GuySimple Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 So my wife and I have been separated for a few months now and things are really going well. Because of the kids we see each other fairly regularly but I am surprised that there are no real burning feelings of getting back together for either of us. I think there is some sexual ones though, that part of our relationship was always fairly good. We are truly both going in our own directions and are happy. The discovery about who we each are has been great. So there is a life after a 17-year marriage! Anyway, the reason for my post. As people are finding out about us they are disclosing things about their own relationships that are kind of blowing us away. I realized that most marriages are not perfect but several of our married friends have asked how we did and decided to move off in our separate ways because they had been working up the courage to do the same. This is kind of blowing my wife away. I have found at work that more people are coming up to me and complaining about their relationship with their wife or husband. This is kind of uncomfortable cause no matter how bad things got in ours we never let on there was anything wrong. Has anyone else found this? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 I've found that when you have problems, people love to talk to you about their own. I've had a lot of ppl ask me questions about our personal sex life and what were the problems in the marriage. Most of my friends are fairly young (30's) and most have just got married so I dont think they're in any trouble just yet. But I do suffer from anxiety and depression, and I've found atleast 4 or 5 of my friends suffer from it too. Two of them I've known for about 12 years and neither one of them told ANYone in our circle of friends. They were both thankful to finally be able to talk to it with someone because they've felt ashamed of keeping it in. It's true that misery loves company Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 It's true that misery loves company I don't think that 'misery loves company' but rather that people having problems feel really alone with their problems so are happy to find others with similar problems so they can share solutions or support each other. It's the informal version of your shrink's 'support group'. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Yeah, I'm with Outcast - I think people who have something like that bottled up inside are ready to grasp at a "safe" opportunity to share it. After all, isn't that what we do here on LS? I have had similar experiences - of the two "civilians" I've told so far (that is, other than my attorney, my counselor, and a couple of accountants...) one told me he had reached a crossroads within the past year that included consideration of splitting up, and the other said something like "well, it isn't like we haven't all considered it at some point..." Wow... I used to consider myself a pretty happy person, and assumed that most of the other people in the world were the same. Was I just terribly naiive? Is everyone so much more damaged than I believed? Are we all walking around wounded? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 This is one thing that's good about talking about it. I know at work there was a new girl that started a couple of months ago, and in bits and pieces we struck up a conversation at lunch one day. Turns out her best friend has been going through the same thing that I did- except she had just gotten married. She decided that she'd made a huge mistake- the guy had been abusive and my co worker knew it. She's stuck in some state somewhere with his family and no friends of her own and she has to stay a full year for the divorce to be final. Sharing my story helped her to help her friend. Her friend also found out that she didn't have it as bad as she thought she did, considering she got out sooner than I did. Marriage is hard. It's surprising to find out that people you thought were perfect and had perfect lives were not. That's whats good about breaking down barriers too! Link to post Share on other sites
trickynj99 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 that happened to us when we had a couple of miscarraiges early on... i'm a talker and i mentioned the feelings about the miscarraiges and i can't beleive how many said...oh yeah we had a miscarraige..it's actually very interesting to me because i get alot of my feelings off my chest by posting or telling friends about my issues...i really don't mind telling people about problems i 'm having...others can't beleive how open i am sometimes... to each his own Link to post Share on other sites
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