is this normal?

[bh]

my bf who is in sales, talks to people all day in this nice, sweet, calm demeaner. i understand that it is part of the game, a game face, just business and what ever other excuse there is. what i don't understand is why when he can treat these clients with so much respect and consideration, why can't he do the same for me? am i any less to him to get treated like crap?

 

example: today he put a message on his voicemail saying he was out of town until friday. then he starts answering the phone anyway. he spends about ten minutes on the phone with this client, then when he is done i ask him why he is answering the phone when he is supposedly out of town? he says he needs to answer it to finish these two jobs he is doing for someone. i said then why did you put the message on the phone? he said to "stop hassling me"

 

i was very angry at his response and felt quite jilted by it and very hurt. my problem is i'm too sensitive, and he can't say anything without hurting my feelings anyway.

 

so was/am i wrong for feeling slighted? i know he answered my question the first time, but i was still wondering why did he bother putting it on there then? i don't know what to think, this is not the first time, it seems that i always ask too many questions, at the wrong time, there never is a right time, or i get the worst of his moods after talking to so many people all day the last thing he wants to come home and do is talk to me, or even listen to me talk, he just wants to go hide with the t.v. and remote and his cigs. and a near beer. ugh! what a life, sometimes i hate my life, then i hear these sappy ass love songs and i know i'd miss him if i left, still i contenplate it when things like this happen, what to do, what to do????

[sparkle]

He won't treat you like crap if you don't let him.

 

When he put the voicemail on his phone, why did you even have to ask him why he is "answering the phone when he is supposedly out of town?"

 

Without him even telling you that he had to finish something he was doing, couldn't you see that for yourself? If my friend put that voicemail at work, but then I saw her still answering the phone, I would just figure out that she was doing it because she wanted to or she had to finish up something.

 

But then on top of that:

i said then why did you put the message on the phone?

Why does it matter why he did??????? Why does it matter that he answered the phone, or why he put the voicemail on? When he said, stop hassling me, I'm sure that was how he felt...having to explain some voicemail to you.

 

I'm sure many people will feel that way if you press them for answers about such an insignificant matter.

i was very angry at his response and felt quite jilted by it and very hurt.

Remember, YOU asked the question. Then YOU asked a second question. And then YOU became angry at his response. If you didn't ask the question to begin with, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be hurt or angry.

so was/am i wrong for feeling slighted? i know he answered my question the first time, but i was still wondering why did he bother putting it on there then?

I don't think you have a reason for feeling this way. He didn't even have to answer your question, but he did. And you annoyed him by bugging him about it. Don't harrass him about these things and you won't have these types of problems.

 

Does it REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE why he put the voicemail on?

 

Does it affect your life in any way?

 

Does it hurt you in any way?

 

Is it of any significance whatsoever?

this is not the first time, it seems that i always ask too many questions, at the wrong time, there never is a right time,

Now that you know what your problem is, start working on correcting it. Stop asking questions that are not relevant at all. Don't badger him. Stop asking questions that make it seem like he has to explain himself or his actions to you.

the last thing he wants to come home and do is talk to me, or even listen to me talk, he just wants to go hide with the t.v. and remote and his cigs. and a near beer.

You are in this situation because YOU choose to. If you don't like it, why don't you get out?

ugh! what a life, sometimes i hate my life, then i hear these sappy ass love songs and i know i'd miss him if i left, still i contenplate it when things like this happen, what to do, what to do????

YOU are the only person capable of making yourself sad or happy. If you hate your life, start today by making changes. Cut out the things that bring you down, and focus on the things that make you happy.

[bh]

i understand everything that you are saying, but.....i still don't think i deserved to be treated like i did. granted i asked the question twice just trying to understand his reasoning for it. also i was waiting for him cause i went there to help him with some work and instead he got on the phone after putting the message on that he was out of town. i still think that he could of treated me equally nice and calm when answering my question, neither the first or second time was he nice about it.

He won't treat you like crap if you don't let him. When he put the voicemail on his phone, why did you even have to ask him why he is "answering the phone when he is supposedly out of town?"

 

Without him even telling you that he had to finish something he was doing, couldn't you see that for yourself? If my friend put that voicemail at work, but then I saw her still answering the phone, I would just figure out that she was doing it because she wanted to or she had to finish up something. But then on top of that: Why does it matter why he did??????? Why does it matter that he answered the phone, or why he put the voicemail on? When he said, stop hassling me, I'm sure that was how he felt...having to explain some voicemail to you. I'm sure many people will feel that way if you press them for answers about such an insignificant matter. Remember, YOU asked the question. Then YOU asked a second question. And then YOU became angry at his response. If you didn't ask the question to begin with, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be hurt or angry. I don't think you have a reason for feeling this way. He didn't even have to answer your question, but he did. And you annoyed him by bugging him about it. Don't harrass him about these things and you won't have these types of problems. Does it REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE why he put the voicemail on? Does it affect your life in any way? Does it hurt you in any way? Is it of any significance whatsoever? Now that you know what your problem is, start working on correcting it. Stop asking questions that are not relevant at all. Don't badger him. Stop asking questions that make it seem like he has to explain himself or his actions to you.

 

You are in this situation because YOU choose to. If you don't like it, why don't you get out?

 

YOU are the only person capable of making yourself sad or happy. If you hate your life, start today by making changes. Cut out the things that bring you down, and focus on the things that make you happy.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "i know he answered my question the first time, but i was still wondering why did he bother putting it on there then?"

 

What your guy does in the course of his profession for business purposes is NONE of your business. PERIOD. (Unless, of course, you suspect such action may result in your injury or death.)

 

2. "what to do, what to do????"

 

You need to learn about the kinds of things your guy likes to talk about. Don't make your questions of a nagging variety. Leave the guy alone. Give him a massage. Praise him for something. Say positive things. If he gets angry when you say nice things, then leave him.

 

If you need suggestions about things to talk about, ask your girlfriends.

 

Right now it almost sounds like the two of you have nothing in common, a pretty sorry relationship. Work on this...do something about it without crying your eyes out. Get off your butt and do what you have to do to make this work. Remember, no nagging and be positive.

 

And stay out of his work business.

[Bubbles]

I don't think you understand what is being told to you. You are the kind of person who askes a lot of questions and you feel that you should always get an answer. Well that might have been fine when you were a little child asking your mother or father about things and learning.....but you are an adult now and you need to stop asking so many questions take the time to think things out then if you still can't come up with an answer as to why someone is doing something you don't understand then wait for the right time and pose the question this way, "Can I ask you a question about.......I was just curious" try that approach. Normally people don't like to be drilled with a dozen questions when they are trying to resolve problems and one more thing I have learned.....when people in "sales" arrive home at the end of the day, they really need to "drain the brain" leave your partner alone, don't ask so many questions sit with him quietly and cuddle DON'T TALK!!!

i understand everything that you are saying, but.....i still don't think i deserved to be treated like i did. granted i asked the question twice just trying to understand his reasoning for it. also i was waiting for him cause i went there to help him with some work and instead he got on the phone after putting the message on that he was out of town. i still think that he could of treated me equally nice and calm when answering my question, neither the first or second time was he nice about it.