Acting Stupid

[Harley95]

Hey there,

 

I've been kinda battling with something lately. My girlfriend has been working excessive....I mean excessive hours, like hasn't had a day off in three weeks. She has been pretty....let me be blunt....horrible to be around sometimes.

 

I have been there for her to vent, and spend time with...because I care. For some ungodly reason I am starting to get a feeling of neglect. I am pretty understanding, and open. I have asked her if she was mad at me and if she was miserable with me...and she has told me that I am thinking way too much. I understand that she is up to her ears in work....but ever since we came back from vacation she doesn't seem to act the way that she did.

 

I treat her every time she is working a night shift. After my grueling long day...which is everyday because I drive just over an hour to work each day, I stop by her work and bring her a coffee. I have sent flowers to her work to cheer her up.

 

I guess what it comes down to is that I can't stop thinking negatively. I have been in a similar situation where, I guess things plateau and she seems miserable and I get dumped....I believe I am being defensive even though she tells me that she loves me.

 

I guess I should just sit on the back burner and enjoy the ride and not give much thought to it. Whatcha ya'll think.

 

I could greatly use some insight.

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "I guess I should just sit on the back burner and enjoy the ride and not give much thought to it. Whatcha ya'll think."

 

No, you shouldn't sit on the back burner and enjoy the ride. There is no ride to enjoy....as a matter of fact, it sounds like the ride is extremely uncomfortable for you.

 

And you should give it a lot of thought. This crap has gone on for three weeks. There is only so much of this stuff you can put up with before you move on your way.

 

I don't care how tired, frustrated, exhausted, etc. she is because of her hours. Those are her choice. Tell her you need two hours with her to sit down and do some talking. Let know her during your talk that this latest workaholism is taking its toll on the relationship. Ask her how much longer this kind of intensive work is going to last.

 

If this is a semi-permanent thing, there's not much else to talk about. You just have to leave. No, you can't sit around for the ride. You are in this for a fulfilling, pleasant relationship...not a moody, overworked person who takes all her frustrations out on you.

 

If she says this is temporary and that things should be back to normal in the future, ask her for an approximate time when she feels this will happen. Then give her two weeks beyond that time. If things haven't gotten much better by then, pull the plug.

 

There is no good reason to ruin your life because your girlfriend wants to ruin hers.

[Harley95]

I'm not really saying that I am going to sit back and do nothing. What I am saying is that I should lay off of her and not think so much. Give her her space.

 

She works as a Team Leader for franchise retail outlet. The current work transitions, people quitting and calling out sick is not her fault. More like a poor management which she has addressed. Sunday evening I saw a spark of the "old" her. The over amount of hours is temporary. Because of back to school stuff.

 

I told her to vent to me...becuase I am there for her. It gets it off her chest and I don't take it personally. Is what I am doing wrong....or giving too much to someone. She has apologized to me for being crabby and didn't mean to sound rude....that she is beat down exhausted....Should I still be there for her....by her side...or am I giving her too much.

 

Thanks in advance.

YOU ASK: "I guess I should just sit on the back burner and enjoy the ride and not give much thought to it. Whatcha ya'll think."

 

No, you shouldn't sit on the back burner and enjoy the ride. There is no ride to enjoy....as a matter of fact, it sounds like the ride is extremely uncomfortable for you. And you should give it a lot of thought. This crap has gone on for three weeks. There is only so much of this stuff you can put up with before you move on your way. I don't care how tired, frustrated, exhausted, etc. she is because of her hours. Those are her choice. Tell her you need two hours with her to sit down and do some talking. Let know her during your talk that this latest workaholism is taking its toll on the relationship. Ask her how much longer this kind of intensive work is going to last. If this is a semi-permanent thing, there's not much else to talk about. You just have to leave. No, you can't sit around for the ride. You are in this for a fulfilling, pleasant relationship...not a moody, overworked person who takes all her frustrations out on you. If she says this is temporary and that things should be back to normal in the future, ask her for an approximate time when she feels this will happen. Then give her two weeks beyond that time. If things haven't gotten much better by then, pull the plug. There is no good reason to ruin your life because your girlfriend wants to ruin hers.

[little d]

No your not doing anything wrong. It's obvious you understand the position she is in and that this is important to her but it sounds like she isn't taking you into a whole lot of consideration. Crazy hours are crazy hours and thats why most try to make the best out of the time they do have to spend with a loved one. I think it's good your staying by her side but don't let her take you for granted. She shouldn't be bringing all that work and bad moods home with her. What about you! Everybody needs lovin'! and your needs are not being met. Basically you ARE being neglected and I wouldn't let that happen any longer. You have to remember relationships are a 50/50 partnership, why would you want to settle for 15%?

 

Good luck

 

d

I'm not really saying that I am going to sit back and do nothing. What I am saying is that I should lay off of her and not think so much. Give her her space. She works as a Team Leader for franchise retail outlet. The current work transitions, people quitting and calling out sick is not her fault. More like a poor management which she has addressed. Sunday evening I saw a spark of the "old" her. The over amount of hours is temporary. Because of back to school stuff. I told her to vent to me...becuase I am there for her. It gets it off her chest and I don't take it personally. Is what I am doing wrong....or giving too much to someone. She has apologized to me for being crabby and didn't mean to sound rude....that she is beat down exhausted....Should I still be there for her....by her side...or am I giving her too much. Thanks in advance.