Tricia Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 After a big fight last night,him telling me was leaving today---Me cryin and trying to convince him of our love again,all to no avail.He told me we would talk today,we did,when he was ready.I already knew what he had to say--We are 2 different ppl,we don't think alike AND we don't get along.All I have heard a dozen times. Then he told me a couple of weeks ago,something changed.We would always be just like we are now and he is tired of our life.He said he has had these feelings b4 when he was mad,(so do I)but they always went away,this time they are not. He has plans on telling the kids tonight,this I'm sure will be the hardest part.For everyone. I asked him if he loved me,he said yes,w/o hesitation,but when I asked him if he was In-love w/me,with hesitation he said probably. My mind knows he is done,but my heart can't deal with or accept this. I dunno how to deal with this at all,our entire lives are intertwined. Thanx, Tricia Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Sorry that things are bad right now. *HUGS* Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 How this man could leave someone as beautiful as you is beyond reason, at least to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost434 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Check my reply in your other post - Same title Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 How this man could leave someone as beautiful as you is beyond reason, at least to me. Interesting theory, We should only break up with ugly people? Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Enema, think with something different than cold logic. And you will understand Slubberdegullion's comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Did you previously post under "Blondx?" Your photo looks familiar. Sorry to hear it came to this. Since you had been gone for a while, I hoped that meant things were OK now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 It was such a mess when I couldn't remember my sign in name,password an my e-mail address had also changed.Great Memory Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Tristram Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Why dont you ask him what it would take for him to reconsider? If what he says is something you feel you can do, then work things out. If he has completly made up his mind that he's done, I'm sorry. All you can do is work on accepting that it is over. Dont beat yourself up over all of it. It hurts now, but it wont forever and keep that in mind. Be strong and enjoy what you do have, work on feeling good about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 It was such a mess when I couldn't remember my sign in name,password an my e-mail address had also changed.Great Memory Scott Good to hear from you again, athough I wish the circumstances were happier. I remember that you both had been in counseling over health & other issues, & reading your other thread, the need appears to be as critical as ever. Did you ever get into couples counseling? Unfortunate that he seems so indifferent & unsupportive. Of course, I cannot know what is in his mind, & I hate to pass judgment without knowing someone, but the attitude & actions you've described are not consistent with love. Regardless, it appears to me that for now, your priority needs to be your own health, physical & mental. From what I'm reading, you seem to be on the brink of collapse. Until you can regain your own personal strength, you will have little success in trying to mend a relationship, especially with the other apparently so unwilling. _____________________________________________ The future isn't what it used to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Leilao1 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Somehow I don't think he made up his mind. Can you stay away from each other for a while and stop fighting? I was there, very passionate relationship and many fights, but still together 12 years later and two lovely kids Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted November 22, 2005 Author Share Posted November 22, 2005 To me it is becoming more hopeless by the day.I have reduced myself to a crying,hysterical baby.I have never loved anyone in my life like I do this man.I have pleaded my case thru tears,promises,anything I can think of.God,I have become pathetic!! Last night,I asked him if this separation was for us to work on our marriage or a precurser to divorce?He said it is to find"Happiness".I told him don't call me an ask me for nothing and he said you do the same.He will either miss me and realize we do still have a chance or NOT. He did say he can't think here,but he talks alot like we are already divorced.He says he no-longer wants to live this life,I agree neither do I,but I have been coming out of some major S**T in the last 3 months,don't matter thou.He has no interest in counciling,he says he needs no-one telling him how he feels.He never has had any faith in doctors. Scott,I am on the brink of coming unglued.I ate for the 1st time in 5 days,last night an it was just a lil.I feel sick to my stomach,I can't think rationally,and out of frustration I only make matters worse.He said it is not easy on him leaving me,it would be easier to stay,but he's not. Tristram,I have begged him to reconsider,the answer is always the same."Time will tell" He will just sit there,no reply,no change in facial expression,when I'm so tore up and crying,he just says I'm saying nothing different. I am one lost and scared to death soul,he has been my entire life for 11yrs.All or most of my friends are dead,and I don't have any trust left to give.Everything feels hopeless and empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Robin23 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Sorry to hear about what you're going through, it sounds alot like my situation of the last four months. She walked out on me after 23 years of marriage, saying she wasn't "happy" and couldn't stay with me anymore. No matter how I pleaded, begged, or tried, nothing worked. I had been sick with an unknown problem in my back for a year and a half, she was tired of me being ill. After she left, my life spiralled down into depression and sickness. Finally, everything hit rock bottom last month, I checked into the hospital with excrutiating pain and had to have emergency abdominal surgery. Now, a month later, the pain is almost gone, I am a different person, but there is not a few minutes that go by that I don't miss her and wish for her back. I have been talking to her more, and seeing her almost every day, but I can't understand wether she is waiting for me to get better to start legal separation or wether she is really curious about what has happened to me, at any rate, she hasn't changed her ways with her new man,, the pain from that is still killling me. I have no answers for you except, try and keep your sanity, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but its a long rough road, and I am still travelling it to. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 [sNIP] He has no interest in counciling,he says he needs no-one telling him how he feels.He never has had any faith in doctors. Scott,I am on the brink of coming unglued.I ate for the 1st time in 5 days,last night an it was just a lil.I feel sick to my stomach,I can't think rationally,and out of frustration I only make matters worse.He said it is not easy on him leaving me,it would be easier to stay,but he's not. Right now, I am less concerned about how he feels or about the marriage than I am about you. You had previously listed some health problems, & this situation certainly is not helping anything Is there someone (family, etc) with whom you can stay for a few days or a couple weeks, so that you aren't alone, & that your eating, sleeping, & the other things you need to be doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted November 22, 2005 Author Share Posted November 22, 2005 Is there someone (family, etc) with whom you can stay for a few days or a couple weeks, so that you aren't alone, & that your eating, sleeping, & the other things you need to be doing? Nah,no where to run.I have thought about getting all the money I can,getting in my car an just driving,but I have 2 sons that would get very upset---Sooooooo Better not pull that 1:p This is an emotional roller coaster ride that I really want off of,I just want the pain to stop.I can't believe for the life of me how someone who loved me with every ounce of energy he had,can now be so cold!It amazes me Thanx so much Scott for ur concern,but I along with most of the others that post here have a road to travel weather we want to or not.Oneday,I assume I will be ok again.I know it won't be anytime soon thou. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Nah,no where to run.I have thought about getting all the money I can,getting in my car an just driving,but I have 2 sons that would get very upset---Sooooooo Better not pull that 1:p This is an emotional roller coaster ride that I really want off of,I just want the pain to stop.I can't believe for the life of me how someone who loved me with every ounce of energy he had,can now be so cold!It amazes me Thanx so much Scott for ur concern,but I along with most of the others that post here have a road to travel weather we want to or not.Oneday,I assume I will be ok again.I know it won't be anytime soon thou. Well, there are a lot of good people here who care about everyone else here. It's not the same as a warm hug, but you don't have to be alone if you do not wish to be. I hope that's of some comfort. You're right, it does take some time to get past those hurts. When my ex left, I could not believe the venom I heard from a mouth that once said "I love you." Your sons need you to be there for them too. This whole ordeal has undoubtedly taken its toll on them as well. Please keep in touch with how you all are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Tricia, I'm really concerned about your health. Not eating for 5 days and not sleeping, crying all the time. You're depressed to the point where you probably need some medication so you can get yourself back together. Please call a dr. and ask to see someone immediately. You're just not able to think clearly because you're depressed. My husband and I separated for awhile about 10 years ago. It felt like the end of the world, like I was a rag doll being shaken back and forth in the jaws of a Rottweiler. Once we each had some distance to deal with things rationally we were able to think through it. All is not lost. But it will be if you don't take care of yourself. Please, please call a dr. and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Leilao1 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I think you are a wonderful girl, but men tend to pull away when there is lots of strong emotions. They feel helpless, don't know what to do. Try to pull yourself together, get some rest and think of your health. I know it's easier said then done, but try. Enough drama and let him go for a while. He won't leave you. He will be back. There might be a little bit of emotional control from his side when he sees you upset like this and yet does not give you any ecouragement such as "I am not deserting you and I will be there for you no matter how it ends between us". I don't think he will leave you though. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I can't believe for the life of me how someone who loved me with every ounce of energy he had,can now be so cold!It amazes me Usually it's because their previously strong love has been destroyed steadily over time. Eventually they just give up and their feelings disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 First off,I want to say I do feel the comfort and I so appreciate the advice U all have givin me.I know I am not alone.I can come here an vent an someone will responed.THANK U ALL!!! Ok,I did go to the Dr. yesterday.I have been seeing this Dr.for about 4 yrs,so has my husband,he knows us both.I told him what was going on and he told me I was not only his patient but his friend,could he be honest.I told him I wanted nothing less.He told me,he believes I have overwhelmed My H.I have serious emotional problems that I have thought for 20 yrs I could handle on my own.He said my disease and emotional problems feed off of each other only making it harder on me,and my husband.He feels my husband is burnt out and feels he can not make me happy,no matter what,that is up to me. I have had a very hard life.Due to being made a widow at 19 and all the losses I have suffered since,he said is more than any 80yr.old patient he has or anyone he knows,but that I have never learned how to cope and I have dead bodies I carry with me everywhere I go an I have givin up on life. There was alot more said,but I FINALLY got the point,I need serious counciling and to stick with it,for me.I came home full of hope,knowing what I had to do and had decided I was gonna do whatever it took to bring back that happy go lucky girl I was sooooooo long ago.I just knew my H would be happy I finally got it and would say,"ok,I have faith in U,I won't give up on U and we will try once more,NOT! All he had to say was he had been trying to tell me this for yrs and he was pissed that it takes someone else to get me to understand.WTH!!!----------I got it,be glad an support me thru it-Nope. He keeps saying he is moving out but hasn't even called his father to make these arrangments yet.I have packed all of his clothes already,they just sit.It's either listen to me cry every nite or listen to his father complain-he wants neither And his job is just a few miles up the road from where I live unlike his dad,it's a 25min.ride an he can't drive,.my point is it's easier on him to stay.Then there is the issue of the kids,he don't want to leave them and says it's not easy leaving me.I don't believe that,or he would have faith in me an us.Oh my Dr.also said my H is not perfect,so he offered to take him out to dinner and try to reach him,let him know he is making an inmature,irrational decision.When I told my husband this,he had no reply. I am not dealing with losing my H,I am having a hard time accepting it.I don't know what to do after he does move out as far as contact,him seeing other ppl,if thats what he does.Oh,I know what I will do in that case,straight to the court house I will go.I don't know the rules of a Separation.I don't even know if that's what we are doing,all I get as far as our future is"Time will tell" WTH!!! 11yrs an all I get is Time will tell,thats a crock of crap! I guess for now thats all I can think of,like it's not long enough. Thanx again so much for all of the help,comfort and advice, Blond Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Hello again: You're going to get into counseling. Wonderful. If anyone needs this, it is you. With all the emotional weight you have been carrying, it's a miracle you didn't suffer a nervous breakdown years ago. As hard as it may be, for now you need to focus on making Tricia well again before even thinking about making Tricia & H well again. It took some time to get to this point, so it will take some time to get better. Do not expect an overnight cure. Sorry that your H isn't being more receptive or supportive, as it would help the healing process, but that may change once changes in you become more evident. I hope so. The fact that he has not yet moved out is significant. He apparently is not ready to pass a point of no return, so perhaps the tension between you could be defused by not showing a negative attitude (Yes, I realize that is very difficult.). Rather, show the hope that one way or another you will be the happy lady you once were. Take care. Try to have a nice holiday. Link to post Share on other sites
AznGuy033 Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 You sound like me. I'd like to believe I'm better now, and probably am, but your reaction is normal. He did a very selfish thing. He basically hid his thoughts from you until he was emotionally ready to leave. That is a deep act of betrayal. Don't beg, don't plead, don't cry in front of him or offer to change. The problems he lists may or may not be true. Love may be unselfish, but relationships are not. They are about power and control. You just gave him complete control of your life. Take it back. If he doesn't come back, then he isn't going to with you falling apart due to his arrogance. If he does, make sure he knows he won't get a third chance. The sad truth is this. Lines like "time will tell", "I'm just not happy", "I love you but....", and "what will happen will happen" are usually indicators your marriage ended for him quite a while back. He hid it from you. Be strong. He is the weak one. He is the one that took the easy way out. Cry and let it out every night. It helps. Your mind will come back. Then your emotions. Then with a lot of time, so will your life. Hey, cheer up! You're a woman. And a beautiful one at that. Who do you think will find someone again first? Just don't do it until you are ready. You don't want another one like him when you are weak. To me it is becoming more hopeless by the day.I have reduced myself to a crying,hysterical baby.I have never loved anyone in my life like I do this man.I have pleaded my case thru tears,promises,anything I can think of.God,I have become pathetic!! Last night,I asked him if this separation was for us to work on our marriage or a precurser to divorce?He said it is to find"Happiness".I told him don't call me an ask me for nothing and he said you do the same.He will either miss me and realize we do still have a chance or NOT. He did say he can't think here,but he talks alot like we are already divorced.He says he no-longer wants to live this life,I agree neither do I,but I have been coming out of some major S**T in the last 3 months,don't matter thou.He has no interest in counciling,he says he needs no-one telling him how he feels.He never has had any faith in doctors. Scott,I am on the brink of coming unglued.I ate for the 1st time in 5 days,last night an it was just a lil.I feel sick to my stomach,I can't think rationally,and out of frustration I only make matters worse.He said it is not easy on him leaving me,it would be easier to stay,but he's not. Tristram,I have begged him to reconsider,the answer is always the same."Time will tell" He will just sit there,no reply,no change in facial expression,when I'm so tore up and crying,he just says I'm saying nothing different. I am one lost and scared to death soul,he has been my entire life for 11yrs.All or most of my friends are dead,and I don't have any trust left to give.Everything feels hopeless and empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Tricia, I've been thinking about you and praying for you. It sounds like you've got a great dr. You must be an amazingly strong woman to have been through so many losses. If your husband really wanted to leave you, he would have by now. Hang in there. I think he really does love you, but he's suffered a loss, too--you. Somewhere in all the losses, he lost you. Focus on getting you back, and I think you'll eventually find your husband coming back as well. But it's gonna take time and extreme patience and commitment to your counseling. But you can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted November 27, 2005 Author Share Posted November 27, 2005 Thank U so much for ur reply and the other also.I'm just not thinking clear enough to remember everyone's names,sry:( My husband read the posts an appreciated that you in his words was not so judgemental,but failed to say if U were right or wrong:( I wish he would of at least said U were on to SOMETHING,it would have giving me some kinda hope.Which he says he will not give me any false hope.Maybe in the Long run,I will appreciate this,but right now,I want an answer.If we have a chance or not,or if there is nothing,nothing at all I can do to get him back.I love this man more than life,he is somewhat inmature to Unconditional or True Love.I do believe True Love will conquer all,I'm a hopeless romantic. I haven't been this way in all my relationships,only ours.I believe it is what has kept us together for 11yrs.We have both believed we were soul mates,but again something "Clicked"with him a couple of weeks ago.I have had the same feelings before with him,but after a few days,maybe even a couple of weeks,my mind ALWAYS came back to the same thing "I Love Him & Don't want to be away from him" He pulls away when I get too close.Like he don't want me to touch him,this is something he has never done,not that I remember,well unless he was mad.I,again have done the same. AZNGUY on the other hand,he said couldn't be more wrong,he acually got mad about it,said those were fightin words,that U don't said things like that about someone's marriage.Lord-----even thought he was flirting with me,silly. there was a few things mentioned about me being w/someone else yesterday and none went over well with him.Matter of fact it was the only "sign" I saw that he still cares,or it could be the thing"I don't want ya,but I don't want noone else to have ya either"Only he knows. I went across the street yesterday to ask some guys working on a house a ?.The guy an I got to talking,he is a Morgage Broker an he gave me his card,I came home card in hand an put it in my wallet,I turned around an what is he doin?...........Goin thru my wallet. He also told me that he knows he still Loves me.He has also told me Love isn't everything,a relationship can not work on love alone. I feel like he is leaving me behind.I stand beside him thru all he has brought on himself and me,even the bad luck he had nothing to do with.Now he has straightened up,working very hard at his job,going to school to be state and universary(sp?)certified in his profession and as he said I am a liability.Ohhhh how that hurt.Our song has always been Far behind by Candlebox,he is leaving me Far behind.It's also been Freak on a Leash by Korn,go figure;) I am terrified,when he leaves, there is no return.I feel in my heart,he won't be back.I mentioned this to him,he said I do not know that.He doesn't know,so how do I. He is still here ONLY b/c he has nowhere else to go.He can't pay 60$ a day and mine an the children's expenses too.There is no other reason he is here besides that.He wants to leave,so I can start"Healing"Grrrrrrrrrr I must admit,I know it will be easier when he is gone,but then it will bring on new worries.Where is he,what is he doin,who is he with?Ya know? Thanx for letting me vent again,I'm not done thou;) I have a few more ?'s to ask. Thanx to ALL of U once again for helping me get thru one of the hardest times in my life. Blond Link to post Share on other sites
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