Can You Explain Why The Impulse is There to BreaK NC?

[steffany]

anytime...from one procrastinator to another...waist time and do it well

[In Sync]

Ok, I'm not going to do it..break NC...but I'm having the urge again. Started last night and is just under the surface. I'm what now slightly over that month and a half pointof NC, and I intellectually get its benefits but these little impulses do happen, so here I am. When I get like this I feel like I've taken steps backward.

Also my mind is playing tricks on me, like I keep thinking guys look like the ex from behind, it's not him of course but for a sec I'm thrown by the idea it could be. So that gets my mind thinking, wondering what's he doing? I will not under any circumstance write him or call him. Right.

[symbol]

In Sync,

 

I have also been doing NC for the past 6 weeks. Lately it is getting harder. I cannot say that I have urges to break NC though, because he has never contacted me and knowing this, if I contact him, I know I would lose self respect. In my case, it is getting harder because I feel like I am going back to painful days.

 

You've done a great job with such a lot of time doing NC. Just keep up the good work and you will not only heal but also feel better about yourself.

 

Also, it helps me to go and read some threads about NC. And whenever you feel that urge just write here to us and not to your ex.

 

Good luck. I am sure you will feel better soon.

[In Sync]

In Sync,

 

I have also been doing NC for the past 6 weeks. Lately it is getting harder. I cannot say that I have urges to break NC though, because he has never contacted me and knowing this, if I contact him, I know I would lose self respect. In my case, it is getting harder because I feel like I am going back to painful days.

 

You've done a great job with such a lot of time doing NC. Just keep up the good work and you will not only heal but also feel better about yourself.

 

Also, it helps me to go and read some threads about NC. And whenever you feel that urge just write here to us and not to your ex.

 

Good luck. I am sure you will feel better soon.

 

thank you for being a voice out there of encoragement. it does feel awful this tension. yes, it's true..the very fact that he has not contacted me is enough of a reminder that he has cut all ties to me. there is no point. it's so silly this ridiculous desire to keep wanting to call him. As before the temptation does pass but when it happens I don't think rationally. I mean just last week I created a thread about how NC is a blessing and wham...I'm back here resisting breaking it again. Even if I ever did do it, call or write him, I wouldn't know what to say to him anymore. It would probably be more disappointing in the long run. And you are right, my self respect is at stake. I'm not going to lose it for this guy.

[smile95]

Stay strong InSync..you are doing great. For you(and me) i think we need to work a lot on self respect and self esteem. We do not like the fact that that are in a sense "rejecting" us. Not wanting us. And we need to see that just becasue it did not work out, does not make us bad people. At all! The problem is, we made their opinion more imp thatn ours and that is just not right. We need to see that the opinion of these menon this earthshould not depict our idea of ourself. I say this to me too. We want to "win" them back in a sense to prove we are worthy and that is not how we should be measuring our worth. Hang in there girl!

[symbol]

just last week I created a thread about how NC is a blessing and wham...I'm back here resisting breaking it again. Even if I ever did do it, call or write him, I wouldn't know what to say to him anymore.

 

I think after doing NC for a while by sheer will power, something deep down starts reacting to this change. I read somewhere that the brain likes familiar emotions better than new ones, so whenever you start feeling in a different way, it just wants to go back. It is like our brains are addicted to thinking about our ex's in a certain way. When you want to change those emotions, your brain just resists. I think this is why you have this urge to call him even though you don't know what you would say to him.

 

I have the same thing. I don't have urges to call my ex but I do have urges to cling to the hope that I will have a second chance. Because it is just so hard to accept that things will never be the same again. I know this is a hard battle between me and myself that I just have to win.

 

Stay strong and believe in yourself, I am sure both you and I will start feeling much better soon.

 

Cheers,

 

S.

[RZA-Man]

Sticking to NC totally sucks and it feels like we're hurting ourselves by doing it. But that's not the truth. We're actually healing ourselves. I really admire those of you who have stuck to NC and also those of you who are coming back to it after some missteps. Personally, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone when it comes to heartache. We’re all hurting but also healing at the same time. I guess the important thing to remember is that NC can lead to dignity and a return of pride. We can't control our exes or how they feel about us but we can control whether or not we let those people influence our lives. Be strong everyone!

[steffany]

Saturday night was our office Christmas party and I got pretty waisted.

 

I did not call or even think about my ex. I was fine. I was home and safe and sound.

 

Just started to fall asleep when my phone rang.

 

I answered because my friend had decided to drive home and she had a few drinks so I was waiting on her call to let me know she made it home safe.

 

Well it was my ex. And I was drunk. And it was not a good combo. He asked to come over and I said yes.

 

I messed up. But then he came and he left. I still didn't call him. I honestky didn't even think about him much the next day. He ended up texting me with some "you were great...blah blah"

 

I still haven't texted or called him.

 

It was nice in a way. He came by and part of me wanted to let loose more than normal...make him remember what he is missing now.

 

How I know I may be getting over him more than I thought is that I don't want to call him and I am not thinking about him.

 

but wanted to be honest with ya'll on here so if or when I relapse and want to call him and can't stop thinkin about him ya'll know where I stand

[smile95]

you probably are not thinking of him because you know he wants you. How long were you doing NC?

[steffany]

Ok I broke up with him in April. I was heart broken because I broke up with someone I was in love with and that was still in love with me but he had chose a path i didn't want for my life.

 

We had NC for like 6 months until a month or so before my b-day in October.

 

Then we thought we could be friends and he could come hang out for it. Well we were wrong. We spoke on the phone everyday and shared our feeling blah blah. I was falling back in love with him.

 

We went out one night and my credit card fell out in his car so I went by to get it and he was there with another woman.

 

Just broke my heart...again.

 

So I decided NC would be needed. And it was HARD this time. I think because I had these thoughts of him with her.

 

Anyhow it has been just a month now of NC and while at first it was really tough it became really easy shortly there after. I am catholic and my mom helped me telling anytime I felt overwhelmed by thoughts of him or sadness or any need to contact him to pray and ask God for his help because it was too much for me and to just try my best to hand over everything to him.

 

And I must say that it really hlped to feel as if I didn't have to hold this burden on my own.

 

And maybe you are right....maybe the thought or knowledge that he still has some feelings for me is what makes me not care so much. I don't know. But i honestly just am not feeling what I was a few weeks ago at all.

 

But it is also a great comfort to me that you guys are here and know what I am and have gone through. Feels great to be able to talk to people who understand.

 

I just hope I am getting over him. I need to.

[In Sync]

Ok I broke up with him in April. I was heart broken because I broke up with someone I was in love with and that was still in love with me but he had chose a path i didn't want for my life.

 

We had NC for like 6 months until a month or so before my b-day in October.

 

Then we thought we could be friends and he could come hang out for it. Well we were wrong. We spoke on the phone everyday and shared our feeling blah blah. I was falling back in love with him.

 

We went out one night and my credit card fell out in his car so I went by to get it and he was there with another woman.

 

Just broke my heart...again.

 

So I decided NC would be needed. And it was HARD this time. I think because I had these thoughts of him with her.

 

Anyhow it has been just a month now of NC and while at first it was really tough it became really easy shortly there after. I am catholic and my mom helped me telling anytime I felt overwhelmed by thoughts of him or sadness or any need to contact him to pray and ask God for his help because it was too much for me and to just try my best to hand over everything to him.

 

And I must say that it really hlped to feel as if I didn't have to hold this burden on my own.

 

And maybe you are right....maybe the thought or knowledge that he still has some feelings for me is what makes me not care so much. I don't know. But i honestly just am not feeling what I was a few weeks ago at all.

 

But it is also a great comfort to me that you guys are here and know what I am and have gone through. Feels great to be able to talk to people who understand.

 

I just hope I am getting over him. I need to.

 

You will get over him but no more of those little breaking the rules of NC.

I never realized when I joined LS, how difficult and hardcore NC is. It is so artificial to just no talk to or restrain myself from wanting to hear the voice of the person I had been with...It didn't make sense that as rational adults I must resort to 'I'm not talking to you method'..It felt childish, yet here I am almost approaching two full months and though I've had emotional swings and pulls to break it...I can see for myslef just how deluded I was my perceptions of thinking I was in love with someone. When I was communicating with him I was sooo sure it would reverse the breakup he was.

A fellow member here (thanks bendit!), recently sent me a posted letter he read that shed light on all these impulses or urges to break NC...here's what ai got out of it...the impulses are anxiety attacks. As we do NC we are in the process of healing and get closer to facing the REALITY about the nature of the relationship. And the truth that's it over. Facing the reality triggers an anxiety attack, and I started wanting to call the ex, because I don't want to accept the REALITY and face the truth that it's over. Which lead me to start thinking he wasn't that bad, or thoughts like what are they doing, anything not to face the REALITY.

Anyway each day that I have committed to maintaining it, seems a mixture of

hard (everyday a new creepy memory pops up that I had repressed revealing to me why that relationship was really not good) but rewarding, because yeah I could write that e-mail or dial his number, but now I know hey so what that it hurts..I'm regaining my state of mind and shedding those pumped up illusions I had of my ex, which were holding me back.