Author imovethestars4no1 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 ZGT, i dont mind if you discuss what you want!! i thought it was interesting! i hope you didnt think what i said was directed at you , i just didnt like rachel's comment but she is probably 14 yrs old or something, and that was so awesome NICCIGIRL, thanks!! thank you to the last two comments! Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Hi , Suzy here, Yes, I am happy to say that I have, for the most part overcome feelings of intense jealousy. It has been a long, hard, battle and I CANNOT under-state that. I would very much recommend C.B.T. counselling as a way forward, not to mention meds if there is an under-lying mental health issue. Be brave and face this issue head-on. There is nothing to be ashamed about, lots of people feel this way. Just make sure you own the problem, dont blame it on anyone else, because this is a backwards step and wont help in the long-run. It takes a lot of determination, and a loving partner to conquer this, but with that combination, it can be done! Always bare in mind in the heat of the moment, when you feel panicky and SURE that your boyfriend has/is cheating, that if you can manage not to accuse/go mad at him for at least 50 mins your anxiety will naturally begin to reduce. Anxiety has a peak, usually at around 30 after the "threat", after that time it will subside. You may still be left with questions at this point, but at least you will be able to ask them in a more controlled and rational manner. Try to occupy your mind with something quite powerful when you are freaking out. Get on the phone to a sympathetic female or something (but one who will happily tell you that you are being irrational, not one with a problem with men!) or do whatever it takes, but let the anxiety subside before you deal with the "problem". Thats the best advice I can give for now, but stay in touch all you scared and jealous women coz its great to be able to help with this (if I can) Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Hi, that's great advice. Especially about waiting before you react, I have been trying to do this 'in the moment', to control it until it subsides. It's true that it subsides eventually, but I am concerned that I react in another way in the meantime, to become quiet or annoyed about something else, to hide the fact that it's irrational jealousy. Then my boyfriend really is confused because I end up creating problems that are not really there... I can control it in front of him, but I want to remove the feeling of anxiety and panic that I get in almost every conversation with him or every time we're out together. Anyway! Can I ask what CBT counselling is? And to imovethestars4no1 - please ignore ridiculous comments like the one from rachel. It's a shame that people do this kind of thing which can set you back, but you must just read everyone else's supportive comments and remember them instead. Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Hi, I'll be brief coz I'm on my way out to work!, C.B.T. =Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, it is a type of therapy that looks at one's thoughts, emotions, behaviour, and physical responses and views all of these elements as being inter-dependent. The theory goes that these elements work together to create our responses in any situation. So, if eg; you suffer panick attacks (hyperventilating, shaking etc) this is a physical reaction to a situation, this physical reaction will lead to negative thoughts (am I dying etc) the negative thought will lead to an emotional response (IM FRIGHTENED! etc) which will lead to further physical reaction (more shortness of breath etc), this may induce you into some behavioural response, ie trying to control your bodily reactions in some way to reduce the sense of panick. Thus, if you can take out any one of these elements in this cycle of events, this viscious circle will collapse, or so the theory goes. So, if you could have positve thoughts, ie "I CAN CONTROL THIS PANICK, I AM NOT GOING TO DIE" you would naturally begin to breath better as your panick would subside, you would feel less frightened, you would on a behavioural level do positve things to make yourself more relaxed etc. Im not explaining this well but I hope it makes some sense. Take care all you insecure types, speak later! x x Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Hi Suzy, thanks for explaining that even though you were in a rush - it makes a lot of sense. I'm not sure if the type of counselling I'm having is CBT or not, but it's certainly one that is looking at my thoughts, emotions, feelings, background etc, and attempting to connect my logical recognition of what is wrong with an emotional one, and thus eventually change my behaviour and reactions. Having positive thoughts is so important in this. Even if you don't feel them, it is vital to keep telling yourself positive things and not turn to negative emotions. It's all pretty simple when you write it all down - it's just putting it into practice that's the hard part! I'm so frustrated with how I am sometimes, and impatient to get the problem 'fixed'. My boyfriend has just moved back to a different country so it's even more important that I keep get these feelings under control! I hope you are continuing to deal with this - sounds like it's been a long hard road but the fact that you are nearly there means there is hope for all of us! Thanks for the advice... Link to post Share on other sites
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