with what her intentions were before i went out, seeing her was the hard part. Now im stuck in limbo. Echo man i was doing so well in my life before she popped back into my life. I should have kept it very casual like i did in the first few weeks. It just got going so very fast. Why would an ex after that long call me and string me along like she did. You said that maybe she hasnt moved on. i dont know man, i would like to think that is the case and maybe I had a bigger impact on her than i thought but she broke up with me. She dated a guy about 4 months after us so i take that as she moved on. I think she knows how much i love her so if she hasnt moved on why would she not want to give things another chance. It just sucks know because after visiting her and seeing her and talking to her for 2 months, she is cold to me. Called me once and was so weird like i said in an earlier post. She seemed to think that all we have been doing was pointless and stupid. Why would she say this? I just miss talking to her now because I got close again to her in this short time. Im thinking that something is wrong with me because this girl obssesses my thoughts day and night. She always has and now its worse. Tell me you dont love me and let me go. Dont pop into my life for two months and then just walk away. Echo man doesnt she know how much this has got to hurt me inside. What do i do know. She is consuming my thougts and i lost my motivation to do things. I mean i need to realize we were not dating so i didnt loose her. Its not like im going through a break-up. I just think i might need to talk to somebody to help me through this one.

[kodiak]

Painwrath-

 

thank you very much for your reply. I agree with you that she was stringing me long but why? I was a great BF to her and treated her well. Its not like we just broke up and she was making me think that she still wanted me. Its been a whole year and a half almost. I mean she gave me every reason to think that she was interested in me again then i see her and she made me feel like I was stupid to think those things. When she finally called me the other day she said that all our talks and things were just pointless. In a mean way she said that she didnt want to hold me back in life, that she wanted me to go out and find a "Good Girl". To this i replied "no worries, i will have no problems moving on and finding a good girl" I wonder what she thought about that. I just wish i knew what she was thinking right now. I wonder if she knows what she did hurt me. Why would i am still inlove with a girl that I cant be with and that would string me along like she did. Why would she feel any guilt? Thats my question. She broke up with me and sure I was hurt but that was a year and a half ago. Now she just ignores me. Does not call, ignores the few text i sent her. Why did she come into my life for two months, then just leave. Why? I just wanna know, thats all im asking from her.......

[omegaRED]

Well, probably she just wanted to be 'wanted'. It probably felt good for her that you were enthusiastic, that you still love her, that she has power. She probably hit a bump on her road and her confidence and self esteem dropped, so she got a 'fix', just seeing that you`d be right there for if she ever wanted you. Not that she ever would for real, but you know, that feeling of "I can have him whenever i want, i don`t want to, but i can.". That`s what she wanted from you. To boost her ego and self esteem. She`s toxic. Difficult to believe, she was probably a perfect girlfriend while you two were together. But know, it`s over. She`s completely detached, and selfish, using you to feel better herself.

 

You`ll get to a point where you just simply won`t care why she did that to you. It will take time, but it will come. I don`t want to tell you what to do, but maybe you should start entartaining the idea that you don`t WANT and don`t NEED to know why she acted that way. Cut her off completely. If she`s capable of playing such cruel games with your heart, it`s best to simply, well, forget her. Ignore her. As if she doesn`t exist. Do not answer calls, texts, e-mails etc. She`s pulling you ever deeper with every contact. Remember only you are in control of your life. Do not allow her to have control over your life. That`s why it`s best to maintain NC.

 

It will be difficult. But try to maintain NC. Good luck bro... (BTW are you per chance the same Kodiak from nomoremrniceguy.com forums?)

[newbby]

sounds like she wants the feeling of being loved by you, without having to give any commitment. dont speak to her again, next time she realises what she lost, let her actually lose it. find somebody who wants to give as well as recieve.

[NightsEcho]

Hey Kodiak,

 

Do you want my honest opinion? At first when she popped back and sent ya that card saying she would call, it was likely her going through the breakup. She had probably just broke up with the other guy after 4 months and needed someone to make her feel good. That someone was you.

 

Sucks, I know.

 

Now when she popped back on the radar after a year....I believe this was curiosity getting to her. Most ex's want to know what is up to people, its a natural human reaction. She was likely nice and sweet cause she was curious and held that image of what you two were once. Now when you went out there, you both had changed. Girls are flakely. (sorry girls its true) and when she saw ya....maybe it was a bit of a case like "you can never go home" Like for me I know that what I shared with my ex was amazing, but like all good things, comes to an end.

 

Why did all this happen? Why worry about it? There may be no real rhyme or reason. There's not always purpose, or motivation. Things happen and the longer we try and make sense the longer it takes to pick ourselves back up.

 

Like me, I thought about my ex EVERYDAY, for 5 months. Then in Montana of all places, my dad, bestfriend and myself hit a deer at 130 kph. I almost dies on that highway that night...wanna know the first thought that raced through my head? "I'm gonna die and I have spent half a year worrying about someone who doesent give a damn" Wow what a shock. It was only reaffirmed when I told her and she brushed it off.

 

I'm now almost at 9 months after 3 1/2 years....and I think I'm okay, still have the odd pang here and there, but I am rebuilding myself, rising from the ashes.....I suggest you do the same.....I'm here for ya

 

NE

[Jellostick]

I hate reading posts that seem to similar to mine because I know what the person is going through. I agree w/ what others are saying in that she's not worth your time and energy.

 

I realize now I was strung along too. She was jealous that her best friend had a boyfriend and was pissed that her best friend abandoned her for her boyfriend and so I filled whatever void her best friend left. I didn't realize it until now but that's what happened.

 

She told me she loved me but now I don't know if I believe it and frankly, I don't care. I was sweating this girl, wondering why she did what she did and why she's treating me like crap now and making me feel like I ruined her life somehow. It's not worth my time and energy to focus on someone who would do that to me.

 

Yeah, it stings and it hurts but you'll find peace when you realize that none of it matters. People do stupid things and don't care that they did it or who it effects, you just have to live w/ it and move on.

 

Believe that you're better than that. Believe that at some point in your life you will meet someone that does matter, that is worth it, and that won't treat you like crap. Believe that the right person is out there for you and one day you'll find them and this experience will just be a memory. That person is out there and they're dreaming of meeting you too.

 

Cheers.

[kodiak]

Newbby, Omegared, NightsEcho-

 

Thank you all for your replies and i do apprecite it very much. It sucks because I know you are all right and that her intentions were not pure. I just wish that you were all wrong and that just maybe she does still love me but is very confused with her life and what she wants. I wish that was the case but im sure its not. It just sucks because i feel so emotional after all this. It wasnt liek she just popped back to check in on me then that was it. It was more than that. I mean why would she send me "the sopranos" dvd set. We used to watch that togther, that was our show. Why would she make me play the songs that we used to on the radio. Why would she tell me how much she missed me and that i was the most amazing, sweetest guy that she ever has met. Why all this???? Check in on me and just say hi and keep it casual. Dont have me come and see you and tell me all sorts of things like she did. Ikept my guard up at first but then i let it down and I hate myself for this. Im telling you guys she really made me feel that she was interested again and that she had feelings for me. GOD IT SUCKS. Now i dont get why she want talk to me nmow and she said those mean things on the phone that all our talks were pointless and dumb,,etcc.. That hurt!!! I guess there is no answers but i wish i knew something. Do you think she will call again after all this or never hear from her again. Im just hurting and im gald you all are here for me. I just have to throw another bandage on these open wounds. Like i said i just wish that there was a slight cahnce that maybe she doesnt know what she wants. She is acting so weird now and i cant fathom it. Let me ask you then. How do you know when your ex wants you back and not playing games with you like my ex did. Does it happen right away, or just over time??? I sure would have thjought that I was getting one. I wanna hell at her and tell her how much im hurting but i know i just need to let it go...

[kodiak]

Jellostick-

What was yoru situation? How long were you too broken up before she started talking to you again and stringing you along. It sucks, doesnt it? I thought that all my wishes and dreams were coming true. I thought I was going to be that guy that was getting that amazing second chance.. Thanks for your reply...

[Jellostick]

I don't think I was being strung along after the relationship, I think she was using me during it. She was single for over 2 years and her best friend abandoned her for something she didn't have which was a boyfriend. That's where I come in.

 

I gave her what she needed: love, affection, companionship, sex and someone that was there for her. Unfortunately, I heard you can't compete w/ the love of two girls who are best friends w/ each other 'cause when her friend got dumped and came crawling back, well, that was the beginning of the end for me.

 

She told me the other day how she doesn't want to hear from me anymore 'cause "she wants her life to get back to the way it was" which I didn't realize I changed her life that much.

 

I gave her what she desired and then I was tossed to the side. It happens sometimes but I didn't think it would ever happen w/ her 'cause she told me she loved me.

 

Hey, I don't just throw the love word around and I meant it when I told her that but I guess she does or was foolin' herself but why should I care?

 

I've never felt this good about myself and it's because she broke up w/ me. I've boosted up my self-esteem, my confidence, I'm going to therapy which has opened my eyes to things I've never realized before and most importantly I'm starting to believe in myself for once in my life.

 

It's not about her anymore, it's all about me. Someone is going to tell me they love me again and they're going to mean it. The same will happen to you too.

 

Not everyone out there is bad, you just have to sift through them to find the right one. The right one will come but focusing on the wrong one will set you back. Don't focus on the wrong one, focus on what will happen.

 

Stay positive and believe in yourself 'cause those positive vibes you give off might just be picked up by someone.

 

Cheers.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Well im back at work after being off for awhile. Im aving a really tough time because one i have alot of down time to think about things and no one to talk too about it. I am hurting so bad right now. I feel like i just broke up all over again. I keep checking my cell phone hoping that she will call but i know she wont and i know that i cant talk to her anymore, i guess. Things were going so perfect up untill now. I feel so lost that I almost want to go home sick and just be sad. Last time I was at work i knew i would be talking to her. I wonder if she misses talking to me. I mean she was calling me so much. It hurts now that she just ignores me. I cant let this effect my work performance. i worked hard to get the job im doing and it pays very well. For my age making almost 6 figures is good. None of that matters right now. I just want her to call me and tell me that she's sorry. I know she does not want to be with me but i just wish that things could go back to normal and us talk again

[omegaRED]

Kodiak, i know what you`re going through. And i know that talking to her might make things easier now. But in the long run, you really would be better off not talking to her anymore. It just seems to me that even a year and a half after the breakup, you`re still not over her. And you won`t be able to move on, if you keep clinging on to her or hope.

 

In fact, she`s actually doing you a favor by not calling you. At this point, you really should realize that she was playing games with you. She played with your heart... Do you REALLY want to stay in contact with that kind of a person? I know, you two were very good together, she was probably the best GF in the world when she was with you, but it`s in the past now. Now, all that she does is hurt you and pull you down. Honestly, time to let go.

 

I`m surprised you don`t feel any anger towards her. But i guess that stage will come too. Just... Don`t talk to her. You don`t need her to be happy. Cut her off completely, and move on. You really ought to realize that you gain NOTHING from keeping in touch. Perhaps you feel better in the moment, but in the long run, you get shot down.

 

Good luck and be strong

[cynicalnlove]

Ok, it took me a while for me to read through all of this. Kodiak, I agree with everyone else that have said on this blog. I know that break ups hurt, and I do believe she just needed you to give her the self confidence because her ex boyfriend probably had dumped her. Maybe she wanted to feel what's it like being in love, and she was in love with you at one point that she might feel this again. Its not you, i would say its the feeling that she wants back.

 

I was in love with my bf., and we broke up. i thought we could just rekindle that flame, but the candles have already been burnt out. I've tried, and tried to make him fall in love again, and then i realize that it's not coming back. He's gonna have to realize it himself. And I think what I've done to him, coming on strong again terrified him, as I think you're doing to this girl. And yes, she wanted to feel the "in love" stage that she thought she could feel it with you, and you were far away so it gives the illusion. Once you were there, and was in real life situations - she realizes that what she had felt was not for you. I'm sorry to say, but that's what i really think.

 

And yes, those moments will come - but just keep on doing something that will benefit you. Pick up a hobbie you've been wanting to do and master it. Or go for that promotion - and put your full energy to it, at least you'll get something in return. Putting your mind and full focus in loving this girl, where she doesn't feel it anymore is like kicking a dead body. It's completely useless.

 

Nightsecho: I sort of strayed from my focus in career to him, and after reading your comments kinda kicked my own ass to a strait line. thanks.

 

oh and by the way men.. women are deceptive but dont' loose hope in finding the best one for you. If the ugliest, poorest, inhuman guy could find the "soulmate" for him than you could too. Just let it come, but don't focus on it. best of luck.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Thank you very much for replying to the post. I actually feel good this morning, so far..lol I thought that work would be tough but it actually helped me feel ok. You know hanging with your friends and shooting the breeze. It sucks because from what everybody at my work thought, things seemed to look good for me and my ex. Just from the way that she has been and the things that she had said. You know the whole story. I know you all are right about what probably happened. It hurst to think that she just used me because I was very good to this girl. I know in my heart that I will be one of the greatest BF to her that she will have. She told me this all the time after the break-up. She might not mean it but i know in my heart that its true. Everybody at work says that I just need to let it go and they are right, just like all of you say. I feel that my ex is totally confused on what she wants in her life. Im not saying that she doesnt know if she wants me or not, just CONFUSED in general. You see even if we got back together it would be a LDR and i dont want that. I keep trying to remind myself that when i get down. She is still very young and its alot to ask for her to pick up and move to me. I think that scared her alot when we were together. The last I spoke to her was three days ago and im doing NC. Its like the saying "2 steps forward, 4 steps back" Sure i will get my fix by calling her and im sure she would talk to me but that doesnt accomplish anything. I get those urges and i pick up my phone to call her or send a text but then i dont. The whole situation sucks but its the way it is.

 

OmegaRed-

 

Thanks my brother for your reply and you are right about NC. It sucks especially after the last two months but thats how it has to be right now. I keep telling myself that she played me and used to me to feel good about herself. Just to reaffirm that there was one guy that truly loved her out there. I Wonder if my ex will ever see it that way. What a great guiy i was and how well i treated her? I hope that she would and one day she will want me back but i will have moved on. That would be te best revenge. I wish her nothing but the best in her life and nomatter how much i hurt now i feel that she will always be the one i was suppose to be with. Jacked up huh?

[kodiak]

Cynicalnlove-

 

thank you too for your reply. I am sure that you are right with what happened and that sucks. I wish that wasnt the case and i probably will never know for sure unless she tells me. Then who knows if its the truth. Others have told me that and it hurts. You see it so weird because it was not like i was in a relationship with this girl again and she called it quits again. It was a relationship that I was building in my head. Thats why i am so jacekd up. Im sure down the road again she will call but i will not fall in two that tangled web. I thought it was for real though so i had to see. I wish she was just honest and told me that "she wanted to see if there were any sparks and there wasnt" Sure that would suck to hear but atleast i would know what her intentions were. Its like she didnt say anything so that she could come back into my life again at a later time and try this again. I think that her relationship that ended was awhile back so i hope that she didnt use me because she was depressed, that sucks the most. I went to a lot of effort to see her. Why do you think that she was mean to me on the phone the other day like she was? Telling me that our talking was stupid and pointless. Telling me that she doesnt want to hold me back in my life. Telling me to move on and find a "good girl". I liked that one especially they way she said it because it wasnt sincere. It wasnt the way you tell your friond to go find love. TRUST Me. It hurt to hear all that crap. This coming from the girl tht was calling me everyday telling me sweet things. Why did she send me the stupid moveis that we used to watch together? Do you think that just maybe she is confused with what she wants. That just maybe she knows that we couldnt work bc of the LDR and she is shunning me now. It seems that could be a possibility to me. It felt that she was fighting some feelings she has inside her. What do you think about that possibility?

[cynicalnlove]

Wow, now you're making excuses. I've pulled her tatics many times, with the mean phone calls etc. etc.. Ok, this one might hurt a little bit for you kodiac. Maybe at that time, she had just wanted love. You were the most available to give it to her, and she didn't have to start fresh with the whole dating scene. So when you were there, I know that you've put so much effort - but she didn't see it that way. She saw, "oh, I made a mistake I don't want him anymore." When the feelings are gone, us girls normally get annoyed with some guy calling all the time. Her saying go find a nicer girl we mean.. "we don't really like you." but to not hurt your feelings. That talk about you guys' and you trying to push her to like you again, is pretty much stupid.

 

Funny how she did that, because I was out on a date recently with a very nice guy - but I was still in love with my ex so i didn't have any chemistry or sparks. I just went out for the possilbility of "what if." the date had called me and was trying to remind me of that date of how well it went and that i must really think about what happened. Apparently he felt something that i didn't. So i said exactly what your ex said.. i told him, "I'm not ready - all this romancing talk is pretty pointless and you should find soemone else that will give you more love and attention more so than what i can give you right now." Like you he disregarded it - and kept on calling me. I obviously got irritated because I had let him down easily without trying to hurt his feelings.

 

2nd options: She knew it wasn't going to work out with the LDR, unless you guys ended relocating, which is far fetch to her. She realizes that she was being selfish, and as much as she didn't want to; she had to for the sake of saving both of you from further pain. There's a sense of jealousy because she knew that there is a possibility you may meet a nicer girl close at home. But it seems that she's come to terms with her. I'm only assuming because i don't know her character. the second options could only apply to her if she was a nice kind girl. If she was a liar and a cheater and conniving.. than i would go with option one.

 

Advice: I know you don't want to, and that you just want to cling to this love nest, but its over now. You are in my position with my ex.. and the best thing that i could do is reminding myself that it is over. He is no longer in my life, and that i will do everything i can to be a better person to me. If she still loves you like you'd hope, let her make the efforts. or just to tell her literally to f-ck off and stop playing stupid games. If you didn't want me in the first place than don't stir up the pot, if you want me then let me know strait up. Really though Kodiac, do you really have time for a girl who doesn't know if she wants you or not? If she had to ask herself that.. then I think you know the answer.. As an honest girl, there's no grey area. If she's in love, thats all she see's and all she wants. If she isn't, she'll try other ways to convince herself to - and when she tries, it leads to this confusion. She shouldn't have to ask whether or not she wants you. she should already know. i hope this helps. best of luck.

[cynicalnlove]

also, what will you gain if she tells you what she feels. I don't think she even knows what she feels. The truth will only hurt you more. Just accept it as what it is, and leave her as where she belongs.

[omegaRED]

It`s possible. Not very likely, but possible.

 

But anyway... Don`t look for excuses. It`s painstakingly hard, but do not look for excuses or reasons. Try to deal with the facts. And the facts are, well, pretty clear, from your perspective. She was all nice, sucked you in (for whatever reasons), then kicked you to the curb (again, for whatever reasons). Those are the facts. You, my friend, owe NOTHING to her. If she is confused, that`s HER problem. Having a hard time? HER problem. You are not the one who she will use to feel better for herself.

 

No, really, have you ever seriously thought whether you WANT her back? (Obviously on some level you do, but would you be happy, considering your history, and the fact that NOTHING will ever be the same between you two?) She broke up with you, you had a LDR (i could never ever go for a LDR), that, in your own words, you don`t want, after a year and a half she PLAYED with you, HURT you... Ask yourself, objectively, would you even WANT this one back? To top it off, she is confused... What, you`re her shrink now? You gonna sacrifice your heart and physical and mental wellbeing so that she feels better? And after all she`s done to you?

 

Try not to focus on memories and all the good times you had, and just look at the way she behaved. Not the reasons why she did what she did, but how it affected YOU. This is about you bud, not HER. YOU are the most important person in your life. Be selfish now, goddamit. You shouldn`t give a damn what problems or issues she has. The bottom line is that those issues hurt YOU. So... You know what you have to do. Just focus on what`s important now, and that`s YOU!!!

[NightsEcho]

Hey all,

 

Cynical I just want to say, the part that sucks the most is we all put way to much time and energy into a breakup. We think about them and stray from way to many things that are actually importent to us. You can't get that time back, but its something you gotta fo through to realize. So don't beat yourself up to much, okay.

 

In my case, I went through a period of self-destruction. I didn't care about anything, drinking and smoking, late nights, and not eating. People thought I was gonna kill myself, not through like suicide or anything like that...but just largely my f*ck it attitude toward everything. Lol looking back I actually made so many girls that were friends during this period. Somehow I finished my 2nd year of university.

 

Now after I went through that, I started doing things I wanted to do. Spent 2 1/2 months in California, went sky-diving, took up drums, re hooked up with friends from the past, rebounded ALOT, put focus back into school (3rd year Business) and bought a new wardrobe and car.

 

Now after all this, I enter a sense of now what? I'm over my ex, but I still feel like i'm not sure what comes next. We spend so much time trying to get them back, or heal, and its almost like when you reach that goal where do you go? Life is not the same it once was, its something new.

 

Welcome to life folks, never constant and always changing,

 

Kodiak, I wish I could take away your doubts, fears, and questions....Truth is this is something you will face and process in your own way. If you have any concerns know that there are people out there in this world that care for you....and you will be okay...you don't see it now, but you will. I wanna leave ya with a qoute that helped me through this. It hangs on my roommates wall.

 

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

 

NE

[In Sync]

Now after all this, I enter a sense of now what? I'm over my ex, but I still feel like i'm not sure what comes next. We spend so much time trying to get them back, or heal, and its almost like when you reach that goal where do you go? Life is not the same it once was, its something new.

 

Welcome to life folks, never constant and always changing,

 

I guess we'd all get through easier it if there was some assurance that there was something after all this that would make us say it was worth it, all this pain..the lesson was worth it. Yes it's a new life ..It just seems like there is this giant VOID.

[NightsEcho]

In Sync,

The truth of the whole thing is that is there was assurance that at the end of this whole thing, you got some kinda magical happy ending, it would take away the whole point of this. In my opinion, we take away from these experiences what we chose to. Now some will pine for what once was, others move on quickly, and others take away not a single thing. I for one believe that anyone who has enough emotion to seek answers (on LS or elsewhere) are capable of loving relationships that will happen when you dont expect. Could be tommorow, could be 10 years.....theres no timeline for love. Don't worry, I don't think any of us are gonna be sitting alone in a retirement home pining about the one that got away 60 years or 40 years ago.

 

Your all capable of love, your all capable of improvement, and in the end that is what most people look for in a partner....someone who is capable of love.

 

Head up, all of you

 

NE