Caused conflict between my fiancé and his female friend now I'm worried of the consequence

[Yellowrose91]

I’m pretty worried. My partner is in the medical field. He had a female doctor friend at this work place. She was calling him after work hours, talking about personal issues with him including her relationship problems. This caused some friction between me and my partner. He called her once for a work related topic and she started venting about an issue with her boyfriend. My partner said he stopped her in a rude way and she became angry because he felt he had to because of me. A few weeks later he removed her from his friends on Facebook( this happened last night), because I was she’d love hearted a post of his when she never usually reacts to his posts.

My partner has an exam in a few months and was wanting a study partner. He wrote a message in a group chat. Turns out she was the admin. She removed him from the chat, and has blocked him on all media.

He told me that she has cluster A personality disorder like characteristics and hopes she doesn’t try to do bad things to him in the work place. He’s even previously described her as having ‘psycho’ characteristics and told me he wanted to stay on her good side to avoid this. I’ve told him to try to find another group to find study partners. But I’m genuinely worried if she somehow tries to damage him in some way and I sort of wish I had not voiced my discomfort in their relationship.

I feel bad about him not finding a study partner from this particular group , and I’m worried about her level of anger. She seems to be really bothered about him not wanting to keep their friendship. I’m just worried how far she can take this- if theres something she can even do to harm his career that’s more than removing him from a group chat. I may be overthinking this but I just want him to be very cautious. I feel pretty guilty of anything bad befalling him. Plus I don’t want him to lose any academic support from her.

So I suppose my question is, for those who are aware, how much damage can someone like this do to another person in the medical field? Or is there anyway this can be made right?

[Wiseman2]

Please try not to worry about it or feel guilty that you were jealous and wanted him to have less contact with her.

There's nothing you can do. This is his responsibility and there are plenty of regulations in place that he can utilize. 

 

[basil67]

@Yellowrose91 May I kindly suggest that you look back and your posting history and the sheer amount of complaints you have about this man in such a short time?  Especially all the ones involving other women? 

[Els]

I know a bunch of people in the medical field and I have never heard of anyone's career getting destroyed by having one colleague not like them. Now, if she was his supervisor, then it might be possible, but frankly with a power dynamic like that, he could do even more damage to her by reporting her inappropriate behaviour towards him (especially if she was deleting him from official conversations), so she would be wary. I don't get why he needs to participate in a group chat to find a study buddy for his exams... can't he just ask people IRL at work during lunch or something, like most people do? Also, he could just create another group chat himself and invite the colleagues that he's close to, if it's important to him?

I don't know if you're blowing all this up in your own head or he's exaggerating things to you, but it really is not as big a deal as you think it is. Almost everyone has someone they dislike or who dislikes them in their cohort...

Edited March 12, 2024 by Els

[d0nnivain]

When did you get engaged?  In January you were calling him your BF.  Now he's a FI? 

You didn't delete this woman from his FB.  He did that.  He knows she's bad news and her response to him trying to enforce boundaries shows she is unstable.  I doubt any complaints by her will carry much weight.  

You have expressed anxiety about your work situation.  You don't appear to have strong boundaries & had concerns about how to explain to work friends that you wanted to spend time with FI.   It's possible that your own projections are blowing the situation up worse than it actually his.  This interpersonal dynamic between your guy & this woman is HIS problem.   Let him handle it.  

[mark clemson]

On 3/4/2024 at 11:36 AM, Yellowrose91 said:

So I suppose my question is, for those who are aware, how much damage can someone like this do to another person in the medical field? Or is there anyway this can be made right?

I don't know about the medical field specifically, but people who abuse their authority can indeed do lots of damage to others. Don't beat yourself up for her actions, but it's likely the more your husband minimizes contact with her and finds ways to NOT be in situations where she can abuse authority, the better off he will be.