Is this guy being unreasonable?

[Tammy]

I met a man on-line and we had great chemistry, ect. talked on the phone every day.

 

Now he came to my town to visit me and I invited him to stay with me at my place (had a spare bedroom and everything available for him) so he decided to come here for a week and see me.

 

We have great in-person chemistry, get along well, and I am amazed it is working out after so many people warned me I was taking a dangerous risk. The only thing that bothers me is that Mark (an older man) is kind of obsessive about eating at regular meal times as he is diabetic and has to eat at the same time every day. I bought a bunch of food for when he came and was happy to cook for him and stuff, but then I noticed that he hardly ever offers to clean up or initiate cooking something.

 

He wanted to know exactly what we would have for supper, asked me what vegetables I had ect. and if it would make a balanced meal with low calories.

 

Tonight I went outside for a swim (my condo has a pool) and he rested in a long chair because he was tired. He asked me if I had a blanket, so I asked if a towel was okay, so I put a towel on him to keep him warm. Then later he kind of complained to me that he was cold and had asked for a blanket, so I went in the appartment and brought him out a blanket.

 

Then I went inside, told him I wanted to go do some grocery shopping. While I was inside changing he apparently couldn't get in the door. I opened it and he was really upset because he thought I had locked him out, but he just didn't understand how to work the sophisticated doors. Even after I explained that I didn't mean to close the door (it wasn't locked) he kept going on about having been cold.

 

He only gave me $10 for groceries and they came to $27. When I came home he was playing my piano and didn't say thank you for buying things that he had asked for, or didn't even offer to put things away for me.

 

I gave him his sugar-free ice-cream which he ate and then went straight to bed turing off all my lights and the TV. It was only 10:00 and I told him I still wanted to stay up and do things, so he asked me to be as quiet as possible and not to open a door loudly!

 

What can I say to him tomorrow in a nice way to make him understand that I don't like the fact that he is so demanding in my home?

[Tony T]

FIRST YOU WRITE: "We have great in-person chemistry, get along well, and I am amazed it is working out after so many people warned me I was taking a dangerous risk."

 

THEN, AT THE END, YOU WRITE: "What can I say to him tomorrow in a nice way to make him understand that I don't like the fact that he is so demanding in my home?"

 

Well, which is it. First you say how wonderful he is, then you go on for paragraphs talking about his diabetes, how demanding and ungrateful he is, how he stays cold all the time and needs to be covered, his rigid schedule, how he doesn't pay for his share of his required groceries and how he doesn't want to stay up late to do things with you.

 

Sounds like great chemistry to me...and I can see why you are amazed it's working out so well....DUH!!!

 

The guy has an illness that requires special handling. Diabetes is life threatening and shortening and calls for special diet, exercise, eating schedule, sometimes medication, etc. Yes, it would be nice if he thanked you for going out of your way but people have been catering to him for so long he probably takes it for granted.

 

If you want him to thank you for your kindness, let him know. Just tell him straight out that you are used to being thanked when you do nice things for people. Tell him it's a matter of courtesy. However, I think it's unreasonable to expect him to offer to put things up since he is in your home and doesn't know where things go.

 

Frankly, I don't think you have chemistry with this guy at all. I don't think this is going to last another day. If a guest of mine went to bed at 10 a.m. and told me to keep quiet so he/she could sleep, I'd get him/her a room downtown at the Marriot and tell them not to come back.

 

These quirks are things you learn about somebody once you meet them. I know he's probably got a lot of great traits and there are aspects of his visit that you are enjoying, but don't give me this great chemistry crap. It ain't there.

 

Talk to him about how you feel and see if a compromise can be struck. But you are quickly seeing why he has to surf the Internet once a month to find a sucker who will take him in and take care of him at bargain rates. It's sad he has diabetes but he ought to have a bit more finesse and manners when it comes to his demands.

 

This is NOT a keeper...unless you are very hard up.