aschen_engel Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I've been in such a rutt lately and i'm not sure what to do. I'm 20 years old and engaged to the worlds most wonderful man. He's an author and an artist and we've been together for over a year now and were growing stronger. Recently i've found out he wasn't the man I thought he was. He started betraying and lieing to me to my face. Since he spends most of his time online, I decided to see what he was doing exactly. I found emails to another woman asking her for pictures (and i'm not meaning just normal pictures.) She was a local pornography adult finder friend. It broke my heart when I confronted him the first time and he denied it. Finally after a few hours of endless crying he admitted it. A few weeks passed after we started to get over it, and he went straight back to it. He started viewing pornographic sites and videos and denying them to my face as well. I'm so lost I don't know what to do, I can't tolerate his lies anymore. I'm so heartbroken but I want to marry him. I've already paid for half the wedding ceremony and dress. Am I wasting my time with a man who's gunna continue to do this? It keeps me in constant sorrow thinking about it, even my work enthusiasm has decreased. Please help me regain control of my life! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I'm 20 years old and engaged to the worlds most wonderful man... He started betraying and lieing to me to my face... I can't tolerate his lies anymore.Doesn't sound like he's the world's most wonderful man to me. I'm so heartbroken but I want to marry him. Your emotions are overtaking your common sense. Get back in control. I've already paid for half the wedding ceremony and dress. So what? Better to lose some $$ than to be stuck with a liar and a cheat for the rest of your life. You already know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aschen_engel Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 I just believe he might be able to change..he actually is looking at going to get some help..which is his first attempt at that...I myself and seeking help to get over this depression..I just want things to work.. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I just believe he might be able to change. Sorry, but I'm not convinced. He's not a project that can be altered to fit some set of specifications. Maybe he can change, I don't know. Then again, maybe he can't. It's often been said that men marry their girlfriends in the hope that they - the girls - won't change, but they do; women marry their boyfriends in the hope that they will change, but they don't. Point is, you're not his therapist or his mum. Sure, you may feel affection or even love for him, and that's fine, but you are under no obligation to him to hold his hand through the process. There are plenty of men available who aren't liars or cheats, who have real jobs, who don't spend all day online and who are worthy of your company. I wish you well, whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I agree with Slubber. I have seen so many relationships that go from dating/to marriage in hopes things will change and SOMETIMES it will and SOMETIMES it wont. Its a risk some people are willing to take, especailly when they love someone. IMO I think at 20 you are to young to get married right now. However, I hope it all works out in whatever you decide. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I agree with Jade and Slubber both it is all in what you want to do !! If he is willing to change then yes i think you should marry him...Maybe you could suggest some counseling you two and get to the bottom why he is a devil in sheep clothing!!Before i would take the plunge with him find out who this person is before marrying him you have plenty time you are only 20 yrs young so what is this big rush !! Good luck hope it works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
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