He's calling Me? What does he want?

[marzipan75]

Okay, please help!

 

My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago now. He severed the tie so bluntly that It was like I literally didn't know what hit me. Then I find out he was wanting to date someone else. Okay so I've dealt with it, am still dealing with it. But I've taken a few days off and gone out with friends and the hurt is starting to subside a bit. The problem is, to be nice and because he owed me some money I agreed that we should remain friends. Afterall, I had been with the guy 8 years and we have a lot of mutual friends, so I said ok. But I said it was going to take a while before we could get there. I don't want to go out with friends and see him and his new girl, that would destroy me, at least right now anyway. So, before someone puts a doormat sign on my butt, please tell me why he's calling me? I know he felt really bad, he was crying when we broke up and I was crying and pleading but I have since tried to get on with my life. I am going out with friends and having fun and yes I do think of him from time to time. It's only been two weeks and we speant 8 years together, It's not like I can erase that over night. I am wanting less and less to do with our mutual friends though and I want to know if this is a bad thing. I have other friends of my own who have been much more supportive during this and seeing our mutual friends, at least right now only reminds me of what I have lost. So I ask, what is a girl to do? I am doing a lot better since my last posting. Taking up exercise and going out with my friends, but also I am doing okay by myself and that's something I didn't think I could handle. I've even changed my music preferences because I couldn't stand to hear love songs on the radio, they remind me too much of him. Today, for the first time, I cleaned out my bedroom and put away all those painful memories, photos,etc. The old Out of Sight, Out of mind really works. The other question I have is: For How long does that work? Is it okay to get distance from those mutual friends? I do miss some of them, but right now it's just too painful to talk to them and they weren't very supportive during this like my other friends. That doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them the wrong people for me right now. And what about dating again? It's only been two weeks but I find myself searching through the crowds at bars for someone, anyone who looks vaguely interesting and yet, I need to be by myself for a little while. My ex boyfriend called me and left me a message to call him back a few days ago and I don't know what I should do. It's like he wants my blessing or something and I have already told him that I can not do that and it's not a good idea to keep calling me right now. Maybe in time I will feel like we can be friends but I don't know. I lied in order to leave the door open for future friendship but the jealousy would be way too much for me to handle right now. I'm anxious and not anxious to talk to him. He's not vindictive in anyway but he called me and I wonder if I didn't make myself clear enough that I just needed time and privacy from him. Should I call him back?

[Tony T]

He's probably trying to call you to urge you to use paragraphs when you post in the LoveShack forum so readers don't get migraine headaches when they read them.

 

Right now, you should NOT call him back. There will only be pain and hurt there. As a matter of fact, I don't see how any positive good could come out of being his friend, now or later. He wants to be friends to take the edge off his guilt and you don't need to perform that service for him.

 

Look out for yourself and move on. You have the right idea about taking some time for yourself before you get out and start dating again. Give yourself time to heal. If you see this guy or talk to him, it's going to put you right back at square one in that process.

 

As far as friends go, you should avoid mutual friends for now. As time goes on, you probably won't have a lot to do with those who were only his friends before you started dating your ex. Stick with doing things with your own friends and make new ones. As you said, your greatest support right now will come from your own friends.

 

You need to get a new life going, you need to put this guy behind you, and move forward in all ways.

 

In time, perhaps six months...a year...maybe two, you'll be able to see your ex and have no feelings whatsoever. At that time, just say hello and that's all. But you may be able to have more interaction with mutual friends you had. But don't even worry about them right now.

 

This is a time when you need to look out for what makes YOU feel better, do what YOU want to do, deal with who YOU want to deal with, and grow from the experience.

 

And, don't forget, learn to start a new paragraph after every three or four lines. Do that and you will have a happier life, you will win the lottery, you'll meet the love of your life, you will go to heaven and I won't get a headache.

 

Good luck to you.