Marriage at 21...too young?

[downcydeguy]

I'm 27 and my ex is 21. We had been together 2 1/2 years and had a seemingly perfect relationship. I had made my decision to ask her to marry me after she arrives home from Spain (Dec. 22nd). Actually had the whole New Year's trip scheduled, etc...Unfortunately, she ended it after being in Spain for 2 months (4-month program) and I haven't had one single ounce of contact from her since. (little over a month now)

 

I've had quite a few people tell me that she probably sensed what I was planning and decided to bail out while she was so far away, so she wouldn't have to face me; instead of possibly hinting around or plain out telling me she wasn't interested in marriage right now.

 

My question is, is 21 just too young for a woman to get married? Are there not any women who have gotten married at that age and lived happily ever after? And is ending a wonderful relationship over the phone better than talking about it?

[whichwayisup]

At 21, that is young - I think anyway. People do alot of changing in their 20's and it seems like she is still 'finding' herself in life. University, work etc... Maybe getting married right now isn't the best timing.

 

I know when I was 21 I wasn't ready to settle down and get married. There's a whole world out there - Opportunities to be experienced (Not talking about hooking up with other men, I mean LIFE experience, work etc) and to be tied down so early and possibly have pressure like having a child (not saying you will do that, but that is possible) so soon, may be another reason why she ended it.

 

Maybe it is time to call or write her - Find out what she thinks and feels. If she ended it because she isn't into getting married then can you have a relationship with her as things are? The age difference is a factor, you two are in different places. I assume you are out of school and working - She isn't, right?

 

Keep the lines of communication open, there is no need for this to completely end badly.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[d'Arthez]

I disagree with keeping the lines open. Because she clearly did not do that, and did not even try to offer any explanations.

 

Maybe she was sensing it, maybe not. If the two of you were perfectly in love, such a thing does not make too much of a difference. She may have had fears. But:

1. If she did sense it, she should have given you signs, in discussions the two of you had before she went to Spain. But the lack of communication and trust after 2.5 years would be a major issue anyway.

2. If she did not sense it, there is simply nothing to be said anymore.

 

Perhaps she was less than satisfied in the relationship, but did not tell it.

 

21 is not too young, but can be too young for some people. And of course, it depends a bit on the partner as well.

[Owl]

Well, I married my wife when she was 21, and I was 20...and we just celebrated our 18th anniversary. Not to mention that we've got four kids...all older teenagers.

 

It really depends on the couple...you know yourself and her better than any of us here do. But it sounds to me like you question is a moot point now...she's broken off with you for a month with no contact at all...indicates to me that she's not going to marry you anytime soon...nor would I think you'd want to risk being married to someone who does something like this with no warning or contact at all.

[whichwayisup]

I think too, the times have changed...Women are different than they were 10, 15, 20 years ago. Now many need two incomes to survive...Women aren't in such a rush to settle down, get married and have children.

 

I agree with Owl, depends on the couple. It does sound like she is too young to think about getting married.

 

I DO believe though, she owes you a conversation - Whether it means you two work things out and try again or it ends, after 2 1/2 years it is something that has to be done.

[Scott S]

My question is, is 21 just too young for a woman to get married? Are there not any women who have gotten married at that age and lived happily ever after?

 

By age 21, one is an adult, with all the rights & responsiblities belonging thereto.

 

The issue is the person's emotional & social maturity (or lack thereof). Each person is different. I have known teenagers remarkably mature beyond their years, & I have known adults in their 30's, 40's & beyond that act like 4-year olds.

 

A great-grandmother on my mother side was married in her late teens. Death did them part in their late 80's.

_______________________________________________

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When life hands you limes, make margaritas.

[Scott S]

One other thing I meant to write in my other post.

 

I'm sorry to hear things came to this. I know it's hard to take, even if you could sense it coming.

[Arrrhnold]

Seems to me she found some freedom and likely something more in Spain...sorry but you should just move on..

[Sinead1981]

I really think it depends on the couple and their individual situation. My brother and his fiancee are both 21 and are getting married next summer (they'll both be 22 by then). But then, they've been together for four years, two of which they have been living together. It does sound, though, like your ex wouldn't have been ready for such a big commitment at this point in time.

[patwheel]

My ex and I lived together. We were great, both financially responsible, had the same outlook on what we wanted career wise, kids, everything. We were doing great in law school, both dean scholars, and have a path outlined for us.

 

But it didn't work out.

 

She is 25, I am 23, after almost 3 yrs she broke it off. She is not ready to be tied down, and let me tell you, everyone thought we were gonna be the first to get married.

 

21 may be too young to get married, 25 is still there. I think you are ready, when you are stable in your life, or at least looking for stability in your life. I was, my ex wasnt, although the rest (financial, career, kids, life) was there.

 

Just like scott said, emotional and social maturity. Couldnt say it better.

[AmberAriesMom]

Errm, she ended it and hasn't contacted you since. I'd say it's time to move on.