My view on being a mistress

[goingforgold]

Lyubimaya: I am new to the site so am not sure how it all works.....I would love to have private chat with you on the MM relationship subject, I have added you to my buddy list, but not overly sure what that means, hopefully we can exchange emails somehow so we can private chat without the rest of the anti MM relationship people having a go at us LOL

[Hot Coco]

Yeah...wouldn't it be great to talk to someone else who sees nothing wrong with this and tells you everything you want to hear?

[scarletletter]

Aussi-

I don't think anyone here thinks that there is nothing wrong with it. There is sooooooooooooooo much wrong with it. But with the wrong, there is alot of right. I don't expect anyone to support me me here and tell me what I want to hear. I'm just here to make sure i'm not the only one in the world in the same situation..clearly, i'm not. I don't think anyone is here to judge anyone else, just sharing stories. Obviously, if there were nothing wrong, I would be with him right now on a saturday night instead of sitting here alone with my computer. Its my choice, and isn't that what it's all about...choices? Good or bad?

[goingforgold]

HotCoco, just because your relationship with MM didn;t work out doesn't mean everyone elses is destined to be the same.

 

Sorry Lyubimaya for hijacking your post.

[scarletletter]

I also have hijacked this post..but it was a good one. Aussi..I have been reading your story and I can really appreciate how you must feel. It is hell trying to figure out if someone is as interested in you as you are in them. I would say that you have a very nice person in a dentist to go to extremes to make sure you are okay. If you want to invite him for xmas drinks...I would ask him but also invite his wife along, telling him you would like to meet her or something stupid like that. If he comes alone, i think you will have your answer.

[goingforgold]

Scarlet: Thats a good idea. And if the wife rocks up.....grrrrrrrrr.....i wont open the door:laugh:

[scarletletter]

Well, you can always have the customary drink with the wife and dentist and then suddenly become ill...that should be believable in your case. I think he will come alone.

[goingforgold]

LOL Scarlet - u have me laughing. I have a gut feeling that he will come alone as well. He only works around the corner from me - about 6 streets away....makes more sense to come over straight from work than go home and get the wife:)

[scarletletter]

Yes, but at least you have then acknowledged that he has a wife....so if he knows that the invitation is still open for him alone...if the wife cannot make it...he'll be there. So...problem solved, and everyone is happy!!!

[goingforgold]

scarlet: i have already invited him around for 2morrow after work, i am thinking of cancelling and making another time with him and this time telling him to bring the wife along as well.

[scarletletter]

did he accept ? Is he coming?

[goingforgold]

Scarlet - Oh yes!! He couldnt wait for me to invite him over LOL I text him telling him i am nervous about the next lot of dental work (as i am terrified of needles) and need some convincing to go through with it all and he wanted to know when i am free - i think he meant to meet him at the surgery but i jumped in and texted for him to come over Monday after work to my place for coffee and accepted!!

[goingforgold]

By the way, nothing can happen as i live at home with my oldies and they no doubt will be home:)

[goingforgold]

I've already decided that i am going to flirt with him and walk him to his car, try to hug him again, but this time i will make eye contact with him and see if i can get a kiss:love:

[scarletletter]

Okay....then forget the inviting the wife thing...if he's accepted, then you know that he is coming. Okay...one more piece of advice before i go to bed...(its very late here). Please let him make the first move if anyone is going to. That way you will not make a fool of yourself if he rejects you and you won't lose your favorite dentist. You can give him signals...like looking him in the eye and smiling, etc. Just let him do the rest, and if you want to follow then that is up to you. Some people are very negative in here but I don't think they need to comment in this forum if they have not been in the same situation..which I am in right now. My story is a little different...a little sleazier...but the outcome is still the same. You are young and you will bounce back if he is not interested, however, my dentist NEVER had drinks with me..so something tells me that he is. Just watch the signals closely and don't move too fast. You are getting ready to tread on very dangerous territory and you have to be mature enough to handle what is going to happen. Ground rules...make sure you understand those if there is going to be a long-term relationship. Chances are, he is not looking to replace his wife, but looking to enhance his life. Just be prepared for this...its not always fun and games. I'll check in later to see how you did. Good luck...now I'm going to be worried about you...funny, huh?

[goingforgold]

Scarlet: Thanks so much for your advice, i appreciate it. People in here are so quick to judge and say just forget about him/her and move on but its not always easy:(

 

I prefer him to make the first move as well, so i might just follow your rule, i'll smile a lot, play with my hair LOL, should i touch him a little when talking, like his arm or leg? And should i be the first one AGAIN to lean over to give him a hug when he leaves.

 

Its nice to know someone is worrying about me, thanks for everything scarlet. I hope we can chat some more some time soon, maybe privately, we might be able to help each other out here.

[scarletletter]

Maybe the arm...not the leg...too forward. This is his chance, so if he wants to take it, he will. Talk to you soon.

[goingforgold]

LOL Thanks, when i look at his leg, i will think of you.

Good night, sweet dreams, chat soon.

[Lyubimaya]

I gotta know what happens! Make sure you come back and tell us what happened.

[cherrie498]

Lyubimaya want to let you know that I can agree with your original post so well. But have ran into several diff problems. My MM & I have been involved for about 3 years, the 1st years no one knew- we where not like several others though, we went out in public as a couple, I (as strange as this sounds) I met his family, he met mine, we where a "normal" couple. I was 110% satisfied!!! I loved the time we had, seemed perfect. After the 1st year is when the W found out. He left immediately. We where forced into a full time relationship. He had doubts-I had doubts. He left & went home back to W & C- blaming his doubts on his C & saying that he didn’t want to become a p/t dad. I was sad & confused & did the only thing I thought I should I agreed. We started NC....lasted a week or 2. Since then our R has been a constant emotionally roller coaster. He has what we call our "emotional break-downs"

He either insist on us being together 110% of the time & rationalizes how he will have to make it work with his C....I accept.

The other times he insist that we must quit 100% NC, no if's, and's or buts....again I accept this. I constantly am agreeing to his request.

In return I have slowly turned from being the devoted OW into a total BIT#H toward him, lying, manipulating, blatantly hurting him. F-ed up way to show my emotions of hurt but I am, I am just mean. I do anything I can to make him hurt?!?!? I am not the type that is scared of being alone, or one that has to be in a relationship- prob the opposite. I am confused of why I continue to stay in this relationship that once fulfilled ALL of my needs that now leave me feeling crazy! How do I go back??? or How do I cut the cord??? Could use a little advice....

We are currently in NC....due to his latest "break-down" insisting that he/we needed to start NC- 4 days so far.

[Lyubimaya]

That's a tough call. My MM has no kids, and I think relationships with MM with children are definitely harder to deal with because as the OW-MM relationship deepens, the MM is more torn over the children situation, than the wife situation.

 

You stated that the W found out and then he was all yours, but you stated you BOTH had doubts. Why did you have doubts? What were they? You say his were his C, but what were yours?

 

Again, a MM with C is a different scenario than what I'm involved with, so I don't know what advise to offer. From his standpoint, the C were the brunt of the problem. What was yours initially when he first left?

[cherrie498]

Mine was the reality of the fact that he was a father that he was someone elses husband. That I selfishly ignored that, all of that was overwhelming & hurtful. I met her that night & several other times since then at times that is enough for me to walk away, other times obviously its not. He is NOT a father, not a husband when we are together, he is simply my "boyfriend" a person that I can confide in & share everything with. But as I said earlier I have started to have such resentment towards him, subconsciously in the beginning but now more obvious that all of my guilt & hurt due to the situation has made me begin to hate him. That isnt what I want. I dont want to lose him, nor do I want to lose the person I am.....does that make sense???

It happens the sameway nearly every time, he decides to leave W, moves in w/me & the blissful relationship we had turns to ****. I am bitchy, he is defensive, I am sarcastic, we are at each others throats. NOT because we are around each other for longer, we spend days & weeks together during the A. Just because of the pressure of the guilt I know we both feel. It just doesn’t make sense. We have decided in the past to have an A nothing more nothing less- doesn’t work. We have went NC-doesn’t work. We have moved in together- doesn’t work. So what in the hell is going to work???? Its like an addiction! I am not belittling our love I truly believe it is unique! We are just under challenging-to say the least- circumstances! & I am at a loss!!!

[Lyubimaya]

I guess I'm having a hard time following your situation. You have guilt and resentment towards him for why? Since he left her, the relationship is not as it was, correct? I suppose you have to probe more into why it's different.

[erika2610]

I'm sorry, I had to say something. I'm an ex-OW.. so I'm not just a mean, judgemental person. I can't believe that you, Aussie-Mandy, are excited at the thought of starting an affair.. but what's more, why are you girls telling her how to go about it? Honestly, some girls do end up Happy OW. They don't mind it at all. But they are few and far between. Read the endless posts here from girls who thought they were gonna be happy.. all they've done is hurt. And you will be in for a world of hurt. You're going to be on an emotional roller coaster. It's no fun. Sitting home at night waiting for his phone calls. Not being able to go out with him on a weekend night, cuz he's with the fam. Not being able to call him at home to share good news, or be able to call him when you're sick or just want him to come over. The sneaking around. The not being able to tell people in your real life. Does any of that sound fun? Because it won't be. Oh, and I forgot the sitting home on holidays and birthdays without him, because again, he's with the fam. You may not think it's a big deal at first, and that you can handle it. But as time goes by, and more emotions get involved, the more heart breaking it is. You're better off just going out and finding a single guy who'll be all yours. Again, I'm not being a judgemental meanie. And I'm not bitter. I'm telling you this because I went through it for almost a year and a half. Remember, don't believe everything he tells you. MM are VERY good liars. VERY good.. that's what they do.

[erika2610]

Scarlet: Thanks so much for your advice, i appreciate it. People in here are so quick to judge and say just forget about him/her and move on but its not always easy:(

 

I prefer him to make the first move as well, so i might just follow your rule, i'll smile a lot, play with my hair LOL, should i touch him a little when talking, like his arm or leg? And should i be the first one AGAIN to lean over to give him a hug when he leaves.

 

Its nice to know someone is worrying about me, thanks for everything scarlet. I hope we can chat some more some time soon, maybe privately, we might be able to help each other out here.

 

And not everybody here judges.. most of of try to save you from getting hurt because we've been there. Yes, a couple of people judge, but just ignore them No, it's not easy to just forget about him. But you need to. Put him out of your head. Switch dentists. Honestly, you sound like you've made up your mind, and aren't gonna listen to anybody. It's too bad too.. because it really is just a whole lotta hurt. And you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting his W too. I know you don't care about that, but put yourself in her shoes. Honestly, what you're doing is wrong. I'm just trying to warn you about the whole thing. I wouldn't venture into it if I were you. I would just walk away.. forget about him. All you are to him is a nice little piece of meat on the side. Don't you want more than that? Don't you think more of yourself than that?