Anyone have any...?

[Typical...?]

Well, I wont go on for ages so here's my situation...

 

Basically I am living around 4000 miles away from the love of my life, we both love each other more then anything but she is still married and living with her husband, they haven't been together in over 3 years and we've been friends around 2 years and a couple for around 8 months now, her husband is unbelievably mentally abusive and controlling, IE everything is in his name, house, bills ect ect (including debts), wont allow her to travel to family and friends and basically wont allow her to leave the house (he also drove his ex wife legally insane in the same way). At one point she did get a job to try and move out and support herself so he took parts out of her car so she couldn't get to work and was fired. I found this unbelievable at first until I found out first hand (which I wont get into).

 

So all in all we're both trying to find a way she can get out of her marriage without being left with nothing as I am unable to be on the same continent as her just now, she has 2 children (1 is 11 and the other 18) does anyone have ANY advice as the situation seems to be getting worse as time goes on.

 

Thanks in advance.

Helpless

[Becoming]

I'd like to help but am somewhat confused. You say they haven't been together (you mean sexually? or what?) in 3 years but they're still in the same house? And how are you a couple for 8 mths when you're on a different continent?

 

Are you sure you're getting the straight dope?

 

She could move out and find a place on a public transit line, take out a restraining order against the husband?

 

She could set up a post office box where you could send her and the 11-yr. old an airline or whatever ticket and $$ to come live where you are. She may need have a place of her own wherever you are (she may not want to move in with you until she gets herself together and because she might be afraid of what this guy would do to you). If everything really is in his name, it's still half hers by law, but she may indeed jeopardize that by walking away. I'm assuming that the 18-yr old is on her/his own?

 

She can go to a women's shelter where she'll be protected from him. She can call the sheriff or really big guy friends for protection when she is ready to leave. She needs to be ready to leave when she gets the chance to go, but she needs to start laying out a plan and hiding things where he can't find them.

 

Good luck on this one!

[Craig]

She needs to get her butt to a local domestic violence center and talk to an advocate or counsellor. They have all the information and guidance that she would require to help her make the decisions she needs to get out of the situation. It isn't going to be easy for her but one day, sooner or later she is going to have to do it.

 

She's going to have to get used to the idea of calling the police if her husband gets physical with her in the slightest way. If he blocks her physically from leaving she has the right to call the police or if he threatens her she can call the police and he'll likely be arrested.

 

This woman is going to go through a lot of changes and be in some very fragile states as she transitions. You'd better be ready to be supportive, caring, compassionate, understanding and etc. as she goes through the transition.

[Becoming]

She needs to get her butt to a local domestic violence center and talk to an advocate or counsellor. They have all the information and guidance that she would require to help her make the decisions she needs to get out of the situation. It isn't going to be easy for her but one day, sooner or later she is going to have to do it.

 

She's going to have to get used to the idea of calling the police if her husband gets physical with her in the slightest way. If he blocks her physically from leaving she has the right to call the police or if he threatens her she can call the police and he'll likely be arrested.

 

This woman is going to go through a lot of changes and be in some very fragile states as she transitions. You'd better be ready to be supportive, caring, compassionate, understanding and etc. as she goes through the transition.

 

 

Amen to all of the above! I guess I'm confused as to why she hasn't done this already if she really wants to leave. Because if she really wants to, she can get out. Have her call the domestic abuse center and talk to someone if she can't get there in person. They can help her formulate a plan.