Sometimes 'come over to my place and watch some Netflix' really does mean come over to my place and watch some Netflix

[Sony12]

Met up with this lady yesterday whom had been talking to for about a week. Lot of dirty talk during our conversations and she gave a lot of very clear sexual references. She brought up me coming back to her place while we were planning the date out to in her words 'put on a TV show that we weren't going to watch'. And she even mentioned that she had bought grapes and cheese that we could use.

Meet up and everything is fine and going well. We go to dinner first which we had planned and then go to a park as well which we had planned. Quite a bit of kissing and french kissing and she even ran her tongue a long my neck a couple times (which I did to her as well) while at the park.

Then after spending a little while at the park she mentioned heading back to her place to put on a show. And well that's where the disconnect started. For context I'm not much older than her kids so this wasn't a traditional dating set up.

We got back to her place and she wanted to watch a show called the 'Octopus' that is newly released on Netflix. She had already watched the first two episodes (the series is four episodes long) but she chose to start at the beginning again. I was thinking she might just want to watch an episode just to become comfortable with the setting before she began focusing on what traditionally older women bring younger men back to their place for on the first date.

We continued to kiss and make our a bit while the first episode was on and her hand was running a long my thigh not very far away from my crotch. First episode ends but instead of turning the show off...........boom she starts episode 2. I was surprised that she was choosing to watch the second episode but played along with it and we acted much the same during it as we did the first episode and she seemed to be getting into the making out a little more. 

Second episode ends and I thought to myself surely she isn't going to start the third. But sure enough she did. Even more surprising than that is once the episodes started that she hadn't watched yet she wanted to cut off the mild fooling around so she could totally focus on the show. At that point I began questioning why she even brought me back to her place. Most all the time when women invite me back to their place on the first date the heavy fooling around generally starts relatively quickly. They may want to talk for a little bit first but in general within about thirty minutes my clothes are being taken off. I didn't really think this situation would be much different especially considering this lady was even heavier into the dirty talk (and gave many references to giving me oral sex) and we had time to talk at the park beforehand already.

In any case while the third episode was on I began realizing that she is going to try to watch the entire series and she is truly intent on watching it and just isn't using it as an excuse to have a guy come over. Really started becoming disconnected with the situation at that point and I believe she was as well. Plus I began needing to pee a bit and it can sometimes be tougher to pee when you are at a strange women's place and the situation is quite uncomfortable.

So probably around the halfway point of episode 3 I decided to just head out. I told her it was fun but I was going to go ahead and leave and kissed her goodbye. She said ok and told me to call her and I left. Think though that I am just going to cut the whole thing off cold (I didn't send her any messages and didn't receive any from her).

It's entirely likely that she decided that she didn't want to do anything extremely sexual once we got back to her place as (at least according to what she has told me) this isn't something she has done before. It's been several years since she was involved with anyone at all and she never has been involved with a younger man before. Plus she said she had a completely sexless marriage so she may be more comfortable just hanging out then actually taking a guy to her bedroom.

Also does make me wonder though if all that dirty talk was just b.s. on her part and was just saying it to get the attention of an attractive younger man.

I fully know that sitting and watching TV is a normal dating activity but at the same time if that's what they really want to do probably best to stick with someone closer in age and not go out with someone who wasn't born yet when you graduated from highschool.

A lot of the complaints many women have these days is that they aren't attracted to men their own age and the younger guys just want sex. And well that's what this situation turned out to be.

[Alpacalia]

Sorry you left dissatisfied with your date. She might be a slow mover and need to watch a few shows with you first. Sounds fair to me. Hey at least you guys had a good make out session. On to the next one.

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Weezy1973]

When the reality kicked in she got cold feet. Fair enough. But ye can certainly understand your frustration when all signs seemed to point in one direction and not much ended up happening. There are more older women out there. And yes probably best to cut things off completely and let her figure out what she really wants.

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sorry you left dissatisfied with your date. She might be a slow mover and need to watch a few shows with you first. Sounds fair to me. Hey at least you guys had a good make out session. On to the next one.

Yep. But man four hours of tv watching would be a lot to expect. And the guy not knowing if she is even going to be interested in messing around once that show is finished would probably make most any younger man decide to just head home.

I agree it is fair but at the same time probably better for her to stick with men her own age if that is the timing she is comfortable with.

[Alpacalia]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yep. But man four hours of tv watching would be a lot to expect. And the guy not knowing if she is even going to be interested in messing around once that show is finished would probably make most any younger man decide to just head home.

I agree it is fair but at the same time probably better for her to stick with men her own age if that is the timing she is comfortable with.

Huh?  Why should she stick with men her own age if she wants sex?  You wanted sex and she invited you back to her place and you were confused that she wanted to watch a show that she (and possibly yourself?) wanted to see after four hours of hanging out and making out... That doesn't make sense. Did you guys talk beforehand and agree to have sex? If it was a no, then it seems like a huge leap to make that she should just stick with men her own age. Older women should be able to have sex with whomever they want. 

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Huh?  Why should she stick with men her own age if she wants sex?  You wanted sex and she invited you back to her place and you were confused that she wanted to watch a show that she (and possibly yourself?) wanted to see after four hours of hanging out and making out... That doesn't make sense. Did you guys talk beforehand and agree to have sex? If it was a no, then it seems like a huge leap to make that she should just stick with men her own age. Older women should be able to have sex with whomever they want. 

She did say that we would put on a show that we weren't going to watch.  And yes she did give many references to her wanting to perform oral sex on me. So yes the insinuation was was that if I were coming back to her place it was to have sex and not to watch four hours of television.

[Alpacalia]

9 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

She did say that we would put on a show that we weren't going to watch.  And yes she did give many references to her wanting to perform oral sex on me. So yes the insinuation was was that if I were coming back to her place it was to have sex and not to watch four hours of television.

So basically, she was flirty with you and hinted at wanting to hook up, but then seemed uninterested when you went to her place. Who knows what her reasons were, maybe the cheese gave her indigestion. It can be frustrating when someone sends mixed signals like that. Sure. As for the comment about her sticking to men her own age, I fail to see the relevance. 

[Sony12]

19 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So basically, she was flirty with you and hinted at wanting to hook up, but then seemed uninterested when you went to her place. Who knows what her reasons were, maybe the cheese gave her indigestion. It can be frustrating when someone sends mixed signals like that. Sure. As for the comment about her sticking to men her own age, I fail to see the relevance. 

I said that because watching television together is a normal dating activity. You know something you do when you are in a relationship with someone. Talking about giving blowjobs to guys not much older than her own kids isn't a normal dating activity (generally people that want that are usually mainly after one thing).

If she wants to have normal dating activities than it might be better for her to stick with guys closer in age to her. As most guys that much younger aren't going to be interested in watching four hours of television with a lady old enough to be his mom (especially after she has been that forward with him).

Edited March 3, 2024 by Sony12

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I said that because watching television together is a normal dating activity. You know something you do when you are in a relationship with someone. Talking about giving blowjobs to guys not much older than her own kids isn't a normal dating activity (generally people that want that are usually mainly after one thing).

If she wants to have normal dating activities than it might be better for her to stick with guys closer in age to her. As most guys that much younger aren't going to be interested in watching four hours of television with a lady old enough to be his mom.

What is your goal with meeting these older women? Is it just to have sex with them? Maybe it would be helpful to state that upfront, so you don't waste each other's time. Also, women (of all ages) can change their minds and may not be in the mood for sex when they initially were. It happens. 

In the future, maybe avoid assuming that just because a woman is older and flirty, it means she wants to have sex with you. Yes, it certainly sounds like that was the direction the evening was headed, but ultimately she may have changed her mind or realized she wasn't comfortable with the idea after all.  It's also possible that she was just looking for someone to spend time with, and the flirting was just her way of trying to connect with you.

It's sad that your takeaway from this experience is that women are sending mixed signals and that you didn't get the sex you were hoping for. There's more to dating and relationships than just hooking up, but maybe an app that is strictly for hookups would yield better results.

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Els]

It sounds like she was open to having sex but changed her mind halfway through it, for whatever reason. Honestly, I'm not sure what you're so upset about? You two didn't even seem to have met IRL before. There's no way she could have known whether she would or wouldn't be turned on by you when you met, surely? The only thing I think she did wrong is that IMO she should have called the night off once she realized she wasn't interested in having sex with you, instead of drawing it out. But on the other hand, maybe she was hoping she'd warm up to you...

You seem a bit hung up on the whole age thing. Which is fair, I can't see the appeal of dating someone twice your age either (regardless of gender), but YOU agreed to meet up with her. Why do you think the onus should be on her to not invite you, rather than on yourself to decline her invitation if you're not sure about the situation?

[Wiseman2]

It seems like she meant Netflix and chill more literally as in actually watching the series. It's good to wrap things up if you were getting uncomfortable or frustrated. What exactly did she want to "use" the grapes and cheese for?

[Alpacalia]

Was she going to put the grapes and cheese on you and then pretend to be the octopus?

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

@Alpacalia@Els Yeah mainly what kind of irritated me about the situation was that if she did change her mind about the scenario is that she didn't tell me. I'm completely cool with people changing their minds and realize that that is part of having first date sex.  

I would have liked the opportunity to leave sooner if the interest in doing what we had talked about earlier was fading. I do it when I am no longer interested (which is why I chose to abruptly leave) and appreciate when the women I am with do the same.

[Els]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

@Alpacalia@Els Yeah mainly what kind of irritated me about the situation was that if she did change her mind about the scenario is that she didn't tell me. I'm completely cool with people changing their minds and realize that that is part of having first date sex.  

I would have liked the opportunity to leave sooner if the interest in doing what we had talked about earlier was fading. I do it when I am no longer interested (which is why I chose to abruptly leave) and appreciate when the women I am with do the same.

Yeah, I think some people fall into the trap of thinking "oh, maybe I should give it a bit more time and see if I feel anything". Especially if she's a slow burner in general, she might still have been undecided at that point.

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Was she going to put the grapes and cheese on you and then pretend to be the octopus?

Lol maybe. What the grapes and cheese were for wasn't really specified. I interpretation was that it was for eating things off each other but who knows. In her mind it could have just been for us feeding things to each other.

The only thing she was really specific about was that she did have an interest in going down on me.

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Els said:

Yeah, I think some people fall into the trap of thinking "oh, maybe I should give it a bit more time and see if I feel anything". Especially if she's a slow burner in general, she might still have been undecided at that point.

Yeah and that was one of the reasons why I felt it was becoming pointless to stay for the entire series because there likely was a real possibility that once the four episodes were done she would have just said she was ready for me to go. Once we got back to her place if she was still really interested in doing the things we talked about we probably at most would have only watched the first episode (if any at all).

[Weezy1973]

17 minutes ago, Els said:

Especially if she's a slow burner in general, she might still have been undecided at that point.

Considering they were making out and licking each other’s necks prior I don’t think that was the case. She had mentioned “never doing this before” and having come out of a sexless marriage, so it’s more likely that anxiety took over when you got back to her place and things got real. Or were expected to. Perhaps at her core she’s just not a casual sex person, but didn’t realize that until she actually got into the situation. 
 

I remember once when I was young and single, a married woman was trying hard to get together with me, and prior to I was interested, but once we met and things got “real” I just couldn’t go through with it. Prior to meeting it was just a fantasy with no consequences.

Edited March 3, 2024 by Weezy1973

[princessaurora]

You've mentioned multiple times you aren't much older than her kids and she's old enough to be your mom. Did you tell her that at any point during the date?  If so that could have turned her off. 

[Sony12]

38 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

You've mentioned multiple times you aren't much older than her kids and she's old enough to be your mom. Did you tell her that at any point during the date?  If so that could have turned her off. 

No our conversations during the date were pretty normal for the most part. Most of the age related comments were made by her.

Asking me things about how my parents felt about me being involved with older women and things like that. Which I said they know I do it and as long as we are safe than we are all adults.

Edited March 3, 2024 by Sony12

[Sony12]

50 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Considering they were making out and licking each other’s necks prior I don’t think that was the case. She had mentioned “never doing this before” and having come out of a sexless marriage, so it’s more likely that anxiety took over when you got back to her place and things got real. Or were expected to. Perhaps at her core she’s just not a casual sex person, but didn’t realize that until she actually got into the situation. 
 

I remember once when I was young and single, a married woman was trying hard to get together with me, and prior to I was interested, but once we met and things got “real” I just couldn’t go through with it. Prior to meeting it was just a fantasy with no consequences.

Yeah and in general most women who are into sex with younger men have done it before and know that they like it. Women that haven't had sex with a much younger man before may view the idea of it as thrilling but sometimes decide that it's better to be kept as a fantasy and aren't necessarily as into turning it into a real life event.

[Wiseman2]

Seems like your pre meeting banter turned out to be all talk and no action. Maybe she's just one of those lonely senior citizens looking for company to watch TV with? 

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Seems like your pre meeting banter turned out to be all talk and no action. Maybe she's just one of those lonely senior citizens looking for company to watch TV with? 

Yeah it's entirely possible that the sexual banter she did wasn't really her and was just doing it to get some attention from a guy online that she was attracted to. Hard to say.

One thing I will say is that the sexless marriage she had was something she spoke fondly of. Many women would consider a sexless marriage to be terrible. But she didn't and spoke very fondly of the companionship they shared. So maybe what she really is looking for is a guy just to watch TV with.

[Alpacalia]

Why do you focus on pursuing significantly older women instead of seeking a sexual partner closer to your age? There's lots of speak on your end about how these mature women are more experienced and confident in bed, but is that really what you're looking for? Is age the main factor for you when it comes to attraction or is there something else driving your preference?

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Why do you focus on pursuing significantly older women instead of seeking a sexual partner closer to your age? There's lots of speak on your end about how these mature women are more experienced and confident in bed, but is that really what you're looking for? Is age the main factor for you when it comes to attraction or is there something else driving your preference?

Because it's an attraction I had. When I was in my late 20's I was casually involved with a lady who was in her 50's.

I enjoy my independence so I don't mind at all being single so I do enjoy scenarios where the lady isn't looking for anything serious. I also get a bit of a thrill from being the hot young thing.

[Alpacalia]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Because it's an attraction I had. When I was in my late 20's I was casually involved with a lady who was in her 50's.

I enjoy my independence so I don't mind at all being single so I do enjoy scenarios where the lady isn't looking for anything serious. I also get a bit of a thrill from being the hot young thing.

Oh gotcha. But aren't there women your age who don't want anything serious too? Surely, there are women on dating apps just trying to sleep with someone and live it up that would find you as being young and attractive and desirable too.

Edited March 3, 2024 by Alpacalia