Sometimes 'come over to my place and watch some Netflix' really does mean come over to my place and watch some Netflix

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Oh gotcha. But aren't there women your age who don't want anything serious too? Surely, there are women on dating apps just trying to sleep with someone and live it up that would find you as being young and attractive and desirable too.

Yes. However a lot of gals around my age are busy raising multiple kids and often have a drama filled life where they are still stuck on ex-husbands or boyfriends. Not quite as much of an attractive scenario to have casual relations with.

At least on the internet where you will find these casual settings. It's good to try to avoid having things like that with people you know from your regular life.

[Sony12]

I had a casual dating scenario once with a lady from my regular life and it got really messy. Sex was real good but she ended up being far more invested in the situation than I was and it caused some complications.

So after that I decided I am only going to get involved with women from my regular life if I want an actual relationship from them.

[Alpacalia]

OK. Next time I know exactly what you can do to turn this into your favor...

Bring her a fruitcake.

[Sony12]

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

OK. Next time I know exactly what you can do to turn this into your favor...

Bring her a fruitcake.

Lol hey I have been teasingly asked if I would jump out of a cake before.

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Met up with this lady yesterday whom had been talking to for about a week. Lot of dirty talk during our conversations and she gave a lot of very clear sexual references. She brought up me coming back to her place while we were planning the date out to in her words 'put on a TV show that we weren't going to watch'. And she even mentioned that she had bought grapes and cheese that we could use.

Meet up and everything is fine and going well. We go to dinner first which we had planned and then go to a park as well which we had planned. Quite a bit of kissing and french kissing and she even ran her tongue a long my neck a couple times (which I did to her as well) while at the park.

Then after spending a little while at the park she mentioned heading back to her place to put on a show. And well that's where the disconnect started. For context I'm not much older than her kids so this wasn't a traditional dating set up.

We got back to her place and she wanted to watch a show called the 'Octopus' that is newly released on Netflix. She had already watched the first two episodes (the series is four episodes long) but she chose to start at the beginning again. I was thinking she might just want to watch an episode just to become comfortable with the setting before she began focusing on what traditionally older women bring younger men back to their place for on the first date.

We continued to kiss and make our a bit while the first episode was on and her hand was running a long my thigh not very far away from my crotch. First episode ends but instead of turning the show off...........boom she starts episode 2. I was surprised that she was choosing to watch the second episode but played along with it and we acted much the same during it as we did the first episode and she seemed to be getting into the making out a little more. 

Second episode ends and I thought to myself surely she isn't going to start the third. But sure enough she did. Even more surprising than that is once the episodes started that she hadn't watched yet she wanted to cut off the mild fooling around so she could totally focus on the show. At that point I began questioning why she even brought me back to her place. Most all the time when women invite me back to their place on the first date the heavy fooling around generally starts relatively quickly. They may want to talk for a little bit first but in general within about thirty minutes my clothes are being taken off. I didn't really think this situation would be much different especially considering this lady was even heavier into the dirty talk (and gave many references to giving me oral sex) and we had time to talk at the park beforehand already.

In any case while the third episode was on I began realizing that she is going to try to watch the entire series and she is truly intent on watching it and just isn't using it as an excuse to have a guy come over. Really started becoming disconnected with the situation at that point and I believe she was as well. Plus I began needing to pee a bit and it can sometimes be tougher to pee when you are at a strange women's place and the situation is quite uncomfortable.

So probably around the halfway point of episode 3 I decided to just head out. I told her it was fun but I was going to go ahead and leave and kissed her goodbye. She said ok and told me to call her and I left. Think though that I am just going to cut the whole thing off cold (I didn't send her any messages and didn't receive any from her).

It's entirely likely that she decided that she didn't want to do anything extremely sexual once we got back to her place as (at least according to what she has told me) this isn't something she has done before. It's been several years since she was involved with anyone at all and she never has been involved with a younger man before. Plus she said she had a completely sexless marriage so she may be more comfortable just hanging out then actually taking a guy to her bedroom.

Also does make me wonder though if all that dirty talk was just b.s. on her part and was just saying it to get the attention of an attractive younger man.

I fully know that sitting and watching TV is a normal dating activity but at the same time if that's what they really want to do probably best to stick with someone closer in age and not go out with someone who wasn't born yet when you graduated from highschool.

A lot of the complaints many women have these days is that they aren't attracted to men their own age and the younger guys just want sex. And well that's what this situation turned out to be.

There's a bit of paradox here. Dirty talk is somewhat safe because it's disconnected from the reality, but if you actually start to enjoy it and expect it to be followed up with the real thing then you think she's a whore and she gets turned off by your keenness.

In some womens' minds it needs to be entirely their choice, you thought she was a decent woman and you were genuinely coming back to hers to watch a Netflix series but then whoops! she decides to rudely interrupt your watching of it by taking her clothes off. If you expect her to do it though then it ain't happening, she's not a whore and she doesn't do that kind of thing.

I think that's where you went wrong in this case, you had an expectation and that made her feel like you were using her and only wanted one thing. She wanted to know that you were happy going back to hers planning to watch Netflix, and nothing more, especially given you are much younger than her.

It's a complicated dance we do sometimes, I would get comfortable disconnecting completely from your libido when going on dates like this. Just turn up prepared to watch a series, and put the decision in her hands to end up doing something else.

[Foxhall]

Agreeing with above,

older woman (or any woman) likes to set the terms,

you could have got what you wanted if you had happily watched the netflix, and let things play a natural course.

ah wel- it is easier do the wrong thing than the right thing if that is any consolation.

[FredEire]

30 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Agreeing with above,

older woman (or any woman) likes to set the terms,

you could have got what you wanted if you had happily watched the netflix, and let things play a natural course.

ah wel- it is easier do the wrong thing than the right thing if that is any consolation.

Its about the balance of power. The man is expected to lead on a date in terms of choosing where to go/what to do etc.

But when it comes down to sex, if a woman invites you back to hers/agrees to go back to yours and says no sex, we are just cuddling... You go back with her, you just cuddle and you prepare to go to sleep.

Usually then she'll initiate something because a. she feels it was her idea and decision and b. she will end up confused and frustrated that you were actually willing to just go to sleep without trying for anything further.

It can be very confusing, frustrating and counter-intuitive to a man who was expecting to just meet up for a mutually agreed good time, but this is quite often the way it works. It comes down to her testing whether you still value spending time with her if sex is in theory off the table.

These are the kind of things men so often mess up because they can't get their head around it. Of course to a man you can still meet a woman, have a good time and have sex and still like and respect her, it seems much more straightforward. But to a woman, their own self-image as a decent self-respecting girl, as well as how other girls will judge them is at stake, it's all about the narrative of how things played out and who it was who decided that you were going to end up having sex.

Edited March 3 by FredEire

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

There's a bit of paradox here. Dirty talk is somewhat safe because it's disconnected from the reality, but if you actually start to enjoy it and expect it to be followed up with the real thing then you think she's a whore and she gets turned off by your keenness.

In some womens' minds it needs to be entirely their choice, you thought she was a decent woman and you were genuinely coming back to hers to watch a Netflix series but then whoops! she decides to rudely interrupt your watching of it by taking her clothes off. If you expect her to do it though then it ain't happening, she's not a whore and she doesn't do that kind of thing.

I think that's where you went wrong in this case, you had an expectation and that made her feel like you were using her and only wanted one thing. She wanted to know that you were happy going back to hers planning to watch Netflix, and nothing more, especially given you are much younger than her.

It's a complicated dance we do sometimes, I would get comfortable disconnecting completely from your libido when going on dates like this. Just turn up prepared to watch a series, and put the decision in her hands to end up doing something else.

I think it is more of a situation where you have to be yourself when it comes to the dirty talk and how to act when you get invited home by the lady who you had the dirty talk with. And hope that she was being true to who she really was as well and with what she was looking for from the situation.

I have been invited back by many older women where they didn't want to watch a show or a movie or really even sometimes didn't want to have a real significant conversation once we were back at her place. They talked about sex with you prior to meeting and that was the main thing they were after. They didn't say we will put on a movie that we aren't going to watch but in reality fully intend to watch it 

If I had disconnected from my libido when I was with those gals they would have been very disappointed with the situation.

Many years ago when I still hadn't been invited back home by all that many women from online apps yet a lady I met from an app brought me home. She went into the kitchen to fix herself some coffee and I went to sit down on her couch. She walks into the living room with her coffee and smiles and says 'you seem a little nervous'. I chuckled to myself and got up and quickly brought her over to the couch and we proceeded to take each other's clothes off very aggressively. So much so that we fell off the couch and onto the floor. Hopefully a crime never happens in that house because remnants of my DNA still might be in her living room and bedroom.

With another lady we were pretty much all over each other pretty much from the moment I walked through the door and we proceeded to have sex for probably close to ten hours. We don't meet up anymore but we still message one another occasionally.

You just have to be yourself during the communication process and hope the lady is as well. If they aren't being true to who they are or if there is a misunderstanding then you can just chalk it up to a lack of chemistry. These young guys these women are inviting back aren't gigolos so they will be doing what floats their boat as well.

Edited March 3 by Sony12

[Alpacalia]

You're meeting these women off DATING websites and apps so there is generally an expectation that it is a date and that the person will be interested in opening up after the date.

However, you never know what people are truly wanting and the best thing to do is to act according to your own internal judgment. If you show up and expect a woman to be throwing herself at you, you may be extremely disappointed if her true intentions are different. I would imagine on hookup apps too things always won't necessarily go according to plan either.

Also the same could be said about guys bringing women back to their places. If a woman wants to watch TV, she wants to watch TV and may not want sex even if she is very sexually driven conversationally. So plan accordingly and read the signs even if you hook up. It could quite possibly be nothing more intended than a series binge fest.

Something changed her mind that either turned her off or made her uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to have sex. If it was fake all along, then you won’t know what might have triggered her to behave differently around you then she had told you online. Or maybe she thought you were too good looking and most likely not interested so she got all uncomfortable.

Communication based on your mutual liking for each other, is important particularly with a bigger age difference.

You could have declined watching the movie and start to kiss her again. I bet you she would say “hey maybe we should watch this” or something along the lines. It’s up to you either to continue on with watching the movie and participate or leave.

Edited March 4 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

Maybe you were catfished by this lady. Lured into being a companion. But that's a risk you're willing to take when you're hoping the next encounter will come out like another porn script. 

[Alpacalia]

xxx

Edited March 4 by Alpacalia

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I think it is more of a situation where you have to be yourself when it comes to the dirty talk and how to act when you get invited home by the lady who you had the dirty talk with. And hope that she was being true to who she really was as well and with what she was looking for from the situation.

I have been invited back by many older women where they didn't want to watch a show or a movie or really even sometimes didn't want to have a real significant conversation once we were back at her place. They talked about sex with you prior to meeting and that was the main thing they were after. They didn't say we will put on a movie that we aren't going to watch but in reality fully intend to watch it 

If I had disconnected from my libido when I was with those gals they would have been very disappointed with the situation.

Many years ago when I still hadn't been invited back home by all that many women from online apps yet a lady I met from an app brought me home. She went into the kitchen to fix herself some coffee and I went to sit down on her couch. She walks into the living room with her coffee and smiles and says 'you seem a little nervous'. I chuckled to myself and got up and quickly brought her over to the couch and we proceeded to take each other's clothes off very aggressively. So much so that we fell off the couch and onto the floor. Hopefully a crime never happens in that house because remnants of my DNA still might be in her living room and bedroom.

With another lady we were pretty much all over each other pretty much from the moment I walked through the door and we proceeded to have sex for probably close to ten hours. We don't meet up anymore but we still message one another occasionally.

You just have to be yourself during the communication process and hope the lady is as well. If they aren't being true to who they are or if there is a misunderstanding then you can just chalk it up to a lack of chemistry. These young guys these women are inviting back aren't gigolos so they will be doing what floats their boat as well.

That doesn't go against anything I said. Sometimes there will be women who purely want sex and will communicate this openly.

This woman was comfortable sexting you but then wanted to tell you that when coming over you were just going to watch a movie, she was testing if you were going to respect her wishes or not, as little logical sense as that made. It was all with protection of her own ego and self-respect in mind and probably comes from some part of her being uncomfortable with what she was doing.

If you regard that as a load of baloney and prefer to just meet women in the first category like the ones I mentioned, I don't blame you. I'm only sharing my read of what happened having been in that situation myself many times, and having ended up blue-balled and very confused when I tried to initiate something, and having got laid when I called her bluff and just focussed on the movie/show she had put on.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

That doesn't go against anything I said. Sometimes there will be women who purely want sex and will communicate this openly.

This woman was comfortable sexting you but then wanted to tell you that when coming over you were just going to watch a movie, she was testing if you were going to respect her wishes or not, as little logical sense as that made. It was all with protection of her own ego and self-respect in mind and probably comes from some part of her being uncomfortable with what she was doing.

If you regard that as a load of baloney and prefer to just meet women in the first category like the ones I mentioned, I don't blame you. I'm only sharing my read of what happened having been in that situation myself many times, and having ended up blue-balled and very confused when I tried to initiate something, and having got laid when I called her bluff and just focussed on the movie/show she had put on.

Yeah I tend to prefer the first option when it comes to first date sex.They are all likely far more comfortable with the setting and the experience would likely be far more enjoyable for the both of us.

If a lady needs to play games and send mixed signals in order to make herself feel better about the situation than chance are she wouldn't be an extremely comfortable bed partner either on the first date.

I wouldn't have minded just watching a show if that had been what she communicated. But she clearly talked about putting a show on that we wouldn't pay attention to but when the situation officially came about she did actually want to watch it (and watch four hours of it).

Edited March 4 by Sony12

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah I tend to prefer the first option when it comes to first date sex.They are all likely far more comfortable with the setting and the experience would likely be far more enjoyable for the both of us.

If a lady needs to play games and send mixed signals in order to make herself feel better about the situation than chance are she wouldn't be an extremely comfortable bed partner either on the first date.

I wouldn't have minded just watching a show if that had been what she communicated. But she clearly talked about putting a show on that we wouldn't pay attention to but when the situation officially came about she did actually want to watch it (and watch four hours of it).

Sure. As I said I don't blame you. But you wanted an answer for what happened to you on this specific date and that's my honest take on it. If you're dating multiple people expecting not to come across mixed messages, tests or mind games is extremely optimistic.

[ZA Dater]

That is quite an experience but I do not think it is uncommon. I experienced similar on a date many years ago, minus the obvious lead up but she did invite me back and rather stupidly like you I went for it despite not finding her attractive in that way.

My advice you are probably better off that nothing happened, the age gap I would think is far too wide for any viable relationship. What drew you to the idea of going on this date, barring the dirty talk?

Perhaps she simply felt lonely and wanted someone to watch a TV show with her?

[Sony12]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

That is quite an experience but I do not think it is uncommon. I experienced similar on a date many years ago, minus the obvious lead up but she did invite me back and rather stupidly like you I went for it despite not finding her attractive in that way.

My advice you are probably better off that nothing happened, the age gap I would think is far too wide for any viable relationship. What drew you to the idea of going on this date, barring the dirty talk?

Perhaps she simply felt lonely and wanted someone to watch a TV show with her?

Older woman/Younger man dates is actually pretty common on apps these days. Probably still not as common as men dating significantly younger women but it has gotten to the point to where many women who actively date on apps for periods of time has at least tried it. Many single women of a certain age are in far better shape than most of the men of that same age so as a result they often become increasingly less attracted to their own peer group.So younger men begin becoming more attractive in their eyes.

Rather or not many of these women enjoy dating younger men really depends on what their viewpoints on sex and casual dating is. Do they enjoy sex purely for the physical enjoyment of it or do they need the sex to be a part of an actual relationship in order to enjoy it. If the answer is the latter than they more than likely won't be satisfied with younger men as they tend not to offer them an actual relationship in most cases.

I'm actually talking to another lady on Match right now who is thirty years older than me. She dated a younger man for awhile but got burned by it when he just upped and left so now she just talks and flirts with younger men but refuses to meet them because she doesn't want to have that feeling again. She's still every bit as attracted to them but realized casual sex isn't for her. She flirts with younger men online and hopes that she can find a man closer in age to her that she is attracted to who will offer a relationship comes into her life. But for the most part still ignores the vast majority of men her age because younger men are usually much more enjoyable to talk to. She recently went to a singles event where a friend was trying to pair her up with a guy and ended up saying about two words to him. But proceeded to come back and tell me all about it.

 

 

Edited March 4 by Sony12

[ZA Dater]

51 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Older woman/Younger man dates is actually pretty common on apps these days. Probably still not as common as men dating significantly younger women but it has gotten to the point to where many women who actively date on apps for periods of time has at least tried it. Many single women of a certain age are in far better shape than most of the men of that same age so as a result they often become increasingly less attracted to their own peer group.So younger men begin becoming more attractive in their eyes.

Rather or not many of these women enjoy dating younger men really depends on what their viewpoints on sex and casual dating is. Do they enjoy sex purely for the physical enjoyment of it or do they need the sex to be a part of an actual relationship in order to enjoy it. If the answer is the latter than they more than likely won't be satisfied with younger men as they tend not to offer them an actual relationship in most cases.

I'm actually talking to another lady on Match right now who is thirty years older than me. She dated a younger man for awhile but got burned by it when he just upped and left so now she just talks and flirts with younger men but refuses to meet them because she doesn't want to have that feeling again. She's still every bit as attracted to them but realized casual sex isn't for her. She flirts with younger men online and hopes that she can find a man closer in age to her that she is attracted to who will offer a relationship comes into her life. But for the most part still ignores the vast majority of men her age because younger men are usually much more enjoyable to talk to. She recently went to a singles event where a friend was trying to pair her up with a guy and ended up saying about two words to him. But proceeded to come back and tell me all about it.

 

 

Sure it might be common but I maintain there is an awkward dynamic about it which is guess is subjective, yes I would agree in your scenario she should have communicated better, not sure why an established lady would prefer to talk to a younger guy but again that is subjective. I'd agree that if they wanted casual sex then of course younger might be an option again from time to time I have found this in apps but never with people I would describe as in shape.

Basically you are looking at a niche in the dating market.

[FredEire]

7 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Sure it might be common but I maintain there is an awkward dynamic about it which is guess is subjective, yes I would agree in your scenario she should have communicated better, not sure why an established lady would prefer to talk to a younger guy but again that is subjective. I'd agree that if they wanted casual sex then of course younger might be an option again from time to time I have found this in apps but never with people I would describe as in shape.

Basically you are looking at a niche in the dating market.

I agree.

If you're looking to be a toy boy it may be what you're into but it's going to bring a whole range of different complications and issues than dating people your age. Certainly in terms of if you ever wanted to get more serious it's a minefield.

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

Sure. As I said I don't blame you. But you wanted an answer for what happened to you on this specific date and that's my honest take on it. If you're dating multiple people expecting not to come across mixed messages, tests or mind games is extremely optimistic.

Agree with this entirely! I know people who have the multiple dating scenario and it inevitably ends badly, heck in some instances they have actually tailored their personality to be more appealing to one particular date. Its quite something to see this!

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

I agree.

If you're looking to be a toy boy it may be what you're into but it's going to bring a whole range of different complications and issues than dating people your age. Certainly in terms of if you ever wanted to get more serious it's a minefield.

I had a look at this while back and its a minefield and the level of complication is extreme and is the result worth it, in my view not at all but maybe the OP has a different view of this. There is one proviso though, if you could go about it without becoming attached, without being overly emotional, without connecting I guess for some it could work but that would assume the other person was capable of doing the same. By and large I think the pool the OP is shopping into a difficult one because the question I ask is if those ladies are so marketable why not shop closer to their own age range, the only attribute would be physical I would guess.

[Alpacalia]

I think the issue is you're struggling to find women your own age and you're trying to justify going after someone who is way older than you because of it?

Plenty of guys your age date women with kids, and there are plenty of women your age that don't have children or divorce drama.

There's nothing wrong with pursuing your curiosities, unfortunately this kind of thing is the risk you take. Not saying that to be mean, just calling what it is. She probably got uncomfortable because she didn't know what to do and wasn't being honest with you about that. Sounds like you both essentially stopped speaking, so just leave it at that. You didn't do anything wrong, just cross her off as a potential sexual partner and keep on the hunt.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

I think the issue is you're struggling to find women your own age and you're trying to justify going after someone who is way older than you because of it?

Plenty of guys your age date women with kids, and there are plenty of women your age that don't have children or divorce drama.

There's nothing wrong with pursuing your curiosities, unfortunately this kind of thing is the risk you take. Not saying that to be mean, just calling what it is. She probably got uncomfortable because she didn't know what to do and wasn't being honest with you about that. Sounds like you both essentially stopped speaking, so just leave it at that. You didn't do anything wrong, just cross her off as a potential sexual partner and keep on the hunt.

No actually I don't really look at women my own age that much. I get a thrill out of age gap dating (mainly when I am the younger one). To be honest many single women in their 30's and early 40's personal lives are a drama filled mess. And also most of them aren't that much fun to talk to and aren't as adapt at flirting as I have grown accustomed to.

Generally I find that women once their kids are largely out on their own become much more interesting to date.

Edited March 4 by Sony12

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't seem like she tricked or baited and switched. 

It could be just about anything. Maybe she chicken out. Maybe seeing you in person changed her mind. Maybe you actually being there just got too real for her. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

No actually I don't really look at women my own age that much. I get a thrill out of age gap dating (mainly when I am the younger one). To be honest many single women in their 30's and early 40's personal lives are a drama filled mess. And also most of them aren't that much fun to talk to and aren't as adapt at flirting as I have grown accustomed to.

Generally I find that women once their kids are largely out on their own become much more interesting to date.

What's the thrill out of it exactly? The Idea that these older women want to have sex with you? Seems more like it's because older women are putty in your hands whereas women your own age may not be. It's just an assumption I'm making and judging by this latest experience, it doesn't seem like senior women are going to work out with you all the time either, so back to the drawing board.

This isn't dating, this is using for 1 thing only in a roundabout way. You're not establishing relationships, you're using them for thrilling moments of attention and you get your rocks off when an older women gives you validation. That's the thrill I am talking about.

Edited March 4 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

22 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

What's the thrill out of it exactly? The Idea that these older women want to have sex with you? Seems more like it's because older women are putty in your hands whereas women your own age may not be. It's just an assumption I'm making and judging by this latest experience, it doesn't seem like senior women are going to work out with you all the time either, so back to the drawing board.

This isn't dating, this is using. You're not establishing relationships, you're using them for thrilling moments of attention and you get your rocks off when an older women gives you validation. That's the thrill I am talking about.

It's the thrill of the roll reversal. Women often tend to treat younger men differently than they do men their own age and younger. They tend to be a little more assertive and aggressive and view the guy as a little bit more of a sex object. Many women when dating men their own age or older tend to view themselves in that roll. Being viewed as a sex object can be a little offensive to women but for many men it's thrilling.

There is a reason why many older women tend to get bombarded by messages from younger men on apps because many men enjoy that thrill. I tend to stand out from many of those other younger guys because I am more conversational and my flirting is often tends to be more inline with what they are looking for and what they consider to be exciting.

When I said that many women my age aren't as adapt at flirting as older women are well the lady I just met we could talk on the phone for an hour or more. The lady who I said is thirty years older than me we can talk on the phone for upwards of two hours. There is another lady that I talk to periodically where we have pretty lengthy conversations as well. Tougher to do that with women my age from apps. Unless you want to talk about misbehaving children and ex's that they are having trouble with......etc.....etc......etc

Edited March 4 by Sony12