"why Did She Do This?" Please Help

[totallyconfused]

Kodiak,

 

I havent followed up on your previous posts, but I think that NightsEcho is giving some really great advice, though a bit cynical. But sometimes bluntness helps get your point across. I thought you could relate to this quote:

 

"In one's youth, every person and every event appear to be unique. With age, one becomes much more aware that simlar events recur. Later on, one is less often delighted or surprised, but also less disappointed."

~Albert Einstein

 

I think the reason you say you "arent" in love with your ex b/c you have moved on, but you kinda are still. Maybe not as strong, but like that quote, you are used to her disappointing you. And that is why you aren't hurting as badly. But don't forget how much it hurt you the first time around.

 

I'm not sure who posted it, but they were right when she used you. She used you in a sense b/c she must've went through a break up with a bf. She probably didn't want to tell you about it either - hence why she "realized" how much of an amazing boyfriend you were when compared to this bf.

 

Honestly, I think she told you to find a "good girl" b/c she knew damn right how sexually active she's been since you. She knows all of her dirty deeds and now feels like she is no longer the good girl she once was when she was with you. Girls can be devious and scandelous like that. I think this all stems from a recent breakup of hers and she is just using you to fill up that void. You were an easy target for that filling.

 

Once you came out to see her, she thought OMG what have I done. The feelings she was entertaining were now coming to life. She seems so confused, selfish (her actions towards you, then pulls away - all for her pleasure to make her feel better), and annoying.

 

From a girl's POV and whose kinda done that BS game, get outta there. Tell her you got other better things to do then to deal with an emotional chick. Go out, get yourself busy, do anything, everything - even try online dating or something. Yahoo! games is fun.

 

She's already hurt you twice again. DON'T let her do it for the third time. Girls like will forever play your heart at her enjoyment.

 

Good luck.

[Becoming]

Ah, Kodiac, you sound like a great guy. I'm an old married woman, but picked up your story, and I'm shocked that all you guys are so wonderfully sensitive. You know your feelings and say them. How fantastic is that?

 

From a female point of view, I must say that a woman who doesn't appreciate you guys has problems that are HERS, not yours. Did ya hear that, Kodiac? I know it feels like you're ripping your arm off and that hearing "You should just get over it" just adds insult to injury perhaps. But I second all that everyone's said here. You're going to have to move on.

 

Sounds like your head knows all this is true, but your vulnerable heart, that little child who just wants to be loved, can't understand why you're not--especially after you were led to believe certain things were true by her words and actions. It sounds to me like you're just as much in love with love as she is and that you were (as we all do to some extent) using her to get your needs met as much as she was you. It's just that your needs weren't compatible. I think the obsession with this relationship and the pain the obsession is bringing you could be lessened by getting in touch with the pain of that broken-hearted child within you who wants YOU to love him. (Frankly, I've always hated all that inner child crap--probably because it turns out it was true.) Get to the source of all these terrible feelings, and I'm sure there's not a void but compassion waiting for you beyond the pain and darkness.

 

You deserve better. Take that big salary and spend it on some therapy to get in touch with whatever it is IN YOU that won't let this relationship go. Best thing you could possibly do--would've saved me years of heartache.

 

All the best!

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

I took a nap and when I woke up, there was a bunch of replies. Thank you all so much for taking the time to do this for me. It helps me out so much. The whole thing is just so weird. The only thing i lost in this all was the fact that we dont talk anymore but i went almost a year without talking to her. However im making it out to be like i was dating this girl again. I will admit i got my hopes crushed. My expectations were way too high but i can only take partial blame for this. All that Bull**** that told me, made me think other. It just hurts guys. I think that maybe I should go see a therapist to resolve some of the issues that I am having. I woke up from my nap and feel so alone right now. I wanna go out and do things but i dont have the motivation to do it. Im letting this girl get the best of me and thats whats bugging me the most. I think have severe issues. I mean i opened up my cell phone bill today and saw all my incoming calls and they were mostly from her. I almost burts into tears because i know those days are over.

 

Totallyconfused- Thank you for your replies. We talked about our past relationships and hpw many people she has been with. Unless she lied, believe me she is not a sexual active girl. She has good morals when it comes to this. Who knows how she is now though, i thought she was someone different from the way she was acting towards me. I try not to think about that stuff. I guess i am very much inlove with her still. i was jsut getting over her when she called and its such a huge steback now. I feel so lost inside.

[kodiak]

OmegaRed- thanks again for your help and your advice. i know that her itentions were probably nothing good. It just hurts so bad not to talk to her anymore. It was so nice having somebody back in my life that i cared about. It was nice for her to call and tell me about her day and listen when i told her about things. it was nice to have that person call you and tell you goodnite. I am so unhappy right now and I know thats a problem. I feel that this girl has to be in my life. She ocuppies my thoughts 24/7. When i wake up, when i go to bed. I guess now i know that we are not meant to be. Before she ever called i always wndered, but i guess now I know. Im hurting.

 

Cynicallove- Im trying not to use excuses. I am just hurting. You see if you could have only heard the conversations we had in the last two months you would know why i feel the way i do. It was soamazing and now im left with nothing. Imagine feeling like your ex cares about you then just walks away after what my ex and i just went through. This girl was my heart for so long. I wanna call her and yell at her for coming back in my life after all that time and turning it upside down then leaving. I wonder if when she is alone if she feels bad for what she did. If she ask herself, "why did I do this to a guy that loved me as much as he did" I wonder if any of her friends and family ask her what she was doing? Im sorry if it sounds that im making excuses, its just hard. I feel so crushed. Im lucky that i did not get romantic with her or slept with her bc im sure that would make it harder. It will all pass im sure. All i do is focus on her sweet things then the crap she put me through. Why is this?

 

 

I will reply to you all later, the ones i missed. I have to run out...