should i ask if there is another

[Selections1]

been reading a lot for the past 2 months or so (that is when me and my gf split up) after 2.5yrs, wasn't that messy nothing major (she lost the spark, felt we were more friends then going out) i admit i was at fault too it got a little stale i guess, however right away i knew i still wanted to be with her and i told her everything and nothing would make her budge (wrote a letter too, which it took her a week to read..kinda sad eh? )

 

i did all the stupid things like beg her, and keep calling, she asked for space and i would not give it...at this time my dad was in the hospital and she basically could not care less and just dissapeared which is major to me and just cuz of this thought many times about completly dropping her if she could do that to me a week after we broke up so the nex 2 weeks while my dad was there i did all the stupid things listed above....and got 1 call the whole time askin how things were...and then another on my b-day to say happy birthday (talked an hour) again i turned it into begging her

 

then eventually like a month after i decided to give her, her space and a week later she called me i did not ans since i was out and called back the day after no ans.....so 3 days later i call no ans...(but during the week she would iniate contact throgh IM, i was never there and saw them later) so she IM me that nite cuz i left a rude msg i guess askin why she bothered callin if she was gonna ignore me..so she IM sayin that she wasn't and just bz, n then all the sudden i had to get off the comp (Someone else needed it so i was like brb and could not come back and called her she answered)

 

so we talked 2 hours and she was mad that i did not talk/call her for a week as i said u asked for space and her ans was that does not mean you dont dissapear:o

 

so since then we have been talking more and more...atleat once a week, somtimes 2 or 3 times....yesturday was the first time i saw her after a month (ran into her at a party a month ago)..she was studiening at my skools library (i already knew that but i did not go find her my friend happened to be sittin 1 row infront of her and she tapped me after i was talkin to him for 5 min..so i said hi and had small talk for a few min..so i went at wrote my test (fineshed at 9) she was like come back after cuz she knew i would still be studien since i have another one today so i came back we sat nex to each other for 4 hours

 

in those 4 hours, i went and got dinner ( i was staving and she did not want to go anywhere to eat...with me i guess) even after she said she did not want anything but i knew she was starving and when i came back with it she is like "i really expected u not too, why did you" and i was just like umm ok..i know u want to eat so i got it you should know me better then that by now so we did finally eat..then went back to the library..talked here and there between studien...laughing, she was playing around an touching my arm and head here and there...nothing more then friendly...and she had some family probs recently and broke down and was crying and telling me everything

 

so we talked about that and how everything else was, i gave her a hug kinda ( we were sittin down) so just arm around her i and pulled her towards me as she was crying...asked if she wanted to go for a walk and was like no, no...so that was that...

 

towards when she was fineshing she got a txt msg and as soon as she stopped crying so went to make call (11pm at nite)....so then..at like 12 she got another msg she replied back...i could hear the phone vibrate that is how i know...and then a call at like 1am she left and talked somewhere else...and then were leaving at 2am...and parked in different lots first she would not come to my car cuz i was like its the middle of the nite your not going alone after sayin it like 5 times she finally was like ok, so we get in the car she gets another call (2am) and ignores it...i drop her at her car and she just gets out and is like have a good nite no hug or anything which i was expecting and im preety sure she called back whomever it was rite away

 

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bringing us today, i know she at my skool library again and will be there till 2am and she knows i am going to be there test (6-8) and was like come by "ill be here so ill see you 2morrow" the thing is i want to ask her if she is seriosuly talking to someone else/seeing someone...

 

should i?

 

or what should i do today not go to the libary and see her, see if she calls (she wont)...i dont want to do NC cuz it wont work with her, suggestions

 

sorry about the long post:p

[TequilaSunrise]

It sounds like she is seeing someone else but would like you to be on standby in case it doesn't work out.

 

At your age, I would suggest that you just forget about her and get another gf or many. You only have your youth once, so enjoy. There is plenty of time to settle down with someone later in life.

 

If you got back with your ex, you would likely carry resentments for the way she treated you, so it is unlikely to work out anyway. It is the rejection that makes you want to go back. But once a few months have passed and you can look at it rationally, you will see that walking away was the best thing to do.

 

I suspect you will want to still try and win her back and ignore this advice. So if you must, go complete NC and pretend you are seeing someone. My gut instinct is that she will come back quickly if she thinks you are seeing someone. Asking her if she has a bf and hanging around her all the time just reinforces your standby status.

[Selections1]

i wont ignore it TequilaSunrise thats why i posted lol, i was starting to think the same thing, this was the first time since we broke up that we were with each other for more then 10 min and without the relationship comming up and her leavin crying, which i hated:(

 

i was maybe thinking of trying till the end of the year..1.5 months, and if nothing by then just doing strict NC

 

the major problem is that we went to the same highskool and the same uni (she changed last year to a diff one, different program) so 99% of our friends are metual anywhere im invited she is aswell and vice versa

[Neptune]

I believe that it is not often that a gal breaks off a relationship and has not already set her sight on the next guy. It is the nature of the game.

 

Now it is one thing if you really did her wrong. But when you are in the mix and get dumped, she likely has a clear plan. But, she may be well aware it may not work out. I wonder if it is ever the same getting back together after such a break.

 

It sort of makes a guy the best thing she has until Mr Rite comes along. And I think that has a lot to do with it. So, you could be dumped again and again.

[Selections1]

I believe that it is not often that a gal breaks off a relationship and has not already set her sight on the next guy. It is the nature of the game.

 

Now it is one thing if you really did her wrong. But when you are in the mix and get dumped, she likely has a clear plan. But, she may be well aware it may not work out. I wonder if it is ever the same getting back together after such a break.

 

It sort of makes a guy the best thing she has until Mr Rite comes along. And I think that has a lot to do with it. So, you could be dumped again and again.

 

ya ur reading my mind, as i said in the first post...i have thought about completly just dropping her, cause i figure if she can do this to me once then whats stopping her from doing it again... just sucks when you want to be that one person and only see her even though other chances might be passing by

[Selections1]

what do you all think about the wait till the end of the year and try till then, well be friedly till then and see if anything comes about it

 

i know my msg's are contrdicting each other, just dont want to make a decission and regreat it later so im trying to look at it from all angles, and thanx to everyone who contributed so far!!!

[grace2005]

Try being friends with her for 1-2 months and see if that will re-iginite the spark in her. I spent quality time with my ex gf (who came back to me last friday) as a friend for 2 visits before her spark came back. I did NC for 32 days before we hung out as friends the first time. Then I went back to applying NC for 10 days before hanging out with her the 2nd time. It was during that 2nd time that her flame was rekindled. My situation was similar to yours in that she lost the spark but the only difference was I did her wrong by arguing with her, venting anger and frustration by yelling and hitting the steering wheel. The way I vented my anger is what caused her to break. But now I am working on things and learning from a counselor techniques in venting anger in healthier mature ways in the future.

 

You can't really be certain that your ex is seeing someone else now. You don't have any proof. If I were you I would not ask her if she has a bf because with all due respect that is none of your business since she's not dating you at this point. So if after the 1st of the year nothing seems to be going anywhere with this friends thing then I would apply strict NC and see what effect that has on her. Don't make an anouncement to her that you plan to do NC otherwise it won't work. If she calls you take some of her calls but not all of them and try to act busy over the phone and make sure you hang up first like after 5 minutes. If she notices that you are not pursuing then it should raise her curiousity and that's why she'll call. I made the same mistake in the first week of the break up calling her too but only I didn't beg. Hope this helps.

[Selections1]

what do you think i should do today, i am at skool test is in 2 hours and i am done at 8pm, i know she is here till late and she knows i am here..cuz we told each other yesturday but did not see each other today (im in a different building)

 

should i go see her after my test..as i said earlier yesturday she was like 'ill see you 2morrow, ill be here again'...i know she wont call or anything to tell me to come..suggestions

[Neptune]

Probably will pay you to not approach her. She needs to take the lead now because she is the one that made the break. You can`t be clinging to her. Gotta show her that you can stand on your own. Don`t let her think you are sitting around watching TV and patiently awaiting her return. Better to get out with the boys and hopefully she will get wind of it.

[Selections1]

well im still at skool and yes im sittin nex to her...she was standing there when i left my test room waiting for another friend so i just said hi and kept going and jumped on a computer kinda outa site but she came down and found me...so now im studien with her...well sittin next to her (cubicles)..

 

i wont ask her about anyone else since everyone reccomended not to and that makes sense, well see what happens...maybe a week of NC after 2nite ill see how it goes i guess, but im deff thinking of trying till the new year...and if nothin happens by then so be it i guess:o

 

thanx again for the help:)

[Selections1]

well here is the update...i found out infact she is with someone else and not only that but they started going out a week after we broke up:sick: , so that explains quite a bit she claims she was faithfull but i dont see how that is possible... i guess everyone was right and i was stupid, thats life i guess

 

i guess ill just start full NC now and get on with my life...

 

only thing is she has some of my stuff that i want back...(me and my family was moving so i gave it to her cuz it was important to me, so it has no meaning to her..and she knows that she was just holding onto it) how should i go about gettin it back?

 

i dont know how i was so blind and stupid:(

[omegaRED]

Get a friend of yours to call her and get your stuff. I`m gonna do the same... Should have done it earlier though...