Moving on.

[UnicornGirl]

After my boyfriend of three and a half years dumped me out of the blue and destroyed my heart completely the first week of college, after a guy that I loved even more than the first one who had also just gone through a bad breakup liked me a lot at first and then began ignoring me, treating me like ****, and then told me he couldn't deal with a relationship -- ultimately taking a year off school and spending the summer in a Scandanavian country in which he apparently found someone he "misses" a great deal now (though like an idiot I still respond to his instant messages and send him letters sometimes) -- after my alcoholic father walked out on my mom this past May which we're just learning involved a younger woman -- I am at an utter loss.

 

I'm twenty years old and I'm living the live of an older, bitter woman who has been betrayed by every man she was ever close to. Anyone else going through sh** like this?

 

This site helped me through my first breakup and maybe it can help now. I'm not sure. Sometimes I just feel like life isn't worth living. I have so much love to give, and I want to give it. But I'm wounded. To make it all worse I attend a tiny single-sex college in the middle of nowhere. I don't want to spend my life bitter and hurting like this. I'm desperate. How can I stop hating men? I keep reading articles and books on how to deal with this and I've been to counseling services but it's not helping.

 

Any success stories of hope or ways to deal would be so helpful right now.

[mini696]

I know how it feels when you have a lot of love to give and no-one to give it to. I have been in two long term relationships in the past 5 years. The first one ended very suddenly without any explaination and I am still wondering what it was I did wrong. The second one ended because she "didn't know what she wanted" and wasn't ready for a relationship (even a year after her last one ended).

 

It hurts... A LOT!!

 

I try to be her friend, yet cant lose the feeling I have for her, and keep putting my foot in my mouth when I talk to her, she keeps thinking I am pushing her into a relationship she doesn't want. I am told "time will tell" and that makes it hard for me to let go, hard to move on, and hard to live my life becaue I want her back, and can see she likes me still.

 

All I can say is there are men out ther who feel the same as you. And no matter how depressed you get, eventually it will get better.

 

I know I'm not much help, but I'll give you a big hug, and hope that it makes you smile.

 

*HUGS*

 

Mick

[Van Nostrum]

Stay busy, all day, every day. Enough to quit thinking and talking about it. You have already been in mourning too long. Time makes it better, but you can speed it up by not slowing it down all the time. You can sit in the boat and float or you can grab a paddle, it's up to you...

VN

[daphne]

Unicorn,

 

I totally get where you're at right now and I'm sorry you're having to go through this much heartbreak in a short period. I know men aren't looking too good in your eyes right now. But I promise you, that will change. Take your time and follow some of the recommendations above (exercise is really good, movies that aren't sad, writing, pick up a new hobby). Right now is healing time. Get your head straight. There is NO MAN ALIVE OR DEAD that's worth forgetting how beautiful this world can be. It's ugly too but you can't accept the good without the bad.

 

I've been married to a violent man, engaged to an alcoholic and just dated some bad bad men in my past. I guess when I was around your age. I'm older now though and I choose much more carefully. I've learned a lot what a liar, an abuser, an alcoholic, a cheater, a selfish man looks like. There are some great guys out there. You just may not believe it because all you know at this point is low class liars who have betrayed you.

 

I used to be suicidal about it but I finally decided that no matter how men were, I was going to enjoy the life god gave me as best as I could and I'm grateful for that mind set. The self awareness and self actualization that have come from it has made me an entirely new person. Now I tend to attract better, healthier guys. I am no longer bitter because I trust my choices. I know that most of the time crap's not getting past my radar. And even if it does, I'll get over it and still love life.

 

With or without a man in my life, I will have the best that life has to offer. I will not take this world for granted. I hope you get past this soon. I know it's painful.

 

take care,

 

Daphne

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think that just by the very fact that you've taken the initiative to express yourself so fully in this sort of medium suggests that you will heal yourself, for the most part, enough to live a usually-thriving life.

 

Twenty is an awkward age, and in terms of dating it is especially awkward if you're just coming off of a 3 1/2-year relationship. Suddenly you're an adult and you're yearning for some companionship.

 

The alcoholic father in (or out of) your life is going to be your demon, whether he passed on the gene of alcoholism to you or not. It will be difficult for you to select mates who don't fit the mold of someone that you can be a caretaker to.

 

It will be difficult for you to seek out a truly healthy relationship when you don't have an up-close example of how such a thing is supposed to function.

 

This is the tired old response, but it probably would really benefit you to contact organizations such as "adult children of alcoholics" so that your logical mind can at least get a blueprint for what your emotional mind will evolve very soon to be drawn to.

 

Time invested in breaking away from those instincts which your father bred into you could pay off tenfold in the future.

 

Take the high road toward that future!

[UnicornGirl]

Thank you for your comments ... I am starting to feel better ... exercise really does help, and just knowing that other people are going through extremely difficult times as well and still seeing the beauty in things. I guess the more beautiful times are more special when you've been through a lot. Thank you....

[EIN]

Sorry that those guys did you wrong. I am in your position except the opposite roles been hurt and betrayed by women so I guess you can say we're on the same boat. My advice:rise above them and show that what they think they could do to you did not work. This is a WAR and by God, you must fight it!!!. That mentality has kept me going even thou at times I still feel like contacting the woman who basically ****ted on me throughout our relationship. I refues to go back to a destructive relationship and so should you. Im 24 and I feel like the oldest 24 year old but don't you dare quit on me. You hold your head up. Hit the gym and concentrate on your schooling first (when all the guys are gone, your education level pays your bills.) Expand your social circle and hit those goodbye songs to remind you not to respond to that mofo. Ask yourself: if he cares so much, why are you still sending him letters and he is not with you? F*** him away from your mind. I hate those type of guys. See it as a learning experience so you will not run into another one of those again. Your father will regret it later when that W**** leaves him for a younger man. What goes around does come around. Stay strong and support your mother. She needs you more than ever.