HURTING

[ASH]

HI...i need someones opinion..anyone who cares to listen and gives feedback....anyway..this happens 10 month ago when i broke up with my ex..this guy came along and swept me off my feet..anyway....he was this type of guy that i would never think to have landed with..anyway...after constant attention and promises and tears of desperation from him i said yes...in the beginning i felt like a princess....i was the most imprtant person to him..now its been 8 month of being a couple..the more he knows i love him the more he takes me for granted and ..it use to be like he'll die not seeing me even for a day now hes like hes busy and he wants time for his football and old buddies that he had ignored since his been seeing me...he has more time for his mom than me...

 

i can't help to think that he has someone.....anyway..hope to get ANY FEEDBACKS...hope to hear from anyone whose willing to help soon....

[maudi75]

Hi Hurting,

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Believe me what you don't want to do right now is try to "hang on". I've just gone through this and I am still in the process so I know how hard it is. I know this is going to be hard for you to listen to but I feel I must tell you that you need to give him the space he is asking for. I know it's going to feel incredibly weird because you've basically functioned as a "unit" and now you are trying to go back to the "individual" level. I hope you understand what I'm talking about there. What I am meaning to say is that when you hooked up you instantly became inseparable, you did lots of stuff together and your friends naturally faded into the background,etc. Well, you are going to have to let him have the space he is asking for because if you don't you will lose him for good. I can't garantee that you won't lose him or that there isn't someone else in the picture but if you are just hanging on to him or grabbing for anything in his path to keep him with you then you are going to bring yourself down even more than if you lose him. It's hard, but regaining some of your own identity is possible and that's what you need to do. Try to talk it out with some of your girlfriends and if none of them are available you can talk to me. I am going through a break up right now over something very similar to this. All I can tell you is that you need to focus less attention on him and more on yourself because if you don't, you will lose him for good. Again, let me say that I know exactly how painful this must be for you and it does fade away. It just sounds like he's trying to regain some of his individuality again and that's my honest opinion. It doesn't sound like there's anyone else in the picture (at least not right now anyway) so if you ease up the pressure and tension a little bit you may see that he misses you and will come around. Please don't take this the wrong way but it does sound like you have some co-dependency issues and it is really easy to get into that when you get into any relationship. Eight months is a long time but try Eight years. I am trying to regain my independence and individuality after eight years and right now I'm doing okay. So, let him go. Find things for you to do, either with friends or by yourself even. It can be anything, exercise, watch a movie, spend time with family even. I know it is so hard but you will be able to do it and it is a good thing that this is happening now and not a year or two from now. I know you are hurting but in time it will begin to get better. I can't tell you how long or that he won't leave but if you keep trying to do things to hang on to him then he will leave. So my advice is to let him go a little bit, let him hang out with buddies and you try to do the same. If you get really bored then log on and you can find me here or soemone else. Talking about it helps a lot and the more you talk about it, the better you will feel afterward. And you will talk about it a lot. You'll find yourself asking friends and family and anybody else for that matter about your situation, no one can tell you exactly what you should do because they are neither you nor him, in essence, they are not in the relationship with you two and don't know all the little details about what you've meant to eachother. Only you do. Also, talking to him about some of your fears is okay, as long as you don't go overboard and don't start accusing him of falling for someone else. Calmly ask him about his feelings and tell him that you've detected some tension between the two of you and see what he says (If you haven't already done this). It sounds like you must have already done some kind of talking so the best thing to do is give him room but also remember you are giving yourself room as well. Think of this also as "your time" to go out and see what else is out there, spend time with friends or do something that you've wanted to but haven't had the time to do. I hope this helps you, it is just my opinion but I read your plea and you sound a lot like I did a couple of weeks ago. Good luck to you and try to take it easy and be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

HI...i need someones opinion..anyone who cares to listen and gives feedback....anyway..this happens 10 month ago when i broke up with my ex..this guy came along and swept me off my feet..anyway....he was this type of guy that i would never think to have landed with..anyway...after constant attention and promises and tears of desperation from him i said yes...in the beginning i felt like a princess....i was the most imprtant person to him..now its been 8 month of being a couple..the more he knows i love him the more he takes me for granted and ..it use to be like he'll die not seeing me even for a day now hes like hes busy and he wants time for his football and old buddies that he had ignored since his been seeing me...he has more time for his mom than me... i can't help to think that he has someone.....anyway..hope to get ANY FEEDBACKS...hope to hear from anyone whose willing to help soon....

[lele]

hi, i know what you are going through. i've had a similiar experience. i just recently broke it off with my guy. in the beginning of our relationship it was exactly like yours. he made me feel like a queen but after awhile all the attention and calls stopped. i barely heard from him. i decided to let him go because i deserved better treatment. i feel if you accept bs thats exactly what you will get.its hard being alone and letting go of someone you're in love with but everyone deserves to be happy. life is short,live it to the fullest and be with someone that wants to be with you.in letting him go he realized what he was missing. its been a month now and not a day goes by that i don't hear from him.he's calling begging for us to be together.some people never miss what they have until its gone. but i made a choice to leave him and i'm sticking with that. he should have appreciated me when he had me. peace i hope this helps alittle.