Advice for girfriend or boyfriend of Pot Addict

[Soul Searching JJ]

It's been a while since anyone responded to this topic so I may need to start a new post... but here goes...

 

I unknowingly married a Pot head. I am against the use of illegal drugs all the way and have always - even through high school and college - stayed a drug virgin. Trust me I had my fun with alcohol although never even dabbled into anything else. I was lucky that my friends respected me enough not to do anything around me and kept me from being around anyone else doing them. I've walked in on things and right back out.

 

I rarely hampered anyone else except my close friends - in part because I was afraid for them...

 

However - I am DEAD set against the use of illegal drugs - why take a chance at potentially ruining your life and how can we teach our children drugs are wrong if we use them ourselves??

 

My Husband is whole heartedly addicted and I never knew. He knew how strong I felt about drugs although once on New Year's Eve he convinced me to smoke pot. I figured, no big deal - I was nearly 30 and felt once couldn't hurt although I was miserable and paranoid that everyone knew... That was it - we didn't do it again.

 

Then after we were married I found his stash - we had a HUGE blow out and I told him to leave but he begged to stay. He swore it would never happen again - well it did over and over. The same old story - I would demand he leave and he wouldn't. I was pregnant the first time I found it so I had to have faith that it wouldn't happen again. Well it just kept happening.

 

He is a master manipulator and product of his childhood which he blames for the addiction (he admitted to having smoked everyday since he was 13!!). How could I have not known?????? The last time I found it - I was prepared to raise the entire family on my own - 3 kids in all. He begged and begged and cried..... I hated it so much I just wanted him to die so I wouldn't have to hear it and feel sorry for him.

 

Well, we went through 6 months of couple's therapy and he DEMANDED that he stopped and was angry when ever I got suspicious. Dummy me - I told him it was Pot or the family the last time - I found evidence today - pot seeds and ashes - I guess he made his choice.

 

The kick - I still love him deep down although can not live with him and HATE him - I really do HATE him for it. I've thought long and hard over the last 6 years and a part of me really HATES him. I know I'll never trust him - I've tried to renew my trust several times over the past 6 years - I have nothing left. The broken trust is over many things - the pot is just one.

 

I am now the mother of 3 children the youngest just 10 months old and the oldest 11 (from a previous 1 year marriage to my high school drunken sweetie). For the first time in 15years I am at home and not working. The house is mine although with kids, I am stuck. Stuck to live in HATE with a guy who lied to me about who he really was.

 

I truly HATE - I mean HATE him. MY advice - if you don't like Pot - DON’T get involved with someone that does. If you know now - get OUT. I am embraced of him and don't want anyone to know. I am embraced for me, my children and anyone we know.

 

Don't try to change pot heads - if they want to do it - they will - regardless. Addictions are greater than GOD - know this now because if they are addicted, they will put it before you, your future children and GOD himself.

[99teggsr]

Coming from a pothead this probably wont mean much. But pot isnt all that bad, except the legalities of it. Maybe you should chill out and smoke a jammer. j/k

 

Really though, if you gave him the altamadium (sp?) and he still chose pot then you have a right to be mad at him.

[morrison]

Also a pothead here and I'm just wondering how much do you know about pot? Out of all the drugs, including alchohol being one of the worst, I have to say pot does nothing more than mellow you out and takes the edge off.

I understand where you're coming from, but to rip a family apart over this is kind of silly. He's not getting drunk and violent, he's not hooked on something that will destroy your finances like coke or meth. And all the other drugs that are legal, well that doesn't mean that they aren't bad in any way, just some people said these are fine, these over here aren't. I bet more people than you suspect smoke up, you'd be surprised.

Anyway, just something to consider before you all have to go through a very hard and painful proccess.

[seaturtle]

Wow, I can totally relate, I happened to stumble upon your post doing a google search of husbands addicted to pot.

 

My situation is a bit different than yours. We are expecting our 3rd child due in one week. I married my husband knowing that he did smoke pot, he started smoking again (we had both smoked when we where in high school) due to back problems. He said it helped with the pain and I prefered him to use pot rather than the drugs the doc had given him that made him untolerable. Then his back problems got better but he continued to smoke and it started causing problems in our marriage.

 

The social aspect really started interfearing with our life, because I dont smoke any more and think its better for raising children to stay away from it for the most part (although I had nothing against occasional use), I wouldnt get involved. He started hanging out with a crowd that he could get it from. He started hanging out with them more and more, and there where often other woman around and he ended up forming a freindship/pot buddy relationship with one of them. Well that ended when I was about to walk out on him. So we went on and he cut down, but then he picked back up again and started lieng to me about it. Once again this ended with me on my way out the door.

 

So he said he would quit because he wanted to be a family and it was causing too many problems. So we go on happily and got pregnant, purposfully with our thrird child. Then a few weeks ago he tells me that he has been lieing all of this time and that he has been smoking every since our last falling out, a year ago!!! He said he didnt want to lie anymore. He told me he dosent think he could ever give it up. The problem is I dont have anything against the pot itself, but its the fact he gets so wrapped up in it. Every time I have given him a chance he cant just have a few trusted budies to smoke with or do it when he is really stressed out, it always seems to take up more and more of his life until it is effecting mine. I feel like he is chosing pot over me and our family that he chose to create.

[phrekmon]

I have to agree that pot is by far less toxic to your body and mind than say alcohol and alot of the scrips their writting out there. But I do think that if your using everyday you know "smoking a big fatty" after work, than you can definitly let the buzz dull your emotions, feelings so that you do not communicate effectively with whoever. There is no reason to dull it every day. FEEL the pain. Dennis