imovethestars4no1 Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 hi, im 21 my bf is 29..we have been together 6 months, live together, im pregnant now, he is a good boyfriend, wheni told him no porn, he stopped, when i told him no this no that, he stops...but i get extremely jealous for EVERYTHING! he donated money today to some poeple collecting coins today and i flipped out because it was a girl collecting..even though she was like 16 with acne, i just hate the idea of him cheating or being interested or attracted to another female. im not cheating nor do i want to but my jealousy is really threatening our relationship. we worked togeher at first so the first time i got jealouos was when a new girl got hired at our place, then we moved and needed to find an apt and i got jealus cuz of the girl that signed our apt. then he introduced me to his friend and his friend's gf and i got jealous of her, then his brother came into town with his fiance and i got jealous of her, then his bro's fiance asked me to hang out and introduced me to her friend and i got jealous of her friend, if we have a female waitress im angry, if he looks up and a girl happens to be there im jealous, if he looks at a pic of a girl online in a bikini im pissed, if we watcha movie at the theatre and a girl happens to be nude or something sexual (even if its a humorous type) im so angry my body feels hot and im about to explode!! i even get jealous if he talks to or about his little sister!!!! what's wrong with me!?! i cant live like this anymore, i feel horrible all the time and im even jealous when he has a good day at work cuz he had a good day without me you know? and im jealous if he laughs at someone else's jokes because im not the one that made him laugh and just tons of stuff like that!! what should i do? ive tried JUST STOPPING but it doesnt work! and this is a serious problem because im so sad at the thought that he can survive without me (everyone can survive alone i know that and we've been in each other's lives for less than a yr!!) that i think about suicide every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im also a paranoid schizophrenic and he knows that but i cant afford meds or a doctor and just cuz he knows doesntmean he should just let me control him and if i had it my way he'd never leave the house or talkl to anyone!! please help me! im going nuts:( Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Why would you want a baby if you can't afford meds for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 You absolutely need to be under the care of a physician. Call local charities and see who can help you. And absolutely don't have any babies unless you have a doctor taking care of you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 i know, the baby wasnt planned but thats no excuse i know..and ive actually only been well since late feb of this yr...before that i locked myself in a house for over 2 yrs (i was sick for my 18th,19th, and 20th bdays ) where i locked myself in a closet, and urinated and defecated in plastic bags, thought i was being raped by ghosts oh my God thats just the tip of the iceberg..my life so far has been very bad. i feel very through with life in general. im giving up and im taking people down with me like my bf...but im sane now i mean i have a job and stuff but im not 100% well and im just tired of life Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 well you boyfriend must really love you. What I would do is just ignore it. I know it'll be hard with your "condition" but just pretend it just doesn't bother you. I agree, meds are expensive. When I got my first medical bill (physical related not psych) I basically told myself, "Hell, I'm never going to a doctor by choice again." I usually don't take medicine either unless it's generic aspirin to help with the pain in my legs and arms (I have hereditarical poor circulation). But anyway, you have enough sense to know that something's wrong. They say the truly insane don't even know they need help. Even if you're having difficulties with all this, maybe showing your boyfriend your post on the forums. If he loves you he will try and help you through. You can never go wrong with honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 thank you, you are awesome..i swear on my life im gonna try the ignoring it, but when i get the jealousy or whatever i feel it physically too ugh but im gonna try so freaking hard and thanks for not judging me, im very fragile GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR CONDITION, be careful Link to post Share on other sites
scarletletter Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself and your baby. It doesn't matter how the pregnacy happened, fact is, there is a baby to consider. If you get yourself this upset, it will not be healthy for the baby. You really should try to look at some sort of resources in your community--health dept or whatever to see if you can get some assistance with medical treatment. You must have prenatal care!! If your boyfriend loves you, he will stand by you. Don't drive him away with this jealousy thing. If he wants someone else, he will find that someone else whether you are jealous or not. Obviously he wants you or he wouldn't be with you. You need to get a hold of yourself for your baby's sake. You are going to be a mother soon and you will go through enough emotions after having the baby...you sure don't need jealousy to be one of those. Please try to talk to bf more about how you feel and that you are trying to work on it. You seriously need to be careful, you are in a very fragile state and I know you want to give a good life to your child. Think of the baby first...ALWAYS...and see if that will help you cope. Nothing is more important. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 im pregnant now im also a paranoid schizophrenic and he knows that but i cant afford meds or a doctor I understand - those particular medications are expensive. I take one that is nearly 300 dollars for a month supply, and that is only one of four prescriptions that I take for what I have. Luckily, I have insurance now so I'm covered on that. If I were pregnant, I'd qualify for Medicaid - and perhaps that is the path you can take until you are on your feet. With you being pregnant, you most likely qualify for Medicaid and WIC - depending on your state, if you are making less than say... 30K a year, and have no insurance you will qualify. You need to look up on the internet the number for your local Social Services office, call Social Services and set up an appointment - tell them you are pregnant and that you are schizophrenic and you do not have money for medication or medical care. You will be set up with a Social Services caseworker who will help you with the paperwork. Once you are on it, your medical costs will be greatly reduced. You will get help for the pregnancy end of things, and you will get help through mental health as well. Once you are on medications, then and only then should you tackle this boyfriend problem. There is no point whatsoever in trying logic with schizophrenia, particular if it is of the paranoid variety. Meds first - boyfriend second. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 thank you both i'm ignoring it today...earlier my bf was being really romanticy with me and all i coukld think was "why the hell is he so romantic, what is he thuinking of, what the hell made him so happy this morning" and iwas about to yell at him and say "whats making you so cheery this morning cuz it's not me" but i didnt..ugh but then i went to use the computer and he left an aim convo up and he was talkin to his brother's fiance about eating dinner cuz she invited us both over and he put a smiley face next to somehtin like "what r you all gonna make?" and the jealousy got me again but i shut up about it..it just made me really suspicious even though she invited us both and was like are YA'LL gonna come..UGH it's os overwhelming, i constantly think everyone is "up to something"...ok..had to vent that cuz if i dont i'll think about i t all day when he is at work and then explode on him and thanks for your help, i swear it makes me rethink things because i dont realy have anyone to talk to about this, im in a new city, and i dont know anyone and anything positive or the smallst,teeniest glimmer of light just takes the cinderblocks off my back Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 i constantly think everyone is "up to something That's exactly what 'paranoid' means which is why you badly need treatment. Your brain invents things out of the blue that you believe because you're ill. Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 As 7on says, you have recognised that you need help and that is the important thing. The trouble is that help costs money, like the medication and counselling or things like that. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in the jealousy thing - it sounds completely ridiculous when you write these things down (like being jealous of waitresses, or girls in the street, or even other people's girlfriends/friends), but you are not alone that you feel like this. I have exactly the same thing and although I try as hard as I can to hide it from my boyfriend (as it's obviously stupid to be jealous if they love you and have chosen you) - it is not easy to hide, or to stop feeling sick. I have spent years like this with boyfriends and have now decided to see a counsellor as my current boyfriend means so much to me and I am starting to ruin it with my behaviour. It is a major problem for me and my relationship, and I just want these feelings to stop too. All I can say is just try to keep the feelings of jealousy under control, or they will get out of hand and ruin your relationship. With a baby on the way, you must try your best to overcome this. If you need to explain it to him, then do it calmly in a moment where you are not affected by jealousy. This problem is very hard for people to understand if they are not jealous themselves, and they will just say we are being silly and obviously our boyfriends love us etc etc. But it is a very real problem for us, and I know it affects my life daily - I am almost scared to go out with him, definitely to parties and things, because of the other women there. He can't even mention a woman's name, whoever it is, without me feeling sick. So, I wish you the very best of luck in sorting this out and with your future, and if you can manage to see someone about it, I think it would be a really positive step for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 it is so hard to have a relationship wen u have a mental illness, if u cannot be complete and content within yourself u cannot let anyone else be. Ur are jealous because u have no self asteem, absolutely none and u prob no that, u no that he wouldnt ever do anything, so the problem lies with u. My brother was paranoid schitzophrenic and it is so hard for people who arnt to understand, and for you to understand how the world sees you. From my experience my brother had completely irrational and absurd thoughts that he coulnt help, because the illness is not something u can help with a shrink, its medications. Despite wot everyone thinks it is technically a physical illness because there is a physical problems with the brain, its an imbalance of chemicals. so these thoughts, its hard to understand (or for me to know fully) are as a result of your illness and you cannot change them with positive thinking. If u can get medication and its still there u no its a huge problem. My brother died last year from taking drugs to escape, he's used them to escape the horrible and scary world he lived in and accidently overdosed. since i've become depressed and depend on my boyfriend more and more, this makes me vunerable and paranoid and jealous coz i feel weak. I would urge you to look for help, from charities, government funding, look around the internet to see wot help u can get because its your life, you only get one and u can make it something amazin with your partner, u just need to find that inner strength from somewhere, if u cant ask ur bf for help. And if you can hear wot i think u can hear, u gotta keep strong, u r hearing them, but they'll go away if u can get the medication. and if u do take illegal drugs u need to stop them coz in most cases schiztophrenia is genetic but will only surface if induced with drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 thank you to the last two comments! im glad you understand that i dont want these thoughts, im gonna try the medicaid thing, i have a form for it but i have to mail it now. you know, im the same way when my bf even mentions a girl's name, it makes my stomach turn (even a celebrity) but it even got to the point where i cried because i started thinking my bf was gay cuz he watched a football game with me and his friend hayden (who isnt gay...) and i just started freaking! its really bad, cuz it doesnt just affect me and him it affects my job and stuff too like i convinced myself meat makes me sick and that i can't eat foods that have been open for more than like 3 days and i know that any human can eat a chicken leg and be fine but if you gave me one i'd get really nervous and i dont know i convince myself of these things that no one knows about they just think i prefer veggies to meat or something but anyway i hope they dont look at me and say "well u know something's wrong and ur just 21 yrs old so you dont need help" cuz like i said suicide is on my mind constantly and i have locked myself in a house for years and i have deprived myself of eating certain foods or usign the bathroom so my threats arent empty but im sane, im just not 100% since i was really sick..im glad the last two commentors know what i feel!!!! so thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 oh my gosh you know what i feel!!! ugh it feels so out of my control like i keep saying in my head "why the hell do i care?" but regardless of my thoughts my hands r still shaking and my stomach is churning and i feel so hot and angry that i can BARELY hold it in but i can never hold it in for more than a few days Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 hi, So sad to hear of your troubles. I think you are very brave to be so honest about your jealousy and you are clearly a very strong person to have dealt with your schitzophrenia without medication. I believe that it is vital though that you get hold of that medication in which ever way you can. Jealousy at that level is an absolute nightmare to live with (for yourself as well as your partner). You have somehow become extremely sensitive to any perceived threat to your relationship.You are becoming conditioned to look at life through a filter whereby all scenarios connected with your boyfriend are interpreted in terms of how much the situation is a threat to your relationship.Sorry to make such obvious statements but I make them because I understand where you are coming from. I too have been intensely jealous/insecure. I know what it is like to look at life through that filter and to feel in a constant state of anxiety.Get help! Get therapy if you can, it is vital for your sanity that you do. I have been through counselling for these issues and they havent completely resolved though life is better and I DREAD to think of where I was headed without that. Are there any charities that could help with therapy/meds. So sorry if I am being totally naive but I dont know the American health care system (I am English,here we can use the National Health Service,which is free). Anyway, please stay in contact as we may be able to help each other on this one. Trust me when I say I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE INTENSELY JEALOUS. It is a complete head wreck for all concerned Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I'm glad you're checking out other options like Medicaid. You must be 'better' than you were earlier if you can recognize that a lot of these thoughts and feelings are not rational. I'm sure your boyfriend has dealt with a lot -- I dated a really 'irrationally' jealous man years ago and it was very draining. I mean, I loved him to bits, but he couldn't get a handle on his jealousy and it ended up ruining the relationship. Too bad he didn't see help, like you are. Do take all the comments about getting help, therapy and meds seriously. One of my good friend's brothers is schizophrenic. He got very sick at one point and ended up drowing his baby boy. He thought voices told him to do it. I am not trying to scare you, just to point out that this is a very serious medical condition and where there's a will, there's a way to get you some help. You deserve to live a better life! Link to post Share on other sites
bigbrowneyes Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Hi IMOVETHESTARS, Today I stumbled upon this forum because I was seeking confort regarding my recent breakup with my fiance who cheated on me. I decided to register after reading your posting. I am very concerned about your mental well being. The fact that you are concentrated on being jealous is largely due to your illness. Based on the fact that you are paranoid schizophrenic, it will be impossible for you to just ignore your feelings and hope that everything will be OK. I know this from personal experience. My son is paranoid schizophrenic and he exhibits these types of behaviors at time. Paranoid schizophrenia requires constant counseling and medication regulation. You may be experiencing a period where you have not had any episodes but the reality is that you have a chemical imbalance that requires treatement and you will break again. I'm sure you understand the seriousness of your condition. Without treatment, your episodes will intensify and you may actually do harm to yourself. You have the ability to live a very fulfilling life with proper treatment. Please, do yourself a favor and seek assistance. My state offers a prescription card to those that qualify. In addition, you can seek help from clinics on a sliding scale. If you do not have a prescription card, the facility can offer you prescription samples until your prescription card is approved. In addition, these facilities have staff that work as your advocate and assist you in completing the required paperwork to get the public assistance you need. I will keep you in my prays. Please, please, please, keep us up to date on how you are feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Panhandler Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 You aren't going to be able to take a lot of medications while you are having your baby, but afterwards you may be able to resume some treatment. It may be long after the breast feeding and initial phazes are done though. It sounds to me like you have a nervous problem. If you have ever taken any drugs it may be from the drugs, and I would suggest you abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, caffine, and drugs completely. You need to relax, and you need to calm down, take vitamins and take a nice hot bath every so often. You are thinking too much about stupid things, and it's not your fault, it's a nervous disorder. Your feelings of fear are simply vented thru your nervousness, and you are having trouble not thinking of these things, they probably eat at you and make you uncomfortable, because you're too sensative and nervous. I suggest try taking some no flush niacin, take some multi-vitamins some vitamin C, and avoid all the stuff I mentioned before. This is the best homeopathic remedy for skitzophrenic like symptoms. Most of all just relax and take a deep breath and realize that you are imagining things, and nothing really matters, it only matters when you worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 It is very true to say that people who dont suffer from jealousy find it terribly hard to understand the thoughts of people who do, they simply cannot imagine how people can get themselves so anxious and insecure. I wonder though what makes one person a "jealous type" and another person totally relaxed about these issues. Is it simply a matter of one's past experience and low self-esteem, or could there be a genetic or biological reason for this? Do you think its possible that jealous people could have something physically different from non-jealous people happening in their brains? For example if you consider a person with o.c.d., physical chemical imbalances are occuring in their brains and that is largely the reason why they can obsess about things to that degree? Could something similar be going on with the obsessively jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Panhandler Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Probably...I mean she said she has skitzophrenia, and I think that in this case sums it up. It's not normal to be that jealous, and it means you are nervous I guess and venting fears thru anxious negative thoughts. But jealousy is human nature....if we looked at everything in a holy perspective we would not be jealous, we would rather be zealous of things that offend us. But there's such thing as overzealous and I think this woman here is just a rattle of nerves. Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 As you say, in this case there is an under-lying case of paranoid schitzophrenia so it would seem reasonable to assume much of this distress stems from this condition. However, what I am suggesting is that there may be under-lying pathology in all cases of intense/obsessive jealousy. I was suprised to discover recently that a physician who had "treated" a small group of jealous males with fluoxetine ie; prozac, had extremely positive results. The men felt much less jealous or certainly less consumed by their thoughts, and more able to handle their feelings. It seems to me that this physician "treated" obsessive jealousy as though it were O.C.D., which is obviously another condition were a person suffers from repetitive, obsessional and intrusive thoughts. This condition is also treated with prozac. On another issue though, I was very interested in your comments that from a "holy perspective" nobody should feel jealousy. I wondered if you might be able to expand on that? Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Hi, I'd like to come in again here, as this is pretty interesting. Suzy, you said before that you'd also experienced intense jealousy and you had been through counselling for this. I have also just started counselling after many years of ruining relationships for both myself and my partner from my being jealous and irrational, and although it is pretty interesting to see why I may display jealous behaviour, I am wondering if you ever reach a point where you can stop FEELING jealous, even if you reach a point where you can explain it and understand it? On the point of whether there is a genetic/biological reason for this, that's something I have often wondered. As far back as I can remember I was always jealous in relationships. Sure, I've been cheated on, which probably made it worse, but I think I had these feelings before those experiences. Counselling is going back to my childhood and making connections between my behaviour now with boyfriends and jealousy, and my relationship with my parents and family. I must admit that I am more inclined to believe that jealous behaviour is a result of past experiences and the resulting insecurity we may feel, but it was interesting to read your comments about the medical tests on jealous males with prozac. Have you pretty much overcome your jealousy, or is is a matter of just learning to live with/control it? I can't bear the thought of being like this for the rest of my life!! By the way, did you get treatment on the National Health Service?! (I'm also from the UK but didn't think they would consider that a necesssary treatment?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 okay thank you everyone, sometimes i just need to at least TELL someone about whats eating me and it feel much better because i have NO ONE to talk to about this and when poeple are rude like rachel's comment while im talking about killing myself makes me wanna take steps back but my mind is in way more stable than before but i needed to spill my guts so thank you Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Hey, Imovethestars4no1, I didn't mean to take over the thread on a more personal note and forget you! Reread the last few posts and must also say that you are very brave to be recognising this and trying to do something about it. The reason that this is brave is because it is the scariest thing you can do, face up to the fact that you need help, admit to it, and get something done. But you must look to the future and what is out there for you, the possibility of a life without this anxiety and fear, and jealousy (I hope to get there too someday!) I hope you have posted off the form you needed to. I also don't understand the system in the US so it's difficult to comment, but I am sure that if you explained to someone what you have been brave enough to explain to us, on this forum, then no one would doubt that you qualify for help. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone in this life, and you have so much positive to look forward to if you can just manage to get this under control. You are already more than halfway there as you have realised you need help and you have started looking for it. That is the main thing... From now on, look out for yourself and make this work - good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 girl, i love ur courage, sometimes i wonder wot the hell i'm fightin for, i get so defeated and just so drained from the pain, but they r so many people like me and so many people like u fightin, and so many succeed. A good suggestion would to be to write ur thoughts down, even if u throw them away its a good form of free therapy, my bro would write lyrics and was very creative which helped him escape from them. ur about to have the most life changin thing, ur baby, and hopefully it'll help u for the good but i would advise findin some emotional support as illnesses such as post natal depression can occur randomly. i wish u so much luck and i'm gonna say a prayer (not an often occurance), praying for ur strength. Ur boyfriend is very lucky, u r an amazin person u should write a biography. Take care babe xxx Link to post Share on other sites
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